You are afraid,
and I must admit,
I am too.
But love,
do stars not thrive
in the dark?
-AVA.
***
Orion has reverted back to his wolf.
Maybe a part of me knew he would do this. Even with his uplifting words and caring actions, Orion still cannot stop the flow of Uncle Lewis' whispers.
I know I can't.
They cling to me, dragging down my shoulders to cause an additional weight that I didn't need.
"Alpha Clark called."
I lean back in the office chair, closing my eyes as Henry sits across from me.
"And?"
"He's angry that the males we sent are all mated."
I laugh, "I promised him warriors- I didn't promise him unmated ones."
I open my eyes to see Henry smiling, "Yes, I thought that might have been the way you worded it. But he's still angry."
"Does he want the protection or not?"
"He gave in."
It's all he needs to tell me to let me know the bargain is still occurring. The supplies we had agreed for are still on their way.
"Also, we need to set up a time for Alpha Theon to arrive."
"Push that aside. I never agreed to a specific date with him."
Henry nods and scribbles small notes in his charts, continuing down the list of all the other deals and agreements that had been made while Orion and I traveled to the various packs.
I don't even register the passing of the day until I hear Orion's voice whispering to me.
"Soraya."
"Waziburg?" Spit clings to the side of my face as I look up to take in the change of scenery. The dark sky and stars that now dot it.
"You fell asleep at your desk again."
I look at Orion's hand, taking in the skin and sensation of it along with my own. Since our return several days ago, Orion had been hiding away in fur, slinking off to either the nursery or to see Henry's little girl, Reign.
I sit up straighter, trying to hide the thin drool markings on the paper with my arm.
"I'll be up a few more hours. Go to bed without me."
Orion sighs and walks around the desk, sitting in the chair across.
"What's keeping you so busy?"
There is a pause in the air. A silence of nothing before I whisper, "everything."
He tilts his head to the side, curiosity showing clearly in his eyes.
"Mainly the pack agreements that need to be seen through. But other things. Activity within Alba Rosa. What is going on, who is doing what, why they are doing it? The good, the bad. The messy, the ugly. It all goes to someone and that's...me."
I take a deep breath, trying to regain my bearings as I focus on him. It had been a while since I studied his features in skin.
His beard needed a trim, but then again, when did it not?
His blond hair was a mess- never brushed unless I did it for him.
And those eyes. Those grey eyes that always seem to act like steel now in a way resembled the silver in stars as they stared at me with a lost expression. I wanted to reach across the desk and put my hand on his cheek. I wanted to stand and walk around, to curl myself into his arms and let his warmth be the only thing to consume me- not the stress, not the worry- him.
"What else keeps you busy?"
His question causes me a distraction as I pull myself away from his face.
"Many things. Not just the happenings of the pack, but also the other packs. Their activities."
Orion shrugs, his look of confusion only growing.
"Why should we care about them?"
"Every pack should care. It a power game- the goal may not be to win, but it's certainly not to lose either. Have you ever heard of the term, 'take down'?"
Orion shakes his head.
"A pack take down. I've only heard of it once. It's a concept most Alpha's don't use, but it's still heard of. Alpha's of packs try to have as many children- preferably male- as they can. They train them, mold them into Alpha and then when the time comes those children challenge surrounding packs and win over the leadership for themselves. If you have four children and they each win four separate packs- that's four pack lands that have suddenly become a part of yours. The family works through the years to merge the lands. Essentially you have the term that it is now. A take down."
Orion looks disgusted with the concept. He slowly is shaking his head, his expression growing more and more appalled as I explain the political game the skin side had constructed for power.
"They have lost their wolf. Weak. They have given themselves over to skin."
He closes those sad grey eyes, still shaking his head in silent despair.
But I could have said the reverse to him.
That he lost the human. Weak. That he had given himself over to fur.
And what was I?
Some oddities in-between.
Never fitting in fur or skin, or any place of acceptance.
But wanting so desperately to.
I had always craved to protect, but that instinct didn't come from one side or the other. I was tired of choosing a side and picking my actions on either or. I wanted to be both.
"Maybe."
He stands and walks around slowing bending to kiss my forehead goodnight before leaving.
* * *
I throw up within the toilet, tasting the bile on my tongue.
My hair is so short, Orion does not need to hold it back for me. Instead, he provides what comfort he can by soothingly stroking my back.
"It's because you work too much."
I push away his hand just as another onset of nausea hits me.
"Soraya, please go to bed."
"No."
A frustrated growl leaves him. It's one of the rare, few times that Orion has let his emotions slip to show the edge of anger he hides.
"Please."
"Nothing gets done unless I do it."
He finally snaps at that, "Nothing will also get done if your health gets even worse."
I look away from him, the foul smell, the blank bathroom- everything. Slowly, without a word he lifts me, cradling me to him.
"I don't nee-,"
"Soraya."
I stop short at the tone in his voice. His eyes are bleeding for me, screaming at me to do anything but resist him. He walks into the bedroom, setting me gently down. The soft folds of the covers skink around me. It melts into me, making a sigh involuntarily leave as I close my eyes.
"Wake me in a few hours..."
I'm able to mumble out the words, but Orion doesn't respond.
The process of the pack, the order, and structure all came with a certain chaos. The chaos of maintaining that order.
I felt foolish now for hating dad and his endless work, but it was too late to take back all my words I had shouted at him, just as how it was too late from him to take back his own.
The pack would be fine.
They had to be fine.
If not, then what was the point of all of this, I vaguely wondered.
What was the point of trying so hard to achieve this bloody, soul-wrenching dream?
Because now, Vincent wasn't the Alpha. Now he couldn't hurt anyone.
A flash of pain runs down my back. Quick but there.
The truth of it was, there had been no saving point in me.
It was just the matter of choosing a lesser evil over the other.