A/N You know the ringing sound that censors cuss words? (Saying "cuss words" makes me feel like a little kid.) Whenever you see asterisks (***), it symbolizes the censor sound.
~~~
Camp Half Blood
P.S. Can you update any slower, Author? ~DP
After bursting into the room and making his weird statements, the man froze.
"What's going on?" Percy asked.
"Shhh!" The man hissed. He glanced at the readers and grinned. "Oh, nevermind. We're back! Hey guys! It's been a while! I didn't think the author could write any slower."
Piper glanced at Annabeth, "Who's he talking to?" Annabeth just shrugged.
The stranger turned to Percy. "Were you saying something? Go ahead, man."
Percy gave the stranger a weird look before continuing his question. "You were talking about the 'Author'? 'Voting'? 'Chapters'? Like in a book?"
The man started laughing. "Sorry, sorry. Keep going! Sometimes I just forget that you guys don't know!"
"Know what?" the son of Poseidon asked, lowering his voice conspiratorily.
The man straightened suddenly. "Uh, 'nothing'."
Percy frowned. "I'd believe you, but the air quotes are kinda suspicious. . . " He eyed the stranger curiously, ". . . are we in a book?"
Annabeth snorted. "That's impossible."
The man snorted back. "So are superpowers. Your point?"
Jason sighed. "Why is this our priority right now? We don't even know this guy's name!"
"Oh ****! I forgot that you guys don't know! Some of the readers figured it out right away! But none of you?" The man stuck out a hand. "I'm Wade, but my friends call me Deadpool." He frowned. "Wait a minute. My enemies call me that, too. . . "
"What was that strange ringing sound, mutant?" Thor asked.
"Huh? Oh, that was the ******. It ******* me whenever I push a button."
"What?" Bruce asked.
Leo grinned. "That's a ******, isn't it? Like in the *******?" He stared at Deadpool in a mix of confusion and awe. "Did you just ****** me?"
Annabeth gasped. "Oh! It's a ******. I should have realized it sooner. Maybe if I'd watched more ****** as a kid."
Nico's brow furrowed. "What's going on?"
"I. . . I'm not sure," Hazel replied, frowning.
Steve narrowed his eyes. "I get the feeling that somehow, this is offensive."
"****! You guys are from the past!" Deadpool exclaimed. "You don't have a ******* clue what's going on!"
Steve glared at the stranger. "Will you stop that?"
"I am very perplexed," Thor stated. "What is this ringing sound? Is this your power, mutant?"
Deadpool stared at him. "No, it's a ******."
"A what?" Thor asked.
Sadie sighed. "A censor. Like how they bleep out curse words in movies."
"****! I didn't expect you to say it!" Deadpool said.
"So you were censoring the words 'censor' and 'movies' to confuse us?" Bruce asked.
Deadpool laughed. "Yeah. And it was ******* hilarious!"
"You can stop. We understand the joke now," Steve said.
"Oh, no. That was actually a cuss," Deadpool sounded like he was smirking beneath the mask. "I don't like using self control, so I just push this button instead of mentally censoring myself."
"Doesn't that just take more work?" Carter asked.
Deadpool shrugged. "But I can still cuss this way."
Steve frowned. "I don't think I like this guy."
"I told you we wouldn't get along," Deadpool sing-songed.
"Deadpool! What is taking so long down there?" A man's deep voice called in a Russian accent.
"Uh. . . I'm pooping!" Deadpool called. "They think I'm finding the bathroom," he whispered.
Loud footsteps clanked down the steps. "I don't believe you." A large, silver man appeared at the base of the stairs. Despite the impossibilities, the man looked to be completely made of metal. He glanced around the room, then glared at Deadpool. "This doesn't look like the restroom."
Deadpool shrugged. "I got lost? Why do you ******* care, anyway?"
The man sighed. "I know that you're censoring yourself, but language, please. We are here to help these people, not torment them."
Steve nodded at the man. "I like this guy. What's your name?"
"Colossus," the man said.
"Are you a mutant, too?" Leo asked.
"Yes, I am," Colossus replied. "There are more of us upstairs. We have come to help you win your fight."
Deadpool snorted. "I'm sure we'll be marvelous help." He glanced at the readers, "Pun absolutely intended, by the way."
Annabeth chose to ignore Deadpool and focus on Colossus. "Can you explain how mutants' powers work?"
Colossus nodded. "Of course. Our powers came into existence when-"
Deadpool gasped loudly and pointed to Hazel. "Guys, I just realized that Cable's racism might be a problem here." He swung his finger around to gesture to Carter, then Frank, then. . . Well, then Annabeth and Steve both shot him withering looks, and he finally lowered his hand.
Colossus sighed. "We've been over this.
Hazel's eyes narrowed. "Racism?"
Deadpool glanced around again. "You guys are just so diverse! Cable's gonna have a ******* field day!"
"What are you talking about?" Another man asked from the stairway. He was on the shorter side with close-cropped hair and a metal arm. A large gun was slung over his shoulder.
"That's Cable," Deadpool introduced. "He doesn't like diversity."
"For the last time, Black Tom was white!" Cable growled.
"Cable killed a felon named Black Tom. He was white, but as you can see, Deadpool refuses to let it go," Colossus explained quietly.
Deadpool clucked disapointedly at Cable. "Why can't you open your heart? White isn't the only color out there. You should try to understand how people feel. Tell him how you feel, Frank."
Frank blinked. "Uh. . . what?"
"Exactly," Deadpool nodded. "Frank - this beautiful Korean man - is so appalled by your blatant racism that he's ignoring it and giving you a second chance."
"Um, I'm Chinese," Frank interjected.
"Now Cable, will you apologize?"
"I didn't do anything wrong," Cable said.
"Wade," Colossus interjected, "maybe another time."
"Why can't we do this right now?" Deadpool asked.
"Because no one wants to listen to your bull****." A woman entered the room this time. She had a dark, frizzy afro and dark skin. A birhmark overlapped her left eye. She smiled at the room of confused demigods, magicians, and superheroes. "Hi! I'm Domino!"
A heavyset teenage boy stood behind her. "Russell," he said in a New Zealand accent.
"Are there any other mutants upstairs?" Piper asked.
Domino shook her head. "Nope!"
"You guys want to know how our powers work, right?" Deadpool asked.
"That is why we asked you to come," Sadie said.
Deadpool shrugged. "They just appear because of mutations in our genes."
Annabeth frowned. "Are there any weaknesses? Any limits to your powers?"
Deadpool laughed. "No. None at all!"
"That is not entirely true," Colossus interjected.
"What, like if you kill me enough I'll stop dying?" the red-clad hero asked sarcastically.
"He automatically heals from basically everything," Domino told the confused heroes.
Colossus sighed. "Deadpool is not very good at explaining the nature of our powers. I will answer your questions, so please, ask as much as you like."
~~~
"Let me get this straight," Percy said. "Your genes have actually mutated, and something, like stress or whatever, awakens these genes and gives you powers?"
Domino shrugged. "Sounds right."
"You can't give us any specific information on the three mutants who attacked us?" Connor asked.
"Not unless we've met 'em before. Some mutants have similar powers, but there are a lot of different ones out there," Cable replied.
"But can use these special collars to nullify their powers?" Bruce asked, holding up a bulky electronic collar.
"I hate those," Russell grimaced, "but yeah, they get rid of our powers as long as we're wearing them."
Jason glanced around the room. "Should we prepare for another attack?"
Steve nodded. Leo smirked mischievously and flashed a thumbs up. Sadie grinned confidently.
"I guess. . . " Annabeth said hesitantly.
Percy stared at her. "What's wrong?"
"Well, I just. . . I still feel a little uneasy about the mutants. We understand them a little better now, and we're more prepared to fight them, but we still don't have a clue what that third girl - Nervous Wreck - can do."
"You're right," Nico said, "but we can't wait much longer. Thanks to Loki and Set, New York grows worse by the day. We have to stop them."
Will Solace burst into the room, completely ignoring the newcomers. His face held a mix of emotions - excited, anxious. . . hopeful?
"What's wrong?" Clint asked. "Is Nat okay?"
Will nodded slowly. "She's. . . fine. A little shaky, but that's expected."
The heroes just stared at him. Clint took a breath. "You mean. . . "
"She just woke up, and she has a story you need to hear."