This story is taking a turn to the most unexpected path. But more the intense, more the lustful it's going to get. The ending is very well planned. So reader's just brace yourselves, because the story might get a little intense and shocking with cliff-hangers now, but the most erotic and horny things are yet to come.
❝After all, stories like this should end in strawberries and chocolate syrup! ❞
(If you know what I mean) 😝😝
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Stacy's perspective:
The sleep you get after your mind is finally back to it's order is one of the best termed sleeps. Yesterday wasn't perfect, but the night, after everything was out in the open, it was. The relief you feel when there are no more things you need to hunt down for, is just ecstasy. I like it this way, so much less confusion and so much less dishonesty.
I do wonder how we are going to sort this out but I believe we can do it a little more less chaotic than yesterday. How I would talk to Chris again, without getting the picture of him and Olivia, how my mom had acted yesterday— drunk, shattered and devastated.
What gran might have spoken to Atticus last night or how things between him and me would change from now. I hated thinking about Nick, the feelings of hatred and nausea erupted inside me as his face flashed in my mind. I needed to end this, end whatever the ruin I was trying to do to myself.
Missing Bonnie was just a normal doze of craving I had everyday. But my mind did agree, just for a second that if Luke is right this time, if he can make Bonnie happy—for real, then I should be able to support them. It's not that easy to get over first love, who better than me to know that?
I hug my pillow as these thoughts just cross my morning mind. When I shift from my back to my side, my eyes slowly open.
I see blurry images around me. Objects getting into focus and the strike of sunlight beams through them. I shut them when the light is too much and wait for a few more seconds before opening it again. I sigh, saying 'hello' to the new day in my own words. I scowl sitting up when I see I have an audience for my sleep.
"Jesus mom," I slightly calmed when her eyes bore onto mine.
Calm like how it was, years before. No makeup and no masks. Just herself, the slight brownish eyes which almost looked like it was carved from wood. Her taffy pink lips curving on her sober face.
"Good morning sweetie." She gently brushed my cheek with her palms.
My eyes were still demented as I looked at her. It had been a long while since she spoke to me this way, rather even entered my room. I did find it warm and nice but it looked so weird.
I smiled back anyway, and she removed her hand.
"After last night," she looked down on the bed, refusing to meet my gaze. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way, but you needed to find out Stacy." She sighed getting her eyes back to mine for just a glance.
"It's okay mom, I'm over it. It's no use dwelling about the past. What is important is how sensibly we lead out future." I sat up properly, just observing the emotions flashing in her eyes.
"Thank you," she got up, still looking at her legs.
"For what mom?" I asked frowning.
"For understanding me, and forgiving me." She looked up with tears in her eyes. "But I'm afraid there is something else you should know."
I closed my eyes; just when I assumed everything was out in open, there had to be a cut in the circle of hope. I nodded slightly opening my eyes. Awaiting the shock which is going to fill my ears.
"Not now," Her head slightly shook. "Get ready, I'm going to take you to Café Monarch."
With that, she just left the room. My face just mirroring with horror-filled shocked.
She needs to be forgiven with something else too. It's not only for last night.
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We parked in front of the Café and I slowly got off mom's car. I turned up to the big board which was how it always was. The creme yellow background and the white block letters. It's still the usual with a bell attached to the door so they can notify when people came and when they went. I stepped in and I reckoned mom followed.
"Oh Jesus bless us," I heard a shriek from the reception table.
The voice was from a middle aged young women with strands of dark brow hair lightening near the tips. Her olive green eyes delighted to see my mom while I stood there unnoticed. We turned to her when her, slightly I wouldn't call fat, but a healthy, short body came ahead of us.
"Leah Anderson, about time you gave this place a visit." She clapped her hands and rested it on her cheek.
"Hey..uh Nikki, nice to see you too." Mum replied smiling.
But I caught the hesitation that very instant.
"And I thought you guys moved to some other state." She beamed. "Quite long a while isn't it-- Oh my.." She made an 'o' face turning to me. "This must be Stacy angel." She stepped forward towards me.
I wanted to push her from me and then just stick myself to a corner but I didn't have time. She held onto my cheeks and she pulled it, like I was some teddy bear.
"Whoa whoa--" I pushed her hand, awkwardly smiling.
"How old is this pumpkin?" Nikki turned to mom.
"Uh, 18." Mom nervously scratched her eyebrows.
"Good God, she was like three or four when I last saw her, she looks so beautiful now." Nikki beamed at me again.
"Er--thanks," I shrugged looking away.
"Oh and Leah..." she dragged her voice and I rolled my eyes. "Why are you so pale? The bags under your eyes, haven't you been sleeping well? Aren't you not well--"
And her interference in our life dragged on and on and ugh! Okay I need to tape her mouth shut and seal her tongue.
I coughed looking at mom who just begged me with her eyes to stop Nikki from talking.
"Hey where's James? Why, is he out parking your car?" She peeked out through the door.
My insides froze again, and I felt mom groan under her breath.
I cleared my throat, "Okay Nikki. My dad died thirteen years ago. Mom remarried six months before; and yesterday, we had a family crisis which most likely will end this marriage of hers as well. She was drunk yesterday, shattering glasses and she's completely broken on the inside. Here we are, trying to lighten things up so please don't make it anymore difficult for us. We've already been through enough hell." I smiled coughing again. "We'd like a table for two, please."
I was positioning myself ready to catch her eyes which were almost going to pop out of their sockets. I smiled more when I saw mom widen her eyes at me too. I coughed, more purposely to snap Nikki out of her thoughts.
"I'm s-so sorry. I didn't know that James--"
"Uh, not helping Nikki." I whispered and then stood up straight.
She nodded. "This way ma'am, your table is ready."
"Thanks." Mum gave a pale smiled and I nodded.
We sat on a table having two chairs opposite to each other. The waiter guy gave us the menu and I started to flip pages. To go with some light brunch, we ordered some lasagna and two drinks each. We ordered some coffee mousse for dessert and settled for the food.
"Yes mom, I think you can take your stance." I nodded leaning onto the table.
She scratched her eyebrow again and I wondered what my ears are going to witness. I looked at her, my mind completely open and acceptance to new things without any expectation.
"Okay." She breathed out loudly, closing her eyes. "Recently, from past couple of months, I've been visiting a bar, on a daily basis."
I looked down when shame got to the most of me. I couldn't look at her, forget imagining those words. My mom, in some faraway pub just wearing that short maroon dress and dancing her mind out just so she doesn't have to be broken anymore.
"Did you cheat on Chris?" I asked nearly hissing.
"Yes." The answer I perfectly expected. A small smile tugged on my face, dishonesty has become a trend in this universe.
"Wow, thanks for the honesty mom. You are making a perfect role model of yourself for your daughter." I beamed now, showing all the pain on my face.
"It's not like that Stacy. He reminded me a lot of James, your dad's eyes, the way he used to smile, even the way he danced. Slow but always looked into my eyes and made me feel like I'm the most special--"
"Mom, no need for details. I'm your daughter, not your best friend."
"Yeah," hurt flashed in her eyes. This was not something you would discuss with your daughter when you've just told her that you cheated on someone you vowed not to. And that is pretty unacceptable. "Well, I had found about Chris, and I was deeply hurt."
"I can understand." I nodded biting my lip.
"I never wanted you or Atticus to find out about this, but how long do you think I could succumb and mountain up all my pain? Stacy, I couldn't do it anymore. We were clearly out of love and I needed a distraction." Her eyes seemed to glow with pain, she did witness the worst phase in her life right now.
"And then, what happened mom?"
"It went on Stacy. I could easily find that he wasn't into me. He was so openly cheating, we had to plan on what to lie. Everything was fake, everything was so unreal and emotionless. I craved for being loved." She sobbed and tears rolled down.
"So was I mom, I needed love as much as you needed it." I whispered.
"No Stacy, you needed it more than I ever did. This was a phase in your teenage life where I was supposed to be there for you, listen to all your happiness and tears, back you up when you called out for me. And instead, I just shut you out. I let you stand back up all on your own and it kills me Stacy, the guilt kills me that I haven't been a good mother when all I wanted you to have was just eternal love." Her words were causing a hurricane of emotions inside me.
She wasn't wrong but she wasn't there.
"So you just kept seeing this guy everyday? Did that make you feel any better?" I asked dragging back.
"I--"
"Ma'am your lasagna and your mocktails." A guy in white shirt and a black bow smiled at us.
I nodded and he kept the dishes down on the table. Equally serving the amount, he nodded smiling again. There are so many reasons one can be happy about. But forcing yourself to be happy even at the most aching situations, is the most important act you need to do to stay alive. Alive on the inside.
"Thank you," I instantly replied and his smile became wider. I noted how simply two words can widen a curve on your face.
We silently ate, not even sparing a glance at the other while finishing our food off our plates. Periodically sipping to our mocktails, I found this silence to be a death warning. This silence was getting in between the relationship of a mother and a daughter.
And I deeply loathed it.
"The morning you came in, at around four I think?" She turned to me and I nodded. "That was the day I was ached the most. Not because Chris was cheating on me but--" she didn't complete the sentence when the sobs just darkened her face.
I let her find herself again, it wasn't easy to confess about the bad things you might have done, but it's more difficult when the person you are confessing to, holds a very sacred place in your life. I understood mum couldn't rush it all out. The sobs that broke so many words clearly defined that for me. But then again, how long can a lie be hidden?
"Mom, just tell it. You'll feel better, maybe." I shrugged hoping for nothing so 'soul-breaking.'
"I was pregnant."
I stared at her.
Disbelief and disgust filling inside my eyes, and holding them intact like how a bowl holds coal. Hot and still blazing. She couldn't have done it to an extent of creating another life, after spoiling so many others. I couldn't be having my mom concentrate on another baby when she couldn't even handle me. More of which hurt me was, I couldn't even call it my brother or a sister. It was a fatherless, family-less baby who would just face another lot of hard luck in its life.
But still, the thought of being three again surpassed my brain. We could give that baby all the happiness we expected to get. We could relive moments and mend our mistakes, because it is a life after all.
But when you know how poisonous life can get, you would think twice before creating another you'd want to indirectly destroy.
I shook my head, my eyes still burning with some hope that she bursts out laughing and tells me everything she just said was a made up, it was a prank and she hadn't crossed the line so much.
"Y-You're joking, r-right?" I awkwardly laughed.
She shook her head when more tears just hugged her face.
I heard a loud clatter and it snapped me out of my thoughts. I'd made my steel spoon fall off my hand and it hit the ground. Some eyes darted towards us and I winced. I instantly bent down and picked the spoon up, continuously shaking and pushing my hair behind my ear. My eyes blinking away the shock as it started to be absorbed in my brain.
"That's not it Stacy....C-Could you calm down?" Mom asked gently placing her hand on mine.
Is she really going to say that after she's broken the news that she's pregnant with another, unknown man's child inside her? How is Chris ever going to react to this?
"Oh Okay, that's not it then.. Then what is left, mom?" I sighed breathing heavily and lending my ear.
She looked at me and then she pulled her hand away. Ignoring my gaze again.
"I.. uh, I aborted it while you were gone."
I started coughing on my own breath, there seemed to be something stuck inside my throat when she said it. Like my intestine was twisted and then, pulled out of my mouth. My tears blurred my vision and I couldn't help but break down. My breathing heavily pacing up and I started to breathe from my mouth.
Gasping, unconditionally gasping for air, just to rethink whatever mum told me now.
"Y-You ab-aborted a b-baby? You k-killed it before even it w-was born? How could you be such a monster mom?" I was shouting, furiously at her.
My hand over my chest and I could feel the beat of my pulse raise up. She was staring at me, not believing the words I'd said. Heck, I myself couldn't believe. I was trembling now, too shocked to believe my mom killed two people, one for his sake and one for her own sake.
"I-I would have forgiven you eventually mom, I would have accepted you. We would have been a family of three. You could have mended the mistake you made with me by showing love and care to that baby. That baby, could have lived a happy life, at least experience what life was. And you, you killed it? Without concerning anyone, you just killed it? How could you be so heartless? Didn't you think it was important to save one life when you killed another, thirteen years back?" My voice so high, I was glad there were minimum people in this Café to listen but I knew I was loud to some.
Her palms started to tremble. I shook my head at her when she didn't reply to me. I started to calm myself down when my face was soaked in tears.
"I did it for you. I didn't want you to feel left out, I didn't want to live in the guilt of giving birth to another when I couldn't even take care of one. Stacy, I felt so bad, I even tried to kill myself for it. I had already walked to the kitchen with a knife in my hand. But when I cut a slit and blood dripped down, I feared. I feared how you would survive alone and I feared how you would feel when you find out everything. I wanted you to be the happiest but I failed miserably every step. First as a wife, then a mother, a step-mother, a second wife and now even as a person. I already feel lifeless, and I never intended to kill it. But having one would only mean for us to struggle much more and that's the last thing I want for us. I need us, to be happy. To find ourselves again and to live, just breathe without any aches. T-That's all I ever wanted, for all three of us, but I failed. I love you Stacy, so much." She bit her lip and fisted her hands.
I couldn't say anything. I was out of words, I didn't know what I should say to make her feel better. I got up from my chair, wiping all my tears.
"I need to use the loo, I need a minute and we'll sort this out." I stated and I saw her nod.
I turned around and walked towards the restrooms. I dared not to look at any astonishing eyes which were glued to me.
I crashed against the sink on the washroom, breathing heavily. I looked at my reflection— I was shattered, my face looked like I just got operated or got up from Coma, and I hated how I panicked.
I heard the door knob of the restroom slightly click and I turned to one of the cubicles. Better to hide and cry than explain why I look so devastated.
I headed to the middle of the three cubicle and pulled the door open.
If there was anything more that could break my fragments into so many pieces that living and breathing would be so difficult, it was this sight.
Everything just broke now, leaving no fragment of hope in my heart. My shoulder's slumped and my eyes were tired from widening. I just sighed, panicking more. My breathing was so void, I had to grasp it from so far away.
All I wished for now is to pass out and never open my eyes again.
"O-Oh m-my--" I clasped my mouth shut, with my hands. I forced my palms to keep my mouth from talking. Tears just oozed out and my shoulders began to tremendously shake. I stepped back, seeing the visuals.
"Stacy! Fuck, No no no no no." Atticus shook his head stepping closer to me, reaching out to my shoulders.
"Oh my god, Stacy, we uh--we didn't expect you here." Caroline frightened up.
"This is all a misunderstanding, we..I uh, look I never wanted to do it. I need you okay, I need you in my life--" His voice was so distant, I felt tears not flowing through my eyes anymore.
My breathing slowed, but everything around me spun. Like a crazy roller coaster ride, I felt I was high on drugs. His lips moving in front of me, but my ears were just stinging with a peculiar siren sound. I slightly swayed and I think I hit his hard chest, his arms holding onto me, shaking me I reckon. But I felt numb. I felt drained out and I felt like it was the hardest to take in.
My eyes wearily closed and opened, feeling everything else to be numb. He was kissing her, in a cubicle of the ladies washroom at my dad's favorite restaurant where my mother now told me that she had aborted a stranger's kid.
I smiled, mocking my own self.
"...I love you okay? I love you so much, just open your eyes. The ambulance is coming, just stay. I love you." I heard his voice.
I didn't believe him anymore.
I didn't believe anything anymore.
"I wish to die, Atticus. Just end this for me." I whispered in the best, understandable way possible. His eyes creased and I knew I'd said it. "Just end it, please."
I wished to be with dad now, rather than any other human he'd left me with.
There was too much pain throbbing in the back of my head and just like that, everything around me became dark.