An: So this one's not to any one specific, just something stupid that made me laugh when I wrote it out. Anyway, hope you enjoy!
You sat on the couch, watching tv as you angrily ate Cheetos. Why are you angry you may ask? Well you had a real hankering for some good ol' pop tarts this morning for breakfast, and you just so happened to have one last large box that was full- or so you thought. See, recently the oh so mighty God of Thunder decided to visit the Avengers tower- he was going to stay a while and you made the mistake of telling him he could go through the kitchen and eat whatever he wished. So this morning when you went to grab yourself one or two packages of the sweet breakfast food; you came face to face with an empty box, a trail of crumbs, and wrappers piled up in the garbage.
At first you weren't entirely mad- you thought 'Hey, that's fine! Nothing some cereal can't fix!' But after pouring a bowl and going to grab the milk, you found that Odinson had apparently chugged the last gallon to go along with your delicious pop tarts. So for breakfast- you had a dry, very unsatisfying, bowl of fruit loops and a glass of water.
Just fantastic.
You know it's something that shouldn't make you this mad, but you were in a mood. You swear that if anyone disturbs you, their head will be ripped clean off. You place another handful of the cheesy puffed snack in your mouth, the crunching in your mouth blocking out the sound of the Tv to your ears. You didn't care- what ever was on was boring anyway, you just needed something to take your mind off of this morning.
"Hey, Yn." Clint says from the kitchen area, you shot a hard glare at him, a growl sounding off in your throat.
"Whoa! Hey! What's with the death stare?" He asks, taking a sip from the coffee pot, not even bothering to grab a mug.
"Just mad! Sorry, Clint- it's not towards you."
"Well, whoever pissed you off better stay far away. Haven't seen you this mad since Hulk smashed through your bedroom wall while you were changing." Clint goes to the fridge opening it and looking around. "Gotta tell you, never seen anyone or anything take the Hulk out as fast as you did. Feel bad for the poor soul that's going to have to deal with your wrath." His hand flops to the side. "Are we seriously out of milk and coffee creamer?"
"Yes," You growl. "Thor drank the last of the milk, he probably drank all your creamer too."
"Jesus Christ, we don't even have the gross soy shit... How is Thor not dead?"
"Oh he's going to be if I see him today." You cram another handful in your mouth. "He ate my pop tarts, drank all my milk, made me eat a nasty breakfast- I swear to God if I see him..."
"I'll send him a warning." Clint sighs, joining you on the couch. He offers the coffee pot to you. "Want some?"
"No, I hate it straight." He shrugs, taking another sip from the pot. He suddenly freezes, looking back and making some sort of motion to someone.
"Barton, I don't understand? What is it you are doing?" Your hand clenches the bag of Cheetos tight at the sound of his voice.
"Damn it..." Clint sighs. "Thor, you should probably go."
"I wish to speak to Lady Yn."
"Thor, now's really not the time!" Clint prosists. "It'd probably would be better to wait until tomorrow." Thor comes closer anyway.
"Lady Yn," you take a deep breath in from your nose. "I was wondering if- oh, what are those? May I try one?" His hand comes close to the bag and you aggressively grab his wrist, gripping it tight without even looking at him.
"Don't. Even. Try it." You growl. Clint hops back over the couch.
"Ok, I'm not going to be caught in the crossfire! I'll tell Tony why everything is going to be destroyed in the kitchen and living room!" He darts out of the room, taking the coffee with him.
"L-Lady Yn?" Your hand grips his wrist tighter.
"Twelve packages."
"What?"
"Twelve fucking packages..."
"Yn, I don't understand."
"Twelve God damn packages- and you ate every single one..." your knuckles turn white as you somehow manage to grip him tighter. "And you drank all the milk- not even bothering to tell anyone so I could make a run to grab more."
"Y-Yn, let me explain!"
"Thor Odinson; I'm giving you to the count of 5 to get your pop tart thieving ass out of this room, before I throw it out the damn window." You say calmly.
"It was just pop tarts, Lady Yn. I don't see what the problem is."
"Five." Thor takes a step back.
"Y-Yn, please. Calm yourself!"
"Four."
"It was just food!"
"Three!" He steps back further.
"Why has the lack of tarts made you upset!?"
"TWO!"
"Yn?"
"ONE!" Thor starts hauling ass as you fling yourself off the couch and in his direction, a scream emitting from his throat. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
"Y-YN! Please calm yourself!" Thor cries as you dart after him.
"WE'VE GOT A CODE 'TART BEAST'!" Tony's voice comes over the intercom, a muffled Clint could be heard in the background explaining the situation. "THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT- THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!"
"Yn! Please! You're being worse than Banner!" Thor darts down a separate corridor.
"ODINSON! Get back here and face me, you FUCK!!!" You scream after him.
"I don't want to fight you! Lady Yn, this is stupid! It was pop tarts!" You grab whatever is in reach and chuck it at him, he ducks and it barely missed his head.
"My pop tarts!" Thor slides as he makes a sharp turn, nearly crashing into the wall before breaking into a sprint again.
"You said I could have anything in the kitchen!"
"YEAH! BUT NOT WHOLE DAMN BOX, YOU POP TART WHORE!"
"I HAVE NEVER HAD NOR HAVE I EVER THOUGHT OF HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A TART!" Bruce opens a side door and his face turns pale when he sees you. "BANNER! BANNER, HOLD THE DOOR! HOLD THE DOOR!!!" Bruce stumbles backward, nearly falling as Thor bursts past him, slamming the door before you can grab him. He breathes heavily as you slam your shoulder into the door.
"BRUCE! HAND HIM OVER!"
"Yn! You really need to calm yourself!" Bruce calls back.
"OH LIKE YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" You slam your shoulder into the door again, the lock nearly breaking as you do so. Banner trips as he walks backwards from the door, landing on his butt and continuing to drag himself as far as he can away from the door.
"S-sun's going down, Yn! Sun's getting real low!" Thor says.
"That doesn't work on me, fuck face!"
"That doesn't, but this will." Nat says from behind you. She stabs a syringe in your shoulder and you pass out.
Several hours later and you wake up in your room. Resting on your nightstand was well over ten boxes of pop tarts stacked up on top of each other. "What the fuck?" You yawn, grabbing a box. You open it, taking one out and pulling it out of the packaging. With pop tart in hand you head out of your room and towards the kitchen.
"You sure she's not related to Banner?" You hear Thor ask.
"No she's not. I promise you." Tony replied.
"Hey, guys." You say, mouth full of tart.
"Morning, sleeping beauty." Tony says, taking a sip of some coffee.
"What's up?" You take a seat next to Thor, playing it off as if what had happened between you two didn't actually occur. Thor stares blankly at you. "What? You want a bite?
"No thank you?"
"Mmk." You take another bite. "Sorry about earlier- not sure why I got upset about that." You say nonchalantly. "Just leave at least one package in the box next time."
"I'll be sure to do that." You hold up the pop tart you're eating.
"You buy me these?" Thor nods. You gently pat his arm and kiss his cheek. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." Everyone is quiet, Tony takes a long sip of his coffee as you continue to eat. Thor looks between the two of you, clearly unnerved by the fact that you're blowing off what you'd done. "Are we not going to talk about this?"
"Nope." Tony says. "Not like it's an everyday thing. Besides, her anger keeps the Hulk in check."
"Wouldn't have to if he didn't bust through my wall and into my room when I was almost naked." Thor stares at you clearly confused.
"What?" You and Tony are quiet again. "Yn, what happened? Are you not going to tell me this either?" Still quiet. "Am I seriously just talking to myself?"
An: I had a lot of fun writing this one, the "pop tart whore" part always brings a smile to my face. Hope you guys got as much enjoyment out of it as I did!
- Dekunuts