When Rafael picked me up, I told him everything. how I remembered and how even though I hated it, it worked.
I thought he would be happy but he was strangely calm. I didn't want to ask him so I just kept looking at the ocean from the window.
I didn't go back to Julia the next morning but she did give me her pills and I decided to take the hull day for myself to ... Remember.
I made myself some tea and went to my study. I closed the drapes, laid down on the couch, and closed my eyes.
°°°°°°
"Emilia it's ok just breath!"
The place was dark and cold. we were both on our knees with men pointing guns to our heads. my heart was beating fast all the time, all I was thinking about is taking off their heads and recolor the sea with their blood. Emma was trying to calm me down even though I know she was the one more scared.
"I promise you that I'll make you regret this so much" I said clenching my teeth.
"You know! You talk too much for a 15 year old"
The man in front of me was the kind you would have nightmares of. tall, thin and paler than a ghost.
"You know! You would look even funnier with another scar in your face" I said smiling.
He laughed and looked down to his phone. Emma was shaking and I hated the fact that I couldn't help her, I had to do something.
"If you really think that you'll get what you want by kidnapping us you're wrong" I said firmly "a court family would give up her own if it have too "
"Yah ... a typical court family" he said crossing his arms "but not the father of 8 girls" he smiled "and even so.. your uncle wouldn't allow it"
"My uncle? My uncle have nothing to do with the court!"
"Not when he's the one against us" he said with a sight running his fingers through his hair " he wouldn't stand loosing his precious Emilia"
"You..."
Some man approached him cutting me off, he whispered something in his ear and his eyes widened.
"I really can't believe this !" He said standing up "the butcher's daughter is in my humble warehouse!"
My heart stopped and a cold sweat came out of my body, I looked to my side to see Emma's eyes watering and shaking.
"What an amazing surprise!" He said walking closer to us and with each step he took my body got colder and colder.
"Don't you dare.." I said before a painful slap crash down my face shutting me up.
"It's not your time" he said coldly.
He kneeled down in front of Emma with his eyes never leaving hers.
"Do you see this?" He asked pointing to the ugly scar across his eye "it was a gift from your beloved father"
She didn't say anything and for a second I saw her face relax and her eyes softened.
"I can see you already accepted it" he said pressing his lips.
He stood up and both of his man pushed Emma forward.
"No Emma !" I screamed standing up but one of them hit me from the back making me crush down again on my knees.
I knew what was going to happen and she knew it to. killing the butcher's daughter is everybody's dream, she lived her life in terror and away from her family, she was their one weakness so she had to hide. but her being with me and around me got her to where she is now.
"I swear if you touch a hair of her I'll kill you myself !!"
He didn't care, he didn't even listen, he just kept starring at Emma's calm eyes and slowly took out his gun. She looked back at me, with her sky blue eyes and she smiled! She smiled at me.
"This is our life" she said almost whispering "We didn't choose any of this but, here we are, and we have to live with it"
And just like that, a loud bang and she hit the floor... a loud bang and she was gone...gone.
The time stopped, my blood frozen inside my veins, my heart went quite for a while and my eyes never left her blue ones.
after 2 days, My family found me in a puddle of blood with two bullets in my shoulders, one in my chest and three in my left leg and side, not to mention, ten dead bodies and an arm.
°°°°°°
"Em?"
I opened my eyes at the sound of the door knocking, I was shaking again and sweating.
I remembered!
I remembered the way my heart was beating and the raising of my breaths. the way my vision went blurry the moment her eyes closed, the moment her body hit the floor, the moment I knew she's gone for ever.
"Emilia!"
Lex was outside the door. I shook the feeling I remembered and stood up.
Don't let her notice..
"Come in Alexia" I said clearing my throat.
She opened the door and her worried eyes scanned the place.
"You didn't come downstairs the hull day, are you ok?"
No...
"Yes I just had a lot of work" but by the look of her eyes I knew my lie didn't work so I changed the subject "when is your flight?"
"Tomorrow 5am" she said crossing her arms and walking to me "Em?"
"What" I said hoping that she won't notice that I'm still shaking.
She didn't answer and just throw her body at me and hugged me.
"I think Lex knows"
Emma's words rung through my ears. Did lex knew about mother? I pulled my hands and wrapped her softly brushing her hair.
"What is it Lex ?" I asked and she just snuggled her face in my chest.
"Thank you" she said "for wearing the gown I bought you"
I looked down at the silk sleeping gown she bought me years ago but I never wore it because I rarely sleep.
"Thank you for buying it for me?"
"Can I sleep next to you tonight?"
She asked.
"You're being weird" I said.
Her arms around me tightened.
"I lied before" she said pulling herself from me and looking away.
"About?" I said crossing my arms.
"Paris" she said "it's not for two months"
Ok I think I'm getting angry right now.
"It's actually for .." She started talking but I lift my hand up.
"Let's put the "for how long part" later and focus about the fact that you lied to dad"
"I didn't mean to!" She said but her eyes said the something else " but he'll never understand! "
"Understand what? Alexia what's going on?"
"I can't tell you... I'm sorry" she walked to the window and I was running out of patience.
"I don't think you have a choice" I said trying my best to push whatever the hell is this thing that wanted to get out of chest.
It was hard calming myself but I felt something else beside angry.. something like sugarless coffee.
"You won't understand! Can't you just trust me?"
"You lied!" I reminded her.
"But I came to tell you!"
"You know that's not how it works"
"Fine but just listen to me and don't be too Razzione about it" she said closing her eyes.
"What is it? "
She looked at me and everything in her changed, from her face to her posture.
"I'm pregnant" finally she said.
This must be how a stroke feels like.
"As in with a ch...child?"
"I can't tell you any more even if you would kill me" she said with no signs of guilt or fear.
Lex is pregnant! I always prepared myself for things like this from any of the other girls but not Alexia.
"I know you're disappointed in me but I know what I'm doing and I'm not sorry for it!" She said calmly walking away "that's why I lied and that's why I'm going, I want to have this baby Emilia, and no one will stop me"
I didn't know what to say so or do, I didn't even know I was hugging her that moment. It just happened.
"I know" I said kissing her forehead "I know and that's why no way in hell your leaving us"
"Em look.."
"No Alexia" I said lifting her chin up "I can't let you go away from us and live my life not knowing about you and the baby"
"Me too" she said almost whispering " but do you remember our childhood? All that fear and threats and scary people around us all the time? I don't want that to my child Em I just..."
She's right. I don't want that to her too, to her baby to be another target for the Razzioni's enemy. but I can't help her through her lie, dad must know about this and he'll understand. or he'll focus on the "who's the father part" and unintentionally hurt her feelings and you don't want to be why Alexia is upset.
With all of the questions and bad thoughts running through my head, I didn't know what to say so I did what I thought is the right thing to do in this situation.
"Let's go to sleep and think about it later" I said taking her hand.
"But Em I'm leaving in the morning!" She said following me.
I didn't answer and just kept walking holding her hand. After we got under the sheets, she laid her head on my arm and wrapped her hand around me.
"Why did you slap Cate the other day?" I don't know why but that question just slipped out of my mouth.
"She should respect her sisters" she said too quickly to be the truth.
I didn't want to ask but I have too.
"Did you knew?" I asked and she looked up "about her?"
She pulled herself from me and turned around facing the window.
"I didn't want to believe it at first. until the night you two fought after... Emma's"
Oh god!
"I wish you told us" she said facing me again "we could've helped we would've understood"
But what you've seen and heard was just a drop of a river .
"dad was already feeling upset that I knew and trust me you're just saying this because you're grown, but the young you would've hated me for sharing that ugly truth"
"It's been years now why don't you tell them ?"
"And ruin the mother image in their heads?" I said setting up "the reason I'm helping you is you want to be a mother! even though you knew about how yours was, I have never thought that you would want to be one"
"It's you" she said "it's you why I want to be a mother not her. I want to be like you for this child"
Trust me you don't want to.
"And I want to be a good mother to her or him" she said hugging her legs together "I want my baby to live a life that's batter than mine, no guards no threats and no troubled family"
"And no aunts and grandfather" I said dryly.
"Don't do that" she begged me with her eyes.
"I understand the idea of you wanting the best for your new family but what about us?"
Us?? That's new!
"I mean dad and the girls?" I said pulling the covers and standing up "you are choosing between who is from your family is important, the new one or the old one"
"Choose? I don't have to choose because you'll always be my family and this is just another member, a small scared little member that I'm trying to protect like you would've done to any of us"
"I'm... you are right" I said holding her hand.
"It's ok, I Know you're scared but don't worry I'm a Razzione after all. I'll be ok"
She wrapped her arms around me and closed her eyes, that weird feeling again rushed through my stomach and I sensed that it's not a good thing. but I laid back, held her hand and lightly squeezed it and slowly I closed my eyes too.
I am worried.
°°°°°°
"No way Em" said Alexia crossing her arms.
"This is the only way I'm letting you go. either you do it or I'll call dad" I said pulling my hair up in a ponytail.
I can see her eyes lost in the space Which mean she's thinking about it Which mean I won. I arranged everything for her where to go where to live where to give birth, somewhere I know she'll be safe in.
"Why Em?" She asked annoyed "I could've done this by myself!"
"I know" I said standing up for my chair "it's just... You're kind of important to me that I don't even trust you taking care of yourself"
"I wish I could even ask if you would visit " she said looking down.
"Who knows but either way you wouldn't know" I said pulling her shin up "but that's ok as long as you're going to be fine "
"Sorry Em" she said holding my hand in hers and looking up to me with a wired look I didn't understand "goodbye"
And she just left. leaving me confused and worried. but a baby! I never thought that far.