Matt's and my sneaking around on the night of the party set the tone for the rest of our stay in the castle. We couldn't keep our hands off each other but only in secret. The others didn't seem to notice that anything was amiss although I suspected that Brooks might have noticed that something was up. We'd had a couple of close calls where people had nearly caught us when we were engaged in a clinch. The closest being when Brooks had walked in on us in the utility room seconds after Matt had me pressed up against the washing machine kissing me breathless. The sound of a foot scuffing against the stone flagged floor had us breaking apart and me bending over into the washing machine as my face heated. Matt leaned back against the folding bench and said casually, "So if you can find that t-shirt it'll be great. Save us all from an epic meltdown, you know how obsessed he is."
I straightened up, heart racing and continued the ruse by asking, "Which one was it again?" I let my eyes drift to Brooks who was stacking empty bottles into a cardboard box.
"The Iron Maiden one," Matt supplied his gaze fixed on me. I couldn't stop myself from pressing my hand to my lips which were still tingling from his kiss.
"Problems?" Brooks asked turning to us as he finished his task.
"Just a little one. Bill's lost his favourite t-shirt, he's a bit obsessed with Iron Maiden at the moment," I babbled trying to sell our lie. Not that the Stallyn's obsession with Iron Maiden was a lie, after all not only was their father a fan but so was their favourite movie duo.
"Well you are in pickle aren't you?" Brooks said his tone carefully neutral and I felt a prickle of awareness that maybe he'd seen more than he was letting on. At exactly that moment Bill came running through the kitchen and skidded to a stop at the doorway to the utility room.
"Dad," he squealed, "can we go in the pool?" I gave him a fond smile which just as quickly dropped off my face. He was wearing the damn Iron Maiden t-shirt. Matt and I looked at each, other his eyes went wide and it was like the colour that drained from his face rushed into mine.
"Sure thing buddy," Matt said and started after Bill who darted off shouting to his brother that they were going in the pool. Matt cleared his throat, "We're uh, hitting the pool." I watched him walk away before turning awkwardly to Brooks who said mildly, "Looks like you found that t-shirt." He gave me a pat on the arm before leaving me to my mortification.
I was glad for the days when Matt disappeared for a few hours with some of the others to play golf. Even though I was at the stage where I wanted to see him all the time it was a relief to my shattered nerves to not have to hide my feelings for him in front of everyone else. It wasn't exactly a case of out of sight out of mind but more a chance to relax and not worry about giving away what was going on between us with an ill-timed look or touch.
One night Steph approached me as we all sat out on the back terrace star-gazing. "I just wanted to talk to you about Matt," she said and adrenalin began to course through my system. Crap. She'd noticed something. After Brooks had almost sprung us we'd been careful not to get too close when the others were around. Late at night in my bed we touched and kissed and talked.
"What about Matt?" I asked with forced casualness. Was this the moment when our secret was going to be revealed?
Steph looked uncomfortable. "Well I've noticed that since your birthday party you've been avoiding Matt."
Huh. That was not what I'd expected. I nodded at her to continue. She shivered as she sat down next to me and I flipped the blanket that was covering me over her legs.
"I feel like it's my fault because I only told you about Matt suggesting the party and now you're angry with him."
I looked at her in surprise. "Matt didn't plan the party with you?"
"Yes, he did," she responded quickly, "but he wasn't the only one who mentioned your birthday to me. Zacky did as well."
My mouth dropped open in astonishment. Zacky knew about my birthday? How the heck did he find out? I was one hundred percent certain that Matt hadn't told him. So how had he found out? I cast my mind back to the morning of my birthday and decided that he must have overheard the phone conversation I'd had with my sister in the living area between the bedrooms on my floor. I glanced over at Zacky who sat next to Johnny but was staring out into the darkness and wondered why he hadn't said anything to me. Something was going on with Zacky. I wasn't that close to Meaghan but maybe she'd tell Steph or Cathy what had him acting off if they asked her. My eyes sought her out in the darkness and found her laughing with Cathy, Kelly and Lacey. Maybe I'd ask Cathy to talk to her.
"Caitie?" Steph prompted and I realised that I'd been lost in my own thoughts. Oops.
"I'm not angry with Matt," I said.
"You're not?" she looked confused.
"No. Why would you even think that?" I was genuinely curious. We were being careful but I didn't that our behaviour had changed that much.
"Well," Steph said carefully, "you two are normally joined at the hip and now you're not."
Shit. Obviously before our relationship had stepped up a gear we'd been closer than either of us had realised – we'd never noticed but clearly others had. I should have seen it coming especially considering Brian's formerly epic levels of jealousy. I looked over at Matt who was deep in conversation with Brian.
"Hey Matt," I called. He looked and even in the dim light that seeped through the open doors and provided faint illumination in the darkness I could see the warmth in his eyes when we made eye contact.
He jogged over to me. "Yeah Sunshine?"
"Steph thinks we're arguing. Tell her we're not." I smiled as Steph groaned beside me.
Matt's lips ticked up in amusement and his dimples made an appearance. "Caitie and I aren't arguing Steph."
"Why would you even think that Ace?" Brian who'd followed Matt over interjected. "Jeez! As if Shadz and his little buddy would be arguing." Brian frowned at her. I couldn't help smiling, when you were as tall as me it wasn't often someone called you little.
"Okay, okay!" Steph held her hands up in surrender. "I got it wrong! Are we happy now?"
Brian held out a hand to her a devilish gleam in his eyes, "I don't know Ace. I feel like you should be punished for such an outrageous assumption."
Steph blew out a breath and stood up dropping the blanket back down to cover me. She rolled her eyes as she said, "I'm not playing village wench to your brave sir knight again Brian."
"Please Ace?" he whined and sliding an arm around her waist pulled her close as he led her off into the darkness whispering , no doubt filthy things, into her ear.
Matt sat down next to me and lifting a corner of the blanket settled beneath it. His hand slid up my thigh.
"Matt," I hissed, "be careful." I raised my eyebrows and looked significantly around us.
"Relax Sunshine," he murmured his hand creeping ever upward, "We've practically been ordered to spend time together."
I squeaked as his hand slid up under my skirt and his fingers found the edge of my knickers. He gave me a wicked grin making his dimples pop.
"Everything okay there Sunshine?" he asked as his fingers slid under the elastic and teased me.
"You're evil," I ground out and then gasped as his fingers dipped inside me. His smile split his face in two.
"Hey there kids," Johnny said dragging a chair over to join us. I was thankful for the dim light as heat flooded my face.
"Hey man," Matt responded nonchalantly as his fingers continued to work under the blanket. I dropped my hands to my lap in an attempt to stop him but he just continued on relentless. Short of slapping his hand away there was nothing I could do. He started an easy conversation and I struggled to keep my whimpers and gasps contained. Every once in a while he'd glance my way with a hot look.
Completely oblivious Johnny chattered on about how clear the stars were and how glad he was that he'd brought Lacey to the castle. "It's pretty fucking romantic man, you know?"
"Oh I know man," Matt grinned as with one well placed stroke of his fingers he had me soaring over the edge into an orgasm. I bit down hard on my bottom lip to keep from crying out.
I glared at him but still couldn't stop myself from leaning into his side. He gave me one last pat on the thigh before he withdrew his hand from under the blanket and wrapped an arm around me. I had to remind myself that we'd often sat like this – minus the under the blanket teasing – before we'd slept together.
"You okay there Caitie?" Johnny asked. I felt a moment of panic before Matt squeezed my shoulder in reassurance.
"Just a bit tired," I said and forced out a yawn.
"Maybe you should go to bed," Johnny said with concern.
"Maybe I should," I replied and went to shrug Matt's arm from my shoulders but he gripped me tight.
"Nah, come on Sunshine. Stay up a little longer. I'll get you to bed soon," Matt said with a devilish twinkle in his eye.
"Don't keep her up too late if she's tired man," Johnny said.
"Oh don't worry about that, I won't," Matt agreed and I was already relaxing back into his side as I mentally berated myself for just how gone on him I was.
Aside from Brooks almost catching us out and Matt deliberately courting danger the closest we came to revelation was on our last night in the castle.
We were all seated around the tables in the banqueting hall enjoying a meal that the cook had created from all the food that remained in the fridges. There was an extraordinary amount of cheese.
There was a natural lull in the conversation as everyone focused on eating when Ted spoke up. "Dad, where did you sleep?"
My eyes widened but I focused steadfastly on my plate. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.
"What do you mean buddy?" Matt asked casually and I wasn't brave enough to look at him to check the expression on his face.
"You know," Bill piped up, "while we've been here. Where did you sleep?"
Oh god this was worse that I'd thought. I heard a stifled choke and I stole a look sideways to see Kelly rubbing Brooks's back with concern.
"I don't know what you mean buddy," Matt said carefully, "I slept in with you guys."
"But..." Ted began but Matt cut him off not unkindly. "Buddy, Caitie and I read you a story every night and then you went to sleep. I didn't fall asleep with you but I did sleep with you."
The Stallyns didn't look convinced but they accepted what Matt said. Meanwhile I felt terrible. I wanted to keep things secret from my friends because I didn't want my heartbreak to be laid bare when everything with Matt and me inevitably fell apart but I felt terrible lying to his children.
"So," Brooks spoke up, "I'm hoping that when we leave tomorrow for the airport that Brian won't be in control of a vehicle." I shot him a grateful look and when I saw the look of understanding in his expression I knew that Brooks was well aware of what Matt and I were trying to keep hidden.
Brooks's comment unleashed a tirade of protest from Brian and when I was certain that everyone was focused on Brian's assertions of his superior skills as a driver I risked a look at Matt. There was an enigmatic look in his eyes and for the first time I began to understand that maybe my desire for secrecy chaffed him. He didn't want to hide the truth of our relationship from his friends, that was all me.
My heart stuttered, it would be so easy to buy into the fantasy and live in the moment. To forget how much Matt had been through and how far he still had to go before he'd be ready for a new relationship. I knew how long it had taken me and although I was there now, ready to throw my heart on the line, I was almost certain that Matt wasn't.
Still, I could enjoy what we had whilst we had it. Things would get easier when we were on the road. For a start there wouldn't be as many eyes on us. Cathy and Jeff were heading home as was Lacey. Steph was off to visit friends and would be joining us when we hit England for Download where my sister would also be joining us. Kelly and her boys were off to visit a friend also in England before they too joined us for Download and the next stop after which they were heading home. For some reason I'd assumed that Meaghan would be with us for the duration and I'd looked forward to the opportunity to get to know her better, she seemed like a sweet girl, I'd thought that maybe I'd broach the subject of what was wrong with Zacky. Except on our final morning I'd overheard an argument between her and Zacky filled with bitter recriminations and realised that maybe the problem with Zacky was Meaghan.
I knew that Matt, the Stallyns and I were booked into interconnecting rooms for all our hotel stays and I hoped that for the sake of our my newly reawakened libido there'd be a majority of two bedroom rooms. For the sake of our continued secrecy I didn't want the Stallyns or anyone else for that matter wondering why Matt wasn't asleep in the bed they expected him to be.
Time would tell but if Matt and I were exposed I'd have to give him up and I wasn't ready to do that yet.