Chapter 1

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A/N: This is the edited version of Chapter 1 and 2.

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He left for Harvard exactly six months ago from today. Which means I'm six months into my senior year and I have no idea where I'm going. When I look at myself in five years, I don't know if I see myself serving tacos down at the Pier or if I'm an architect in New York city. My hands still shake when I think about deciding my entire future with one application. My dad has helped me out a lot, getting some of his friends to let me shadow them for a day. One day I loved Science and the next day I was positive I wanted to be a gym teacher.

"Check this out. University of California offers a two day tour of the campus," Lee explains, "the first day they show you around campus and at the end of the day, you sign up for five classes to try the second day." I pursed my lips and shrugged my shoulders. I really wasn't interested in staying in California. I was kind of excited to see somewhere new, but I appreciated what my friend was doing for me. I could always try it. I'm sure the university here had the same classes as any other place.

"You're not going to figure out what you want to do if you don't try something. Why don't you start ruling stuff out? Narrow down your options," Rachel offered. I nodded in agreement.

Ever since Noah left, Lee has been more at peace with our relationship because his older brother wasn't always around to steal me away, but with Rachel around, I find myself with a lot of spare time on my hands.

My phone buzzes on the table and Lee leans over to look at the message, but I snatch it away before he can read it. Noah has been trying to convince me to sext lately, but I'm absolutely horrid at it. Even so, I don't need Lee seeing what his brother explains he's going to do to me in extreme detail. I read the message and blush. Rachel leans over and reads the naughty message. Her eyebrows shoot up and she whistles.

"What? What are you guys looking at?" Lee whines, and Rachel and I dissolve in a fit of giggles. It is kind of nice having a girl around to talk about all the stuff I can't talk to Lee about. I tell Noah that I'm studying and I'll text him later and put my phone back in my bag. I start reading about the positive qualities of being a librarian, but all I can see is myself at 60 years old hunched over a desk hushing little children. With a shiver, I cross it out in my catalog.

"We're gunna go grab a bite to eat. Wanna come?" Rachel asked.

"Nah, I've got my soup," I reply and hold up my thermos. Rachel laughed and hooked her arm in Lee's.

"Suit yourself. Be back in a jiffy Shelly," Lee sang and I watched their backs as they left the library. I started down the list and read Lifeguard (swim instructor). I recalled the countless hours in the Flynns' pool over the summers and highlighted it in pink for maybe. I was just opening my thermos when my bag started vibrating non-stop. I pulled out my phone and read Noah on the screen. I smiled and hit the answer button.

"Hey there beautiful," his silky smooth voice said through the phone. My smile reached my ears and I played with a strand of hair.

"Hey there hot stuff," I said, not so sexily. I hear Noah's rugged laugh through the phone, but the sound comes through clearer than it usually does. Maybe he finally upgraded.

"We'll work on the sweet talk next time I see you babe," he reassured.

"When will that be, do you think?" I asked, trying not to sound too clingy.

"I've always wanted to do this you know," he said. I was confused until I looked up and my boyfriend was standing there, still holding his phone to his ear. I dropped my phone and practically jumped across the table to run into his arms. His strong arms wrapped around me and I breathed in his familiar scent, something between citrus and woodsy. Even when I felt Noah's arms go limp to untangle me from around him, I didn't let go. The stress of picking schools and the constant thought that I was slowly losing my best friend had caught up to me and having my boyfriend in my arms relaxed me.

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