May 04, 2016
"Thank you Anderson, this is Liz Cho reporting live here in Denver, Colorado. There has a been a reported plane crash here in Denver. Originally the plane was heading to Chicago, Illinois from California. The cause of the accident is unknown and is still under investigation. Several were injured, but unfortunately 2 people have been reported dead. The pilot, 65 year old David Morris, and a 42 year old passenger named Nathaniel Jones."
"NATE" mom screams
*I walk in to find mom crying on the ground*
"Mom! Mom! what happened?! MOM"
"Nate.." mom cries pointing towards the screen
"What?"
*I look towards the tv slowly*
"No! Dad?"
*mom cries louder in clear pain*
"NO! NOT DAD! NO NOO"
*alarms goes off ...beep beep beep*
Huh? Was I crying in my sleep? Oh my god, I'm soaking wet I was sweating in my sleep too. That dream was a bit different. It didn't even feel like a dream. Wait. It was a flashback. A flashback of the night when mom and I found out about the plane crash on the news. The night my life changed. The night mom changed. The night I lost my two best friends in two completely different ways, my mom's mind set and my dad's life. Anyway, it was just another dream and I should get ready for work Andy will be here in 30 minutes.
*I turn on the shower water and jump in*
I wonder why this dream was different than usual. Why did it suddenly change? Before, I dreamt of dad's death over and over, why did I have a flashback dream of that night? It's so weird. It felt like I was taken back in time and relived that moment, except I wasn't in the moment it was like I was watching the memory play before my eyes. Like I was standing there watching mom and I cry for hours on the ground, just standing there not doing a single thing. Just watching. What a terrible thing to watch.
*I finish with the shower, slap on jeans and a greenday shirt, contemplate leaving my hair up or down and end just putting it in a sloppy bun, and head downstairs to find George sitting at the dining table reading the newspaper*
"Morning sweetheart!" George said to me
"Morning asshole!" I heard myself say
Holy shit! did I just say that out loud? Omg Omg Omg I need to leave before he comprehends what I just said to him.
*thankfully Andy honks the horn from outside, and I quickly rush outside*
"Uh, there's my ride gotta go!"
*I run outside without looking back and jump into the car*
"STEP ON IT! GEORGE INCOMING"
*We both see george run out the front door and Andy begins to drive away as he does this he rolls down the window and flips George off*
"Did you really just do that" I laugh hysterically
"You bet your ass I did" Andy says
*we both start laughing as we drive away*
"Wow, you look greatttt! I like the dark under-eyes and the messy bun, are you going for a new look?" Andy says
"Shut up and drive" I chuckle
*After a while we're stuck in traffic so Andy starts babbling on about who knows what*
"Did you hear what happened on K. street two days ago?"
"No, but i'm sure you're about tell me" I laugh
"Well, I heard from Jackson who heard from Sarah who heard from Jonah who heard from Mason that there's a major drug dealer who goes by the name of Victor and-"
"Oh boy" I interrupt
"No but listen, there's rumors that he was in one of the biggest gangs in Illinois, but decided to leave and be his own boss. From the movies and shows i've watched you're not allowed to leave a gang unless you die. Word around town is that he's more than a drug dealer now, that he's also a gunman, and he's been trying to create his own drug called "Viper Ives". There have been cases where his minions kidnap and inject them with the Viper and do experiments on them to ensure it works"
"Andy, you watch way too many Americans horror shows. I'm sure that's just some ghost story to scare teens away from using drugs and staying out too late"
"No, it's legit, there's a photo of him going around and I call him Scarface"
"Why Scarface?" I ask
"Because he looks like that one guy from the movie A nightmare on Elm street."
"You mean Freddy Krueger?"
"YeAh yEaH, him" Andy answers
Oh Andy, sometimes I truly wonder how we're friends
*We pull into Honey's driveway and I get ready to head inside*
"Well, that's enough of that for today. Thanks for the ride and the company!"
"Anytime Alex, later!"
*I walk into Honey's and scan the room to see how busy it is*
Ughh, not again. Why do couples always come here to make out, like get a roo- wait. Is that Jack? Who's the blonde? Is that CAMI! What the fuck!! Cami is making out with Jack Miller RIGHT HERE in Honey's cafe, where we were supposed to be meeting to talk. They're fucking full on PDA. The worst part of this is that Cami knows that I have a thing for Jack, wow. WOWWWWW. I am flabbergasted, and I'm not event fully sure what that means. So many different emotions filled me, angry, sad, shocked? I don't know what to think. My two best friends, one who i've sort of had a soft spot for for a while and the other my bestest friend who's been my ride or die. Cami knew I liked Jack, what a friend. Should I approach them? Or ignore it and start my shift. I don't wanna make a scene, and besides i'll talk to her later.
*A couple minutes later i'm behind the register, watching as Jack and Cami are STILL sucking eachother's faces off. A customer comes up to me*
"Hello Darling!" said a sweet old lady
"Hi, what can I get you?" I say not paying much attention
"I'll have a...."
The rest of her order fades away, I start to think deeply about the situation. I think about everything i've been through with Jack. I remember the first week of us meeting, the day we met on the swing set at recess, how it became everyday meeting on the swing set at recess. I thought about the time we raced to the swings to see who'd reach there first and me falling and scraping my knees. I remember how worried Jack was, yelling my name "oh no, ALEX", "ALEX"
"ALEX" says the old lady
I bring myself back to the present and focus on this woman's order
"Yes?! wait. How do you know my name?" I ask
"It says so on the name tag on your shirt right there. Are you alright dear?"
"Oh, right i'm so sorry, i'm fine thanks. What did you order again ma'am?"
*Once my shift is almost over I watch as Jack gets up to leave and Cami walks him out*
Have they really not seen me this entire time? Oh, right they've been too busy swallowing eachother's tongues. I still cannot believe this.
*Cami walks back in and notices me*
"Oh! Hi Alex" Cami says
Did she just "Hi Alex" me.
"Hi yourself." I say holding in my anger
"Uhhhm, when exactly did you get here?" she asks
"Just in time to witness you and Jack's 7 hour in heaven"
"Oh."
"Oh is right, what the hell Cami?"
"Can we talk?" Cami asks
"Sure my shift is over for the day, let me change out of this uniform."
"Awesome! I'll wait at the booth tables"
*I leave to change out of the uniform only to return to find Cami sitting at the booth her and Jack just made out in*
Is this bitch fr? Like honestly, what the hell is wrong with her. She really thinks about i'm about to sit with her there after they just- disgusting.
"I'm not sitting there, we're sitting somewhere else"
*I move to another booth and Cami stands up and follows. We sit and she has a confused look on her face*
"What is wrong with the other booth?" She asks
"What is wrong with you? You've known I like Jack for years now, so what the fuck was that?"
"I've been meaning to tell you about it, but you've just been so off lately I didn't want to make it worse." Cami says
"I don't understand why you couldn't have talked to me, tell me that you liked Jack too. Anything is better than going behind my back and literally hooking up with him and lying to my face about it" I say
"I haven't been hooking up with him"
"Oooooh, so you mean to tell me you haven't had sex yet? You might as well tell me the truth now since you've been lying this whole time anyway."
"I haven't had sex with him." she says hesitantly
"..."
"We've only done it once or twice" she admits
I had hoped I was wrong. I really really had. But wow. Wow. My two best friends, I guess I really don't fit in with anyone. I guess no one really understands me for real.
"Did Andy and Willow know about this?"
I really hope I at least still have two people who didn't do me wrong.
*she looks down in shame*
"Yes. I told Andy when I started dating jack, and he told Willow once they started dating."
"A-and how long have you been dating jack?"
I'm not sure I wanna know the answer. I feel the nerves rush through me and I catch myself looking away from Cami, awaiting her answer. Please tell me this hasn't been going on for too long. Please.
"It started off as just a fling during freshmen year, but we've been dating for two years now"
Holy shit. My most important friendships have been based on lies. All lies. Have we ever once had a genuine conversation? Was Cami genuinely worried about me yesterday? Was Jack honestly there for me all those times I thought he was? Did Andy really have my back? Was Willow really a true friend from the beginning? "In this entire school I only really care about 4 people" pffffft. 4 people. Look at those people now, and people wonder why I have trust issues. Everytime I trust, I get let down. I trusted my dad would make it back home safely, he didn't and I have to live with that for the rest of my life, I trusted mom would be there for me throughout this whole thing, she isn't and instead she's with a man who has a balloon for a brain, and most of all, I trusted my friends. My rock. They let me down, and now I can only trust myself. It sucks being left alone with nothing but a mind of a million thoughts. Why me? I wonder why all of this happens to me. Why I can't just be a happy girl with both her parents who support and love her. A girl with loyal and honest friends. A girl with an amazing life. But I know that's just a fantasy, and i'm not living it.
"I want you to go." I say
"Alex, please. I never intended for you to get hurt"
"Just because you didn't 'intend' for me to get hurt doesn't mean I didn't. Now please leave, I don't wanna look at you right now"
*Cami leaves without a word, and I decide to walk home on my own and think*
I don't know what to do with myself. My entire life is falling apart right before my eyes. I have no one. Absolutely no one. This is the harsh reality of my life now. I just have to accept it. But I don't want to. I just want to curl up into my dad's arms and cry all night. I wish my dad were here, he'd know what to say. How to make me laugh. My dad always brought out the best in me. I've lost my whole world, and i'm not okay. I say i'm fine, but i'm really not. And I can't even tell anyone, no one will understand. I miss my dad now more than ever, and I hate the last words he said to me. I'll be home before you know it buggie, I love you!" But you're not daddy, you're not home. And I know it. I know I have to be strong but I just can't do this anymore. I'd do anything to hear you call me by that childish nickname again. To hear you tell surprisingly funny jokes. To see you're beautiful crooked smile. To see you make mom mom again. You're the glue that holds us all together daddy, and without you now everyone's lost. I miss mom, I miss you, I miss our family.
*I reached home and realized I had been bawling my eyes out. I wipe away my tears and walk in to find George waiting up for me*
"Y-you're late beautiful" he whispers very closely to me
He's drunk. His breath reeks of bourbon. Look, there's mom passed out on the couch with a half empty bottle of vodka in her arms.
"One. It's only 10pm. Two. I'm almost 18 years old, I don't have a curfew, and Three. You're not my dad." I snapped.
Wow. I can't believe I said that. I never would have bad mouthed him earlier, I'm just so done with today. But he needed to know the truth, he isn't my father and he never will be anything close to him.
*George leaned in closer and trailed a finger down my jaw and slapped the side of my cheek. Hard*
I spoke too soon, I shouldn't have said shit
"What did you say to me?"
You're so dumb you're so dumb you're so dumb, don't you know who you're talking to Alex? Why would you say shit to him while he's so clearly drunk.
"N-nothing I was jus-"
*he threw me on the couch and started to hit me, over and over and over*
I felt his hands hitting my thighs, my arms, my face, everywhere. It wasn't even a perverted 'kinky' slap, it really hurt. He was angry. Angry at me? or himself? I don't know. But I felt everything, and I just sat there allowing myself to be beaten by a drunk. He stopped hitting me, but it didn't stop there. I felt his hand slide up my shirt and squeeze my breasts... Who did this to you I wondered? Who hurt you so badly that you became this evil? Or were you always like this? I heard him saying how hard i'm 'gonna get it' and how I 'deserve it for talking to him the way I do'. He ripped off the belt from my jeans and tied it around my neck. He's choking me. Everytime I struggle, he ties it tighter.
"Does this hurt sweetheart? Are you enjoying it"
I feel dizzy. He starts to unbuckle my pants. Im so scared. How much of a coward am I? Am I really gonna sit here and let him do this to me? Let myself get raped by a misogynistic asshole? Have I lost that much dignity? No. There was no way this was happening.
*While he was unbuckling his pantsI pushed him off my with my all. I removed the belt from my neck, and grabbed two beer bottles and smashed them on both sides of his head*
"You sick fuck."
*he fell but started to slowly make his way back up*
"Alexxxx, you know you've always wanted this"
I need to get out of here. Now.
*I run out through the front door and keep running and running and running, my house is no where in sight and even still I keep running*
This has been a really shitty day. A really really shitty day. One of the shittiest. I'm so scared. I'm out here alone, no where to run to. Nobody to run to. All I can feel is George's hands on me, all I smell is his warm drunken breath on my face, all I can hear is him yelling as he hit me over and over again.
*I look down and gasp*
I'm covered in bruises. From red to purple to green. I look like a fucking rainbow. A sad hopeless fucking rainbow. I don't understand. Why me? please, tell me. Why me daddy?
*I hopelessly look up to the starry sky, for any answers from my dad when I'm hit in the head with god knows what. Seconds later something covers me and everything goes black*