Chris
"Are you doing ok Ms. Collin?" The nurse asked.
"I'm fine" She said.
"You haven't touch your food yet" The nurse said again.
"I said I'm fine"
The nurse looked at me and then back at Ranae then nodded and walked out.
"Ranae you need to eat something" I said.
"I'm not hungry... I ain't eating for two anymore so don't worry"
"I know but it's for your health now"
"I don't care"
She started playing with her nails. I sighed and sat back in the chair.
"When you going to tell your mother?" I asked.
"I'm not"
"What you mean?" I said looking at her.
"I mean I am but not right now, it's not a good time"
"No you need to tell her today, she deserves to know what happen"
"Please Chris don't get on my nerves today, seriously. I'm not in the mood, if I don't want to tell my mom today I don't have to"
"You right"
I wasn't even about to do this with her. Clearly we both going through some really tough shit right now and this the last thing I feel like doing right now. I stood up, gave her a kiss on her forehead and left.
I got in my car and went back to the house to shower and get dress and get some of her belongings. After I was done, I went out to grab some breakfast then went over to Mijo crib.
When I knocked on the door Reese answered and I walked in.
"This nigga always over here" I mumbled.
"Man fuck up"
I made my way to his kitchen table and sat down to eat my food.
"What you up to bro?" Reese asked.
"Shit"
"How's Baby mom?"
"Wassup niggas!!" Mijo yelled walking in.
"Shit" I said again.
"Where Tisha?" Reese asked Mijo.
"Upstairs sleep, I'm about to wake that ass up"
"Who Tisha?" I asked biting into my sandwich.
"Some slida I grabbed at the club yesterday night"
"Oh"
"So how's my bestie and the baby? I know you one happy nigga" Mijo asked taking his blunt out.
I sipped my juice and continue eating.
"This nigga Chris really about to be a father, I don't think the world is ready for this" Reese said.
"Real shit all your fans slash girlfriends bouta be so hurtttt"
"Nigga leave team Breezy alone" Reese added.
"What it's true but foreal Chris, how you feel about becoming a dad?"
I shrugged and kept eating.
"Nigga if you don't talk"
"I don't know how it will feel being a father and I'm not" I took another sip.
"Huh?" Mijo said.
"So what you saying is, the seed ain't yours?" Reese asked.
"Nah it was mine"
"Wait see now you confusing me, what the hell is going on"
"Me and Nae rushed to the hospital last night because she was in pain and comes to find out she.."
It was so hard saying it out loud.
"We lose the baby."
Mijo and Reese jaw dropped.
"Bro word? That's so fucking crazy, I'm so sorry...oh my gosh" Mijo said.
"Chris, I'm sorry but how did it happen?"
"Umbilical cord accident"
"Damn my bad bro"
I nodded and sip my drink.
"So what you doing for the rest of the day?" Mijo asked.
"I don't know might just go home"
"Why you not going back to the hospital?"
"I was but Nae in there tripping"
"But she need you right now"
"We both going through it and she being petty and I just don't have time right now, my mind fucked up"
"I understand, you can stay here if you want"
"Nah imma just go home" I got up and threw my trash away and left out.
I rushed home and went straight to where my weed was. It been a while since I rolled up since Nae was pregnant. I was about to get so highhh, I didn't want to feel nothing right now.
Ranae
I flipped through the tv channels getting frustrated because I couldn't find anything that was on to watch. I didn't have my phone on me so I couldn't call anyone and I didn't know Kait number by heart UGHHH. I laid back, and without thinking, put my hands on my belly and started rubbing it.
"I'm so sorry angel" I whispered.
"Excuse me Ms.Collin?"
I saw the doctor come in. He had a fake baby wrapped in a blue blanket and I was highly confused.
"I know it look crazy but from our experience with patients who experience what you experience, we tried a method that somewhat work. We give a fake baby to them and actually let them express their feelings on how they feel if the baby did make it. This actually helps a little believe me but if you don't want to try it I understand I know it's kind of weird.."
"You have to be kidding" I squinted at him.
"No ma'am this is not a joke"
"I agree it's weird... but I'll try I guess"
"Ok here you go"
He put the baby doll in my arms as if it was real.
"I'll give you two some alone time"
He left the room. I looked around the room and then at the baby.
"Umm...uh...hey...it's your mommy?"
I can't do this I thought to myself. This was crazy ass idea. I shook my head and thought for a minute.
"Ok" I took a deep breath.
I held the doll tight and closed my eyes and pictured a real baby in my arms.
"Chris Maurice Brown Junior... yea that was your name I'm your mommy..well I was. I didn't carry you for a long time but when I was for those few months you made me and daddy so happy. Daddy knew you was a boy" I chuckled.
"Everyone couldn't wait till you was born. We was going to spoil you and take you to the park and get ice cream and then it will be your first day at school and you would tell me how your day was and what you learn because I like to hear that. Then middle school and off to high school you go. Daddy would try to teach you how to get girls, I know he would because he just seem like he's that type of dad" I chuckled again but then I got sad.
"But now that can never happen and I'm so so sorry" I broke down.
"It's ok because everything is going to be ok God is coming to watch over you now, you'll love him I promise" I wiped my eyes and nose.
My baby is going to be ok.
Hours went pass and I finally agreed to eat something, so I had dinner and then just sat there bored as ever watching tv. I wonder where Chris was, I knew he was upset but I didn't know he was gon leave me here.
I noticed I had to pee now and slowly got out of bed. I didn't have nothing attach to me now so it wouldn't be difficult to walk around. I slipped on the hospital slippers and grabbed a pad from the counter then walked out the room. I looked at the signs on the wall directing me towards the restroom. When I made it I went in and locked the door behind me.
As I went to the bathroom, I tried to ignore looking at it since I was bleeding a lot due to the miscarriage. After I was finish doing everything I walked back to the room and got back in bed.
I thought Chris would be back by now, I didn't know he would've just left me here lonely like this. I looked at the clock and it was going on 11 pm. I didn't have anything else to do so I minds well just go to sleep.
I got comfortable and fixed my pillow behind me and then but the other pillow on my side and put my arm around it as if I was cuddling. Even if it wasn't a person I still wanted to cuddle because it felt comfortable. I close my eyes and slowly drifted off.
About a half hour later I heard talking in the room but it wasn't from the tv. I opened my eyes but I didn't move. When they kept talking I noticed it was Chris. He was holding my hand but I was turned the opposite way from him so I didn't know exactly what was going on.
"Yea, I'm here now why?.... man are you serious?.... do they know the whole story?.... ok thanks for telling me.... ok I will bye" I heard him sigh and then kiss my hand.
I finally turned my head and looked at him.
"Chris?"
He looked at me and his eyes was red but it looked like he was high rather than crying.
"Baby"
He tried to give me a kiss but I turned my head.
"Are you high?"
"Maybe..yea"
I wasn't going to start with him and I'm not, I didn't feel like it right now so I turned back over and tried to go back to sleep.
"Ranae can you talk to me"
"Goodnight Chris"
"Come on, our son just died and we haven't talked about it yet"
I quickly looked at him.
"Maybe if you actually stayed with me we could've but I guess you had better things to do"
"I don't feel like this right now" he mumbled.
"And you think I do? Like I said goodnight and if you don't want to stay you're free to leave"
I pulled my hand back from his and turned back around.
"Goodnight" He said.
-
The next day came and I couldn't wait till all this was over with and I was back home in my own bed. Chris went and got us some breakfast and also brung my phone and fresh clothes for when I'm out.
"You ok?" He asked.
"Yea" I nodded and started eating my breakfast sandwich.
I grabbed my phone and unlocked it. Before I could do what I was about to do Chris interrupted.
"I need to tell you something"
"What?"
"Can you put your phone down"
I put my phone down and gave him my attention.
"Last night my manager called me notifying that a story was going to be release this morning about you being in the hospital"
"What? Do they know what happen??"
"I don't think so all they know is that you're in the hospital"
I nodded. Well I guess I need to call my mother now. I grabbed my phone and dialed her number.
"Hello"
"Hey ma"
"Hey angel why haven't you return any of my phone calls?"
"Uhh ma I need to tell you something"
"Ok I'm listening"
"I'm in the hospital"
"Why? Are you ok? You didn't go into labor did you because it's too early, is everything ok?"
"Can you come to the hospital now or you're busy?"
"Um yea I'm free right now is everything alright??"
"I'll talk to you when you get here hurry"
I ended the phone call and put the phone in my lap. Chris stared at me until I looked at him.
"You ok?" He asked.
"I will be"
I began to feel the cramps coming back but they not that sharp yet.
About ten minutes later she called me.
"Hello?"
"Yea where are you?"
"Chris will go and get you, he's coming"
"Ok"
Chris left the room and I closed my eyes. I took deep breathes. My mother is going to be so heartbroken, again. A min later she walked in with Chris behind her and ran to me.
"Is everything ok? I came as quick as I can"
"Ma sit down"
She looked at me for a sec then nodded.
"I'll be back, I'll leave y'all two alone" Chris said walking out.
"So are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?"
"Ma... I lost the baby"
She gasped and covered her mouth.
"No no no"
"It was a umbilical cord accident and yes I still have to give birth to him when he's ready to pass through"
"He?.."
I nodded and smiled.
"Chris wanted a baby boy"
"Yeaa"
"I'm so sorry Ranae I'm truly am"
"Don't be ma it's not your fault or anybodies it was a accident"
"I know but I'm just so sorry, with everything you went through this adds on"
"I'll be ok don't worry, I just wanted to tell you before you seen it anywhere else because they know I'm in the hospital" I reached for her hand.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I knew it will break your heart because I know you was really looking forward to this"
"I know angel but I can take it, you don't have to second guess about telling me anything ok?"
I nodded.
"Well are you hungry or anything? You want me to go get you something?"
"No I'm ok, mom you don't have to stay go home please I'll call you if something happen"
"Are you sure?.."
"Yes positive"
"Ok but I'll call later today and tonight and come back tomorrow"
"Ok"
She kissed me on my forehead and told me she love me and left.
A couple hours went by and the pain increased causing me to be highly uncomfortable. Chris was right next to me eating a donut from the donut box he brought while I ate a fruit cup they put on my tray in front of me along with a glass of water.
A sharp pain shot through and the pain was on.
I hate being in physical pain so of course my ass started crying I didn't like this shit.
"Chris?" I mumbled turning over.
"What's wrong?"
"Call my mother"
"You ok?" He said chewing on the donut.
"Put the fucking donut down you fat ass and call her!!" I snapped.
"Yes ma'am"
I never saw this nigga move so fast.
"And get the nurse"
"You have a napkin over there-"
"CHRIS"
He quickly got up and ran out the room. I held my stomach and began taking deep breathes. I was getting hot and tried to remove the blanket but the tray was blocking so I threw it on the floor. I sat up and remove the blankets. Shortly I saw Chris and the doctor come in.
"How you feeling Ms.Collin?" He said rushing to me.
Two nurses came in and one noticed the mess I made and started cleaning up the pieces.
"I'm really in pain but the pain is sharper"
"She's ready" he told the nurse and she ran out the room.
"Ok Ranae I want you to continue deep breathing"
"Your mama said she was on the way" Chris said.
I nodded and continue breathing. The doctor put his gloves on and his mask.
"Ok Ranae this is going to be fast I just need you push it out for me, can you do that?"
"Ok" I said nodding.
Chris held my hand and stared at me.
"Stop freaking staring at me" I said through gritted teeth.
"Yes ma'am"
He quickly put his attention on what was going on down there.
"Push!"
I pushed as hard as I could.
"I see it, push one more time!"
I push one last time and squeezed Chris hand.
"Got it"
I felt the baby exit my body and now it was over.
No awes, no baby noises , no cries just silent.
"Do you want to hold the baby?" The doctor ask.
"No" I said looking up at the ceiling trying to not look at it.
"How about you sir?"
"No please just get it out of here I'm begging you" I said again.
"Ok ma'am"
I heard scuffles but I refused to look until it was out of the room. I covered my face with my hands and started to cry. My mom ran in and immediately figured it was over. She walked toward me with opened arms and hugged me holding me tight.
"You going to be ok angel"
I looked over at chris who was sitting in the chair in the corner. He was staring at the floor then I saw him wipe his eye.
The nurses was cleaning up everything and taking things out the room.
"So, we're going to run an exam on you later on in the process to make sure your healing properly and then you will be the path to recovery and we will release you when we think you're ready. Once again, I'm so sorry for your lost" The doctor said looking at me and Chris.
"I'll be back to discuss more things referring to right now situation. Mom can I see you for a moment? If you don't mind " He asked.
"Umm Ranae are y-"
"You good ma, go ahead"
"You sure?"
I nodded.
She left the room and now it was just me and Chris in this silence. I wasn't even going to say nothing I just didn't have energy.
I closed my eyes and put my head back trying to think of something other than what was going on right now.
"Nae"
I quickly looked up and saw Chris standing in front me and I can tell he was crying.
"I saw him..I'm so sorry"
"No" I felt more tears coming.
I put his head on my chest and we both just cried. I rubbed his head and held him tightly.
My boy was in paradise now.
_________________________
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