Maybe Tomorrow
Revealed:
"You're what? Sungah, no, don't say that to me. Are you, I'm sorry but are you an idiot?"
For the past ten minutes, Donghae had been talking to Sungah about Sungah's top secret situation.
"Donghae, I'll just make his life harder. He deserves better than me." Sungah stood from her spot on the couch.
"It's been almost another four days, Sungah. Why haven't you told him? Donghae asked, freaking out, "What's taking so long?"
"I don't know. Look, I know I have to tell him, okay? I know he'll find out eventually, but it'll hurt him, Donghae." Sungah crossed her arms. "If he finds out, he won't love me anymore. He'll be done with me. I know it. I can't do it."
"Sungah, Ryeowook isn't like that. He's a good person who loves you very much. It's going to hurt him more by keeping it from him. Like you said, he's going to find out sometime."
"I don't know if I can."
"If you don't Ryeowook, then I will."
"Tell me what?" Ryeowook opened the front door and walked in. "Did I hear my name?"
"No, you didn't." Sungah lied, feeling her nerves on edge. "It's about time you got back, though. We need to go. SoonYee's waiting for us."
"I'll see you guys later than." Donghae turned to Sungah and whispered. "You better do it soon. You understand?"
"Yes," Sungah whispered back. She grabbed Ryeowook's hand and pulled him out the door.
"Are you sure I didn't hear my name?" Ryeowook asked.
"I'm sure, Ryeowookie." Sungah replied.
They picked up SoonYee during the drive. Now they were heading to Dongdaemun. Ryeowook couldn't help but have memories of long ago. He remembered Sungah taking him there to cheer him up, and cheer him up she did. She always knew what to do to help him feel happy again.
As Ryeowook drove, Sungah got a text from SoonYee, who was sitting in the backseat.
"What are you going to do? Are you leaving or staying?" Out of all questions to ask, it had to be those, right?
"I don't know, SoonYee. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell Ryeowook."
"This a joke Sungah. Ryeowook should've been the first to find out, besides me. You should've told him right away." Sungah felt so conflicted. She didn't want to think about it. She figured the more Ryeowook didn't know, the longer she could make herself believe everything was okay.
"SoonYee, I know telling him is the right thing to do, but it still feels so wrong. I don't know if I can do it. Donghae told me if I don't do it, he's going to tell him himself. I don't know what to do."
"Ryeowook should hear this from you, and you alone. The more you put this aside, the more it's going to hurt him. I'm not going to say I'll do it for you, that's not my responsibility. I'm just going to hope you'll do the right thing."
Sungah frowned. Truthfully, she didn't know what "the right thing" was. Tell him the truth and break his heart? Or say nothing and keep him happy?
"Sungah, your phone is ringing." Ryeowook tapped Sungah's shoulder. "It's Victoria."
It was for video call. Why now?
"Hi, Victoria." Sungah put on a smile for her. "I'm keeping my promise. I'm on my way to buy you something right now."
"Speaking of which, you'll never believe what happened," Victoria said through the phone screen. "Jiyong found out about my birthday, and he actually bought me something."
Victoria lifted her wrist to show Sungah the new bracelet dangling from like shining stars.
"Whoa, that's beautiful. Didn't you just meet him?" Sungah gasped.
"Yes! I know right? Don't even get me started on working with him. It's hectic. He can be such a pain in the butt."
"How so?"
"He does things to make me mad, a lot." Victoria ran her fingers through her bright, cherry-red hair. "But he's fun too. If you want my opinion, he's a good guy."
"You like him don't you," Sungah smirked, poking her phone screen. Victoria laughed, embarrassed.
"Yeah, a little bit." Victoria played with her hair. "He's so cute, I can't help it."
Sungah looked at her screen, seeing Victoria's door swing open.
"I'm ready! Style me up!" G Dragon burst into the dressing room behind Victoria with a big grin on his face.
"I have to go." Victoria smiled awkwardly at Sungah, through her laptop screen. "I'll talk to you later."
Victoria ended the call, allowing Sungah to tuck her phone back into her pocket.
__
As the three of them walked around the store, Ryeowook grew worried. He knew he was overthinking everything, filling himself with doubt, he knew he should relax, but he couldn't. With his hand in his pocket, he held the small object. The one he's been holding onto for years. What was the proper way to give to her? What was the proper way to ask? Would she accept it? Was there a reason not to? What if he messed up? No, he couldn't mess up. Not this. He felt funny. He had a feeling. Something big was coming. Good? Bad? Yeah, he was overthinking again.
"Ryeowookie? Are you okay?" Ryeowook heard Sungah next to him.
"What? Oh, I'm fine." Ryeowook tried to focus.
"Are you sure? You look a little nervous." Sungah put her hand on his cheek. "You feel a little warm too. Are you overthinking again?"
"A little bit?" Ryeowook smiled a little, blushing from embarrassment.
"That habit of yours will have you making the wrong decisions one day, you dummy." Sungah giggled.
"Sungah, I found something for Victoria," SoonYee called from another aisle. "Get your butt over here."
"Does it top what G Dragon gave her?" Sungah called back.
"Well...No. Just come over here." SoonYee replied.
"Okay, okay." Sungah pulled Ryeowook along. " You know, SoonYee, your birthday is soon too. Maybe Ryeowook and I should get you something while we're here."
"Then wait until I go to the car. I don't want to see it until my birthday." SoonYee said. "And make sure it's an exact replica of Victoria's bracelet because oh my god it was gorgeous!"
Sungah laughed. "Then you can forget it."
__
The drive home was good. They were happy. SoonYee, she was so great. Almost as great as Sungah. She was the little sister Ryeowook never had. He wanted to be able to call her his sister, be a part of Sungah's family. He wanted Sungah to be a part of his family. SoonYee included. He and Sungah could start a new family of their own. With SoonYee there as an aunt, a supporter, everything would be complete. Continue on with Kim Sungah.
"You're gonna be a good man." It won't be true until he made it happen. Make Sungah his, take her onto forever. Make Sungah his forever, and he knew exactly how to do it. She came back into his life for a reason. It was time.
SoonYee suggested they stay for a while in the apartment, despite Sungah's protests. When Sungah was in the same room as her mom, everyone felt the tension rise from low to making the roof explode. Sungah continued ignoring her, keeping her word that she never wanted to see her again. Sungah's mother left the house, not able to take the pain she felt when Sungah glared and looked away from her. How could an atmosphere change so quickly?
"Ryeowook, be a lovely person and put this stuff in my room." SoonYee handed Ryeowook two bags of things she bought. "I need a drink."
"Sure thing." Ryeowook replied, "I'll be right back."
Sungah followed SoonYee to the kitchen as Ryeowook made his way down the hallway.
"Do you want anything?" SoonYee asked.
"No, I'm okay," Sungah replied, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs.
"Mom has been getting the help you know," SoonYee said, getting water. "You should think about forgiving her."
"Not likely." Sungah felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, signaling a text message.
"Look, Sungah. It's drizzling." SoonYee pointed to the window. "I guess we're not getting any more snow this month. Maybe it was a one-time thing?"
Sungah's eyes widened when she read the text message. Jack.
"Have you made a decision yet, or are you still thinking?"
"What's wrong?" SoonYee asked, sitting next to Sungah.
"It's Jack. He wants to know if I'm going back with him. To America." Sungah felt a pain in her head, from confusion.
"You're not, right?" SoonYee asked. She got scared when Sungah said nothing. "You're not. Right?"
"SoonYee, what other choice do I have?" Sungah frowned. "Whether I like it or not, he's the dad, and he's right. I can't make Ryeowook give up everything for a kid that's not his. I know he might try to act like he's okay with it and doesn't care, but down the line? He'll resent me."
"Sungah, you don't have to end his career for it to work out, you don't. And, don't you think you should ask what he wants?" SoonYee asked, grabbing Sungah's hand.
"And what? If not, then I'll be alone, he'll never be there. Not as often as he would want to anyways. He'll be working, traveling the world."
"Sungah, this guy is putting the wrong thoughts in your head. Okay?" SoonYee insisted, wanting her words to sink into her head. "He's manipulating you. Don't you remember everything he's done to you?"
"I know, but it's my fault it happened. I was too stubborn, just because he wasn't letting me have my way. I should've listened. Nothing would've happened if I had just listened."
"Aren't you afraid of putting your baby at risk? Who's to say that explosion he had won't happen again?"
"I'm just trying to do what's best for everyone."
Ryeowook's loud footsteps and slamming the door shut drew Sungah and SoonYee's attention. One look at each other, and they knew he overheard. He stormed out of the apartment, taking a moment to comprehend what he had heard. He didn't mean to eavesdrop on them, and he knew it was a conversation he wasn't supposed to hear. He heard. He heard everything. Heartbreak hit him like a harsh storm. He felt an unfamiliar feeling in his gut for Sungah. It was anger. He was angry. He felt his teeth clench as the warm tears fell down his face. He felt his hands turn into fists. After all he's done, in the end, it all meant nothing. She was pregnant, and she was leaving him again. Sure, it hurt that it wasn't his, but he would've forgotten about that in time when he raised it as his own. But she didn't ask him what he wanted, did she? She wouldn't even give him a chance. Sungah followed him outside, quickly trying to think of an explanation that could make him less angry.
"Ryeowook-" Sungah froze, feeling tears threatening to burst. She didn't know what to say.
"Who else knows?" Ryeowook interrupted, his back facing her. He didn't want to look at her lying face. "Who else knows about this?"
"Donghae knows." Sungah replied. She gulped hard, trying to keep herself together. Her answer angered him more.
"So, you tell my friend before me?" Ryeowook spat, turning to face her. "Instead of coming to me, you go off and confide in my friend instead? You made him keep your little secret? How many more people were going to find out before me?"
"Ryeowook, I'm sorry. I was really scared. I didn't know what you would say-"
"Forget it. That's what I'm least angry about. Forget that you kept that a secret from me. You wanna know what I'm really angry about? Do you even care? I'm angry that just like that, you were planning on leaving again. Things didn't work out for you over there, so you just decided to come back and act as if you never left. Now you're just going to leave again as if I don't even matter. Am I just a rebound guy to you? Is that all I am? Tell me the truth."
"No, of course not! Why would you think that?"
"You knew I'd be here waiting for you. As long as it takes, right? So, what if I eventually moved on while you were gone? If I had, and you found out, would you have come back?"
Sungah didn't answer. It was true, she knew he would be here waiting, just like he said. But was it wrong for her to assume that? She took his presence for granted. It was true, what would she have done? He was blind. Blinded by anger and heartbreak. Every single feeling and thought was bursting out of him and he couldn't even stop himself.
"You used me, Sungah. Always depending on me to make you forget your problems as if reality wasn't here. You're still using me, even now."
All the pain he felt in his heart, it was just unleashing at once. It hurt him to see her cry, but he was crying too.
"Ryeowook, I-I'm sorry, for everything. I really am-"
Ryeowook cut her off by kissing her. What was he doing? In that one kiss, he said he loved her and was asking if she did too.
"Do you feel anything for me?" Ryeowook pulled away, standing close to her. "Do you feel anything at all? Anything? All I want for once in my life, is a straight answer."
"I..." She muttered, not being able to think of any other words to say.
Ryeowook wiped his tears and backed away from her.
"You never grew up, Sungah." He said. "Everything, every moment, everything, was real to me. Everything. To me, I was really with you. But you never cared, did you?"
He set his heart to something else. It hit him hard, realizing what he had to do.
"I'm done." He said.
"What?" Sungah cried, her lips trembling. "What do you mean, you're done?"
"I can't go through this anymore. I'm done with you, Sungah." Ryeowook held in his tears. It was time to stop crying now. "You've run out of chances. I've tried so hard to make everything work out for us, but you don't care. It was stupid of me to think you would ever love me. I might as well end it now, you're leaving me anyway."
Sungah, for some reason, felt like her whole world was ending right in front of her.
"I refuse to be some rebound guy you use over and over again. If that's all I was to you, then you shouldn't have come back to me. I would have eventually gotten over you. You coming back ruined that for me. All you did was use me, and I'm not going to let you anymore." He wasn't going to cry in front of her or for her anymore. Not anymore. "Go back to America, Sungah. I want you to go. And this time, I hope you'll keep your promise, and never come back."
Ryeowook finally lifted his head and looked at her with watery eyes. He didn't mean it, but it was the only way to get his point across. He had to leave her. He began backing away.
"If our relationship was never real, then you wouldn't be hurt if I walked away." Ryeowook felt ready to break down. "I'm walking away, Sungah. For good. And you could care less."
The drizzling rain broke out into a thunderstorm as he drove away. Sungah lost it. She cried so hard she fell to her knees, screaming. Her heart had been sucked into a black hole. The cold rain poured on her, but she didn't care. Was that really it? He was gone? She lost him. Why did losing him hurt so badly? Why? Just why? She wanted to understand. SoonYee stood in the doorway. Walking out into the storm, she helped her sister stand.
"SoonYee!" Sungah screamed at the top of her lungs. SoonYee hugged her, not knowing what else to do. Sungah cried hysterically on SoonYee's shoulder, screaming more because she was crying just that hard.
"Let's go inside, come on." SoonYee put her arm around Sungah's shoulder, bringing her back into the house.
__
Ryeowook burst into his home, ready to scream.
"What's wrong?" Donghae asked.
"How long have you known?" Ryeowook approached Donghae, ready to punch him. "How long? How long have you and Sungah been keeping secrets from me? How long!"
Ryeowook shoved Donghae repeatedly, asking the same question over and over again.
"Ryeowook, relax." Donghae gripped his shoulders, keeping him at arm's length away. "Ryeowook, just calm down!"
He wasn't going to be calm. He didn't want to be calm. In a rage, Ryeowook ran to his room and opened one of the drawers by his bed. The notes from Sungah, from years ago.
"I kept thinking about you... Now you must think about me to make up for it."
"In my eyes... The saying that you're the only one I see, that I believe is a lie, I see many people. But, amidst this group of people, I only search for you."
"I wanted to ask how Ryeowook is doing. Is he, okay? Is he dating? Does he have no memory of me? I guess I shouldn't be asking anyway."
~Kim Sungah. Kim Sungah. Kim Sungah, Kim Sungah, Kim Sungah! He hated her! He ripped every single paper to shreds. He didn't care anymore. He didn't want to.
"Ryeowook, hey." Donghae came in, making Ryeowook turn to face him. "Relax, please. You shouldn't do this. Don't do something you'll regret, okay? Just calm down, and tell me what happened."
"I don't want to be calm Donghae! Doesn't anyone ever care about what I want? Everyone's always just assuming what I think, how I feel. No one ever asks me what I think is best for me. You all think you know what is best for me, but you don't! You don't, okay? You don't."
Ryeowook collapsed on his bed crying. Donghae frowned and sat next to him, patting his back. This time, he wanted to forget. He didn't want to keep the memories anymore. They hurt too much. He didn't want to love her anymore. The memories, the feelings, he just wanted them gone...
__
"Sungah, you just stay here okay? I'm gonna call mom and see where she is." SoonYee let Sungah lie down on the couch. SoonYee rushed to her room for her cellphone.
Sungah cried into the couch pillow, unable to think of anything else. Just him. She lost him because of her own stupidity. She took him for granted. He didn't deserve what she did to him. He was so good, and all she did was take advantage of his love. She didn't want to lose him. She couldn't lose him, she just couldn't. She couldn't live without him, breathe without him, nothing. She just couldn't. She loved him.
She gasped, finally realizing it. She loved him. She was hopelessly in love with him. She wanted him, she needed him. She loved him with all her heart, and he had to know.
"SoonYee!" Sungah yelled, standing up.
SoonYee ran out, hearing the panic in Sungah's voice.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing! Nothing's wrong!" Sungah grabbed SoonYee's car keys. "I need to borrow your car. I-I have to find Ryeowook. I need to tell him I'm sorry."
"Sungah!" SoonYee called out as Sungah ran for the door. "You shouldn't drive in this weather! And you're not even thinking clearly. Please stay here."
"SoonYee, I am thinking clearly. I'm thinking clearly for the first time in my life." Sungah opened the door, hearing the lightning burst in the dark sky. "I need to go. I'm in love with him, SoonYee. I love him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I can't let him go. I love him."
Sungah rushed out and got into SoonYee's car.
"I love him. I love him. I love him!" Sungah repeated over and over again. It was finally true.
Kim Sungah was in love with Kim Ryeowook.
As she drove, she cried tears of happiness. Would he accept her confession? Would it be enough for him? He was so angry because of her. Like an idiot, she broke his heart. She hurt him, the man she loved. Kim Ryeowook. He loved her and she didn't care. But she did now. She wanted nothing but to be with him. Would he forgive her? Now, she wasn't so sure. Even if he wouldn't, she still had to tell him. He had to know. He had to know how much she loved him. How much she always loved him.
The car in front of her stopped at the red light, and she was going just a little too fast. Next thing she knew, she crashed into the rear of the car. Was she okay? Everything was fine, nothing broken? Besides the damage done to the car, everything was fine. She was okay.
That's when the car behind her hit. It was a big car, going fast, and swerving from the wet road. It hit her hard from behind. It threw her through the windshield headfirst, tossing her across the car she had crashed into, landing on the black tar road. There was silence. Nothing but the rain that poured down on her still body.
Nothing. Just, nothing now. Nothing...
__
"Donghae," Ryeowook wiped his wet cheeks. "do you know how much I just want to forget? I wish we could just completely forget each other existed."
"Don't say things like that." Donghae hugged his friend. "You're just upset."
"I mean it, Donghae. If forgetting is what it takes to just make me feel happy again, then I mean it. Maybe it would've been best if we just never knew each other. If we didn't. none of this would've happened."
"Ryeowook, you're not thinking clearly. You're just upset. You know you don't mean that."
Ryeowook's phone began to ring. He pulled away from Donghae and pulled his phone from his pocket. It was SoonYee.
Ignore.
It was probably just Sungah using her sister's phone to call so he'd answer. Or just SoonYee trying to apologize for Sungah. He didn't want to hear it.
It rang again. SoonYee.
Ignore.
It rang again. What could she possibly want right now? He finally pressed the answer, putting it to his ear.
"What do you want, SoonYee? I'm not in the mood to talk." Ryeowook said a bit meaner than he wanted to. It took him a second to realize SoonYee was crying. "SoonYee? What's wrong?"
"She-She was on her way over there to tell you something-" SoonYee mumbled through her hysteric tears. "I told her not to go, but she went anyway and-"
"SoonYee, what happened?" Ryeowook asked.
"Sungah, she...Th-There was an accident."
"What do you mean by, accident?"
"Just, just come to the hospital. Please." SoonYee sobbed. SoonYee hung up the phone in a hurry, leaving Ryeowook in a shock.
"What's wrong?" Donghae asked. He got no response. He waved his hand in front of Ryeowook's face. "Ryeowook? Talk to me, come on. What happened?"
All Ryeowook could feel at that moment, was his world ending. It was crashing down upon him. A single tear fell down his cheek. Another minute passed before he finally found the will to speak.
"Take me to the hospital."
What had he done?
__
Ryeowook ran inside and found SoonYee and her mother sitting together outside the room.
"Ryeowook-" Theresa, Sungah's mother, stood and hugged him. He cried. One tear after another. His face was wet, his eyes were red and swollen, his lips trembled. He felt so lost.
"What happened?" Ryeowook struggled to speak.
"She was in a three car pile up." Theresa answered, crying as well. "She hit her head going through the windshield."
Ryeowook cried harder, feeling his body go completely numb. "Is...Is she alive?"
"She was when they brought her here. They had to take her into emergency surgery." Theresa wiped her own tears. "I don't know how she is now."
That was his breaking point. He collapsed to the floor, feeling his tears wet his cheeks, and blur his swollen eyes. Donghae, standing behind him, knelt down and put an arm around him, feeling his tears streaming down his own face.
"This is my fault. I said those things..." Ryeowook's voice was shaky and quiet. "This-This can't happen. She's pregnant, this can't happen! This is all my fault!"
"It's not your fault." Donghae hugged him tighter. "Don't you ever say that, okay? It's not your fault."
Another hour later, the doctor approached Sungah's mother. The wait was over.
"She's going to be okay." The doctor patted Theresa's shoulder. "She had some internal bleeding, but she'll be okay. She shows no signs of going into a coma, so she should be awake shortly when the drugs wear off. When she's awake and focused, we'll start some short and long-term memory testing."
"Let me see her." Ryeowook stood. "Please. I need to see her."
"Family first." The doctor replied.
"He's coming with us." SoonYee stood, walking over to Ryeowook. "Let's go, mom."
"I'm not sure if she would want to see me." Theresa hesitated before walking in. "That fight we had...She doesn't want to see me."
"You don't know that." Ryeowook held her hand.
The three walked in. She was awake, just opening her eyes the moment they entered. She looked confused, tired, the bright lights looked like they hurt her head the way she winced in pain.
"SoonYee?" Sungah muttered, seemingly in a daze, like she was going to slip out of consciousness again. "My head hurts."
She had multiple cuts and bruises. There were scrapes on her chin, her forehead, her arms, her lip had been busted open but was closed with stitches. On an impulse, Ryeowook ran over to her.
"I'm so sorry, Sungah. This was all my fault. I'm so sorry." Ryeowook grabbed her hand, but she yanked it away. Of course, she was angry with him. Everything he had said to her, she was angry. She had every right to be mad at him. He was cruel to her. He walked away when she needed him most.
"Sungah, sweetheart. I'm so sorry for everything I said." Ryeowook pleaded.
Sweetheart.
"Don't call me that." Sungah voice rose a little. "Leave now, please."
SoonYee was shocked as well. Before Sungah left, she said she loved him. Why was she acting like this all of a sudden?
"Sungah, are you joking around?" Ryeowook hoped she was. "It's not funny. Why are you being like this? I really am sorry for those things I said. Please forgive me."
Sungah turned and looked at him. She looked right into his eyes. His red, swollen, tear-filled eyes. The tears he cried for her. Sungah didn't even hesitate.
"I don't know you."