Chapter 32: Why Am I Thinking Of Him?
Before long we arrive at school and I can feel my heartbeat start to return to its normal pace.
It's over. I did it.
I release Wyatt from my deathly tight hold on his torso and get off the vehicle. He kills the engine and does the same. "How was that, green eyes?" Wyatt asks as he takes his helmet off.
To be honest it went better than I thought it would and I have a feeling that Wyatt had something to do with that. If I was on that thing with anyone else I probably wouldn't have made it the whole way. There's just something about Wyatt that seems to calm me and make me feel comforted even in the worst situations.
But of course I can't tell him this. I shrug. "Not too bad," I say as I, too, remove my helmet.
I can feel multiple stares burning into the back of my head once I remove the helmet but I pay them no attention. I'm not going to bother with people who stare. I'm just going to live my life, at least this is what I'm aiming for — I hope I can do this.
I take in a deep breath to calm my nerves and turn to look at Wyatt who is also staring at me, his eyes taking in my entire body. "What?" I ask.
He shakes his head slightly. "Nothing. Don't worry about it," he tells me.
I nod in confusion and we both walk into school together, side by side, ignoring the blatant looks everyone is giving us as we do so.
~*~*~
Like last time I was with Wyatt, people were staring and gossiping about me all throughout my lessons but this time it wasn't just because of Wyatt, it was because of my new look as well.
When I stepped into my RS class Ava did a double take when she saw me. She was a bit confused as to why I changed my style but I shrugged and told her that I needed a change, not wanting to mention anything to do with Wyatt. After that she was totally cool and told me that she really liked this style and that I looked really good which was nice to hear.
When lunch finally rolled around I knew I'd have to face the mass gossiping beast that is the cafeteria. However, luckily, when I walked in not too many people noticed — maybe this won't be so bad.
All of my friends seemed to like the new look and supported me in my decision to make a change which I'm very grateful for. Max even gave me one of his stupid flirtatious winks when he saw me coupled with a smug smile — that boy is something else.
~*~*~
The next few days past in a blur and before I knew it it was the end of the day on Friday. I was still going with the whole 'bad girl' vibe and I have it admit it was kind of growing on me. Something about it is just so freeing.
Wyatt had agreed to take me to the track today and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ecstatic. We were going to go to his house and then head out at about eight.
As I was exiting school through the large double doors someone called my name. I spun on my heels and my eyes connected with a pair of brown eyes but not just any brown eyes. I'd seen these eyes so many times and they used to stare at me with love and affection and I used to mirror that look with my green ones.
Now, I'm not sure how they're looking at me, it feels like a lifetime since we last made eye contact for so long.
"What do you want, James?" The name feels like acid on my tongue. It's not that I still don't care for him because I do immensely but this is the first time he's so much as looked at me in ages and a part of me is still so angry with him that I could almost punch him but I won't, violence has never been an answer for me.
He takes a step towards me so we're now only a few metres apart. No one else is around, most having left about two hours ago when school ended (I had art to do after school). He gives me a look that I can't quite decipher and takes another step forward.
Now we're just a few steps from one another. He takes in a ragged breath, thinking over his words whilst I stand stock still, paralysed by the current situation.
"I wanted to see you, Ari."
I gulp, not sure of what to say.
When I don't speak he chooses to carry on. "Ari, I don't really know what to say. For what's it's worth, I'm an absolute idiot. I should have never said what I did to you. I know I'll never be able to take it back but can you forgive me?"
I'm stunned into complete silence. Any words forming in my mouth quickly vanished at what he said.
James feels bad? He possibly wants me back?
James wants me.
I can feel my insides warm at the idea. This is what I was aiming for, winning the love of my life over but something about this whole conversation is unsettling. My gut is telling me that something is wrong.
I'm pretty sure he's being sincere, I can tell from his eyes but it's something within my self that's demanding me not to go back to him.
You can't, he left you a mess. You can't let him just waltz back into your life and take him back without a second thought. That is pathetic.
My subconscious is right. It would be pathetic to welcome him back with open arms.
But this is James.
Suddenly, Wyatt flashes through my mind. Why am I thinking of him at a time like this?
Because he would tell you that you're being an idiot. You can't just forgive James with no consequences. He broke you and you can't give him the power to do it again.
I take in a sharp breath. Yet again my subconscious is correct. I have to stay strong. Maybe I'll forgive James eventually and we can return to the perfect couple we once were, full of nothing but love for one another but I can't run blind into that dream. That's just stupid and I know I'll just end up getting hurt even more.
No matter how much I still love James I can't just run back to him, that would make me weak and pathetic, everything I've been striving not to be.
"James, I'm not sure if that's possible at the moment. You hurt me a lot. I trusted you. I loved you. And you threw it all back in my face like it meant nothing to you," my voice is raw and hoarse, barely coping with the situation.
He looks at me straight in the eye as he steps forward once again so we're mere inches apart. I suck in a deep breath as he brings his hand to my face and caresses my cheek.
"I miss you, princess. Please, give me a second chance," his tone is pleading and laced with raw emotion.
Princess. Something about that word makes me flip. The nickname I used to adore hearing from his lips now seems to burn in my ears.
Princess. He has the audacity to call me that after everything he's done? That bastard.
I don't know what came over me but in that moment I did something I never thought I'd do, I resorted to violence unnecessarily. All I saw was red. I was just so angry. Everything had been building up inside of me and that word seemed to trigger all of my emotions, causing the damn to break and the water to come rushing out in a raging frenzy. Every single memory we shared flashed before my eyes at rapid speed and with each passing image I grew angrier and angrier.
I clasped his wrist in a vice grip and yanked it from my face before I punched him in the face — hard.
He stumbled backwards at contact and I could see he had a bloody nose and hopefully a forming black eye. I couldn't help but smirk in satisfaction.
"Don't you ever call me princess again," I spit at him before turning on my heel and storming off to the the car park where I see Wyatt waiting for me on his motorcycle.
"What took so long, green eyes?" Wyatt asks, handing me a helmet.
I shrug him off, not wanting to talk about it. "Just get me out of here," I tell him, not even fazed by the fact I'm on a motorcycle again due to my blinding rage.
I'm not sure why I'm so angry but I am and I don't think my anger is going to die down anytime soon.
James, that fucking bastard. Words can't even begin to describe how enraged I am at him for suddenly claiming he wants me back when he's been snogging Chloe for weeks. Not to mention he shattered my heart into a million pieces without a decent explanation; just that I'm 'too boring'.
I'll show him who's 'too boring'.
James, you better watch out because princess is coming for you.
~*~*~
I hope you liked this chapter and it made you smile xx
Any ideas why James wants Ari back and do you think he went about it the right way?
And what about Ari flipping... was it a one time thing?
And who's excited to see the track? I know I am.
On an unrelated note I had my d of e expedition last weekend and I survived... I know I can't believe it either. I mentioned ages ago when I went on my practice back in June but I've actually done the real thing and I'm so happy it's over. It actually went way better than the practice and I low-key enjoyed myself (we were also the first group back which was awesome) so that's good.
Well that's all for now, until next time you amazing person, byeeeeee x