Chapter Soundtrack - Chapter 14: "What If" by Coldplay AND "The Safest Place" by Sade
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The next two months left no doubts in my mind about the power of fate. What else could have changed my life in the most profound way in such a short span of time? Instead of spending most of my free time reading or surfing the net, I was now making up excuses to meet Gabe at the cabin. We could usually swing two to three times a week without anyone being the wiser.
I can't imagine there was one piece of my history and present life he didn't know about as his questions and curiosity were endless. I tried to pry just as much out of him, but he seemed more guarded about his past, telling me that who he was before was irrelevant. We avoided talking about the future, which I didn't mind because it wasn't something I had to think about. Although his future was all kinds of shades of grey, mine was now black and white. Until the day I died, I would be in love with Gabriel Valente. No one else would ever conquer my heart the way he quickly had. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but being open about my feelings was definitely not one of my superpowers. It was so easy to talk to him and tell him my thoughts about all types of subjects, but this was different. This was so much more important than anything I had told him before.
My relationship with my parents was better, or so they thought. They had no idea I was still seeing Gabe and there were times when I felt stabs of guilt for deceiving them. However, those faded quickly when I thought of how they had forbidden me to see him without even meeting him first. Although their intentions may have been to keep me safe, they should have trusted my judgments more. I was still extremely angry with Nathan. His betrayal had hurt me the most. We barely spoke to each other. The worst part about it was he had never apologized. He walked around as if he had performed some great act of kindness, almost as if I should be begging him for his forgiveness. As if that would ever happen. Gabe and I made sure to stay far away from each other at school. I knew Nathan was watching and didn't want to stir the pot unnecessarily.
Before I knew it, April was here. The walks to and from the cabin became a lot more enjoyable due to the rise in temperature. Sometimes Gabe and I would venture out into the woods, needing a change of scenery. On the weekends, we'd have picnics near a small pond, lying out on a blanket and closing our eyes, warm sunshine falling on us. We wouldn't stay out for too long, fearing someone might find us. The spring weather would now be bringing more hikers into the forest, which meant Gabe and I no longer met up in the parking area. He'd head to the cabin first and I'd meet him there. If it was dark when we left, then we'd walk back together. Otherwise, I'd head back home first.
I still parked my car at Gretchen's and most times just walked to and from her house to the forest. I hated for her to go out of her way to drop me off and pick me up, although she never complained. She had been my saving grace throughout this whole situation. I hated dragging Gretchen into my lies, but my parent's refusal to see me as an adult had left me with little to no options. They were treating me like a child, but here I was, only a few days away from becoming eighteen. I would soon be allowed to vote for who would run our country, but I still wasn't allowed to choose who to spend my own time with.
As I left my shift at Robertson's Tuesday night, I kept thinking about the previous Sunday afternoon I had spent with Gabe and groaned at the thought of not being able to spend time with him again for a full week. I was working Wednesday and Thursday night. I had Friday night off but it was my birthday, which meant I'd be having the obligatory dinner with my family at Calhoun's. Gretchen had some surprise for me the following day. All I knew is she was picking me up at noon and I was spending the entire day with her, which meant Sunday would be the first opportunity I would have to see Gabe. He didn't seem too upset, saying he was also busy helping his mom with a project all week. He didn't go into any details and his vagueness had peaked my curiosity, but I didn't press the issue. I was more concerned with trying to find a way to survive the next several days.
I was craving a smoothie and decided to walk to Indigo Café real quick before heading home. It was only a block away from Robertson's and as I turned the corner of the street the café was located on, I saw a dark grey Aston Martin leaving the café, about to turn in the opposite direction. I slowed down a little as I immediately recognized the car as Gabe's, but that wasn't all I noticed. There was a passenger in the car. A female passenger. Her jet-black straight hair was about all I could catch. I watched Gabe drive away, confident he hadn't seen me, and walked into the café, a million thoughts fighting for my attention. Gabe had never mentioned making any friends in Sparrow, and that most definitely could not have been his mother. I placed my order and walked towards the end of the counter to wait for my drink. A few fellow classmates were seated at a table nearby, but I was so preoccupied with what I had just seen that I didn't pay any attention to their conversation until I heard Gabe's name.
"Do you think she was a girlfriend from New York or something? I haven't seen her in Sparrow before," Lisa Porter wondered aloud, taking a sip from her drink.
"Maybe," Sheila Kensington replied, "She didn't seem like someone he just met. He didn't stop smiling at her the entire time they were in here."
"I noticed, but then, she did look like she could be a model. Guess he wised up and went back to girls that are more on his level," Lisa said, this time a little more loudly.
I hated myself for doing it, but I slightly turned my head to find both girls staring straight at me.
"Ma'am, was there something else you needed?" the café employee asked.
I quickly snapped my head back to see my drink already placed in front of me. "Um, no thanks," I mumbled, grabbing it and practically running out of there. I took a deep breath, needing fresh air to clear the images emblazoned in my brain.
My overactive imagination began to entertain all sorts of theories about who the mysterious girl with Gabe was, but I stopped myself before letting any less than reasonable explanations get the best of me. This was silly. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I would just call Gabe and confront him about his...friend. After all, it was just a few minutes ago I was lamenting about my parents not treating me as an adult. It was time to really act like one and not be childish about this situation.
I waited until I had driven home and was in the privacy of my bedroom before calling Gabe, unconsciously stalling. As I listened to each ring go unanswered, the anxiety in me grew. Why wasn't he picking up? Was it because he was still with her, the nameless model he hadn't stopped smiling at? As the call went into voicemail, I quickly decided not to leave a message. I needed to speak to him, not a recording. I would just wait for him to call me back. He always did when he saw I had called, regardless of whether I left him a message or not.
I tried to busy myself with homework, but as the hours went by and there was still no call from Gabe, I couldn't concentrate on anything except what I had seen and heard earlier in the day. I checked my phone one last time before settling into bed, pulling the covers to my chin in an effort to warm the cold feeling flowing through me. I closed my eyes and willed myself to fall asleep, if only to have a break from agonizing over Gabe and the dark-haired girl. A beep went off and my hand immediately reached out to my nightstand to grab the phone. I hastily flipped it open to read the message from Gabe:
Sorry I missed your call. Been a little busy but I've been thinking about you! Can't wait to see you this weekend.
I let out a deep sigh. I was being stupid. I knew what I felt for Gabe was real and he never missed an opportunity to show his feelings for me. I would just ask him about the girl the next time I saw him and was sure his answer wouldn't lead to a broken heart. I could always call him again, but I didn't want to seem pathetic. I set the phone back on my nightstand and, despite the little pep talk I had given myself, drifted into a very restless sleep.
Unfortunately, I woke up to even more questions and confusion the next day. Gabe wasn't in school. I knew because even though we never talked or even acknowledged each other, he always made sure we crossed paths at least a few times every day in the hallways, stealing quick glances as we passed each other by. But he was nowhere to be found. I tried calling him during lunch and got his voicemail again. I spent the entire day in a foul mood. It was so bad that I was even rude to a customer during my shift at Robertson's. I waited to hear from Gabe all day, but this time, I didn't even get a text message.
By Thursday I was a complete mess. It was the second day in a row Gabe wasn't in school. What the hell was going on? I debated on whether to call him again but decided against it. I was through trying to chase him down. Whatever was going on with him and his little project, it obviously didn't concern me. I walked through the halls like a zombie, wondering how I could have let this happen. Why had I given my heart to someone so completely when there was such a great chance for them to misuse it. To just cast it aside like an old board game, only to think of it when one needed a form of amusement. A way to pass the time. That's what I must be to Gabe. My parents had been right. Gabriel Valente was dangerous. My insides were boiling with all sorts of emotions. I went from sadness to anxiety to anger. I tried to stick with the anger as it was the easiest to handle. If he had wanted to break up with me, he should have been a man about it and just told me directly. Instead, he had chosen to prance around town with an unknown supermodel and ignore my phone calls.
As I walked to my car after school, I saw Gretchen waiting for me. The look on her face was strange, almost like she was dreading something. Her normally perky aura was currently distorted by the somber expression on her face. "Hey, Gretchen," I muttered, not really in the mood to talk but at the same time curious about what had her so on edge.
"Hi, Athena," Gretchen said, looking at me and then quickly looking away. "Uh...on your way to work?" she asked, still ignoring my face, pretending to stare at something in the distance.
Now I was definitely sure something was going on. Whatever Gretchen had to say, it obviously had something to do with me. A feeling of nausea hit me deep in my stomach. I steeled myself for whatever was about to come. I didn't know what it would be, but I knew it wasn't good news. "What is it, Gretchen?" I asked impatiently.
"What do you mean?" she responded airily, slowly moving her eyes back to my face.
"Just tell me," I spat out, probably a little too harshly, but I didn't care. She was stalling and it was extremely annoying.
"Well, I heard something today...and...um...you know...I'm not exactly sure if it's true or not because we really have to consider the source...but, then again, I really don't know why she would lie about something like this. It's not like she knows you two are still seeing each other and...."
"Gretchen," I said, trying to keep my voice calm, "please just tell me what you heard."
The look in her eyes went from fear to sympathy. I knew from her previous attempt at an explanation that whatever she had heard, it had to do with Gabe.
"Kristy had driven into Durham last night to go to their mega mall since it's ten times larger than the small one we've got here."
"And?" I said, irritated by her pause.
"And," she stammered, "when she was driving back, she saw Gabe drive into the Hilton Hotel. Being the nosy stalker she is, she drove in also and saw him and some girl walk into the hotel together." She stopped and just stared at me, no doubt waiting for some dramatic response. But I didn't have one for her.
If a breaking heart was an occurrence that could be visible to the naked eye, I'm sure it was currently reflected on my face.
"Athena, say something," Gretchen pleaded, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.
"What did she look like?" I asked slowly, the words barely escaping my tight lips.
"Does that really matter? We don't even know who she is. Don't jump to conclusions, Athena. You should talk to Ga..."
"What. Did. She. Look. Like?" I repeated icily, my eyes letting her know I wanted an answer this time.
"Kristy said she had long black hair and that she was tall and thin. She didn't really catch much else," Gretchen mumbled.
The banana I had forced down at lunch was dangerously close to making an appearance. As I tried to stave off my potential sickness, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. All I could see was a pair of halo eyes and a magnificent smile, both aimed at someone other than me. "I have to go now, Gretchen," I whispered, opening the door to my car and climbing in.
"Athena," Gretchen cried, "don't let your imagination run wild. Just talk to Gabe. I'm sure there's an explanation."
I looked at her through the car window. I couldn't think of anything to say that would actually sound believable so I forced my mouth into a small smile and just nodded my head at her. I started the car and drove towards Robertson's.
Mr. Robertson took one look at me and quickly sent me home. I could barely walk from the driveway to my bedroom. I skipped dinner and decided to turn in early. If only I could have nestled in the dark oblivion of sleep. Instead, tears of frustration and shattered dreams kept me company, causing me to greet my eighteenth birthday with red, swollen eyes. I tried to disguise my feelings as much as possible for my family's sake. I sat through the special breakfast my mother had made and pushed myself through the necessary motions, hoping they couldn't see through my façade. I was confident I had my parents fooled, but I did notice Nathan studying my face. I ignored him and left for school as soon as I was done, barely able to swallow the last bite.
As I walked through the halls of Sparrow High before first period, I silently prayed this day would pass quickly. I considered skipping, but Nathan would notice and undoubtedly tell my parents. I definitely didn't need that hassle. I opened the door to my locker and went to grab the books I needed when I noticed something on the bottom shelf. I looked down to see a single red rose with an envelope underneath. My heart stopped beating. He had been here. Maybe he would actually make an appearance today. Although my head told me I shouldn't care about seeing him, my heart hungered for the sight of his beautiful face, even if it was full of deceit. I picked up the flower and the envelope, practically tearing it open:
It's time to reveal another of my superpowers:
I can make wishes come true.
Happy Birthday! See you soon.
GV
I couldn't control the joy that filled my heart. Not only had he not forgotten me, but he had confirmed I would see him soon. My head started pounding with confusion. What was going on? He had gone to the trouble of leaving me a note in my locker, but he couldn't even return a phone call? I placed the flower back on the bottom shelf and shut the door. As I walked to class, I tried to figure out which part of my body to listen to. One would think it would just be easier to follow my heart and deny all the rational thoughts in my head. In truth, it was my heart that was leading me down a very scary and unpredictable path. I didn't know if I was strong enough to keep walking in that direction. Listening to my heart would not only mean having to place an enormous amount of faith in Gabe, but also in our feelings for each other. Before this week the choice would have been easy, but now it was an unimaginably difficult decision. As the day continued, so did the battle raging inside of me.
# # #
Dinner at Calhoun's that night was a little easier to get through. Especially since I knew that as more time went by, the closer I was to seeing Gabe again. His note had calmed the fear inside of me that that might never happen. Also distracting me was the incredible gift my family had given me. As I sat on my bed, staring at the box containing my brand new laptop, I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for lying to them for the past few months. Deep down, I knew their decision was rooted in their love for me, whether I agreed with it or not.
It was almost eleven and I had just gotten off the phone with Gretchen. She had been cheering at another Vikings basketball game, which was why she and I were celebrating my birthday together the next day. I tried to pry a little information out of her about what we would be doing, but she was unbreakable. I was just thankful to have a distraction for the next day. Otherwise I probably would have spent the day in my room staring at the clock, watching the minutes tick by until Sunday arrived.
I sighed as I stood up and placed my new laptop on my desk. I was about to return to my bed when I heard a soft knock on my window. I froze, immediately knowing who it was. My back was towards the window and as I slowly turned, my heart started beating so hard I was sure the house was shaking. My eyes locked with his and the sight of him hit me like it had the very first time. All the emotions his absence and mysterious actions had invoked in me the last few days faded away for a moment as we just stared at each other through the translucent glass. I finally snapped out of my daze and cautiously walked towards him. His eyes never left me while I lifted up the window, a beguiling smile on his face. I kept my lips from forming a similar one. No matter how happy my heart was to once again be in his presence, my head was reminding me that I was still furious at his recent behavior.
I took a few steps backwards as he quietly stepped into my room. I was in my usual night-time attire of an oversized t-shirt and shorts while he was dressed in a long-sleeved, black cotton shirt and faded jeans. Now that the weather was warmer he no longer wore his signature leather jacket. I was about to tear into him for his recent behavior, but before I knew it, his muscular arms had enveloped me and his masterful lips were on mine. My head was telling me to push him away, but my heart won out this time. My being angry with him could wait a minute or two...or twenty.
"Happy Birthday, goddess," he whispered as he began giving me kisses all over my face, ending with a quick kiss on my lips again. He stepped away and gave me an evil grin. "Finally, you're legal."
I stared back at him, wanting to chuckle but not allowing myself to. "Legal for what?" I asked, still trying to recover from his kisses.
He paused for a moment, a deliciously sinister look in his eyes. "Legal to vote, of course. What did you think I meant?"
"I didn't know you were so into politics," I muttered, turning my back to him and walking towards my desk. I could hear him follow me.
"A laptop. That's an excellent gift," he commented, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against him. "I know we weren't supposed to see each other until Sunday, but I just couldn't stay away from you for one more minute," he breathed in my ear.
"Really?" I snorted. "From what I've heard you've been keeping yourself busy."
I immediately felt him stiffen. "What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," I mumbled. I shook myself out of his arms and turned to walk towards my bookshelf.
"You're obviously upset with me about something."
I didn't say a word, not really sure where to start. Thinking straight always became a problem when he was in the general vicinity.
"Athena," he said quietly, "it's your birthday. This isn't exactly the mood I thought you'd be in today. Please tell me what's wrong so I can fix it."
"Not everything can be fixed," I mumbled.
"Athena, tell me what's going on?" he sighed, frustrated.
"Why don't you tell me what's going on," I shot back, turning on my heel to face him. "I haven't actually spoken to you in forever. You haven't been in school for the last three days. You don't return my phone calls."
"I told you before," he interrupted, "I've been helping my mom with a project. It's been taking up a lot of my time. I'm sorry I didn't return your phone calls. I was just a little preoccupied with things."
"With things," I asked, "or with her?" I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes, bracing myself for his explanation.
"Her?" A look of complete confusion came over his face.
"You know, playing dumb isn't really one of your strong suits, Gabe."
"I'm not playing dumb," he hissed, his voice rising. His irritation was now just as apparent as mine, his hands curling up into tight fists. He looked me directly in the eyes. "I don't know who you're talking about. Care to enlighten me?"
"Sure," I said, faking a pleasant smile. "I'm talking about the girl you were at Indigo Cafe with Tuesday night. I went there after work to get a drink and saw you drive out of there with some dark-haired girl in your passenger seat."
A look of realization drained the tension from his face. "Listen, I....."
"No," I said, "I'm not done. That's not the only place you were spotted with her. I know you were with her at a hotel in Durham." He tried to get a word in, but I was on a roll. "Your actions in the last week have made me feel like I'm this dispensable object in your life and my head is telling me to make you leave right now."
"I'm not leaving..." he started to say, unsuccessfully trying to interrupt my little tirade.
"But after all the time we spent in the cabin and all of the things we shared with each other, my heart is telling me to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you explain yourself before I throw you out."
"Have you decided which one you're listening to?" he questioned. His voice was now calm, a sharp contrast from the emotion in mine.
I took a deep breath, swallowing hard while I paced back and forth. I finally stood still a good five feet away from him. "Okay. Go ahead. Explain," I stated, crossing my arms and defiantly looking anywhere but his eyes. He wasn't allowed to use his superpowers this time.
He stayed silent, and a second later he was grabbing my shoulders and pulling me towards the bed, gently pushing me until I was sitting down. He slid the chair over from my desk and sat in it, facing me. "The girl you saw me with was my cousin," he revealed, getting directly to the point.
I looked at him through suspicious eyes, waiting for him to continue with his explanation.
"My cousin Stella flew in from New York a few days ago. That's who you saw me with when I was leaving the café. And that's who I was with at the hotel." He stopped for a moment, giving me a perplexed look. "Wait a minute. How did you know I was with Stella at the Hilton?"
I looked down, completely mortified. My stupid head. "Um...the secret service is still on duty," I mumbled weakly, not able to meet his eyes.
He scoffed. "I don't know whether to be flattered or scared."
Feelings of guilt were starting to overtake me. How had I doubted him for even a second? What must he be thinking right now? Does he hate me for jumping to such ridiculous conclusions? I stopped myself. They hadn't been that ridiculous. After all, he had been missing in action for the past couple of days. I finally looked up at him. "Okay, so she's your cousin, but that still doesn't explain why you were with her in Durham at a hotel or why you've been undercover lately."
His eyes became very guarded, confirming he was in fact keeping something from me. "I was at the Hilton because that's where Stella is staying while she's in North Carolina. She has some friends in Durham and preferred to stay there instead of with me and my mom in Sparrow," he explained. "And, I already told you I've been helping my mom with a project that's been taking up most of my time."
"What is this top-secret project, Gabe? Why can't you tell me what it is?" I whined, knowing I sounded like a five-year-old.
He sighed. "I'm sorry for not doing a better job of staying in touch. And I can see why the combination of my absence and what you saw might lead you to some doubts, but you've got to have a little more faith in me. A little more faith in us."
"I know," I said softly. "I'm sorry. It's just that I was missing you and wanted to talk to you, and then I see you with another girl and....I wasn't thinking clearly."
"Or maybe you were thinking too much," he corrected, cradling one side of my face in his palm. "Instead of just feeling what the truth is. It's always there you know. You just have to let yourself believe it."
"You didn't exactly make it easy," I told him, taking his hand away from my face and lacing my fingers through his.
"Lesson learned," he said. "As for the project I'm working on, I can't tell you what it is right now. But," he added quickly, "I promise you'll know what it is very soon, okay?"
I found myself getting lost in the halos of his eyes. "Fine," I conceded.
"Good," he said, leaning forward to give me a quick kiss. "Now that we've got that settled, I can finally give you this." He took a small package from his back pocket. It was neatly wrapped in silver paper with a small silver bow on top.
"What's that?" I asked.
"What do you think, goddess?" he chuckled. "It's your birthday present. Open it," he commanded, handing it to me.
His smile was unbearable as I took the package from him. I noticed him becoming a little nervous as I removed the wrapping. It was obviously some kind of jewelry as the packaging was a black velvet box which flipped open on one side. I lifted the top up to see the most breathtaking diamond star necklace brilliantly shining up at me. The star was a small pendant hanging from a white gold chain. Small diamonds were clustered together all along the outline of the star with just a small open space in the middle. I was speechless. The laptop had been an extravagant gift, but the necklace made me feel like the richest girl in the world. Not because of what it must have cost, but because of what it meant.
Gabe took the package from me and lifted the necklace out of it. He stood up and knelt on the bed behind me, unclasping the necklace and draping it around my neck. As he locked it in place, I could feel his breath in my ear as he spoke:
"Suddenly there was a great burst of light through the Darkness. The light spread out and where it touched the Darkness the Darkness disappeared. The light spread until the patch of Dark Thing had vanished, and there was only a gentle shining, and through the shining came the stars, clear and pure."
I immediately recognized the quote. It was from A Wrinkle in Time, the book he had caught me reading when he approached me in the school library.
He sat next to me, taking my hands into his. "That's what you are for me. You're like this beautiful, innocent and pure star, lighting my whole world with your presence, chasing away every dark thing in my life. Something I thought was impossible."
Waterworks were approaching. I could feel them in my eyes, but I tried to fight them back, not wanting to become a blubbering mess in front of him.
"I know when you met me, you saw this carefree guy who liked to make jokes and have a good time. What you didn't know is how messed up I was, Athena. The things that happened before I moved to Sparrow haunted me every second of the day. I was angry at the world and still was when I first came here. Then I saw you, and instead of trying to plaster yourself all over me, you ran in the other direction." He smiled softly, gazing at me. "I know I've told you this before, but I had to speak to you, to know why you were so different from the rest. When I did, I realized you were the one with the real superpowers. All of a sudden, I wasn't thinking about what I had lived through in the past. I was only focused on you and the way you stood up to me. I'll admit the way you affected me scared me at first. That's why I decided to keep my distance for a little while, only allowing myself to watch you from afar."
"Yes, the week you became my own personal papparazi," I said, laughing.
"Even then, you had this unexpected effect on me. Every bad memory in my head seemed to be erased by your image. Watching you was like medicine. Everything that's happened between us since then has confirmed my first suspicion."
"Which was?" I breathed.
"That you were going to cure me from the ghosts and demons inside of me. Most people meet someone who changes them, for better or worse. But with you, it's like I can just be myself, instead of the person others want to mold me into," he revealed.
I felt something wet on my cheeks and realized I was crying. His fingers wiped them away and then his hands were pulling my face closer to his. The golden halos burned brighter with the intensity of his emotion. He opened his mouth slightly and for a moment I thought he had something more to say, but instead he slowly brought our lips together. A welcome alternative. My hands went around his waist, pulling him closer to me. Eventually I felt my head hit something soft, barely registering that I was now lying down on my bed with Gabe hovering over me. I could feel his hand move along my face and trace down my arm, caressing it up and down. I wanted him closer and tried to pull him all the way down on top of me, but he resisted, pulling away.
He looked down at me and sighed. "I should probably get going," he remarked.
"No!" I cried, "Don't go. I haven't seen you all week and you haven't been here that long."
"As much as I don't want to leave, there is the small matter of your parents and brother being just a few steps away from us. It's too risky. I probably shouldn't have even come here in the first place, but I couldn't wait any longer to give you your present."
I grudgingly sat up and followed him as he walked towards the window.
"Do you like your gift?" he asked.
I lightly touched the pendant on my neck. "Gabe, it's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever given me." I looked him directly in the eyes. "I love it," I whispered.
His smile was tinged with a touch of relief. He gave me another kiss before climbing out my window. "See you soon, goddess," he promised, winking at me before disappearing.
I stood at my window for a while, just staring up at the star-filled sky. As I held the pendant between my fingers, I tried to think of a wish to make on it. After a few minutes of reliving the past few days, I realized there were indeed many things that I was hoping for, but as long as I was always strong enough to follow my heart, wishes wouldn't be necessary.