ESME'S POV
FRIDAY 20th OCTOBER 2017
"What?" I gasped at him and watched him stand up and look down at me.
"What if I said I was ready for... something? I don't know, just something with you," he asked me and I found myself standing up in front of him and keeping my gaze locked with his.
"Why are you saying this now? Why didn't you say that before? I'm with Wren now, I can't just leave him for you because that's not fair!" I sighed to him with my heart pounding heavily in my chest.
"It's also not fair to lead him on when you like someone else," he raised an eyebrow at me and I stepped back slightly. He was completely right and I didn't want to admit that to myself because Wren had done everything right and I didn't want to hurt him at all.
"How do you know I don't like him?" I asked quietly, I was scared if I was any louder that someone would hear. Something bad would happen.
"The way you look at him, Angel. It's not the way you look at me and I know you like me, I know you want to like him because he's the safe option, he can make you happy and never hurt you but I'm the one you want. Why can't you just accept that?" Hurt flashed in his eyes but I looked away.
"I don't want to be hurt, though. I want to be with Wren because he cares about me enough to never hurt me, you're bad news and I knew that when I started talking to you but now I'm here and I know I shouldn't be with someone who is bad for me," I told him.
"But you don't like him Esme!" He almost yelled at me. "Can you seriously look at me and say to my face that you don't want me? If you can do that then I will leave you alone and I will avoid you at all costs, I promise," he held his hands in the air defensively.
I couldn't say it. I didn't want him to leave me alone because he was the most interesting and stable thing in my life, he supported me whilst also not trying to "save" me of my anxiety (unlike Wren sometimes) so maybe he was right for me in that way. I didn't know! "Are you alright out here Esme?" I looked around and saw Wren approaching us.
"I thought so," Kyle whispered at me and I avoided his gaze.
"Everything is fine Wren, Kyle was just checking I was okay," I lied to him and he nodded. "I'm tired, do you mind taking me home?" I asked him and he looked behind him at the house.
"We only just got here Es, just stay a bit longer. You'll really enjoy the party!" He tried to persuade me, I could tell he wanted to stay but I could not stand to go back in there.
"It's fine, I'll just walk back alone. Are you still going to come over later?" I asked him and he shrugged.
"Maybe, I don't want to wake you up though," he smiled.
"You're actually going to let her walk home alone in the pitch black? What kind of boyfriend does that?" Kyle snorted and Wren immediately glared at Kyle in response.
"She is able to walk by herself, she doesn't need to hold my hand at all times," Wren rolled his eyes.
"It's eleven o'clock on a Friday night, we're not exactly in the safest neighbourhood and you're not even going to walk her home and then come back?" Kyle rolled his eyes and laughed. "I'll take you home, Angel. It seems you need to know what it's like to be treated right by a guy."
Wren walked forwards and shoved Kyle's chest. "Do not call my girlfriend Angel," he spat at him. "I will walk her home, just piss off!" He snapped.
"Wren, stop it!" I yelled at him and pulled him off of Kyle. "You obviously want to stay here so Kyle can take me home. It'll be easier if you just get a cab home, I'll see you on Monday," I sighed and turned to head to Kyle's car.
"Bye Wren," Kyle sung over at him and I almost felt like screaming at him also but I walked straight towards Kyle's car and stand at the door until he unlocked it for me. "What a jackass," Kyle muttered to himself as he unlocked the car doors so that we could both climb in.
I looked out of the window at Wren watching us and felt angry, he knew I got anxious in social situations and as my boyfriend should be okay if I needed to leave? I always tell him I don't need him to "save me" in any way but I do need the support of my friends and my family to get through the anxiety. "Why are you even with him?" Kyle sighed and started up the car.
I was silent in response and leaned my head against the window.
The car moved down the familiar road towards our house and I was recognising the houses as we approached the house quickly. Seeing as it was a short drive back to the house we were there fast and I was able to immediately climb out of the car.
"Angel," Kyle called out to me.
I sighed and turned to face him. "What? Do you want to tell me I'm a bad person for being with Wren? Or say I don't actually like him? What are you trying to achieve? You didn't want me so why does this matter?" I almost yelled at him with my voice cracking.
He fell silent. "I don't know what I want," he shook his head at me. "We are so different and our lives are so different, but something about you makes me want to change everything I've done in the past. I don't know what, I don't know what to do Angel."
"How many girls have you used that on?" I scoffed with a roll of my eyes.
"I haven't ever said shit like that Esme and you know it," his voice sounded hurt and angry at what I had said.
"Well what do you want me to do Kyle? I'm with Wren and he makes me happy, why would I give that all up for a guy who doesn't know what he wants and that I don't know if I can trust?" I shrugged.
"You don't want him, that's why. You want me and we both know it," he stepped forwards so that my back was pressed against the rough brick exterior of the house and his hands snaked their way to my waist. "Tell me to stop and I will," he breathed and leaned down to brush his lips against mine.
Every part of me wanted to press my lips against his and wrap my legs around his waist like I was in a damn romance movie but I had a boyfriend and as much as I was confused in that minute I was not the type of girl to go behind my boyfriend's back like that. I placed a hand lightly on Kyle's chest and pushed him back so that he was forced to step away.
"I have a boyfriend, Kyle," I said quietly before moving to the front door and letting myself in. I couldn't see or hear Danielle as I walked in and so I moved straight upstairs to my bedroom where I threw my bag on the floor and then peeled the uncomfortable costume from my body. I pulled on some flannel shorts and a tank top before collapsing onto my bed in a heap of tiredness.
I dug my phone out from my bag and opened it up to see a text from Wren.
Wren: hope you got home safe beautiful. see u monday xx
I was honestly quite mad at him and so decided to just exit out of his message and start scrolling through the pictures I had taken with Jenna earlier in the night and smiled to myself because of how happy I looked. I heard Kyle's bedroom door slam and quickly looked over at my own shut door.
I was about to place my phone down onto my night stand to get ready for bed when it sounded one more time and so I picked it up with a message from someone I would never think to text me. Penny?
I unlocked my phone and pressed down onto the message to open it - along with the attached photo.
Penny: look's like someones boyf has been a bad boy. Oops xox
The sight of the picture made my heart pound and a sick feeling rise in the back of my throat. Wren had his arms wrapped around this random blonde girl's waist with his hands on her behind and his tongue down her throat as she was grabbing him through his trousers. What the actual heck?
I pushed away someone I actually liked because I was being loyal to him and then he goes behind my back and basically sleeps with someone on the dance floor? I slammed my phone down onto the side and marched out of my bedroom, I didn't even knock on Kyle's door and instead simply shoved it open.
He suddenly sat up in his bed. "Are you alright Angel?" His voice was tired as if he had dropped off to sleep. I wordlessly closed the door behind me and walked over to him before threading my fingers through his hair and planting a needy kiss on his lips. He was surprised for a moment but soon his lips began to move against mine and his hands went to my waist to move me closer to him. I found myself clambering onto his lap without breaking our lips apart and straddling his hips.
My fingers hooked around the bottom of the plain white tee he was wearing and then pulled it over his head, briefly breaking our kiss to dispose of the fabric. When I began to grind my hips against his he gasped and suddenly pulled away. "Fuck- Angel fuck," he rasped out. "You're not ready for this, I don't know what's happened in the last twenty minutes but I can't do this to you when you've drank a bit and are probably not thinking right," he was panting a lot with his hands on my waist and I slowly nodded, feeling rather foolish.
"I'm sorry, I thought you wanted this. God I feel so stupid," I felt the tears start to build up in my eyes as I climbed off of him and awkwardly started to head for the door.
"No, no!" He whisper-yelled so his mother wouldn't hear. "Please stay, I do want you - so fucking much - but I can't take advantage of you when you seem sad and tipsy," he had a sloppy grin on his face. I shook my head with a grin on my face and headed to his bed where he held out his arms and allowed me to crawl under the sheets with him. "I feel a little underdressed here," he mumbled into my ear as we moved into the spooning position with his arms firmly around my waist.
"Put some clothes on then you stripper," I teased him with a small smile.
"I feel like it was your fault my shirt is now hanging from my curtain pole," he poked my cheek and I looked around to see that I had actually thrown his shirt harsh enough for it to be hooked over the curtain poles right next to his black curtains.
I hummed in comfort and yawned quietly. "So what's happening?" He continued.
"What do you mean?"
"How did it change from 'I have a boyfriend' to you straddling me?" He chuckled.
"Are you mocking me?" I huffed and tried to shuffle away from him but he just pulled me back into his chest.
"Course not Angel," he gently kissed my cheek. "Just wondering what caused that little gift."
I fell silent for a second. "Wren cheated on me," I laughed to myself. "Here was me not going for what I wanted because I was thinking about his stupid feelings and then he does that to me. It doesn't even matter that we're together, we are best friends and before he did that I would never had done that to him."
I felt Kyle nod. "So you only want me because Wren cheated?" He sounded hurt.
I turned around to face him. "I don't mean that, I wanted to kiss you earlier but I needed to talk to Wren and either end things or sort out my mind. I just didn't want to betray him but when I saw him kiss someone it gave me all the reasons to follow what I wanted," I smiled.
He pecked my lips and nodded. "I don't know what I'm ready for though," he sighed.
I pecked his lips back and smiled kindly. "I know."