"Do you think things will ever go back to the way they used to be?" you whispered. Both you & sweet pea were laying in the dark, in his bed on your backs, staring at the ceiling.
"What things?" he asked.
"Things between us? Do you think they'll ever be like they were? Before the lies and fighting all the time?" you said playing with the strings of your hoodie.
"I don't know." he sighed.
"Do you want us to go back to how we used to be?"
"I don't know, y/n." he whispered.
"I'm going to ask you another question, Sweet Pea. This time answer with a yes or a no. No i don't know. Yes or no." you said growing frustrated by his lack of care he showed while discussing your relationship. He didn't say anything, just waited in silence for you to ask what you wanted to ask him.
"Do you still want to be with me?" you finally asked. Sweet Pea sighed running his hand through his hair, but didn't say anything.
"Right," you whispered, more to yourself as you say up and swung your legs off the side of the bed, "i should go."
"I didn't even answer your question." he said making you stop.
"Silence is an answer, Sweet Sea. And that answer is no." you said looking back at him over your shoulder.
"Had you asked me if i still wanted to be with you, i wouldn't have hesitated to say yes." you said turning so that you were sat facing him on the bed.
"I guess, we're just not meant to be together forever like everyone thought." you & Sweet Pea had been together since middle school. Obviously off and on because what middle schooler has a table relationship, but the two of you stuck together. You were each other's first kiss, he took you out on your first date, which was his first date too. You lost your virginity to each other. You guys were inseparable. Your 8th grade year before you all went off to high school, your friends voted you most likely to get married. They thought the two of you would be together forever, that nothing would could tear you two apart. They were obviously wrong.
You leaned over and placed one last kiss on sweet pea's cheek, "goodbye, sweet pea." you whispered, standing up from the bed and walking to his bedroom door. He didn't call after for you to stop. He didn't get out of his bed and chase after you. He didn't do anything. He just laid there and watched you leave, listened to his front door close shut softly but not before he heard you sniffle a bit though you tried your best to hide it.
You walked across the gravel road to Toni's seeing that her lights were still on. You didn't knock, Toni told you that her trailer was your trailer, that you never needed to knock. When you walked in, you shut the door behind you and walked straight to her bedroom finding her laying in her pjs watching a movie. She saw your broken expression as you stood in her doorway trying not to bust out in full sobs.
"Oh, honey. what happened?" she asked gesturing for you to come to her. You crawled into her bed, laying your head on her chest allowing the tears to fall freely as she comforted you.
"He doesn't want me anymore." you sobbed making Toni's heart break for you as she held you a little bit tighter and shushed your crying. Soon you fell asleep which allowed Toni to reach over & grab her phone sending fangs a text y/n and sweet pea just broke up. you should go check on him. Fangs immediately left his trailer, walking fast to sweet pea's and pounding on the door.
"What are you doing here, man? it's late." Sweet Pea said groggily as he opened the door.
"What do you mean 'what am i doing here'. I came to see if you were okay. Toni text me that you and y/n broke up." he said pushing past Sweet Pea to stand in his living room.
"I was sleeping. and damn, she works fast. It literally happened like an hour ago. I'm fine though. it's for the best." Sweet Pea said dropping down onto the couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"Do you really think that, man?" Fangs said sitting beside him.
"Yeah, things were getting toxic between us. We argued constantly. It's a good thing, i think." He said honestly.
"You only argued because you kept lying to her about things she's going to find out about eventually. She's a Serpent too, you don't think all those deals and jobs you did wouldn't find their way to her ears soon enough? You broke her heart, Pea. She's at Toni's now. Literally cried herself to sleep because you don't want her anymore. And it sounds like you just tossed her to the side like an old t-shirt that doesn't fit right anymore." Fangs said not believing for a second that Sweet Pea is this calm and nonchalant about your break up.
"She'll be okay." Sweet Pea said getting up off the couch and going back to his room, shutting the door behind him leaving fangs in utter shock on the couch. Fangs got up and left Sweet Pea's trailer, walking over to Toni's to see if you were okay. He walked in, finding you awake, still laying with your head on Toni's chest. You looked up and saw Fangs standing there with a heartbroken expression seeing you so torn up about it knowing that Sweet Pea was just fine, sleeping peacefully in his trailer just across the road. He walked over to the empty side of Toni's bed grabbing you in his arms and pulling you to his chest. Toni gave Pea and questioning look, wondering why he wasn't with Sweet Pea. Fangs shook his head, mouthing that they'd talk in the morning. Toni nodded and cuddled up to your side, holding on of your hands in hers. The two of you offering you the comfort you needed.
At school you avoided Sweet Pea at all costs. One, because you knew you wouldn't be able to hold it together seeing him act like there isn't anything happening. Seeing him happy and not as hurt and broken as you were. And two, because you refused to let him see you like this. He didn't deserve to know that you were completely heartbroken and lost without him. People started questioning things between the two of you, which you avoided with the help of Toni and Cheryl and eventually Betty and Veronica once they were caught up on everything.
Toni and Fangs helped gather all of your things out of Sweet Pea's trailer. And within weeks you were back into your own trailer. You had moved most of your stuff into Sweet Pea's after your dad left you alone. Sweet Pea told you that you could stay with him, knowing how much you hated being alone at night. He said he'd never leave you and that you never had to worry about being alone, not while he was around. You let out a scoff at the memory, tears falling from you eyes as they do most nights. So much for that, right?
You were putting your clothes away in your closet and dresser when Toni walked in.
"Hey, you wanna go hang out at the Wyrm?" she asked leaning against the door frame. You hesitated but nodded, grabbing your bag and serpent jacket as you followed Toni out.
"How are you holding up?" she asked watching as you kicked rocks down the road, your hands tucked deep into your jacket pockets.
"I wish i could say i was okay. Whenever i hear his name it makes me wanna cry and i hate it. I can't get his scent out of my clothes no matter how many times i wash them. It's like permanently embedded in everything you guys got from his place. And it just hurts. Everything hurts." you said, your voice broke at the end making Toni slide her hand into your jacket pocket and lace her fingers with yours.
"It's still fresh, y/n. You love him. You can cry all you want because it's okay to hurt. You know Fangs and i are here for you every step of the way. We'll do whatever you need us to." she comforted. You wiped your eyes and took a deep breath, calming down before you walked through the doors of the Wyrm. Toni's arm pulled you back noticing Sweet Pea's bike in the parking lot.
"Okay, so we can totally go hang somewhere else if you want to, i didn't think he'd be here, but he is. So if you want to go catch a movie at the Bijou or go get Pop's, that's fine. Or if you want to go inside still, that's fine too." She said.
"I'm going to have to be around him eventually, T. We're both Serpents. We're bound to bump into each other at meetings and i can't just keep avoiding him like he's the plague. I'll be okay." you said taking her hand in yours. She nodded and lead the two of you through the front door heading straight for the bar.
Everyone greeted you with warm smiles and raised glasses as you walked past. Everyone was happy and you painted a smile on your face hoping you looked as happy as they did.
"There's the other half of the hole!" Birdie yelled grabbing your arm and pulling you to one of the pool tables and slinging you against someone's chest. You didn't have to look at the person's face to know it was Sweet Pea.
"Happy anniversary you two!! What's it been like 6 years now?" She yelled drunkenly. You regained your balance stepping away from Sweet Pea, not looking anyone in the eye. You kept your head down, not knowing if you could stop the tears that welled in your eyes from falling.
"We're not together anymore guys, sorry to disappoint." Sweet Pea said so nonchalantly that you felt your heart shatter even more, if that was possible. How was it so easy for him to say? He said it like someone had just asked him what his favorite color was. Fangs and Toni rushed over, Toni shoving Birdie away from you telling her to fuck off. Fangs wrapping his arms around you and walking you out of the bar.
"You know, you could at least act like this hurts you too." Toni spat at Sweet Pea looking at him slightly disgusted with his behavior. Sweet Pea shook his head, grabbing his pool stick and continuing the game he was playing like nothing ever happened. Toni was furious, he hurt her best friend and he didn't even care. The girl he swore he was in love with just left the bar in tears because of Sweet Pea and he didn't show an ounce of sorrow. Toni, without thinking, grabbed his arm and turned him to face her before slapping him across the face.
"That's for y/n, you heartless dick." she didn't wait for Sweet Pea's reaction, just turned and stormed out of the Wyrm in search for her best friend who needed her more than ever.
--
Months past and you were finally at a good stage in getting over Sweet Pea. You were happy. You didn't avoid placed you knew he'd be anymore. You could hang out at the Wyrm with no problem now and Toni and Fangs were proud. You would never be able to hang out as the core four southsiders anymore because you still couldn't bring yourself to talk to Sweet Pea as if nothing ever happened between us but you hoped one day, you could get over him enough to be at that stage.
Sweet Pea met someone new and she's beautiful. He looks happy and everyone was talking about just how happy he was. It broke your heart a little, still being fragile though Toni and Fangs helped mend it back as best they could. And you were forever grateful for your best friends. Betty, Veronica and Cheryl helped too, having girls nights so Fangs and Sweet Pea could have boys night because you still weren't at that place to hang out as a group just yet.
You and Fangs sat on your living room floor playing uno one night when you made the decision, "I think i want to talk to him." you said laying down a wild card, "the color's green."
"You ready for that?" he asked raising his eyebrow at you placing his own card down.
"Yeah, i have questions that i think deserve answers and i think now would be a good time. I'm in a good place so why now? And uno." you said sending him a smirk. Fangs was terrible at pool and even worse at uno, never being able to beat you. Fangs opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted knocking on your front door. You guys shared confused looks, knowing Toni was working and would have walked in if she wasn't. Betty and Veronica had plans with the beus and Cheryl was keeping Toni company while she worked. You stood up and walked to your door, opening it, shocked at who was standing on the other side.
"Can we talk?" Sweet Pea asked.
"Umm yeah, sure. Come in." you said moving out of the way allowing him to step into your trailer.
"Sorry, did i interrupt?" Sweet Pea asked looking back and forth between you and Fangs.
"No, i was just about to win, as usual."
"I'll beat you one day, y/n. I'll get going though. We still on for lunch tomorrow?" he asked.
"Yeah, of course!" you hugged him goodbye and shut the door behind him when he left. You took a deep breath and turned to face Sweet Pea who had perched himself on the arm of your couch. You walked over and started picking up the uno cards, putting them back in the box, "So what did you want to talk about?" you asked trying to get all the cards to stack neatly so they'd fit in the box.
"I just wanted to come by and say sorry." he said twiddling his thumbs.
"You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry?" you asked sitting the box of cards on the coffee table.
"I know, it's shitty. You know i'm not good with words or feelings, but i feel like a dick for the way we ended and i'm so sorry because i just let you believe that i didn't want you anymore. But our relationship was toxic." he exclaimed running his hands through his hair.
"Because you made it that way. You were lying to me. You were the cause of all of our fights when i just wanted to know if you were being safe." your voice was loud and it didn't waiver surprising you.
"I know, and i'm sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry and it killed me watching Fangs and Toni put you back together knowing that i was the reason your were in pieces. I just wanted to tell you that what i did was wrong and i know that. I'm not asking you to forgive me, i just wanted you to know." he said, his voice calm but you could tell he was upset.
"Toni slapped me." he murmured.
"What?" you asked confused.
"Do you remember that day Birdie dragged you and slung you into me telling us happy anniversary?" he asked making you nod, "Fangs rushed you out so no one would see you break and Toni stayed behind. She slapped me and then told me off before going after you."
"I didn't want our friends to choose sides. I never asked them too. If that's what you're insinuating." you said picking at your carpet.
"I know you didn't, but that was the moment i realized that i fucked up. All it took was our best friend slapping me across the face to show me how horrible i was being."
"Then why are you coming here now to talk to me? Why not before?" you whispered.
"Because i knew you wouldn't listen to me. You avoided me for the first month, which i don't blame you. I'd avoid me too." he let out a scoff thinking back to how he acted like your breakup meant nothing to him and hid behind his cold exterior pretending to see you break down in tears when someone mentioned the two of you didn't make his heart ache.
"I think i love you more than you ever loved me." you whispered. You felt the emotions run through your body, tears filled your eyes but you didn't let them fall, "but it doesn't matter. You moved on and i have to be okay with that." you looked up at him, "she's beautiful by the way. Toni and Fangs have nothing but nice things to say about her." you said giving him a sad smile but meaning every word you said. He smiled and mumbled a thanks before looking at you.
"Will we ever be able to be friends again?" he asked.
"I don't know. I'm still healing and i don't think i'm there yet." you answered. He nodded in understanding, standing up from the floor making you do the same.
"I should go. I just wanted you to know that i truly am sorry, y/n."
"Can i ask you something before you leave?" you stopped him before he got to the door.
"Yeah, anything." he said sliding his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.
"Why was it so easy for you to let me walk away?" you whispered, a tear slipping down your cheek. He shook his head, knowing that you knew the answer but he didn't want to say it out loud in fear that he would break your fragile heart again.
"Say it. Go ahead, i want to hear you say it out loud so i know that my head isn't making things up. I need to hear you say it so i can move on fully." you cried. Sweet Pea cleared his throat, feeling a knot for in the back of it.
When he spoke his voice was raspy and strained. He struggle to make his eyes meet yours, but he knew you needed to hear him say it or else you wouldn't have asked. His own tears threatening to fall.
"i fell out of love with you."