Joon sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. He raised his head to the ceiling and closed his eyes as his mind wandered off to the things that bothered him…
The night of the Noraebang.
After the Kookie walked out, Joon had offered to take Jin home while Jimin and Tae took care of Yoongi.
Joon unlocked the door and pushed it open. It was dark. The only source of light was the streetlight across the road. Other than the distant barking of dogs and the faint chirping of crickets, it was too silent.
Joon turned around to look at his hyung. All he could see was an outline of Jin who sat slouched on the steps.
Joon pulled Jin’s arm over his own shoulder and got him up. Even though sober, it felt like he needed support walking.
Once inside, they removed their coats and Joon led him into the kitchen. As Jin sat on a chair, Joon poured water into two glasses, one for each of them. Once he gulped the water in his glass in one go, he eyed his hyung who hadn’t touched his own.
“Drink it. You must be thirsty.”
Jin slowly grabbed his glass. As he started sipping, Joon poured himself another.
“What happened back there hyung?”
Joon asked all of a sudden, putting down the jug of water. His pent up frustration slowly rose to the surface.
“You raised your hand at Kookie!”
Jin stopped his hand in mid-air as he listened to his friend talk.
“I know Kookie crossed a line today. But hyung, he is small. He is still just a child. You are the grown up. You should know-“
Joon suddenly stopped talking and controlled himself. He didnot know if Jin was even listening to him. Closing his eyes, he sighed and hung his head.
“I’ve never seen you like this…” he trailed off.
When he raised his eyes a few seconds later, he saw something he had never seen in all the years that he was alive.
Face scrunched up, tears rolling down his cheeks, lips and nose as red as cherries.
Jin was crying.
Joon immediately let go of the handle of the jug and hurried to be by Jin. Once he got there, he hesitantly placed his hand on Jin’s back.
Even though he wanted to console the crying boy, but scenes from the night flashed in his head.
What Kookie said. How Jin had reacted. How Kookie had walked out. The shattered vase. The cut.
“I know…”
Jin’s broken voice brought Joon back to reality.
“I know what I did was wrong. I’m ashamed of myself,” he sobbed.
Joon sat down on the chair beside his hyung.
“I hit Kookie. Baby Kookie. I don’t know what happened to me when he said those things.”
Tears had wet the surface of the table beneath Jin’s face.
“I do miss grandpa. I miss him a lot. I have been trying so hard to ignore his absence. He’d be so ashamed of me.”
Joon rubbed circles on Jin’s back to calm him down.
“He was all I had.”
His eyes disappeared in his face letting out a continuous flow of tears.
It was then that Joon realised how Jin had been keeping it all in. When Joon had returned first and met with Jin, apart from his initial silence for a few days Jin had never showed or talked about his feelings.
He was trying to mask his depression with alcohol and outings. Never stepping in his own house for over 2-3 hours, always sleeping at Hoseok’s.
Jin was suffering. And his ‘best friends’ had failed to notice it.
Joon immediately hugged him. He couldn’t imagine what Jin was going through. He knew how important his grandpa was in his life. Loneliness had made him much older and weaker than he actually was. Yet, he lived on just for Jin. It always kind of explained Jin hyung’s character.
“You have us hyung! You have me…”
The grip Jin had on him grew tighter as his body immersed into Joon’s. It was clear that he took deep breaths to not let his whimpers be heard. But Joon’s wet shoulder indicated the obvious.
“I do have you. You have always been there for me,” he mumbled into Joon’s shoulders.
Soon his cries subsided.
As Joon slowly patted the broad back of the boy in his arms, he felt an uneven breath on the skin of his neck.
Has he fallen asleep? He thought, his eyebrows furrowed.
Maybe.
He decided to wake Jin and get him to sleep on his bed.
But then he felt something else. Something soft and wet on his neck. Feeling a little uncomfortable, and unwilling to guess what it was he moved away his body a little. But Jin moved closer to him immersing his head face into Joon’s neck.
When he felt another kiss, he pushed Jin away mumbling,
“Hyung, what are you doing?”
Jin’s grip tightened on Joon’s body as he leaned closer.
“Hyung?”
It appeared as if Jin couldn’t hear him in the spell he was lost in. He further placed a kiss on Joon’s collar bone.
“HYUNG!”
Joon had managed to push Jin off of him.
As he stood up, Jin got hold of his arm and tried to pull him back. Desperation evident on his face and actions.
“I love you. I love you Joonah,” he mumbled amidst his attempts to pull him back in.
Joon shoved his arm away and jumped back, knocking down the chair he was sitting on a few seconds ago. This brought Jin out of his trance as he looked at the shocked boy trying to get away from him.
Joon’s heart raced at a million miles an hour. His breath now short and fast. He seemed to not get enough of how much ever oxygen was available to him.
Wide eyed and stunned at whatever happened in the past few seconds, Joon asked, extremely confused and disappointed at his hyung,
“Who are you?”