Y/N's POV
The next few days after the incident went by in a blur. Thomas had been gone for "business reasons," he called it, so I was all alone with my thoughts.
One particular day was too much for me to handle, though.
I woke up from a terrible nightmare about Alexander, and saw a note next to me on the bed. I sighed and picked it up. Thomas had been leaving notes a lot to let me know he was gone.
It read,
My dearest, Y/N,
I'm really sorry for leaving once again. But a really important business meeting has come up. It's a 'can't miss' situation. I hope that you can understand, and I'll be home at my earliest convenience.
Lots of love,
T. Jeff
I sighed once again, crumpling up the letter and imagining that it was Alexander's face. I got up and went to the kitchen, throwing it into the trash can. I looked around for something to do, brushing my hair out of my eyes.
Something that would make my sanity stay a bit longer.
I finally decided to draw. I got out some paper and a pencil. I sketched Thomas with said materials, and it turned out really good. I smiled at my handiwork, and was interrupted by a knock on the door.
It was so loud that it made me fall out of my chair. "Coming," I grumbled, standing up and tiredly walking to the door.
When I opened it, I felt compelled to shut it again.
It was Alex.
"Hey, Y--" he started to say, but I cut him off by actually shutting the door in his face.
My breathing sped up. How could I deal with this? Then, a toxic voice that I knew so well crept into my head.
"This is what happens when you let someone in," it growled, tugging at my brain and rewiring it so that every thought I had was negative.
I panicked. I looked around for some sort of escape. I saw a knife on the kitchen counter, but no. There had to be another way.
While I was contemplating what to do, the voice continued to ramble on.
"You're weak. How could you not deal with this? You're such a disappointment. To everyone. To Thomas."
I let out an agonized wimper. But then I had an idea.
The pills.
The pills!
The anxiety pills!
I pretty much sprinted to my medicine cabinet and began searching frantically for the tablets.
How Thomas didn't know I had the pills, I'll never know. But I'm not exactly complaining.
Finally, my fingers came in contact with the cool plastic of my escape. I smiled insanely and popped the cap off, putting the tablets in my mouth and swallowing them. I admired how they slid down my throat and giggled.
I took a deep breath and started to feel a bit calmer. I walked over to the door and said in an emotionless voice, "I'm sorry, Alexander. I had some business to take care of."
The anxiety medication made me lose about all of my personality, but it was worth it to keep my sanity.
"Oh," Alex said, a slight smile crossing his face. "That's okay."
"So what'd you come here for?" I asked, crossing my arms. My robotic voice even made me startled.
"I came to apologize," Alex answered, his eyes showing remorse. "Y/N, I'm really sorry for what I did. It wasn't right. I shouldn't j ist try to make you fall for me when you don't have those feelings."
I nodded. "It's not, by any means, okay. But I'll think about forgiving you."
Alex's face brightens. "That's all I ask!" He says breathlessly.
I nodded again. "And I will oblige."
Alex cocked his head to the side. "Are you okay, Y/N? You seem really...emotionless."
'That's because I turned to pills to get the thoughts caused by you out of my head,' I thought, mentally scoffing.
But instead of saying something as offensive of that, I snapped, "I'm fine. Now, if you want me to forgive you, you could start by leaving."
Okay, maybe that wasn't much better.
Alex nodded, still looking confused. He started to walk away, but then turned back to me. "Just...don't tell Eliza about what happened."
Then he was off.
Was that his motive all along? To act like he was sorry and then casually make sure I wouldn't tell his wife?
I didn't know. But the mere possibility of that being a reality made me enraged. I didn't accuse him of it, since I could've been wrong.
And I would've told Eliza if I didn't care for her so much. Alex was lucky to have such a good wife.
As much as I hated to keep the secret, I had to. For Eliza's sake.
I sighed with annoyance and went to sit at the kitchen table to...I don't know. But I went to sit at the kitchen table.
As soon as I sat down, the thoughts came back. "You're so weak. Anybody could brush off this experience. Why can't you?"
My palms began to sweat.
"You have to rely on pills to make you sane. You're such a disappointment," the voice continued.
My breathing sped up as did my heart. "Pills? Why aren't you working..?" I said to myself.
It felt as if darkness surrounded my shaking body as the voice got louder and louder. I buried my face in my hands, trying to shake the terrifying thoughts from my broken brain.
No luck. It only got louder. It got so loud that I took a glass vase and threw it to the ground so that my ears would be flooded with a different kind of noise.
The voice vanished as the glass hit the floor in a very violent manner.
But as soon as the scattering of glass across the floor stopped, the voice came back. I sighed and just let it take over my thoughts.
Then, Thomas walked through the front door. There were three reasons I was happy to see him.
One, his entrance silenced the voice.
Two, I missed him.
Three, he would comfort me without even trying.
I looked up at him and smiled fakely. "Hey, Thomas! How was the meeting?"
"Good, good," Thomas answered, smiling as well. He went to walk to...our room, I think? And when he did, he stepped on one of the shards of glass from the vase.
He looked questiongly at the shards. "What happened here?" he asked, pointing to the glass.
I could've done it. I could've told him all about my problems and he would comfort me with open arms.
But I didn't.
I don't know why. There wasn't a specific reason. But whenever I struggle with mental illnesses, I never tell anyone. Unless they see something and I have no choice.
"Oh, I was putting new flowers in it and it fell. I was just about to clean it," I lied with another fake smile.
"Oh, okay. Would you mind cleaning it up? I would, but I'm really tired from the business meeting," Thomas said, rubbing his eyes.
He didn't even give me a chance to answer. He just walked to our room.
I sighed. I was alone with my thoughts once more. I cleaned up the shards from the vase and threw them in the trash.
I sighed once more and walked to my and Thomas' room and saw him passed out on the bed. I chuckled and stared at his adorable figure.
Then the voice crept back in. "You don't deserve him. He hates you, I know he does."
"He hates you."
It was gonna be a long night.