"Hi, I'm Tate" he says with a toothless dimpled smile still on his face.
We wait for a few seconds.
"What's your name?"
"I'm umm... Kelsey"
"That's a nice name"
"Uh thanks" I say with a grin.
My nerves were getting very high. What if this boy, Tate thought I was strange just like every other person I've tried to talk to? I don't mind talking to him, but I'm always scared I'll say or do the wrong thing.
"So your here to see Dr. Harmon I'm guessing?" Tate asks
"Yeah. You too?" I say
"I just finished my session. He just lets me hang around here. I live next door from this house."
"Why are you here?"he asks
I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell him why I am actually here.
"I umm...uh-"
"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business anyways." Tate says sympathetically.
I finally decide to speak up.
"What book are you reading?" I say
"The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Have you read it?" he asks
"Yes actually I have, it's one of my favourites" I reply. You rarely meet a teenage boy who enjoys reading these days.
"I'm around half way through. I really like it too so far."
I feel my phone vibrate, so I take it out of my pocket and turn it on.
I was hoping it was just going to be a message from Cassie or my mother, but instead it was a message from Lexi; the girl who made my life a living hell for me at school. I still don't know how this day she got my number, because I know there is no way in hell I would ever give it to her.
From Lexi:
Hey loser, why weren't you at school? You know what, never mind, I don't give two fucks why you weren't here. I just wanted to tell you that when you get back, me and my group are going to beat the living shit out of you. Okay? Can't wait till you come back! :)
I aggressively push the power button of my phone and sigh. So I try to kill myself, and then get threatened by some girl at my school? Life is just great!
"Who was that?" Tate asks
"What?" I say
"Who was that? you looked pretty unhappy."
"Oh uh just some girl from my school."
"I dropped out of high school. That place is shit man. It's just full of fake people."
"I know! I hate it. I wish I could drop out. But my mom would never let me."
"That's too bad."
My phone buzzes again. Not again. I wasn't ready for another text from Lexi and her gang.
Luckily, it was just Cassie.
From Cassie💖:
Hey r u gonna be at school tomorrow?
I hoped not. I didn't want to have to face Lexi and the other people who just plain wanted me dead.
To Cassie💖:
Idk...
From Cassie💖:
Please come! I miss you😭😭
I screenshot a picture of the text Lexi sent me to show her why I didn't want to go to school.
To Cassie💖:
*picture message*
From Cassie💖:
Aw Kelsey. I hate that bitch. Why do you have to be the one who gets hurt? Sid and I will try and stick up for you.
Sid was Cassie and I's best guy friend. Cassie secretly had a huge crush on him, but was always too afraid to break their friendship if she told him.
From Cassie💖:
I also did something you'd appreciate. I told Sid how I feel about him.
Oh no. What if it didn't turn out right. I would feel horrible.
To Cassie💖:
And?
From Cassie💖:
He said he liked me too! And for a long time!
To Cassie💖:
Really? Wow Cassie I'm so happy for you! So are you like dating now?
From Cassie💖:
We just found out we both have feelings for each other today Kelsey. It's all just kind of surreal to us right now.
To Cassie💖:
Oh right. Sorry I'm just really excited for you guys!
From Cassie💖:
I am too :). What are you doing right now?
To Cassie💖:
I'm in the therapy waiting room😒
From Cassie💖:
Oh that sucks. Is there anyone in there with you.
To Cassie💖:
Yes actually, there is. There's a boy around our age named Tate.
From Cassie💖:
Oooh Kelsey I bet he likes you!
To Cassie💖:
Are you being ridiculous Cassie? We just met like 10 minutes ago. And he definitely wouldn't have any interest in me.
From Cassie💖:
Well okay then! Let me know how it goes. C ya later.
To Cassie💖:
Bye
I put my phone down and turn back to Tate.
"Sorry about that." I say
"It's fine. Got any Kurt Cobain on that thing?" he says
He reads and has a great taste in music? Who is this boy?
"You like Nirvana?"
"Yeah I do. Do you?"
"Yeah of course they're amazing. What's your favourite song by them?"
"Smells Like Teen Spirit."
I frown. Is he being serious right now? Not that it's a bad song it's just that is just the most popular and mainstream Nirvana song ever.
"Just kidding! Haha you should've seen your face it was priceless! You looked so mad and disappointed!" he laughs.
I laugh with him.
"So what is actually your favourite Nirvana song?"
"Hmm...either The Man Who Sold The World or Rape Me. What about you?"
"I like Pennyroyal Tea," I say
"Sit and drink pennyroyal teaaaa," he starts to sing and I laugh.
"Distill the life that's inside of meeee," I continue and we both laugh in unison.
"Should I play some of their music off my phone? I got their albums Nevermind, In Utero, and MTV Unplugged."
"Sure," Tate says.
I unlock my phone and enter my passcode "1234" which is definitely the most cliché passcode ever. I click on the music application and then "artists" and scroll down to the "N's". After quite a bit of scrolling since I have a lot of music on my phone, I finally find Nirvana.
I put all their music that I have on my phone on shuffle.
The first song that comes up is "Come As You Are".
"Aww this is my least favourite song by them can we skip it" Tate complains.
"I'm glad you said that because I'm not a huge fan of this one either." I say.
I turn on my phone and press the skip button. The next song that comes on is "Heart-Shaped Box".
"That's better." Tate says
The sound of grunge music fills the room.
She eyes me like a Pisces while I am weak
I've been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks
I've been drawn into your magnet tomb in a trance
I wish I could eat your cancer while you turn black
His lyrics never really made any sense to me, but I still loved Nirvana's music.
"I'm glad your not one of those girls who wear a Nirvana shirt but don't even listen to them," Tate says
"I hate that! It's my biggest pet peeve when someone wears a band shirt that they don't even listen to," I say
"Yeah, I hate it too," he says.
It was getting very hot in the small waiting room, so I decided to take my black hoodie off.
"It's hot in here. Why are you wearing that heavy sweater?" I ask Tate.
"Are you implying that you would like to see me shirtless Kelsey? Cause if I took this thing off, that's what would happen," Tate says.
My face turns bright red.
"No uh it's okay," I say nervously as he lets out a chuckle.
All of the sudden he stops laughing and his face turns blank and serious.
"What happened to your arm?" he asks.
Oh no. I felt so anxious that I thought I was going to throw up. He was going to think I was strange, crazy even. Why do I always have to fuck things up?
"Oh um it's nothing," I say as I reach for my hoodie. Before I can put it on, Tate grabs my wrist and runs a long finger up and down my wrist.
"Why did you do it?," he says with a sad expression on his face.
"Uh just reasons," I reply nervously.
"Please don't do that," he said.
There's a short pause.
"I know it's hard but will you at least try to stop?"
Silence.
"Promise you'll try?"
"I guess so," I say.
"Good," he says as his dimples form when he smiles.
I put my hoodie back on, even though it was boiling hot in the room. It was too awkward to keep it off.
I decide to be the one to start the next conversation.
"Does Dr. Harmon usually take this long?" I ask
"Yeah he takes quite a while. I think he loses track of time"
Just as the conversation starts, the therapists wife Vivien walks in. I hope she didn't hear us complaining about her husband.
"Dr. Harmon is ready to see you now," Vivien tells me.
Tate gives me a nod.
"Bye Tate. It was nice talking to you," I say.
"It was nice to meet you too Kelsey. See you around," Tate says.
I leave the waiting room and follow Vivien to Dr. Harmon's office.
She opens the door. The room is rather large with two chairs that look to be very comfortable
"Take a seat wherever you want. He'll be with you soon. He's probably just getting your file," she says.
Yet more waiting in this damn therapists office.
"Would you like anything to drink? We have water, juice, coffee, and tea," Vivien asks me.
"I'm fine thanks," I reply.
She leaves the room and I unlock my phone so I can pass time by playing the piano tiles game.
I play a few rounds of the game, surprisingly beating my high score of 160, until a tall man with black hair and blue eyes walks in. Dr. Harmon.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Harmon. It's nice to meet you. You must be...Kelsey?" he says looking down at the file in his hands to make sure he got my name right.
"Yes," I reply.
"Okay so let's get started with or first session together"
He takes a seat down on the leather office chair.
"Are you nervous? You're shaking like crazy"
Yes.
"Uh kind of"
"Well you don't have to be"
A cell phone buzzes, but it isn't mine.
"Sorry," Dr. Harmon says
He quickly looks at the message then turns his phone off.
"Is it okay if a psychiatrist comes in for this session?" he asks, but gives off the sense that my opinion won't matter because he will probably still invite him in anyways.
Oh no. Psychiatrists can prescribe you pills. There's no way I'm taking pills.
"Uh I guess so," I respond.
"Come in!" the doctor shouts.
Another old man walks in with a pen and a notepad. Obviously the psychiatrist.
"Kelsey, this is the psychiatrist, Dr. Brown," Dr. Harmon tells me.
"Hi Kelsey," the man says.
"Hi," I say, quite annoyed.
"Okay so let's talk now. I understand that a few days ago you attempted suicide?"
"Uh yeah..."
The two doctors click their pens and take notes.
"Do you feel sad often and how often?"
"Yes I do and quite often"
"How many days a week do you feel like this?"
"Around 7"
"Okay then"
They take notes.
The psychiatrist speaks up.
"Have you ever been on any medication mental health wise?"
"Um yes, I take anxiety pills daily right now"
"Okay"
They take notes yet again.
"Are you bullied at school?"
"Um yeah."
"How many times a week are you bullied?"
"It changed every week. But usually at least 4 times"
"Do you talk with other people about your problems?"
"My friend Cassie. That's about it."
"Have you been to any kind of rehabilitation?"
"No. I used to go to a support group but I don't go anymore."
"Okay"
I shift my position. I am getting very anxious and uncomfortable with all the questions they are asking me.
"Just wondering, are you going to tell my mom all the stuff I'm saying?" I ask, catching them off guard.
"No, unless it is an emergency where it is unsafe for you or someone else, what is talked about in here stays here," Dr. Harmon replies.
"Okay"
It was getting very awkward with the two men in the room. I felt like I was insane rather than trying to be cured.
We did a picture test after, one of those "there's no right or wrong answer" ones. But obviously there was something wrong with me since they were going to put me on all these meds.
"What's the first thing that comes to mind when you see this picture?" my therapist asks, holding up a black and white image.
"I see a butterfly with broken wings"
There was around 12 different pictures and then the psychiatrist opened his mouth to speak.
"So based on how you've described your actions, we have diagnosed you with clinical depression and anxiety disorder. Since you are already taking pills for your anxiety, I'm just going to adjust it to a stronger dose, and for your depression, I will prescribe you Prozac," Dr. Brown says.
This is exactly what I had feared; being prescribed with a shit load of pills just for going to the session. They could prescribe me anything, but there would be no way I would be swallowing them. I had my ways of not taking them.
He handed me two small slips of paper.
"Don't lose these. I'm going to inform your mother about the prescriptions, so if you throw them out, she will know"
This entire therapy thing is just complete bullshit.
"Okay Kelsey. Our session is over for today. See you next time," Dr. Harmon says.
Thank god it's finally over.
"Bye," I say
"Goodbye," the two men say
I lead myself out of the room as I open the creaky old door.
I take a quick glance at the waiting room; Tate is nowhere to be seen. He must have left when I went for my session.
I open my phone so I can text my mother and get a ride home.
To Mom:
I'm done my therapy session.
From Mom:
K I'll come get you.
I decide since it would be quite boring in the waiting room to take a walk around the house.
The house itself fascinates me. It's old, and very large; it looks like your stereotypical haunted house.
I hear a male voice in the distance. I move closer to get a better listen.
"She's just like Violet. So much like Violet. I don't even know if I can treat her. She's just a spitting image of her and I can't deal with it."
It was Dr. Harmon
Who was Violet? And who was so much like her?
"She's Kelsey not Violet. You can still treat her." a female voice says.
So I'm the girl so much like Violet? But who is she?!
"One second Vivien I think someone is watching us"
The minute I hear that sentence, I bolt. I do it very lightly on my tip-toes, but I still run. If they caught me, I'd be so embarrassed.
I end up going into a small bedroom. The walls are painted sea-green and has a rack of CD's near a music player. I scan the albums and see many bands that I listen to. I take out one of whoever'a bedroom this is Ramones album and put it in the music player. I make sure the volume is low so no one can hear it.
"Who are you and why are you in here?" I voice startles me.
Oh shit.
"Oh uh I'm sorry I was just uh looking around the house."
I turn to look at the person. She is an old woman with red hair and blue eyes dressed in what looks to be a maid's uniform.
She gives me a warm smile.
"I'm Moira, the house maid. And who are you?"
"I'm Kelsey, one of Dr. Harmon's patients. Who's room is this?"
Her lips purse into a small frown and there is a brief silence.
"This was...Violet's room"
Who was this Violet girl?!
"Who is Violet?" I eagerly ask
"I'm not the one to tell you. It's really not necessary for me to be the one to tell you," she says, then slowly leaves the room.
Why isn't anyone telling me who Violet is?
I decide to go outside since it had stopped raining and my mother would be here soon.
I open the front door and walk along the grass of the yard. I look to my right and see a smaller yellow house. Tate's house.
I see a girl with brown hair sitting on the front step reading a picture book. Maybe Tate's sister?
Sure enough, Tate walks out of his house to talk to the girl.
"Addie get back in, your not supposed to be out here right now," I hear him say.
He looks to his right and sees me.
"Oh hey Kelsey! Addie, go back inside," he says.
She obeys what he told her to do, and he comes walking closer to me.
"So how was the session?," he asks
"It was okay," I reply.
"He got you on meds hey?" he says looking to the sheets of paper in my hand.
I sigh.
"Yeah. It sucks"
He glances down at the small pieces of paper.
"Prozac? I used to be on that. I got off of it though"
"Really? How?"
"I just acted really happy as if I was "all better" at my sessions. He believed it and now I don't take it anymore"
"Well, I guess I'll have to try that."
I see my mothers Toyota pull up to the house.
"Oh well that's my mom. I better go"
"Wait, we should hang out sometime. Here, I'll give you my number"
I get out my phone to put his number into my contacts, and I do the same with his.
"Why would anyone want to hang out with you?" my subconscious reminds me. "He's probably just using you for something."
"See you later Kelsey," Tate says with a smile.
"Yeah see you. Bye"
I walk to my mothers car and open the door to get in.
"Who was that?" my mother asks
"Oh umm just some boy"
"Oh okay"
I am relived she doesn't ask anymore questions other then how my therapy session went.
When we get home I am tired as hell. I quickly take off my vans and head up my room to get right in bed.
My mind fills with worries. What will school be like tomorrow? What will people think of me?
I decide to just leave those thoughts and just close my eyes.
Visions of a blonde haired, dark eyed boy with dimples fill my mind as I drift off into a deep sleep.
----------------------------------------------
Chapter 3 is up!
Hope you liked it :)
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