It's been four days since Gavin and I had our huge argument.
It's been four days since he's talked to me.
It's been four days. I hate it. I want to apologize but, now that I'm sober, I don't know how.
I woke up the next morning, after falling asleep on the raft, with a major headache and with the feeling in my stomach that I might throw up. Jake and Gavin had set up the tent on the shore and slept there, and Holly slept in the raft with me. She was already up, though, sitting around the campfire while Jake cooked up some bacon that he put in the cooler. Gavin, I assumed, was still in the tent. I got up, groaning, and sat by the fire with Jake and Holly.
"Morning," she said, smiling at me. "How you feelin'?"
"Headache," I said, putting my head in my hands. "Did I finish off that second lemonade?"
"Yeah. You woke up a while after you fell asleep and were thirsty, so I let you have it since we didn't have any reachable water. You drained it. Sorry, hon," she said, rubbing my shoulders. I shrugged out of it, not wanting to be touched.
The three of us sat around the campfire for quite some time, with the river flowing and bacon sizzling and the scent wafting around us, mixing with the fresh smell of the forest and river. Just as Jake was putting the bacon onto plates for us, Gavin came out of the tent looking almost as crappy as I felt. He glared at me, and didn't say a word as he took a plate of bacon from Jake and went to go sit on the shore of the river.
"He liked you, didn't he," Holly said, looking at me somewhere between apologetically and angrily. "And... what did you do to him, anyway?"
I told the whole story, starting with the night that we were washing dishes and finishing with the last part of the previous night that I remembered. "Oh my," Jake said, laughing. "He needs to get over it. You never told him you actually liked him or anything anyway, did you?"
"I don't know. I mean, I kind of implied it and everything, but I never said it," I said, taking a plate of bacon from my brother and nibbling on a piece.
"Do you like him?" Holly asked, thanking Jake for the bacon. I didn't answer, not wanting to admit that I might.
"She does!" Jake said, laughing again. "That's hilarious. Really. I mean, your stupid little fight wasn't funny, but this is great."
It wasn't great. It wasn't funny. Gavin still hasn't spoken to me, and it's been four days. He doesn't even really acknowledge me anymore, other than when I ask for food at meals. I've begun hanging out with Holly and Jake a little, but mostly I've been taking walks and writing and reading and drawing. Lots of drawing and walking, especially.
I think it's better that way. I'll just have to spend the next few weeks doing that. I mean, we've been here for about two weeks now, so I just have four left. I guess I'll just try to spend time with my dad until next week when he leaves (he can only miss three paid weeks a year of work besides on holidays), and then basically hide in a corner and try not to fight too much with my mother. I'm sick of her stupid crap, too, but that's not the main issue on my mind -- I've been sick of her crap for sixteen years.
Right now, Jake, Holly, and I are preparing to make a trip to the closest Walmart (a forty-five minute drive away), with Gavin no where to be seen. Last I saw, he was heading off towards the lake, but that was a couple hours ago (I was sitting a rock near the lake, watching the sunset due to the fact that I woke up at five and couldn't go back to sleep) and none of us have seen him since. Honestly, that's alright -- it saves everyone a lot of awkward moments and probably just keeps everything a lot quieter than it would otherwise be.
Soon enough, my mother has given Jake her credit card (while giving orders to Holly and I to not let him buy anything we don't need, like an Xbox One) and tells us to be back by four so she has time to make dinner, and we're getting into the car before my mother can tell us to do five million other things and driving away.
"Have you seen Gavin?" Holly asks while going through the radio, trying to find a station that has more music than static. "I haven't seen him since yesterday."
"Me either," Jake says, taking his right hand off of the wheel of the car and squeezing Holly's hand with it. "Sorry. Jess, have you seen him?"
"Yeah, he went for a walk this morning," I say. "I was sitting by the lake. I think he just wanted to be alone or something. Who knows?"
"Alright, just wanted to make sure he was alright," Holly says. "He'll come back when he gets hungry. I'm surprised he hasn't come back already -- I mean, seriously, Jake, he eats more than you do lately."
"He's sixteen, Holly," he says. "That's normal."
"Yeah. When we would go out for dinner, Jake used to get the largest steak possible along with double of what a normal side dish was, and then have at least one full glass of pop. And then he'd be hungry again in two hours," I say, laughing a little.
"Sounds like Jake," Holly says, smiling at him. I notice him rubbing her thumb with his, and I can't help but smile -- even if what Gavin said about her previous relationships is true, I think she's growing up a little bit. This is definitely real. I can tell just by how they talk to each other and about each other and how they are together. It's cute.
Then I remember my own predicament with Holly's younger brother.
The rest of the ride to Walmart is pretty uneventful, besides the fact that about ten minutes away, all of our phones start getting loaded with notifications, and Holly and I almost immediately start texting people back and going through our emails. Jake rolls his eyes, but he ends up doing the same thing once we park at Walmart while Holly and I get out the car.
After a few minutes of taking turns jumping on each other's backs and throwing pillows at each other in the pillow aisle, the three of us split up and take a third of the grocery list with us.
I start trying to find the frozen foods aisle, as most of my part of the list is composed of chicken nuggets, frozen pizzas, and frozen fruit and vegetables. While I'm pulling five frozen pizzas out of the freezer, I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around. It's a guy. But not just any guy -- my ex-boyfriend, James.
Crap.
"Hey, Jess," he says, smiling. I want to punch him. "What's up?"
"Not much, just trying to get groceries," I say, trying to not to strangle him or something. "How are you?"
"I'm great," he says, making it obvious that he's staring at my low cut tank top. I pull it up, glaring at him. "How are you?"
"I was great, but then you came and kind of killed it," I say, trying to ignore the heated feeling in my cheeks.
"Oh, don't be such a buzz-kill, Jessie," he says, trying to put his arm on my shoulder. I slap it away, not wanting to deal with him. "You know you think better of me than that."
"Actually, I don't," I say. "I have stuff to do. Goodbye." I quickly walk away, knowing my face turned cherry red during the conversation.
Some background between James and I: We dated for almost a year, starting in the beginning of March my freshman year. He was a sophomore then. I loved that stupid douchebag.
And then I broke up with him on Valentine's Day of this past school year because I saw him kissing another girl. He's so stupid. I hate him.
The problem? I still have feelings for him. Not that I want to, but I do. It's just one of those things I haven't completely let go of yet. It sucks. I hate it. And I hate that he knows it and keeps flirting with me and being an in general douche about everything. I hate him.
I quickly go around the store, trying to find all the other things that I have on my list (which also includes coffee and coffee flavoring, which is definitely my favorite part) before I run into James again. Soon enough, I meet Holly near the checkouts and Jake finds us a couple minutes later, and we all check out (in seperate checkouts so as not to piss off a bunch of people by making one line super long) and go load up the car.
"Hey, Jess," Jake says. "I saw your stupid ex-boyfriend."
"Yeah, I did, too," I say. "Sadly. I should have kicked his--"
"No, don't be like that, Jess. I'm sure he wasn't that bad," Holly said. "I mean, if you dated him, anyway. You've got a good head on your shoulders."
"He was that bad," Jake and I say in unison. "He cheated on her," Jake continues. "And now he always flirts with her just to make her mad."
"Yeah, pretty much," I say, putting the now-empty carts together and rolling them into the cart holder. "He's a douche."
"Oh, wow, sorry hon," Holly says.
The ride back to the cabin is quiet. Jake turns the radio on until we lose most of the signals to stations with good music. I put my earbuds in, trying to drown out my thoughts with All Time Low, but it only makes me think more and more. About Gavin. About James. About everything. I hate it.
This sucks.