What. The.
"Fuck!" I didn't realize that I said it out loud but I didn't care. I looked left and right like a stupid idiot as Harry stares at me like I'm a pink gorilla.
My brain has stopped working as I couldn't think of a single thing to do right now. Everything is happening in slow motion; I dropped my groceries bag down and took two steps ahead.
No.
My impotent brain told me not to go there.
I turn around and did the most foolish thing. I started running away from Harry. I know I'm not running away from my problems but I can try.
I can notice that Harry is running behind me. I reach a park and can see kids playing, jumping and yelling, and I suddenly feel like going back to those times. I wish I was superman and I could reverse time by running around the earth.
My thoughts are getting worse.
Suddenly I slipped and fell on the grass. It didn't hurt much but I was only concern about not looking up at the green eyed man.
I'm still lying down, staring down at grass and mud.
"Hi." He said.
I finally look up. This is the closest we've been in months. He lay down on the grass next to me as he waits for me to say something.
"You cut your hair." I said.
"You don't like it? Is that why you were running away from me? My hair will grow fast." He said and I chuckled.
The sky is clear blue, beautiful. I can hear the sound of birds chirping, people talking and kids yelling. I turn my head to look at Harry who's looking up at the sky.
"That cloud is so funny." He said, pointing up.
"It looks like a butterfly." I said.
"Are you kidding? It looks like a fan."
"Oh god, no. Your eyes are weird. Now you're going to say that, that cloud does not look like a handbag." I said, pointing at a cloud on our right.
"It looks like a car." He said.
"Car? Really? Where are wheels? Hm? Where are the windows? Where are the seats?"
"I can see all of them." He said. "Look at that one, a cat."
"A t-shirt to me."
"That one looks like 2 hands of two people who are playing rock, paper, and scissor."
"No, that one-. Oh wait, that one does look like that."
"Finally, we agreed on something."
"Thank god."
There was silence for a few minutes, we were looking up at the sky, waiting for someone to start saying something. I spend my minutes, thinking about how I'm going to tell him why I'm here.
I guess I should first ask him why he's here and then extend the conversation as much as I can and then will say that I'm tired and go back to sleep.
Done for today.
"Why are you here, Taylor?" He said first.
Dammit!
"I could ask you the same question."
"But I asked first and that's more important."
I look at him, I know he's right.
"I thought I needed something different."
"You were running away from all the pain." He said.
"I don't know how am I supposed to deal with things. This is what I've always done."
"Taylor look at me. I am here for you. Always. I'll help you with everything."
"You can't always be there."
"I'll be there till you learn to sort things out yourself. I know that you'll get there."
"I don't like being so helpless."
"There's nothing wrong about it. Trust me."
"There are so many things I don't like about myself or about my life and I've realized this that I can't run forever but I don't know what else to do."
"You can start off by accepting. Accept who you are. Accept everything that is going on in your life."
I close my eyes, I need to sort things out. Everything is incomplete and I know that it's going to take some time to finish it all up before I take other steps.
"Also, you need to get back to the reality and not hide here."
I just needed someone to say that.
"Taylor."
"Yeah."
"I think I left my luggage outside your flat." He said.
"And I left my grocery bag there. Shook, let's go there."
"Please tell me you know where we are right now." He said while standing up and taking the grass and mud out from his clothes. I do the same and nod.
I smile.
After a very long time I smiled and it wasn't forced. It was a genuine smile and it was all because of him.
Because he is here to save me.