I stood infront of Haengbokkhae Studios feeling completely and utterly pathetic. I never ran away from my problems. I never felt so weak. I hadn't cried so much in so long. So as I stood infront of the place that once brought me great comfort - a place I hadn't visited in years - with tear stained cheeks, I couldn't help but feel pathetic.
I walked inside and straight away noticed the changes that were made to the studio. Most of the building stayed the same but there were a few renovations and new decorations.
"Senthuri? Dear am I seeing a ghost or is that really you?"
"Hi, Mrs Haru," I greeted.
"Dear, I really didn't expect to see you. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine. I went for a walk and my feet brought me here apparently."
"How lovely. As you can see, the place is mainly the same just a few adjustments here and there. Do you want a tour or do you remember your way."
"I think I still remember," I answered.
"Okay Dear. By the way, it's already three so all classes are over, room 3 is unlocked still."
"Thanks, Mrs Haru."
She smiled and winked at me in return.
After a few minutes I found myself infront of room 3. Unknowingly I walked to my old dance practice room. The dance studio looked the same. Shinier. But still the same. I still felt a sense of comfort wash over me when I walked in.
I checked the sound system. Someone left their flash still plugged in. It benefited me because I hadn't carried any music. I skipped a few songs, the ones that were too fast and too happy, a slower song started to play. It's underlying beat was strong but melancholic. It felt right.
I looked at myself in the mirrors that were plastered on the walls. I was a mess.
My body wanted to move to the music but my mind tried to stop me. Doubt filled me. Pain and memories of why I stopped dancing captured me.
It's been a while.
What if I can't dance anymore?
What if I'm no longer good at it?
What if it doesn't give me the same joy anymore?
What if someone sees me?
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before slowly letting out a breath. Maybe I hadn't danced in a while but I knew I still had the passion buried deep within me. I just had to let loose.
I closed my eyes once again but instead of letting my thoughts take over me, I let the music do it instead.
My movements came slowly and came with an uncertainty but soon enough I was pulled into the beauty of dance once again.
The serenity of dance only distracted me for a while. My mind brought up awful memories. Not only of the incident with Jungkook but others too.
My movements became more frustrated and pain filled as memories encapsulated me.
I missed my brother. He was the only one who ever came for my performances. He was the only person that encouraged me. Who cared about my happiness.
Sid I need you.
I wish you were here.
None of this would've happened if you were here.
I didn't realise when I fell to my knees and started shedding tears at the memories of my brother. The good and the bad. I sobbed into my hands as I thought of him. As I thought about how protective and caring he was. As I thought about how he would've probably threatened Jungkook for hurting my feelings.
The reminder of Jungkook brought more tears.
I was tired of everything. Tired of being without my brother. Tired of being alone. Tired of feeling betrayed. Tired of being upset. I was just tired.
"Senthu, are you okay?" A familiar voice asked.
I didn't have energy to speak. My response was just my ugly sobs.
I moved my hands from my face and saw Jimin looking at me, his expression laced with concern.
He knelt in front of me and before I could protest he pulled me into a hug. He stroked my hair and kept saying "shh shh" in a calm tone. I mumbled incoherent words into his chest and he didn't stop my nonsensical ramblings. I guess he knew I was troubled and needed to say a few things even if nobody heard them.
It would be a lie if I said it wasn't comforting. It reminded me of how my brother used to stop me from crying.
My face was buried in Jimin's shirt and I was sure my tears soaked through and left a wet patch. If it disturbed him he didn't show it which was kind of him.
When my crying slowly came to a halt and all that was left from it was my sniffling. Jimin pulled away from the hug and wiped away the remaining tears.
I found that I couldn't look him in the eye because I felt embarrassed. He'd basically seen me at my worst. I didn't know how to face him. I didn't even know how to thank him.
"Let's get you home."
I nodded my head. At that point my phone rang. I answered the call.
"Hello."
"Senthu, are you okay?" Hae soo asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine,"
"Where are you?"
"I'm at Haengbokkhae studio but I'm leaving now."
"Oh okay. Do you wanna come over?"
"I- uh,"
"Scratch that. I'm not asking you to, I'm instructing you."
I let out a small laugh.
"Okay. I'll be right there."
Jimin didn't just drop me off at Hae soo' s house. He dropped me off at her front door.
When she opened the door she was happy to see me but was absolutely confused with seeing Jimin.
"Who's this one? Do I have to chase him too?"
"Park Jimin is my name. And you don't have to chase me, I was just leaving."
Jimin patted my head and winked at Hae soo before leaving.
"Thank you, Jimin oppa."
"No problem. Bye, Sweetheart. Take care of yourself."
I waved at him weakly and then he drove off.
I looked back at Hae soo who shook her head as if she was stopping her mind from daydreaming about something.
"Some of your stuff is still here from last time when you brought backups. I didn't return them to you because I figured you could use them in an emergency sleep over."
"Thanks, Hae soo."
"Don't mention it. But what you do need to tell me is the reason that you're all sad."
"There's a couple but I... I don't know. I guess the thing with Jungkook set everything off."
Fortunately, as I told her about Jungkook I didn't start crying again. Maybe I had no tears left to cry.
The moment I accidentally mentioned my brother I started retracting from the conversation. Hae soo could see my discomfort and decided that we went through enough sadness for the night and put a comedy on for us to watch.
It would be a lie if I said my full attention was on the movie. But it did serve as some sort of distractant. I took a glimpse at Hae soo whose complete attention was on the movie and I realised I did have a real friend. I wasn't so alone. But a part of me wasn't able to accept it and grew wary .
"Hae Soo."
"Mhm."
"I know this might sound childish. But you're not doing this because you pity me, right?"
"Are you crazy. Ofcourse I don't pity you. In fact I may be a little jealous. You have three hot guys who just want to be your friend."
I laughed at her.
"I've lost all chances with Taehyung and the depressed duck because after you left I kind of went biserk on them and kicked them out of the store."
"Really?"
"Yup. I'm your friend what else did you expect me to do? Offer them a hot beverage?"
I laughed.
"Promise."
"Promise what?"
"That you're my friend."
Hae shook her head at me.
"For a sixteen year old you act like you're six. Fine, I promise." She extended her pinky and intertwined hers with mine.
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it."
*****************
After dropping Senthuri at her cute friend's house, Jimin went straight to Taehyung's house where all the members decided to meet for the night.
"Tae Tae, we need to sort this thing out between Kookie and Senthu quickly."
"Yeah, I know but why are you interested in the matter now?"
"I saw her earlier and she was, to put it lightly, a mess."
"What? Explain."
*Flashback*
Jimin was done with his dance classes for the day and he was certain that all the other instructors were done too. But when he heard music playing in studio 3, it peaked his interest.
He entered from the back door and saw something unexpected. It was a girl, known to him, dancing with such grace and passion that it looked as if her life depended on the dance.
Jimin watched her in awe amd made certain to stay silent so he didn'tfrighten her. But after a few minutes he noticed a change in her movements. They were more distracted and vigorous and it worried him.
His worry reached its heights when she fell to the ground and started weeping. He wasn't sure of what to do.
Should he reveal himself and comfort her? Or does he just leave her there.
He decided to choose the former and although he didn't know how Senthu felt about hugs, he gave her one anyways. He hoped it would soothe her.
"Shh shh," he said as he stroked her hair.
He heard mumble a few words. A few he recognised, like " Jungkook" "Sid" and "I wish" but the rest were muffled and or were in a language foreign to him.
*End of Flashback*
"After that, her friend called her to house. So I dropped Senthu there. But I'm telling you Tae she looked so distraught. I'm sure there's more to it than just her problem with Kookie but we can fix one problem at a time. Plus I think this whole deal with Jungkookie just made things worse."
"You're right Chim. What should we do? My plan failed. We need to think of something else."
"Let's ask the other members. Maybe they'll have ideas."
"And if they don't?"
"Then we just have to wait and see."