Song: Every Breath You Take by The Police
"Is it over?" asked Kennedy with a hopeful look on her face.
"No, it's halftime so the game's only half done," I replied laughing as she groaned.
"Well, I'm going to get some pop from the vending machine. Can I get either of you fine ladies anything?" grinned Kolton. God, that guy was such a jackass.
Katja and I glared at him while Kennedy simply ignored him.
"We're fine babe," smiled Ariadne.
"Well actually, I could go for some chips-" Kolton just ignored Zhang, walking right by him.
"Or I could just get them myself," sighed Zhang as he got up.
"Could you grab me a root beer?" Katja piped up.
"And a nut bar for me," chimed in Kennedy.
"You guys Kolton just asked-"
"We don't want anything from that butt," Katja said, cutting off Ariadne. Zhang laughed at Katja's attempt at being mean without swearing. As crazy as it sounds, Katja actually never swore.
"Yeah. He cheated on you, so why are you still dating him?"
"Because he said he was sorry and I know he really meant it," she sighed. "I was going to break up with him but I think he's actually starting to open up and trust me. Guys, I think I'm in love with him," she sighed, her eyes getting all dreamy.
"Bro, NO." Yea, don't ask me why Katja's suddenly obsessed with bro-ing everyone. As she went on about how manipulative Kolton was, Kennedy turned towards me.
"So? What happened with your friend?"
"What? Nothing?" I replied hastily. How did she know about Zaavan and I?
"So is he gay or what?"
"What do you mean?"
"The guy you were talking about during lunch the other day! What happened with him? Did he figure everything out?"
"Oh, him." I looked away, suddenly remembering my failed attempts at figuring out my sexuality. I looked around and took in all the girls I saw around me, mentally noting the ones I found attractive. It was confusing because I was so sure that I liked Zaavan, but I was also sure that I was still attracted to girls. So what exactly would that make me?
"Well, he's pretty sure that he's not gay, but he's dating a guy now because...well he likes him." It took everything I had to not smile as Zaavan's amazing face popped into my head.
"Well, is he attracted to guys other than the one he's dating?"
And that was something that never occurred to me. Slowly, I looked down onto the field where the soccer players were taking a break.
Even though most of the sports teams have been discontinued for the season, the coaches took turns holding mock tournaments to keep their players in shape. They just split the teams in half and they would play against each other. Pathetic, I know. But most of the school was here regardless because sports are a big thing at our school and everyone was sick of watching the ping pong team, the only sports team that hasn't been discontinued.
My eyes immediately wandered over to Zaavan, who was probably going over his team's tactic for the rest of the game. I smiled simply because I was happy to see him. This was basically one of the only times I can openly stare at Zaavan in public. And also because damn, he looked good in that soccer uniform.
But then, something else caught my eye. Beside Zaavan, Dashiell lifted his shirt up to wiping the sweat off of his face. My cheeks instantly went red as I caught a glimpse of his insanely toned abs.
I've noticed that since I started liking Zaavan, I've been noticing guys a lot more. Like, in really weird ways. Like I've noticed how good Dashiell looked in red. Or how toned Ahmed's legs were. Or how Zhang always always parted his hair to the side. As much as I hate to admit it, I've actually been checking guys out. But that doesn't mean I'm attracted to every guy in my sight...
"Vance?"
"Huh? Oh, uh yea. Yea, he's attracted to guys too. Weird, right?" I said, forcing a small laugh to hide the fact that I was internally freaking out.
"No not weird," she replied firmly. "My guess is that he's either bisexual or pansexual then, but the list goes on. Anyways, he doesn't have to label himself if he doesn't want to. Just make sure that you be a supportive friend." As Kennedy smiled, I realized something.
"How are you okay with all of this? When we were in Toronto, you made fun of that gay couple we saw in Tim Hortons."
Kennedy looked down with a remorseful look on her face. "I know," she started quietly. "But Kolton already suspected that I liked girls and you know how people at our school are. I didn't want him to fetishize me or think that I'm just identifying as bisexual for more popularity. So yeah, I threw them under the train to save myself. I'm sorry and I really feel bad for saying all that."
"It's fine," I smiled, reassuring her. "You were just scared."
"I didn't mean it. I'm not homophobic, I swear. And you know what? I don't even care about what others are going to say any- OMG!!!" She squealed suddenly.
I looked up to see a girl with wavy brown hair standing in front of us.
"Guys, this is Ashlynn, my girlfriend," she said proudly.
"Hey guys," said Ashlynn. Ariadne raised an eyebrow, but smiled politely nonetheless while Katja got up and gave her a hug and introduced herself. I gave Ashlynn a wave and also introduced myself.
"Well, we're off," said Kennedy, taking her nut bar from Zhang who had just gotten back.
"You're not gonna stay for the game?" I asked.
She just shook her head. "Trust me, I've had enough of going to sports games. They're not really my thing. Every guy I've dated insisted I go to their game and now that I'm dating Ashlynn, I don't have to anymore. See you guys later!" she said as she grabbed Ashlynn's hand and left.
"Is it just me or does anyone else find this weird?" asked Ariadne.
"What weird?" asked Katja defensively.
"The fact that this random girl just comes along and suddenly turns Kennedy into a lesbian," she answered, pursing her lips.
Katja shook her head. "Ashlynn didn't make Kennedy a lesbian. It doesn't work that way. Besides, she's bisexual and she's always liked girls" she said firmly. "There's nothing weird about that."
Ariadne simply shrugged and started picking at her black nail polish. "I'm not homophobic or anything, I just find it a bit weird, that's all." As Katja started arguing with Ariadne, it made me realize something. What would Zhang think if he knew I liked guys?
Zhang and I have been really close friends since the first day of high school. Knots started to form in my stomach at the thought that he might be disgusted with me if ever found out. I bet he'd never invite me over to stay the night again. I wasn't planning on telling him, but I was curious - how would he react?
"Hey Zhang? What would you do if one of the guys on the team were gay?" I asked as casually as I could. Zhang raised an eyebrow and looked at me weird.
"Woah, we have a homo on the team? Who is it?" he asked, his eyes filled with curiosity.
"No, it's just a hypothetical question?" I laughed nervously.
Zhang shook his head. "As long as he's using the change room, I'd change in the boys bathroom. And I wouldn't shower at school anymore because this," he gestured to his body, "is some damn good stuff," he laughed. "Why do you ask?"
"No reason," I mumbled, turning my attention back to the field. Well that was reassuring.
Zaavan and I made eye contact and I smiled, giving him a wink. He smiled back and I swear I felt my heart skip a beat. It didn't even matter that we had to keep this a secret. Zaavan was worth it.
***
The game finally ended and Zaavan and Ahmed's team won against Dashiell's.
"Hey! Great game," I smiled, giving Zaavan a high five. It wasn't much but I still felt a tingling feeling where my hand met his. It sucked because we avoided every kind of physical contact possible in public because everything just felt like it looked too gay.
"What are you thinking about?" asked Zaavan curiously.
"That," I said, gesturing to Katja hugging Dashiell and Zhang playfully wrapping an arm around Ahmed. "And how we can't have that."
"I don't really care as long as I have you," he whispered shyly in my ear. And just like that, everything felt like it was going to be okay.
***
I'm not gonna lie, but dating a guy is pretty awesome. Zaavan and I are always at each other's houses and nobody even questions us if we stay the night. I mean, why would they?
And we can share everything. Like our clothes for example. I like seeing Zaavan in my clothes and I like wearing his. For some reason, it just feels really nice.
Being with a guy just felt so different from dating a girl. Not to stereotype, but guys in general are more aggressive and when they hold you, it feels stronger. It's also more comfortable and we have so much more in commen. It's like I understand Zaavan better because he's a guy.
But of course, it's not all sunshine and rainbows.
"Why don't we go to the movies?" I suggested.
Zaavan shook his head. "Have you ever seen two guys go to the movies with each other? It's too gay."
"Two guys going to the movies together doesn't look gay...or does it?" Now I was beginning to doubt myself.
"I'm pretty sure it does. Why don't we go with Ahmed and Zhang. If we have a group of people then it'll look less gay."
I cocked my head to the side and raised and eyebrow. "We're bringing other people on our date."
Zaavan sighed and leaned against the glass refrigerator. We were in Mac's, which was a convenience store buying milk. Next to us, a mother was speaking in French with her daughter.
"I dunno man. We can't really go out like that in public."
"Come on Zaavan. I think we're overthinking things," I said as I brushed his hair from his face. "No one even suspects that we're gay."
Just as I said that, the French woman cried: "Homo!"
Zaavan's eyes grew wide and my mouth fell open as I quickly withdrew my hand from his hair. We both whipped around to look at her.
But she wasn't talking to us. Her daughter turned around. "Pardon?"
"Just grab a bag of homo milk so we can leave!" a boy who I'm guessing is her brother said in an exasperated tone.
"You don't need to get angry. You are the one who left the packet in the pitcher when there was only a little bit left."
"I did not know there were no more bags of milk left!"
"You would have if you changed the packet for once in your life."
"The two continued arguing while Zaavan and I just stood there, shocked.
"Homogeneous milk. She's talking about the 3% milk," Zaavan breathed. Then we just started laughing at our own paranoia.
***
As happy as I was, there was still something that was bugging me. Now here I was, sitting on the edge of Zaavan's bed in my boxers, trying to figure myself out.
Did I really like Zaavan as much as I think I do? I mean, yea I like him a lot, but enough to date him? I mean, he's a guy. And I'm not homophobic or anything, but it's just hard to believe that I can actually like a guy like that.
I must've been sitting for a while because the next I knew, Zaavan was walking in wearing nothing but his boxers. He stopped in his tracks as he noticed me.
Zaavan quickly grabbed his towel and covered his chest with it.
"I uh...I thought you were downstairs," he stuttered, his face starting to go pale. I knew Zaavan well enough to know exactly what was going through his mind.
I got up and made my way to him. Cautiously, I put both my hands onto his shoulders. He immediately tensed up.
"Zaavan, just relax. Put the towel down," I whispered. When he didn't move, I gently took the towel from his hands and tossed it onto his bed.
"Vance, stop looking at me..." he protested, crossing his bandaged arms over his chest in an attempt to cover himself up. I should've asked why he bandaged his arms, but all I could think about was how amazing he looked.
"Zaavan, you're way too hard on yourself," I said as I uncrossed his arms. "I could stare at you all day and I would still be sure that you're a boy. Including when you're shirtless," I said firmly. "And even if you did look feminine, which you don't, it wouldn't matter. I like you for being you and not because of your body."
And I realized that I meant it. I really did like Zaavan. It was so comfortable being around him and my heart fluttered every time I saw him.
He relaxed slightly and looked into my eyes. I couldn't resist the urge to kiss him, so I did. I tangled my hands in his hair and brought my face so close to his, I could feel his eyelashes flutter shut right before our lips connected.
Surprisingly, Zaavan wrapped his arms around me and pulled our bodies closer together so that our chests were pressing against each other's. In that moment, everything just felt so right that all of the doubt I was harbouring in me washed away. I couldn't be more sure about this, about him.
It then that we both heard it. The click of keys opening a door. In no time, Zaavan and I pulled away from each other, threw on our clothes, fixed our hair and Zaavan threw himself down on his bed while I sat down in a chair at his desk.
My heart was pounding nervously at the thought of getting caught. When nobody came up, I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.
"Well I guess my parents are home early," Zaavan said bitterly. "Do you want to stay for dinner?"
"Will your parents be okay with that?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Who cares. Stay anyways."
"Okay," I said nervously. I guess it was about time I really met his parents.
A/N: Yep. I'm that obnoxious person who drinks the milk last but is too lazy to throw out the old bag and put a new one into the pitcher, so I just leave a tiny bit at the end so the next person has to do it XD
That whole homo milk scene happened to me the other day by the way ;)