I woke up to the bright sun shining through the window near me. The sounds of birds chirping echoed through my ears. I slowly open my eyes, feeling the cool fabric beneath me and turn to my side. There was no one there and I turn my head towards the ceiling. I close my eyes, remembering last night. I felt complete although I still felt heartbroken. It was the first time in months that I actually felt wanted and I received it but my heart still pained for Hoseok. So I thought it was best not to bring it up to Tae. I wasn't too worried about getting pregnant because the three months of stress had stopped my menstrual. When I was visiting the doctor around the time I was getting paper work for the divorce, the doctor told me that the amount of stress I was going through had stopped my menstrual. At the time, I was still taking birth control because I was not ready to have kids at such a busy time. In fact, I'm still taking birth control as if I was still married to Hobi. It's like an addictive drug for me, to forget about Hobi. I still was not ready for children at that time and I'm still not ready for any yet. I sit myself up and see my dress laid neatly on the bed with a small note on it and I grab the note.
"Good morning Y/N! I woke up early and cleaned your dress. Here's a, robe, towel and wash cloth, deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste. I'm making breakfast." :) Tae
I smile to myself. The thought that Tae would come out of his way to do such a caring thing. Not only did he buy me clothes he took me to the beach, helped me overcome my fear of heights, he somehow helped me become a slightly happier me. It's not like he doesn't but it's a reminder that he truly has a heart and that's something I never want to hurt.
I get out of bed and wrap myself with the robe, grabbed my towels, toothpaste and toothbrush, walk out of the room and went down the hall to the bathroom. I close the door behind me, turned on the faucet and adjusted the temperature till it was right. I undress myself and step into the shower. The feeling of the warm water and lather and the sweet scented soap put me in a place that was unimaginable. It was the greatest feeling I've ever had that it was almost impossible to get out. Luckily the smell of breakfast coming from outside the bathroom quickly made me change my mind and I stepped the shower. I step out and wrap myself in a towel, drying all parts of my body, and go to the sink to brush my teeth. After five minutes, I put on my dress, fixed my hair and neatly put the towels away in the near by hamper.
I descend the stairs, turning my head to the direction of the sound, of dishes clacking. It surprised me to see Tae cooking by himself. It surprised me to see him cooking at all because he doesn't know how to cook. I reached the last step of the stairs and walk towards the kitchen, where I can see Tae on the stove frying some eggs. On the counter were a plate of chocolate chip and banana waffles, and two bowls of mixed fruit. I lean against the wall, watching him. He looked so cute when he's concentrating that I didn't want to interrupt him. He turns his head to my direction and gives a warm smile at me.
"Hey! You're up!" Tae says with excitement
"I am" I say walking into the kitchen "The wonderful smell woke me up"
"I know" He chuckles "I really did try my best though" He says plating the eggs onto a plate
"How are you feeling this morning? Do you feel better?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Thank you for..last night" I say shyly
"I'm glad you're better" He smiles gently
"This all looks so good. I'm quite impressed"
"Thank you" Tae says while scratching the back of his head "Jin gave me cooking lessons"
"Jin taught you well" I smile
"Why don't you go to the living room and sit down and I'll bring the food"
"I can help!" I say walking to the counter
"No, no! Gwenchana!" He laughs " You're my guest"
I put my hands on my hips and chuckle "Hey! How come you can help me at my house but I can't do it for you?"
"Because it's my house" he smirks.
"Ok. If you say so" I smile in defeat and walk to the living room. I sit down on the floor and a few seconds later Tae comes in with two plates of food and sits them on the table in front of me. He goes back to the kitchen and grabs two cups of juice and puts them on the table.
"Do you want to watch TV?" Tae asks
"Sure"
He grabs the remote from the table and turns on the tv.
"What would you like to watch?" he asks
"Ummm...we can watch one of the Korean channels" I smile at him
"Ok. As you wish" he says flicking the TV until he reaches the channel
Moments later we start eating. The breakfast was actually pretty good for someone who doesn't have much experience in cooking. It made me really proud that he stepped out of his comfort zone in order to cook such a delicious meal. I hope it's something I want him to do not only for himself, but to the people he loves.
After eating and watching Tv for 15 minutes a clip of BTS appeared on the screen. My heart raced seeing all of the boys, looking happy and healthy. It made me feel like I was there with them. My eyes widen at the image of Hobi, standing there smiling and dancing like crazy at the AMA's. It then changed to a clip of Hobi's new music video Day Dream and I become more upset. I was trying to hold back the tears that wanted to come out and same painfully stabbing feeling formed in my stomach again. It was too painful to watch Hobi smiling and giggling as if nothing happened. But why did it matter to me if Hobi was happy or not? Like Tae said, he seems happier because of Alex so I shouldn't care.
"Y/N. Are you Ok? You seem upset" Tae asks me gently while caressing my back
"No I'm fine. I think I ate too fast, that's all" I lied
Tae looks up at the Tv and then looks back at me "You don't need to lie to me, noona." He says to me gently and turns off the tv.
"No really. I'm not" I say giving my best smile to convince him but I could tell it didn't work.
He sighs a little "Noona. Like I said I'm always here. I never want to see you hurt like this. I promise you, I can help you get through this" He takes my hand and holds it firmly
"I know. You always come to me when you need help and you always come to me when I need your help....It's still going to take sometime to get over this. I've always appreciated everything you did and do for me. I'm sorry I'm still like this"
I lean my head on his shoulder, while my hand still firmly holds his and close my eyes
"Gwenchana. You shouldn't apologize about your feelings" Tae says. I hear him say something else but I didn't catch on and continued to close my eyes a bit more.
After sitting for about 10 minutes and gently get out of Tae's grasp and stretch out a little. It was 11:00am and I needed to get back home to work on some stuff before working at my new job in another three weeks. I quickly request an Uber to pick me up.
"Thanks for letting me sleep over. It truly felt like the old days when we used to stay up and watch anime and Korean dramas all night. And the food was really good." I say standing up.
"It sure does takes us back." He chuckles "You're are welcome to come by anytime you want while I'm still here. You know you can always call me or text me. Lets go bowling next time!" He says walking me to the door.
"I would love to go" I smile. I kneel down to grab my sandals when Tae rushes by and takes them from me.
"What are you doing, Tae?" I laugh
"I'm helping you put on your sandals!" He says grabbing my feet and putting them on
"Is it an excuse to touch my feet because of your foot fetish?" I say jokingly.
He smiles and stands back up "Noona, you know I can't help it! But I just wanted to help you"
The notification on my phone vibrates on my phone, letting me know my Uber has arrived.
"My ride is here. I'll see you next time, Tae!" I say leaving the house
"Get home safe!" He yells back
I get in the car and close the door. I look out the window to see Tae, still standing there and the car leaves.
As were were on the highway I was contemplating on whether to check social media about Hobi and the success of his mixtape on my old phone. It's been a month and a half since I've looked at any of my social media or talked or contacted Namjoon. I wanted to talk to him to see how he was doing and secretly wanting to know how Hobi was doing with his new love, Alex. I know Namjoon has probably called a thousand times on my other phone because I never discontinued my phone service, but I just wanted to leave it alone. I was not ready to let it go because I still had photos of Hobi and I in them. I still wanted to keep that hope alive, even though I already knew that Hobi has moved on from the divorce.
But I feel like Tae is becoming my band aid to my wounded soul and it would hurt me if he found out that I was secretly trying to get the ins and outs of Hobi and Alex from Namjoon.
Why is this still so painful? Why does this still hurt so much?