Lena inhaled deeply before knocking on the all-too-familiar door. She had no idea what she was going to say to the Kryptonian, but she knew she had to say something. She couldn't tell her about the diary, she couldn't betray Alex like that, especially after the woman had come to her and gave her the courage she needed to tell Kara the truth... That she was madly in love with her and would do anything to get a chance to be with her.
She heard footsteps, and within a millisecond the door swung open to reveal Kara's boyfriend(?) standing there with a smile on his face. "Oh! Hello, Miss Luthor... Um, Kara just went out, she should be back soon though. Would you like to come in and wait for her?"
And oh how she wanted to hate this man for being with Kara, but she couldn't. He was a respectful man, and Alex wouldn't have recommended him to her sister if he wasn't anything but a stand-up guy, so even if she and Kara never got together, she knew he'd be trustworthy with Kara's heart.
She still resented him though.
"Oh, um... N-no thank you. Could you just let her know that I stopped by?" She asked, as she felt her heart fill with something akin to acid.
The man nodded and gave her a friendly smile. "Of course! I'm sorry you missed her." He said before waving goodbye and closing the door.
Lena swallowed thickly. "Me too." She whispered sadly.
As she was turning to leave, she saw Kara climbing the last of the stairs, and her heart stopped. "Lena!" Kara exclaimed. "Hey, how are you?"
Lena inhaled deeply and asked the first question she needed to know before she told Kara everything. "Are you and Dustin exclusive now?"
Kara faltered for a moment. "Uhm... not yet. I'm sorry. We are talking about it tonight though!"
Lena caught the random apology and made a mental note to ask about that later, but right now she gulped back the lump in her throat and continued her trail of questioning. "Do you want to be exclusive with him?"
"Why are you asking?" Kara asked, her brow corrugated in palpable confusion.
"Because I love you," Lena admitted weakly. Her eyes were averted, and fear was encroaching her battered soul.
Kara paused for a moment before smiling. "Well, I know that, silly. I love you too! We're best friends. I promise I'll tell you what we decide right after I tell Alex, okay?" She asked with a smile.
Lena let out a shaky breath; she was losing her chance to tell Kara the truth, because if Kara went into that apartment without Lena telling her the true extent of her feelings, Kara would no doubt come out of there in a relationship with Dustin.
Lena took a deep breath, prepared to tell Kara what type of love she actually meant, but what came out of her mouth instead, was a cop-out... A cop-out she hadn't meant to say. "I'd like to restart our benefits. I was stupid to end them, and I definitely miss them."
She swallowed the bile in her throat as she watched a multitude of emotions cross over the Kryptonian's face. "But, Lena... You said that you wanted me to find a relationship?"
Lena clenched her jaw, and thought of how to explain this... Why was confessing her feelings for her best friend so damn hard? "I-I do. Want you to be in a relationship. I definitely do... Just not with Dustin." She admitted, looking into Kara's ocean blue eyes, hoping to god that she'd just understand what she was trying to disclose.
Kara furrowed her brow. "Why not? Did he say something to you!?"
Lena shook her head. She desperately wanted Kara to comprehend what she was trying to say, but she also had no idea how to say it without the risk of having her heart destroyed. She took a held her breath and tried again. "I don't want anyone touching you the way that I have before. I don't want you kissing other people. I don't want you loving someone else. I don't know if I'm crossing a line, I don't know if I'm destroying everything we've built together. I don't know if you're going to hate me, but I need you to know... Because you deserve to know that every time I see you with him, I have to force myself not to cry. Every time you mention him I have to force a smile on my face and pretend that it doesn't destroy me to know that he's probably seen you naked, that he's probably kissed you lips, that he gets to hold you, and be with you in public. The entire time that we were sleeping together, I was hoping, praying even, that you would want me to be more than just your fuck toy... I know that I'm your best friend, that's never going to change, unless you want it to, but I was still hoping that I could be more. I still do hope that one day I'll be the one that you come home to every day, the one that get's to hold you in public and kiss you whenever I want. The one that gets to marry you, and live with you, and build a life with you. Kara Zor-El Danvers, I'm so completely, irrevocably in love with you that being away from you hurts, but being around you is excruciating because I know that I'm not the one that you go home to. I tried ending the benefits because I thought it'd be easier than continuing them, but I was wrong... I was so damn wrong because seeing you with someone else hurts so much worse... So, no Kara. I don't want you to be in a relationship with Dustin. I don't want you in a relationship with anyone unless it's me... That's what I want, but if it isn't what you want I'll understand. I will give you space, and if you decide you still want me in your life as your best friend, I will find a way to be content with that because I can't live a life without you in it... but if you decide that you want to give me a chance to make you happier than anyone has ever made you, I will be ready."
Kara stood motionless, wide-eyed and slack jawed as Lena fought back her tears and kissed Kara's cheek before running down the stairs and to her car.
What have I done?
XXX
Lena had just reached her penthouse when her phone vibrated in her pocket. She took it out, pleading to any and all deities that it was Kara telling her that she chose her, but when she looked at her phone, she remembered exactly why she didn't believe in a higher power... Every time she prayed for something, it never worked out.
It was a notification from Facebook... informing her that Kara Z Danvers was now in a relationship with Dustin Miller... And with that, her heart imploded.
XXX
It'd been over a week since Kara and Lena had spoken, and every day Lena stalked her Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram... She knew it was incredibly unhealthy, but she couldn't help it; she needed a glimpse of Kara, and if she couldn't get it in person, she would have to settle for pixels on a screen.
Her life sucked without Kara. There was no giggling, no donuts, no cheeseburgers, no gorgeous sapphire eyes and luscious golden locks to take her breath away... All there was, was paperwork, conference meetings, and Jess informing her of her next appointment.
There was no happiness.
There were no smiles.
There was just endless work, and endless drinking.
It was five o'clock on a Wednesday evening when she opened up Kara's Facebook page for the first time that day (She'd focused on her Twitter and Instagram because she didn't have to see 'In a Relationship with Dustin Miller' on those), and her heart froze at what she saw... Her relationship status had changed.
Kara Z Danvers
-I like Potstickers and Puppies! :-)
Reporter at CatCo Worldwide Media
Lives in: National City, California
From: Midvale, California
Single
Lena wanted to message her, to ask her what had happened to Dustin, but she couldn't. She'd told the blonde that she'd give her space, and it seemed as though Kara was taking her up on that offer, so she would have to sit back and wait for Kara's next move.
If she were honest, she would just admit to herself that she knew what was coming next:
Kara would visit her at the office one day. She'd tell Lena that she was sorry for taking so long to stop by. Then ask her to sit so they could have a chat, and then once she had Lena next to her on the big white office couch, she'd take off her glasses, look her dead in the eye, and tell Lena all the reasons why she didn't want to be with her... One of which, would undoubtedly be that her last name was Luthor.
She may then go on to tell Lena that she 'needed time apart' from Lena to get her thoughts in order... which would turn into Kara never speaking to her again, and Lena would forever be left a brokenhearted Luthor left all alone for the rest of her miserable existence.
She would never get to show Kara about her tissue regeneration nanotechnology she'd created to help Kryptonians keep their loved ones with them throughout their entire Alien-length lives... Which would be able to help Kara to stop worrying so much about her loved ones when she's in combat.
She would never get to hug, touch, kiss, or hold Kara ever again... She'd never even get to speak to her again, and it was all because she let Alex get her to believe that Kara's confusion was more than just that... Confusion.
She should have never let Alex convince her to tell Kara. She should have never told Kara that she would be okay with being BFFWEB's. She should have settled for being just friends.
She should have done a lot of things that she hadn't, and she hated herself for not seeing that sooner.
Tears were forming behind Lena's eyes, and before she could stop them, she heard boots touch down on her balcony.
She squeezed her eyes shut, inhaled a shaky breath, and turned around with a feigned smile. "Supergirl! Lovely to see you. How may I be of assistance?" She asked as her heart ached relentlessly at the sight of her soon to be ex-best friend.
Kara frowned as she entered the room. "Hey, Lee. I'm sorry it took me so long to stop by... I was... I was shocked."
Lena forced herself to keep smiling as her heart continued to shatter itself bit-by-bit. It was happening. She was really about to lose Kara forever. "No need to apologize, I expected a lot worse." She admitted sadly.
Kara's face had so much confliction on it that Lena was about to explode with guilt... This entire situation was her fault... Kara was feeling guilty for something that she had no reason to feel guilty about. She knew what was coming next...
Kara gestured to the couch. "Would you like to sit down so we can talk?" She asked nervously.
Called it. Lena thought as she fought back sobs of utter devastation. She knew exactly where this was leading, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. So, she nodded in resignation and sat down on the couch, her heart aching, her entire body shaking, and her throat constricting.
Kara tentatively sat on the cushion furthest from Lena but angled herself so that she was facing her. "Lena," Kara started nervously.
Lena felt the tears she had been holding back begin to fall without her permission, and Kara's face fell. "Oh, Lena." She whispered sadly. She leaned over to Lena and wiped away the tears with her thumbs. "Please don't cry."
Lena's lip was quivering, and her heart was beating rapidly in her chest because of Kara's touch. "Just say it, Kara. Please... I can't take this."
Kara furrowed her brow, and soon after came her frown again as she pulled her hand away from the CEO's face and she looked down, her hands folded in her lap. "Last week, you took me totally by surprise. I had thought for sure that you wanted me to find a boyfriend because you were tired of the sex we were having... so when you told me that you were in love with me, my brain had no clue how to process that information, and when I finally did you weren't there."
Lena shook her head. "The sex with you was the best sex of my life... I just wanted more."
Kara nodded, her face utterly regretful, and Lena knew what that meant, she felt terrible that she couldn't be what Lena wanted. "I realize that now, and I have to admit... I never knew. I really, truly, didn't know. I was so terrified that this would destroy us, and it seems like it almost has, but that's not what I came here to tell you."
Lena bowed her head as tears started falling unabashedly once more. "I respect your decision Kara, and I am so sorry."
She kept her head lowered, tears caressing her cheeks, as she waited to hear the words that would completely devastate her pass from the Kryptonian's lips.
"What in Rao's light are you talking about?" Kara asked incredulously.
Lena lifted her eyes to see that Kara's face showed complete confusion. She blinked away her tears to make sure she was seeing correctly, and when she realized that she was, felt confusion flood her mind. "I-... You're telling me that you don't want to be friends anymore, aren't you?"
Kara pursed her lips for a moment and nodded. "Yes," She asserted, causing Lena to feel like she'd just been stabbed in the heart. "Because I want to be more than friends, Lee."
Lena's head snapped up, her heart alight with hope, but her mind refusing to believe that Kara was serious. "Th-that's not funny." She whimpered.
Kara shook her head and scooted across the couch so that her knee was touching Lena's. She cupped Lena's cheek and smiled sadly at her. "You know what else isn't funny?" She crooned.
Lena was breathing shallowly as she shook her head, her heart fluttering from Kara's touch.
"How madly in love with you I am," Kara whispered, causing Lena's lungs to fight against her, and her stomach to fill with butterflies.
"Y-you love me?"
Kara nodded. "It took me so long to place my feelings, Lee. When you told me that you wanted me to find happiness, and find another meaningful relationship, it made my confusion even clearer. I had no idea why it hurt when you told me that you wanted to end it. I was angry and confused, and I didn't know what I wanted. I had no idea what the feelings I had for you were. I knew that I cared for you far more than any friend I've ever had, I knew that my love for you was intense, but it didn't match the same type of love I have for my family members. I didn't think that it was a romantic love either because felt different from the way I felt for Mon-El, so I had no idea what was going on in my heart. But now I realized that it was because that I was never in love with Mon-El, Lena... I was just lonely and he reminded me of home. But at that point, I didn't realize that, so I dated Dustin, and it was fun, but my connection with him paled in comparison to what you and I have. I was confused, I was irritated, and I missed you. I tried to be a good friend during that time, and I hope that I was, but I was so confused about what I feel for you that it was hard to act normal around you." She sighed and shook her head. "And then after you left last week, after confessing that you were in love with me Dustin asked me to be his girlfriend. I was still confused, I was still in shock, and I said yes because I was a confused mess and an absolute idiot... I broke up with him though, Lena. I broke up with him because when I was with him, I wished I was with you, and I know that it may be too soon after our break-up to start something with you, but I love you, Lena, and I need you to know that."
Lena's heart was pounding in her chest. "You... you want to be with me?"
Kara smiled shyly and nodded. "I absolutely do."
"Like... as my girlfriend? Not... Not as BFFWEB?"
"As your girlfriend, Lena. Nothing less." Kara said reverently.
Lena's heart soared, but she stoked down that hope. "Even though I'm a Luthor?"
Kara frowned. "Your last name doesn't define you, Lena. You're so much more than that."
Lena's heart was beginning to believe that this was going to actually happen, and she was terrified... This had to be a dream. "Am I dreaming?" She whispered shakily.
Kara brought her hands up to cup Lena's cheeks and pulled her face towards her. "You're not dreaming, Lena Luthor. You've never been a 'fuck toy' to me, you've been my closest friend, my confidant, and now I want you to be my girlfriend. I'm so sorry that it took me so long to see what was right in front of me, but now I see it, and I want you, Lena, I want you so much."
Lena was crying tears of joy. "You already have me, Kara." She whispered. "You've always had me."
And with that, Kara pulled Lena into a passionate kiss. Lena's world disappeared, and all that was left was Kara. Kara's soft lips, Kara's scent, Kara's hands. It was soft and slow, comforting in ways that their kisses had never been before... They'd always been hurried, and aggressive, teeth and tongue... But this? This was so much more.
Lena's body was on fire when their tongues finally touched, and the warmth spread throughout her entire body... She was so addicted to this woman that she knew she would never be able to survive without her again. She was barely able to breathe because the kiss was absolutely flawless, and she swore that she'd do whatever it took to never lose the ability to kiss this impeccable mouth.
Kara's hands rested beneath her ears, her thumbs caressing Lena's cheeks as their breaths blended. She slowly moved her hands down Lena's neck and shoulders and ran her fingers down the CEO's spine before pulling their bodies as close as they could get.
When they pulled back, Kara rested their foreheads together. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, Lena. I never ever meant to. You know that right?"
Lena nodded her head. "Of course, I know that, darling. You are the kindest soul ever to live; you'd never hurt a fly unless you thought that fly was hurting someone else."
Kara smiled sadly. "I'll never hurt you again, Lena. I promise you."
And as Lena looked into those gorgeous Kryptonian eyes, she finally, finally believed that Kara Danvers could actually want her.
"I know you wouldn't, Darling. This was more my fault than anyone else's... I wasn't honest about my feelings, and if I had been, things might have been different." Lena said, and when Kara went to protest, and claim fault, Lena leaned up and kissed her to stop it... because she finally could.
And with that kiss, Lena's heart repaired itself entirely, after all this time, she finally was loved back by the love of her life, and nothing could ever bring her down again.
Five Years Later
Lena had five minutes before she was expected to be in another board meeting, and as she rode the elevator she decided to check Kara's Facebook just for the hell of it, and when she did, her entire face lit up, and her heart swelled just as it had for the past five years.
Kara Z Danvers
-I LOVE Potstickers and Puppies! :-)
Chief Editor/CEO at CatCo Worldwide Media
Lives in: National City, CaliforniaFrom: Midvale, CaliforniaMarried To: Lena Danvers
Notes:
I hope that you enjoyed! :) Thank you all so much for reading! :)