"Count Altenberg then said, addressing himself to Mr. Percy, on whose regard he seemed to have reliance, and to Mrs. Percy, whom he appeared most anxious to interest in his favour, "You certainly, sir, as a man of penetration, and a father; you, madam, as a mother, and as a lady who must have been accustomed to the admiration of our sex, could not avoid seeing, when I was in this country before, that I felt the highest admiration, that I had formed the strongest attachment for your daughter--Miss Caroline Percy."
[Chapter 39, Patronage by Maria Edgeworth]
The word "Address" meant many things during the early 19th century. In these chapters, I'm particularly referring to the words and names people used in speech.
Forms of address in the early 19th century were far more formal and polite than we are familiar with today. It can make characters sound stuffy and boring to modern readers. Yet this odd formality is one of the things that most appeals to me. The character's names and titles, and the way they are used by family, friend, stranger or new acquaintance, sets any historical story apart from contemporary novels.
The way you addressed a person depended on several factors, such as your relationship with them, your respective ages and their position in society. The higher up the social ladder, the more important formality was seen to be.
I've already covered the basic forms of address when speaking to peers, but this section will cover more general, everyday usage in society.
Sir and Madam
"You must be a great comfort to your sister, sir."
"I hope I am, madam."
"And pray, sir, what do you think of Miss Morland's gown?"
"It is very pretty, madam," said he, gravely examining it; "but I do not think it will wash well; I am afraid it will fray."
[Chapter 3, Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen]
Knights and Baronets were not the only ones you might call Sir. It was a respectful form of address to any gentleman, including total strangers and those you didn't know well.
It was used by servants to address their master or his visitors, unless "My Lord" was more appropriate, and also by children to address their father.
"I do assure you, Sir, that I have no pretension whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable man. I would rather be paid the compliment of being believed sincere."
[Chapter 19, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]
Spoken in friendly tones, along with a smile, "Sir" could be a warm welcome. However, in other circumstances, "Sir" could be used as a snub, or a cold and formal way of showing your displeasure, or creating necessary distance.
"You can have no reason, I imagine, madam," said he, addressing his mother, "for wishing Fanny not to be of the party, but as it relates to yourself, to your own comfort."
[Chapter 8, Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen]
Madam was a respectful way of addressing any adult female. It could be spoken to a mother, an aunt or any lady to whom you were not related. It was an acceptable way for any gentleman to address an unmarried woman with whom he was not well acquainted. Ma'am was a shortened version of Madam.
"Dear madam," cried Mrs. Hill, in great astonishment, "don't you know there is an express come for master from Mr. Gardiner? He has been here this half hour, and master has had a letter. ... they were on the point of seeking him up stairs with their mother, when they were met by the butler, who said, "If you are looking for my master, ma'am, he is walking towards the little copse."
[Chapter 49, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen]
Madam and Ma'am would also be used by servants to address their mistress or female visitors, unless "my lady" was more appropriate.
Mr. (Mister)
A respectful form of address to any gentleman, whether married or single, who does not use any other courtesy title.
The most senior male in the household, without another title, would be addressed as Mr. + surname. Younger males would add their Christian name. For example, if the father of the house was Mr. Smith, then his eldest son might be Mr. John Smith, and his second son could be Mr. Thomas Smith.
However, if the father of the house was Sir Thomas Bertram, then his eldest son would be known as Mr. Bertram, and his second son would be called Mr. Edmund Bertram.
To confuse matters, if the eldest brother was away from home, then the second brother might instead be addressed as Mr. Bertram, as this example from Mansfield Park shows:
"My sister and Mr. Bertram. I am so glad your eldest cousin is gone, that he may be Mr. Bertram again. There is something in the sound of Mr. Edmund Bertram so formal, so pitiful, so younger-brother-like, that I detest it."
[Chapter 22, Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen]
Mrs. (Missis)
During this period, someone calling themselves Mrs did not have to be married. As a short form of Mistress, "Mrs" was also a respectful style of address for an older female who was in a position of authority, or skilled in a particular trade. This is why, during the Regency period, a housekeeper would often be called Mrs. + surname, by her employers and the other servants, whether she was married or not.
"And then the funeral pomp set forth... in honour of the well-preserved maiden fame of Mrs. Margaret Bertram."
[Chapter 37, Guy Mannering by Sir Walter Scott]
Any elderly unmarried woman might also be called "Mrs" as a courtesy; giving her respect due to her advanced years.
Women who married would normally take the title Mrs along with their husband's surname. If they were marrying a plain Mr. Smith, then they would become Mrs Smith.
"The same manners, however, which recommended Mrs. John Dashwood to the good opinion of Lady Middleton did not suit the fancy of Mrs. Jennings, and to her she appeared nothing more than a little proud-looking woman, of uncordial address, who met her husband's sisters without any affection, and almost without having anything to say to them."
[Chapter 34, Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen]
If you had a family with more than one son, there was a way of identifying which "wife" you were addressing. When brothers John Smith and Thomas Smith married, their wives would be Mrs John Smith and Mrs Thomas Smith. This would also avoid them being mistaken for Mrs Smith, their mother-in-law. Likewise, the Mrs John Dashwood mentioned above would never be mistaken for her mother-in-law, who would always be known as Mrs Dashwood.
The only time this did not happen was if the new wife already had a courtesy title from her father that was of higher status than her husband. One example of this was Mr. Darcy's parents, who were Mr. Darcy and Lady Anne Darcy. Because Lady Anne was the daughter of an earl, she kept her "Lady Anne" courtesy when she married a plain "Mr", so would never have been addressed as Mrs Darcy.
Miss
"You and Miss Smith, and Miss Fairfax, will be three, and the two Miss Coxes five; and for five couple there will be plenty of room."
[Chapter 29, Emma by Jane Austen]
Before the mid 1700s, "Miss" only referred to a young girl who was not yet an adult, but by the end of the 18th century it could also refer to any woman who was not married, no matter how old they were.
The eldest daughter was always identified as Miss + surname, and any younger sisters were addressed as Miss + first name and surname, or sometimes just Miss + first name if they are in familiar company.
Using the Bennet sisters as an example, Jane would be addressed as Miss Bennet, being the eldest, and then her sisters would be Miss Elizabeth Bennet, Miss Mary Bennet, Miss Catherine Bennet and Miss Lydia Bennet. In a less formal environment, particularly among friends and neighbours they know well, or when speaking to the family's servants, they might be referred to as Miss Lizzy, Miss Mary, Miss Kitty and Miss Lydia.
"My dear Jane, make haste and hurry down. He is come -- Mr. Bingley is come. -- He is, indeed. Make haste, make haste. Here, Sarah, come to Miss Bennet this moment, and help her on with her gown. Never mind Miss Lizzy's hair.''
[Chapter 55, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen]
Once Jane and Elizabeth Bennet were both married, Mary Bennet would then be the eldest unmarried sister, and she would be introduced and addressed as Miss Bennet from that point on.
However, in a situation where a younger daughter was away from home, then she would have been identified as Miss + surname. This happened in Pride and Prejudice when Elizabeth visited the Collins' in Kent, and during her stay was addressed as Miss Bennet, rather than Miss Elizabeth Bennet because she was the only Bennet daughter in Kent:
"I have told Miss Bennet several times, that she will never play really well, unless she practises more; and though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to Rosings every day, and play on the piano forte in Mrs. Jenkinson's room."
[Chapter 31, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen]
Master
"I heard to-day from Mr. Wilmot, riding with the Master Wilmots, 'reading, pondering and prospering'."
[Letter from Harriet, Countess Granville to Lady G Morpeth, written 2nd September 1820]
Where a young girl was styled "Miss", a young boy could be addressed as "Master". Samuel Johnson's dictionary, published in 1784, gives one definition of Master as "Young Gentleman" without suggesting a specific age. The time at which a man went from Master to Mr depended on the circumstances and the person who was addressing him.
Family members rarely used this term to describe their own relatives when talking between themselves. It was usually neighbours, friends and servants who would address male children as Master + surname or Master + first name depending on the relationship. A servant, who had known someone since childhood, was more likely to use the latter form:
"...the old nursery-maid of the family, one who having brought up all the children, and seen the very last, the lingering and long-petted Master Harry, sent to school after his brothers, was now living in her deserted nursery."
[Chapter 13, Persuasion by Jane Austen]
This form of address was usually replaced with "Mr" once the young man completed school and entered society. The main exception would be the older servants who had known him as a child and still thought of him as the "young master", no matter how old he actually was.
Other people who might be addressed as "Master" included anyone who employed servants or apprentices, and ship captains.
Addressing Parents and Grandparents
"They are going to be encamped near Brighton; and I do so want papa to take us all there for the summer! It would be such a delicious scheme, and I dare say would hardly cost any thing at all. Mamma would like to go too, of all things!"
[Chapter 39, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]
While Mama and Papa were common forms of address for parents, there is also examples in Jane Austen's novels of Elizabeth Bennet addressing her mother as "ma'am":
"Another time, Lizzy," said her mother, "I would not dance with him, if I were you."
"I believe, Ma'am, I may safely promise you never to dance with him."
[Chapter 5, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]
Mother and Father might sound formal to our modern ears, but it was a frequent form of address at this time. Although particularly common between grown-up sons and their parents, it could be used by any age group. In his letters, Lord Byron addressed his doting parent as "Mother" or "Madam".
"Fanny desires her love to you, her love to grandpapa, her love to Anna, and her love to Hannah; the latter is particularly to be remembered. Edward desires his love to you, to grandpapa, to Anna, to little Edward, to Aunt James and Uncle James, and he hopes all your turkeys and ducks and chicken and guinea fowls are very well."
[Letter from Jane Austen to her sister Cassandra, 11th June 1800]
Grandpapa and Grandmama were common forms of address, particularly with children. Grandfather and Grandmother were similarly common, but more often used by adults rather than children.
Just like today, all families were different, and some were more strict and formal than others, but even in informal households, no parent or grandparent would be addressed by their Christian name.
Addressing Aunts and Uncles
"My dear aunt, you cannot wish me to do differently from what I have done, I am sure. You cannot wish me to marry; for you would miss me, should not you? Yes, I am sure you would miss me too much for that."
[Chapter 33, Mansfield Park by Jane Austen]
Through novels of the time, it seems that the most common way of addressing an Aunt was either on its own, as shown in the example above, or with the addition of their surname.
Fanny speaks of her Aunt Norris in Mansfield Park, while Lydia Bennet refers to her Aunt Phillips in Pride and Prejudice. In Maria Edgeworth's novels, Belinda talks about her Aunt Stanhope and Lady Gabriella speaks of her titled aunt using her title:
"Now that is a shocking thing for us; but the most provoking part of the business is, that mamma won't let my aunt Pierrepoint present us. Why, when she cannot or will not go to the drawing-room herself, what could be more proper, you know, than to let us be presented by Lady Pierrepoint?"
[Almeria, Tales and Novels vol. V, by Maria Edgeworth]
In most examples, Uncles were addressed as, or referred to, as "Uncle", without a surname, but there are a few examples of the surname being used.
"Do you know, mama, that my uncle Philips talks of turning away Richard, and if he does, Colonel Forster will hire him. My aunt told me so herself on Saturday."
[Chapter 14, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]
Another way of referring to an uncle was by his position. This wasn't so much how you would address an uncle directly, but how he might be described to a third person. In Pride and Prejudice, Miss Bingley refers to Darcy's "great uncle, the judge." Guy Mannering describes his uncles in a similar manner:
"My uncle, the bishop, would have had me in orders, and offered me a living; my uncle, the merchant, would have put me into a counting-house, and proposed to give me a share in the thriving concern of Mannering and Marshall, in Lombard Street. So, between these two stools, or rather these two soft, easy, well-stuffed chairs of divinity and commerce, my unfortunate person slipped down, and pitched upon a dragoon saddle."
[Chapter 12, Guy Mannering, by Sir Walter Scott]
Away from her novels, the letters written by Jane Austen give us a less formal view of uncles and aunts. Her own nieces refer to Jane and her sister as "Aunt Jane" and "Aunt Cassandra". When writing to her nieces, Jane referred to her brothers as "Uncle Henry and "Uncle Charles".
Two women who married into the Austen family were referred to by their husband's name. The wife of Francis Austen was "Aunt Frank" to her nephews and nieces, while the wife of James Austen was "Aunt James". As both these ladies had the first name Mary, it might have been a way to avoid the confusion of having two Aunt Mary's.
The difference between having an "Aunt Jane" or an "Aunt Austen" might have been as simple as how close the family were, and how often they saw each other. Some families would have been more formal and distant than the Austens, and even the Austen family might have been more respectful to aunts and uncles of their parent's generation.
Addressing Husbands and Wives
"Oh! Mr. Bennet, you are wanted immediately; we are all in an uproar. You must come and make Lizzy marry Mr. Collins"
[Chapter 20, Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen]
Unlike today, it would not have been considered too formal for a wife to address her husband as "Mr." in speech. In Pride and Prejudice, we never discover Mr and Mrs Bennet's christian names, because they only address each other formally as Mr. Bennet and Mrs Bennet, or as "my dear".
Yet, not every married couple was so formal. When Mr. Elton introduces his new bride to the neighbourhood, Harriet observes that he calls his wife by her Christian name, and it seems likely that younger newlyweds might address each other by name where a long-married couple might not:
"To know that he has not thrown himself away, is such a comfort!-- She does seem a charming young woman, just what he deserves. Happy creature! He called her 'Augusta.' How delightful!"
[Chapter 32, Emma, by Jane Austen]
Similarly, the newly married Lady Juliana and Henry Douglas also address each other by diminutive names:
"Shall I be your Abigail?" asked her husband, smiling at the distress; "me thinks it would be no difficult task to deck my Julia."
"Dear Harry, will you really dress me? Oh! That will be delightful! I shall die with laughing at your awkwardness;" and her beautiful eyes sparkled with childish delight at the idea."
[Chapter 3, Matrimony, by Susan Ferrier]
And in this final example of a titled husband and wife—Lord and Lady Avondale—the husband uses his wife's Christian name, while she addresses him by his title:
"I think, Avondale, without flattery, you are in the list whom I would die to save; whom I would bear every torture and ignominy to support and render happy."
"Try then, my Calantha," said Lord Avondale, "to render them so; for, believe me, there is no agony so great as to remember that we have caused one moment's pang to such as have been kind to us."
[Chapter 19, Glenarvon, by Lady Caroline Lamb]
Edited to add: details of the "Master" style of address
[Image: An illustration by C. E. Brock, from Pride and Prejudice, pub. 1895, showing the moment Sir William Lucas addresses Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy: "My dear Miss Eliza, why are not you dancing? -- Mr. Darcy, you must allow me to present this young lady to you as a very desirable partner."]