A/N: This is the edited version of Chapter 51.
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When I woke up, my room was swarming with people. They were identical in their matching blue scrubs, acting as a single person as they hurried around the room. Most were women, but there was a tall man barking orders. He wasn't doing anything to help the women, but he stood at the foot of my bed, reading off numbers from a chart and pointing at various machines. He wore a stark white lab coat, standing out among the gloomy colors of his scrubs. I think it was Doctor A. It bugged me that I still didn't know his real name. I squinted my eyes trying to make out his name tag again, but it was like I was looking through a glass of water.
Everyone had something to do. Some were rushing carts over to me, others pulled my blankets from their tight hold around me. Another held a squeeze bottle over my chest and I felt a cold sensation take over my entire abdomen. I tried to move my head to see what was going on, but my neck was made of stone. Whoever was standing over me started rubbing the sensation across my entire chest. All of a sudden my paper gown was gone and I felt a draft pick up through the room. I moved to cover myself, from what felt like a hundred eyes, but my arms remained limp at my sides. Had someone opened a window or something? I had to fight the urge to pull the blankets back around me. They were itchy and uncomfortable, but anything was better than this cold that chilled me to the bone. But I knew that these people knew what they were doing and that I had to let them do their jobs.
Their voices were all muffled; like I was at the end of a long tunnel and they were at the other. A voice rose above the rest, calling out and then the room became silent. Most of the nurses had stopped moving, staring expectantly at the one hovering over my chest. My entire body jerked off the bed in a sickening way. It was though my body levitated, waiting for it's return to earth, before I landed with a loud thud and felt every bit and piece of the bed's metal frame cut into my back. The voice that had called out before was there again, yelling through the room, pressing pause on the world as my body jerked into motion once again, only to crash back down a moment later. I had no idea what they were doing to me. The force that it took to shake my entire body and cause it to pause for a moment as life hung in the balance, I knew I should have felt pain. At least felt something other than the increasingly uncomfortable sensation of whatever was on my chest. The chill that it caused, making the breeze that flitted through the room bite at my exposed skin, was the only thing that my mind could make out as the nurses that filled the room looked off with a look of pure destruction.
"I'm okay," I told them, but it was like I was invisible. I looked to Doctor A for help, for any sort of recognition that I was in the room, but all I got in return was a miserable expression. He looked to the clock and because he was in my direct line of vision I could see his lips move as he spoke. After all that commotion, the fact that the doctor would take the time to read the clock; the nurses obviously couldn't care less what time it was. The nurse that stood over me, a shadow covering the part of her face that I could see, lifted the itchy blankets that they had threw around my ankles and covered my cold, naked body. I no longer felt so vulnerable, but I still had to fight the instinct to bat her hands away and do it myself. To grab the sleeves of the gown that had been bunched around my waist and slide my limp arms through them.
When Noah came running through the door, fighting at the hold that Lee had on him to hold him back, I breathed a sigh of relief. Until I saw the mask of horror that they wore. I had only seen that look one time in my life. Now that they were here, I wanted to scream at them to assure everyone that they could stop worrying. Lee was so good at that; calming people down. I tried to push air through my mouth, to form any kind of sound, but I was met with a curtain of silence and the room grew even more silent. It was though the life had been taken from every single object, person. Noah and Lee didn't move. Not a muscle, not a breath, not a sound. Not that I could hear them anyways. Lee's face contorted into an ugly expression, as if he was screaming. Screaming like his heart was being ripped from his pale, delicate figure.
What was that god awful noise? It was giving me a headache that made my brain throb. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a nurse move to the side of my bed and the noise suddenly stopped. Why could I hear that piercing wail, but I couldn't hear the sound that was clearly erupting from Lee, threatening to break him.
Lee had fallen to his knees at the foot of my bed, disappearing from view. I tried to break the ice that had frozen my body to ask if he was okay, to yell at Noah to make him help his brother, but my body still refused to obey. A switch suddenly flipped within Noah and he sprang to my side, his hands hovering over my arm as though he was trying to move me without actually touching me. I wanted to tease him and tell him that it looked like he was trying to cast a spell over me, but my lips remained cemented together. His hands traveled from my arm to my face, pushing the hair from my eyes that I hadn't noticed was there. He took a cloth from the table next to my bed and dabbed at the sweat formed at my temples.
Why was I sweating when I was so goddamn cold?
Maybe I had a fever. I recalled hearing Doctor A list it as one of the side effects of one of the many drugs that I was currently on. Maybe that was why I was basically a corpse, watching the world go on without me. Noah was balling, tears falling freely from his eyes and landing in an ugly splat on my disgusting blanket. I couldn't hear him, which both worried me and made me glad. The pain that etched his face into such a terrible expression would kill me if I had to hear it come to life. I could practically feel his pain as his face twisted into a look of such pure agony, it started to worry me that I couldn't reach out to comfort him. To tell him that all I wanted was to see his smile. His beautiful, bright, incredible smile.
"I'm okay Noah. I'm right here," I assured, but it didn't seem to faze him. He fell to his knees, just like Lee had, and buried his head in my lap. I had felt the breath tickle my chapped lips as they left my mouth, but still everyone in the room ignored my presence. His hand was squeezing mine so hard it almost hurt, but I was thankful for the pain. It told me that I was in fact still there, not completely gone from these people's lives. Why was no one listening to me? A few more moments passed before the nurses started to clear the room, taking the equipment that had surrounded me with them. Doctor A was the last to leave, putting a hand on Noah's shoulder and whispering something in his ear before he left. Lee had stood up and left, not giving me a second glance.
Not more than a minute later, my dad burst through the door. He took one look at me and fell, following suit of both Lee and Noah. Brad followed my father into the room, but instead of falling, his face just contorted into this silent scream that made me want to plug my ears. But there was still no sound. Why did everyone look like they were in so much pain.
"Guys! It's okay! I'm okay!" I screamed. My mouth had moved, formed the words, but nothing came out. The entire world was on mute and the frustration made me want to scream to the heavens. Eventually my dad stood and took my hand, Noah still holding onto the other like he was afraid I could blow away. And suddenly every sound came flooding through, hitting me like a wave of bullets.
I heard Brad's soft sobs that shook his small body so hard that I thought he really could blow over. I heard Noah sniffle against my lap as he tried to suckt he tears back in, hide his pain like he always did. My dad's wheezes as I saw each breath take a toll on his body.
"Elle...Elle you promised. You promised you were gunna get better," my dad cried. His words came out in short gasps, like his lungs weren't taking in any air. Brad joined my dad, looking at me with his big blue eyes. He was practically standing over me. Had he grown since I last saw him? Maybe he was tall enough for all the rides at the Pier now. I should remember to take him once I got out of this terrible place, once we could put this all behind us. Once people started listening to me and I could start actually moving on, getting better.
"Elle...I'm not ready...for you to go. I still need you," Brad cried. Brad, I still need you too. There's so much annoying brother stuff you still have to do to me yet. Like steal my car and give an awful speech at my wedding. I'm not going anywhere bud.
Was what I wanted to say. But I didn't. It was no use. Noah still hadn't moved. I could hear his muffled sobs. He didn't move until my dad left, and then my brother. I heard them talking outside, and then a terrible scream. A heart wrenching scream.
"I love you," Noah whispered. He had picked his head up, his face blotchy and red. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose was runny. This was the worst I had ever seen him; and I didn't want to ever see him like this. I didn't want to see him like this in the first place. I searched my mind for a way to make everything better, but I knew that I couldn't fix whatever was going on.
I love you too, I thought. I willed him to hear me.
"I'm sorry I ignored you. Maybe you'd still be here if I had just talked to you. Told you how stupid you were being. It's all my fault Shelly."
Still be here? I was still here. I'mright in front of you Noah! Just look at me!
"I got you this. I wanted to give it to you when you got into Trinity and we could finally start our lives together...when we weren't so far apart," he whimpered, putting a small box in my hand. I nearly threw up. It was a gorgeous silver band with a simple blue stone. It sparkled, even just in the flourescent lights of the room. Was he asking me to marry him? Because all I wanted to do was say yes. But every word that came out of my mouth disappeared in the air like dust.
Noah quickly shut the box and put it in his pocket when his mom burst into the room. She was hobbling and still had the bandage on her head, but she was walking. Her make up was running and her face was as blotchy as Noah's.
"Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry," she said. I wasn't sure if she was saying it to me or to Noah. She hobbled her way over, standing beside Noah. She had to lean on him for support as they both looked at me with such pain in their eyes that I had to force my eyes shut. I wanted to hide in the dark forever.
"She can't be dead mum," Noah sobbed. Mrs Flynn let out a sob, obviously trying to be strong for her son. "She just can't be."
"I'm so sorry Noah," she whispered.
Dead?
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