"You have nothing to apologize for."
"I give up!"
I couldn't help but laugh at Zayn as he withdrew his hand from my stomach, an annoyed expression etched onto his face as he eyed the round surface. "Oh!" I gasped, grabbing quickly for his fingers again, but the baby's kick had come and gone in the same second. "You missed it, Zayn! I told you to wait!"
For fifteen minutes, we had been sitting here trying to get Zayn to feel the baby kick. As soon as I had let the boys know that Harry and I had felt it, they were all eager to feel it for themselves, and since Zayn happened to be the least busy and apparently on 'Alice Watch' as they were now calling it to, and I'm quoting Louis here, 'keep me from trying to get things on high shelves', he was getting to try and feel the kick. We had been unlucky thus far.
"Dammit!" he grumbled, his attention on my stomach again. He narrowed his gaze at it. "Can't you just kick when my hand is there? Is that too much to ask?"
"I don't think the baby can hear you," I said, giggling as Zayn rolled his eyes and once again withdrew his touch. He flopped back into the couch, easing an arm around my shoulder as he did so. My legs almost instantly stretched across his lap. It was a comforting position, something familiar, since it had become a bit of a habit for Zayn and I to sit like this when we watched television together.
Zayn's focus was now on the fifth Harry Potter movie that had conveniently come on the channels, and he was laughing at something one of the Weasley twins had said onscreen when Harry (not the wizard, unfortunately) walked in.
After having thrown up a second time, and having Harry witness it, I'd shooed him out of the room so that I could wash up. He'd begrudgingly left and when I finally left my room, it was only Zayn present in the house. Apparently the rest of the boys were all out taking care of something--something that I tried to understand, but didn't get anywhere with.
It had been four hours since that point, and in all honesty, it surprised me that he was back so soon. I had expected to spend the entire day with Zayn, considering whenever the boys had something important to do, it was usually an all-day sort of thing.
Harry looked tired. That was the first thing that I noticed. It seemed as if he could do with a good nap right about now. He paused in the center of the room, blocking my view, but thankfully not Zayn's, of the television. His eyes narrowed in on us sitting together and I saw the briefest flash of something across his face before it went emotionless.
"Alice?" Harry's voice was monotonous as he addressed me and I frowned, meeting his gaze. "Would you come with me to the kitchen for a moment? I need to talk to you." He spoke so formally that I almost made a comment on it, but decided otherwise as I lifted myself from the couch. Zayn was so involved in the movie that he barely registered Harry and I leave the room.
"What is it--"
"Were you with anyone while we were apart?" Harry's question cut off mine, and I stared at him, my mouth falling open in shock. His tone was so hostile, his eyes so dark. He looked absolutely livid, and I had no idea why.
"Wait, what?" I spluttered in confusion. "Are you insane, Harry? That's--"
"Just answer the damn question," he snapped. He had begun to move towards me, and out of instinct I'd moved away, only to have my back gently hit the wall a moment later. Harry towered over me, his arms folded over his chest. I was grateful for the barrier.
"No," I spoke confidently. "These past two years the only person that I've been with is you. Why in the hell would you even question that?"
"Well you seem to be getting pretty cozy withZayn," he sneered.
My jaw fell slack and I almost laughed. Almost. The idea of Zayn and I being together was so ludicrous, so preposterous, that I couldn't believe that Harry had even thought about it, let alone said it out loud. It was true that I had grown close to Harry's previous second. He was excited for the baby and seemed to enjoy my company as much as I did his. At first, he was a bit over-the-top about it all, but I'd quickly learned that when he was younger, his mother had been pregnant with a baby, and she'd lost it. He had been excited to become a big brother, and the news completely devastated him, therefore he'd promised me that he would make sure that I had a good pregnancy. It was rather sweet and unexpected, but he'd only reminded me that he did happen to care for me--all of the boys did.
"What are you on?" I hissed, my hands coming up to try and push Harry's close proximity away. I hated that he could seem so intimidating just because he had a tall, looming height, not to mention the fact that his strength overpowered mine tenfold.
He raised an eyebrow at both my feeble attempts and my unexpected question. "Not Zayn."
If he had been surprised by my words, it was nothing compared to how shocked I felt at his. The snarky comeback seemed like something Harry would say, definitely, just not the Harry that I had seen since he'd returned. I'd known that it was only a matter of time before the sweet, caring, "my-girlfriend's-having-a-baby" Harry disappeared. I just hoped that his jealousy wouldn't taint all of that.
"I'm serious, Harry, you're not even making sense!" I cried in frustration as I glared up at his angry expression. "I've never even looked at any of the other boys in any romantic or sexual way, and you know it. Since you left before, I have gotten closer to them, but no one has ever even come close to you."
"Cuddling on the couch doesn't seem toounromantic to me," he bit back, grasping at the one bit from my miniature rant and holding onto it. "Might as well be fucking him, Alice!"
I had to bite down onto my tongue to stop from screaming out loud. I was beyond frustrated now. How could Harry think that way after everything we'd been through? It just seemed so ludicrous.
"How can you even say that?" I finally retaliated. "Who did I make love to? You. Who did I put all of my trust in you? You. Whose baby am I having?" I didn't feel the need to even answer my own question again. "You're just not making sense, Harry! I feel like you're trying to cause more problems! We have enough of them already what with you sleeping around and--"
"Are you really going to start this shit up again?" Harry cut across me angrily. "I already told you that I was sorry, but you just can't let it go--"
"LET IT GO?!" I screamed. "You want me to let it go? Sorry doesn't mean one damn thing to me because you said that the first time you slept around! I'm over here pregnant and what are you doing? Getting drunk and sleeping with whores!"
"At least she was a hot whore!"
Our yells were echoing around the kitchen, and I was sure that Zayn could hear us, not to mention the fact that if Harry was home, the rest of the boys couldn't have been far behind. "Well what's that supposed to mean?" My voice had deflated some, hurt overtaking all of the anger residing in my system.
"I'm so fucking done with this," was the only thing Harry came back with as he shoved angrily from the wall behind me. I flinched away from his fury, a squeak of surprise and fear coming from me as Harry abruptly knocked the toaster off of the counter, sending it crashing into the kitchen table. "I come back, and all you do is nag and whine and complain! I want to spend time with you, yet whenever I try, you start getting pissy because you don't understand anything and everyone's being cryptic! Well I'm fucking done!"
"That's not fair and you know it!" I was screaming again, tears streaming relentlessly down my face. "You left me without any good explanation, and so far all I've gotten is that you slept with a random girl! Don't you dare tell me that you're done, Harry! That's not fair!"
"You know what's not fair? Life. Life isn't fair and it never will be!" Harry had stormed back over to me, but I held my ground against his towering height. "So get the fuck over yourself, Alice. Stop acting like this is all about you because it fucking isn't."
I didn't mean to slap him. I guess it was just instinct. I was so angry, so absolutely furious with Harry, that my hand just whipped across his face without any warning. But as soon as it had, everything in me diminished into a horrible fear as I backed up against the wall. "Oh my god," I whispered, eyes wide when I saw the red mark on his face.
"I'm so sorry," I breathed. Harry didn't move. His head was turned to the side, his mouth slightly parted as if he couldn't believe that I had just slapped him. I couldn't believe it either.
I rushed forward, trying desperately to turn his head to look at me but he shoved me away before stalking out of the kitchen, the sound of the door slamming shut a moment later rattling the entire house. My entire body was shaking as I stared ahead of me. Harry and I had never really fought. There were petty arguments here and there, but we had never fought like this.
"Alice?" I didn't turn at the sound of Niall's voice. I couldn't move. "Hey, it's okay." He was standing right in front of me now, looking down at my face through worried, blue eyes. "He'll come back. He's just angry right now."
I didn't answer Niall as I abruptly turned and fled the kitchen, heading straight for my bedroom. As soon as I was there, I locked the door, sunk down onto the floor, and cried.
---
My fingers ran gently over the surface of the water, testing it's temperature. I was pleased with the hot liquid that touched my hands and settled back onto the closed toilet lid to wait for the tub to fill up. I had added a considerable amount of soap, and bubbles were now frothing to the top of the water, billowing out in big, fluffy clouds.
I had discovered that hot baths not only helped soothe my recurring back and neck aches and pains, but they were also incredibly relaxing, especially right before I went to bed. As soon as the tub had filled to a reasonable amount, I shut the water off and shed my clothing, kicking it into the corner.
The bubbles enveloped me as I sunk into the warmth, sighing in content when it hit my bare skin. I leaned back against the slippery material of the tub and shut my eyes, another soft sight escaping my lips as I did so.
I had been laying there for five minutes, possibly less, when there was a light tap at the door. I sighed, slowly opening my eyes and glancing at the closed entrance. "Go away," I called, a bit rudely, though we could just blame that on pregnancy hormones. A soft chuckle resonated from the other side before a familiar voice seeped through the wood.
"It's only me."
The husky tone was instantly recognizable to my ears and I felt a blush take over my cheeks as the door opened without any consent. Harry stepped through the space before gently shutting it behind him while I quickly assured that the bubbles covered me enough.
When Harry turned, his eyes took in my heated cheeks, but he said nothing as he took a seat on the closed toilet and rested his elbows on his knees so that he could look at me more easily. "Hi," he spoke softly.
"Hi," I replied back, frowning a bit. "What are you doing here?"
Harry merely shrugged, his gaze roaming over the length of the bath before his eyes caught mine again. "Are you feeling alright?" he asked.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Another shrug. "The boys said you haven't really eaten all day. Do you feel nauseous?"
I grimaced. I'd only ventured out of my bedroom once after Harry had left earlier, and that was to confirm to everyone that I was, in fact, still kicking upon Louis' request. They'd offered me food, but I'd been quick to deny it before hurrying back to my bedroom. Niall and Zayn had been at the door trying to get me to eat multiple times, but I'd refused everything. I just wasn't up for it.
"Not really," I admitted, my fingers absentmindedly touching the white fluff surrounding me. "I just don't feel like eating."
"Well you have to eat something," Harry pointed out, raising an eyebrow at me. "Remember, you're not just feeding you."
I stared at Harry's face for a moment, my eyes narrowing at him. I hated how he was talking so casually, as if we hadn't had a major blowout earlier in the day, as if I hadn't slapped him, as if he hadn't stormed out. I bit my tongue on the matter though, because all I could think about was how Harry had told me that all I did was complain.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"Don't be," Harry brushed it off, watching me inquisitively. "Do you want something to eat? Louis made spaghetti."
"Uh, sure."
I felt so awkward. The suppressed tension in the room was almost palpable, yet Harry seemed to be ignoring it, or at least attempting to as he offered me a small smile before standing and leaving the bathroom just as quickly as he had come.
I sighed, feeling thoroughly uninterested in my bath now. I had managed to calm myself down from earlier, and as my sleepiness wore on, slipping into the hot water even for a little bit seemed tempting, but now that Harry had returned and was acting as if nothing had happened, I felt an odd annoyance fill up my entirety, thereby tainting the relaxing, peaceful atmosphere.
I floated around in the hot water for a few more moments before finally just standing up and drying off. Luckily, my thick, fluffy robe was hanging on the door, and as soon as my skin was free of any moisture, I slipped it on.
I was about to pad out into my bedroom when I realized that my hair was a wet and tangled mess, and if I let it dry like that, it would be hell to comb out. With an aggravated sigh, I rummaged through one of the bathroom drawers before raising up my hairbrush to rid myself of the knots.
"Your plate is out--" Harry cut himself off as he walked back in, nearly bumping into me in the process. I didn't look at him, instead focusing on the task at hand as I tried to brush out the wet strands of messy hair. My entire body froze when Harry came up right behind me, his fingers stretching out for the plastic hairbrush in my hand. I met his gaze in the mirror. "May I?"
I hesitated before slackening my grip on the brush and allowing Harry to take it. He paused for a moment, his fingers brushing along my wet tresses, before guiding the bristles through the knots. "Ow, Harry, careful," I muttered, shooting him a look through the mirror. He stopped, glancing up with a sheepish smile. "Sorry."
From that point, he was a lot gentler, one large palm resting against the back of my shoulder while the other one was holding onto my waist, the pressure feather-light. I tilted my head back some as he worked his way through the tangles, his tongue poked out of the side of his mouth in concentration. It was almost funny, the look of determination on Harry's face.
"Done," he spoke quietly after a few minutes, his gaze lingering on my freshly brushed hair before he met my eyes through the mirror. I watched as his arms wrapped snugly around my waist, his chin coming to rest on my shoulder after he had planted a soft kiss to my cheek. "You smell good," he mumbled after a moment.
"Thanks," I whispered back before carefully turning in his hold. He straightened up so that he could look down at me. Without any hesitation, I raised up onto my tiptoes and pressed a firm kiss to Harry's cheek before dotting my lips across the entire surface. Harry's fingers scratched lightly at my lower back as I administered the gentle touches to his face.
"Mm," he hummed in appreciation as my mouth trailed lightly along his jaw and then down his neck. I paused at the base of his throat before ghosting my lips back up, leaving one final kiss on his cheek before settling back onto my feet.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, gazing up at him.
At first, I was simply irritated with Harry for interrupting my bath and acting as if nothing had happened, but it didn't take much for him to have me wanting to be able to be sweet with him without it feeling awkward.
He shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"Harry--"
"I deserved all of that," he cut me off quietly. "You were right. What I said and did wasn't fair. You're pregnant and you're scared and I was just being stubborn, but I understand now that you want answers, and you deserve them... I guess I was just trying to hold onto whatever happy moments I could get."
My heart ached at Harry's words. We had been through so much. It made sense for Harry to want to try to just hang onto all of the good that might come our way, because there really wasn't much of it. I got back on my tiptoes, my hands gently resting against Harry's neck as I pulled his lips to mine. Our mouths meshed together perfectly, as they always did.
"I'm sorry," I repeated as Harry leaned his forehead against mine.
"Stop it," he frowned. "I'm sorry. I'm the one that fucked everything up."
I sighed. I wasn't about to argue again with Harry, and I could see our conversation heading down that route. Harry seemed to notice this too.
"Anyways, I decided that I'm going to try my best to give you the answers that I can," he stated quietly. My eyes widened and I raised an eyebrow. Harry chuckled at my expression as he put his arms on either side of my body, his hands resting against the bathroom counter. "I know how it feels to be in the dark about things, and I know that it's not fun. Paired with the fact that you do happen to be pregnant and hormonal, I thought it best not to completely push it and tell you everything right away, but some things are acceptable."
"Oh great, so my being pregnant is going to keep me halfway in the dark," I grumbled playfully. "At least I can blame that on you."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "I do believe that sex is a two-person job, and you weren't complaining when you were moaning--"
"Okay, okay," I interrupted him quickly, a blush igniting in my cheeks. Harry grinned as he bent down and kissed the freshly red skin. "I love when I make you blush," he said softly.
"You mean when you embarrass me?" I clarified.
His grin widened. "That too."
Before I could reply, there was a tap at the door followed by Louis' voice. "Look, I know you two have a habit of getting carried away and all, but it's been ten minutes. Hurry it along!"
Harry chuckled as my face heated up even more. "We should probably get out there," he said, amusement heavy in his voice. I smacked his chest lightly which only caused him to grin in response before he pulled open the door, his fingers entwining with mine as we walked out into my room. I knew he was heading us to the living room, but he paused in the hallway, turning back to face me.
"Are you ready?" he asked seriously.
I raised an eyebrow. "For food? I'm always ready for--"
"No," he cut me off with an amused shake of his head. "I told you that I was giving you answers... I sort of have one of them here."
I frowned in confusion. "I don't follow."
Harry sighed, his gaze carefully scanning my face for a moment before he nodded to himself. "You'll see," he murmured gently before he removed his touch from my hand, only to wrap an arm carefully around my waist. "Come on."
Harry seemed to be taking his sweet time in walking to the living room, but this only made me want to speed up. I was curious about whatever 'answer' I was about to get, whatever piece of the puzzle I was about to find, but I suddenly understood Harry's slight anxiousness when we stopped in the doorway to the room where there were five people instead of four.
The newest addition to the house sat between Louis and Liam. Everyone looked up when we entered, all of their gazes falling on Harry and I, and the newcomer smiled slightly, dimples immediately popping in cheeks that reminded me of Harry's. My eyes widened.
"Alice, I'd like you to finally meet my sister, Gemma."