Somehow, after it feels like years have passed, Holly's high-pitched voice shocks both Chase and me back to reality. I hear her clasp her hands together as she smiles wide and blurts out, "Congratulations!"
I don't know how or why, but something in that reaction sets me off and punches me in the gut. I know damn well my eyes hid absolutely nothing about the way I feel about Chase, so the only possible way we could have won is because he didn't share the same look in his eyes.
I knew he cared about me, but I thought that maybe there was a chance. That maybe none of this mattered if he wanted to look at me and tell me he felt the same way. But now that Holly is handing us each five hundred dollars in cash, I realize I was a fool to have hope like that. How could it even be possible for Chase Matthews to be in love with me?
The walk to my house is uncomfortable. The silence that fills the air between us is nothing like the soft wind that used to make this part feel so familiar. Instead, we don't hold hands or touch each other or even look at each other for the entire time. It's terribly agonizing and I have to pretend like I'm happy to have half a thousand dollars in my hand when the only thing I want in it is his hand.
As soon as we approach my house, I'm ready to walk inside with an unspoken goodbye, to spare my feelings at the very least. But before I can head in, Chase grabs my wrist and pulls me into a hug.
"Chase, what are you—"
"Shhh," he strokes my hair. "Just— Just let me have this."
His voice comes out shaky and soft; nothing like the confident and cocky Chase I've grown to enjoy having around. My heart beats quicker in my chest as he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight, and the last thing on my mind is breaking up with him. But eventually, he releases me from the hug and stares into my eyes, keeping us connected by our hands.
"It's been fun," he tells me with a small smile. There's a certain glint in his eyes that I can't ignore, but I also can't figure out exactly what it means either.
"It has been," I agree, reciprocating his gentle grin. I can't believe this is the last time I'll get to smell his cheap cologne from this close. How does someone just make a transition like that?
After a moment of... I don't even know passes by, Chase still hasn't averted his eyes from mine. And neither have I. Looking away now just feels like giving up and I can't give up. Not when I've come so far.
Suddenly, Chase speaks so softly, it almost comes out in a whisper. "We don't have to do this, you know."
As if my heart wasn't racing enough, now my throat has taken my breath away as well. He can't seriously be proposing what I think he is, right? There's no way.
"What do you mean?" I manage to ask.
He just chuckles. "Michelle, come on. I know you like to pretend you've only stuck around this whole time for the prize, but there's something here." He drops my hands and instead, places his on either side of my head, holding my face with sincerity. "We can forget about this game and do this for real. You can't tell me that's not what you want."
I try to slow my breathing, but I can't imagine being able to handle what Chase is outright admitting to me right now. This whole time, I thought he's just been here for the kissing and the adventures. Could he actually have feelings for me? Real, uncompromised feelings?
"Chase," I whisper, connecting my head to his. We're so close, yet this moment feels so far. How am I supposed to be with him knowing I'd be sacrificing all of the work I put in to get this money? I know I shouldn't let money dictate my life, especially who I should and shouldn't love, but the five hundred dollars in my pocket could be just what my family needs right now. How selfish would I be to give it up for a boy who I've only been dating for less than a full month?
God, it hurts. It hurts so badly but I can't lose this opportunity.
"We can't," I choke out as best as I can. I'm not sure what would happen if I decided to accept his offer, but I can fully recognize one of Holly's minions a few yards away, watching us with eagle eyes at this very moment. And if they catch Chase and me deciding to say screw the rules and keep this relationship going, there's no telling how quickly they'll get Holly to take the money back. I've come too far to lose everything now. Even if it means losing him.
"You can't be serious," he mumbles. "Michelle, really?"
Something in my nose begins to burn and I can feel my eyes start to water. There's nothing that hurts more in this very moment than what I have to do.
"Michelle," Chase says again, much louder. He swipes his thumb across my cheek and for a moment, I want to take it all back and kiss him carelessly. I want to throw caution to the wind and risk it all for that very boy I've been dating for a month, even if it means losing the game and the money and any dignity I have left over. But I just can't.
"I'm sorry," I tell him sincerely, my voice cracking some more. A tear slips past my eyelid and I beg myself to stop crying to spare him the pain of looking at it. "I'm sorry, but it's over, Chase. It has to be."
I refuse to look at him as I open the door and walk inside. If I turn around, even for just a second, there's no telling how easily he'll pull me back, and I can't lose myself in him. I have to do what's necessary for my mom and for Naomi. This is the right thing to do. No matter how much pain I feel in my chest or how many tears escape my eyes, this is the right thing to do.
Wednesday, January 31st
The weekend passes solemnly. By Monday, it's common knowledge that Chase and I have broken up, which is made painstakingly apparent by how many girls start to crowd around him at school again. Every so often, we exchange a few looks and some sad smiles, but I haven't found the courage to speak to him since Friday. It just hurts too much.
But when I handed Mom the five hundred dollars, she looked like she was on the verge of tears. She threw her arms around me and squeezed me like she used to do when I was Naomi's age, and the smile on her face as a result was something I would never even think about taking back. No amount of heartache can change that.
Now it's Wednesday. Seeing Chase in the halls isn't really any easier, but knowing he's happy and my family is safe is all I need to feel okay. Plus, this pain isn't forever; there are plenty of other fish in the sea, even if those fish don't have curly brown hair and a dangerous smile.
"I heard about you and Chase," a man's voice says as soon as I open my locker. It makes me flinch, but I would recognize that voice anywhere.
I close my locker just the slightest bit to see Miles standing beside me, looking at me with a sad smile and crossed arms. "I'm sorry you guys broke up," he tells me.
Somehow, after spending so much time with Chase, the way Miles grins at me still manages to make me weak in the knees, and I can't help but feel annoyed at myself for it. Sure, Miles has been my crush for years—it's only natural that he would make me feel this way. But he is the last thing I need when trying to get over a broken heart right now.
Or... Maybe he's exactly what I need. I did say there were other fish in the sea; Miles might just be the one fish I've been needing to get with this whole time.
"Yeah," I respond quietly to him, not exactly sure what to say. "It's alright."
"I know it must suck," he continues, "so if you ever need a friend, you have my number."
For some reason, that line sends heat to my cheeks like never before and all I can do is smile and nod. "Thanks. I appreciate that."
He shrugs with a grin. "Any time."
He starts to turn and walk the other way, but I can't let myself be a coward anymore. I have to take my chance before it's too late—before I fall too hard and have to pick up the pieces.
"Wait!" I shout without thinking. Miles turns around, confused.
"Yeah?"
"I, um—" I clear my throat and prepare for the worst, just in case. "Would you want to go out this weekend?"
He tilts his head to the side. "Are you asking me on a date, Michelle Adams?"
I snicker in the discomfort of hearing my full name. "I am, Miles Cook."
He just shakes his head with a smile. "I would be honored to go on a date with you. I'll pick you up at seven."
With that, he walks away and I feel oddly proud of myself. I may have lost my chance with Chase, but that doesn't mean I have to stay lonely forever. Maybe this date will be good for me.
Saturday, February 3rd
I know I shouldn't be complaining. Going out with Miles is all that I've wanted for as long as I can remember, and it's finally happening. I should be grateful he even showed up like he said he would.
But I started getting ready extra early to make sure I would look perfect tonight. I curled my hair, put on some nice makeup, and threw on something warm and fancy for our date, fully expecting him to take me somewhere nice like a restaurant or something. Anywhere we could go that would leave room for getting to know each other.
My hopes were so high. He rang my doorbell at exactly seven o'clock—something I was not used to, thanks to Chase—and when I opened the door, he was dressed in a nice turtleneck and jeans. He looked so suave and so handsome and I was already starting to blush again. Then we got into his car and he asked me about my day and told me I looked beautiful and it was going so well. Perfectly, even.
Until we arrived at the movie theatre.
Granted, I never gave Miles the same spiel I gave Chase where I ranted about each and every reason why I hate the movie theatre as a first date option, so I can't really be upset with him for it. But I know that if it were Chase I was going on this date with right now, the theatre is the last place he would've brought me.
But, of course, I can't keep focusing on the past. I need to get over myself, get over Chase, and pay attention to who I'm more than excited to be here with: Miles.
"What do you wanna see?" he asks me when we reach the ticket booth. I just shrug.
"Anything is fine with me." I plan on sleeping my way through it anyway.
He gets us both tickets to some random action movie—my least favorite genre—and we head inside to get popcorn and snacks. He insists on sharing popcorn, which I find so adorable, and we decide to get one red slushie and one blue slushie as well. I try not to think about how badly I'm hoping this date will have us end up with two purple tongues, but every time he smiles at me, it gets harder and harder to ignore.