Ever since Lauren had left me with the comic book for Lara, I had read it an estimated twenty times. I couldn’t even remember when I had actually gone to sleep because I was so endeared about the story surrounding my daughter being a soccer-playing superhero. The more times I looked at the pictures capturing the storyline, the more I realized how horribly I had treated Lauren. Maybe she was right and the best thing I could do for her was let her be in peace after everything she had gone through because of me.
The next morning was the time for our departure. The entire team would head to the airport and then go their separate ways. I reached the lobby downstairs and saw Lauren with Normani. They were laughing about something on Normani’s iPad while I tried to maintain a low profile.
That was hard to do when I suddenly saw Ariana entering the hotel lobby. We hadn’t talked in a few days since our fight and therefore break-up I assumed. I was more than surprised to see her coming back. Thankfully not everyone was downstairs yet, so we had a few moments to ourselves. The shorter one approached me quickly and I was absolutely frozen.
“I couldn’t let you leave like that”, Ariana explained and I noticed Lauren looking at us out of the corner of my eye. “I didn’t mean to blow up, I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t mean to fight with you either”, I replied rather quietly even though it was impossible for Lauren to hear us due to the distance.
“You were right. I put you in a bad spot because I was jealous although you haven’t given me any reason to distrust you lately”, the light-brunette kept going while my head was spinning. “I don’t want to throw what we have away over a heated argument if you still want to be with me. And I won’t bring it up anymore, I promise.”
Ariana sounded hopeful and nervous at the same time. My heart was beating so fast which surprised me. I should have been over the moon about the prospect of getting back together with her. But I wasn’t. Something had changed.
“I think it’s best if we stay friends”, I said cautiously as my ex-girlfriend’s face fell.
“Oh”, she breathed apparently not expecting that answer. “Oh”, she repeated and I felt horrible for letting down another person I cared for.
“I’m so sorry”, I whispered and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. That seems to be the only thing I’m doing lately.”
“What’s changed?” she asked simply and looked at me intently.
“You’re an incredible person”, I responded truthfully. “You have always been there for me. Especially in those times when no one had been and I love you for that-“
“But you’re not in love with me”, she cut in and took the words out of my mouth. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been so direct but she hit the nail on the head. I had settled for her.
“No”, I confirmed just above a whisper and the older one exhaled loudly.
“Be honest with me”, she pleaded. “Are you in love with her?”
I knew who she was talking about without actually mentioning her name. My eyes almost darted to Lauren again but I couldn’t look at my teammate now or answer the question.
“Well, guess I’ve been right all along”, Ariana was clearly upset after my silence.
“No, I don’t know what I feel. It’s just all so confusing”, I confessed more frustrated but didn’t want her to think everything between us had been a lie. I genuinely cared about her but it wasn’t enough to sustain a relationship simply because it was comfortable.
“I probably shouldn’t say this but she’s going to hurt you again”, the singer warned me. “And then I won’t be there anymore to pick up the pieces.”
I knew she was angry and upset with me more so than Lauren. Still, her words scared me. The truth was that I had been hurting the other soccer player a lot more than the other way around. But the idea of us trying to be together and failing was the most terrifying thought yet. No one got more under my skin than the brunette beauty with emerald eyes. I could only imagine how much it would hurt if I lost her for good.
But hadn’t I already?
I apologized once more to Ariana before she left me with only my thoughts. For a split second my gaze met Lauren’s but she was determined to ignore me and I was too afraid to make a move. Before I knew it, I was back on my way to France while Lauren was heading to Boston. I thought the distance would lessen the constant thinking about her.
It didn’t.
-
For three weeks I had managed to go on like nothing had changed. I had gone back to Paris and continued where I had left off. Only something was different. I couldn’t ignore the fact that I had been incredibly wrong for doing what I had done to Lauren.
My guilty conscience was eating me alive. So much so, that even Dinah had noticed and had encouraged me to do what was causing me the biggest headache now. If I wanted to have any sort of forgiveness, I had to put in the effort. Even though it scared the crap out me, I had done something I never would have considered before.
I was back in Boston. Flying hours to see Lauren without her even knowing was risky. There was a possibility she wouldn’t want to talk to me; a pretty big possibility actually considering my last attempt. But I had to try. What else was there to do? She obviously didn’t believe when I tried talking to her during camp. It felt like I was being opportunistic but coming back to my previous home felt equally intimidating and exhilarating.
Since I had been to Lauren’s apartment before, I knew my way around and reached the brownstone building without any problems. The difficulty was ringing the bell. I had been standing in front of her door for almost fifteen minutes. A part of me couldn’t believe that I was actually there. Backing out now wasn’t an option. After a few more breaths, I finally rang the bell.
Inhaling very deeply, my eyes focused on the opening door but landed on Kristie. The blonde looked shocked.
“Hey”, my former teammate said clearly surprised.
“Hi”, I replied with a small smile before awkward silence ensued. “Is Lauren there?”
“Um yeah, sure”, she stammered. “Sorry, I was just surprised. It’s good to see you.” Kristie gave me a hug and made me feel more comfortable before pulling away. “I’m going to go out and get something to eat so you can…talk”, she said but I saw the concern in her eyes. “You know I love you, right? But if you hurt her again, I’ll have to kill you.”
Even though I knew she was joking, there was some sincerity behind that statement. It was blatantly obvious that she was worried about her friend but I understood it. Actually, it made me like her even more that she was such a good friend to Lauren. If only I could have said the same about myself.
“Fair enough”, I replied with a gentle smile and saw her doing the same.
“Go on in, she’s in the living room. See you later”, Kristie let me know before leaving the apartment. Slowly heading towards the living room, I heard Lauren’s voice and felt my pulse quickening instantly.
“Kristie? Who was at the do-“
Lauren was standing in front of the couch but dropped a book in her hand, stopping mid-sentence when she saw me. If Kristie had looked shocked, Lauren looked sorely shocked. But I was somewhat surprised myself. My eyes inadvertently scanned the older one. She was wearing an oversized sweater, some shorts that looked more like boxers but they were barely visible underneath the long, knitted jumper. Her hair was in a messy bun and the pair of black, horn-rimmed glasses perplexed me most.
She looked so fluffy and cute and…domestic! Sometimes I genuinely forgot she was also a college student. My heart was pumping violently when I started daydreaming for only a few moments; having breakfast with her while she looked like that and cuddling up to the soft fabric of her sweater…but I put a stop to those thoughts and reminded myself why I was here.
“Sorry, Kristie let me in. Is this a bad time?” I asked carefully as the other brunette seemed to recover from her shock.
“No, I am just studying”, she explained and I now realized the amount of folders and books placed all around the living room. “But I will be doing that for the next few days so now is as good as it gets, I guess. I was just making some coffee, do you want one?”
It was obvious that Lauren was nervous because she talked a lot faster than usual but at least she wasn’t kicking me out. Quite the opposite, she cleared the couch from all the study material and offered me a seat.
“That would be nice, thank you”, I accepted and saw her hurriedly walking to the open kitchen next. “No cre-“
“No cream and no sugar, I know”, the Miami native revealed knowing that I took my coffee black and made my heart flutter for some reason. I sat down on the couch and looked around the apartment. “It looks really different in here.”
“Yeah, I rearranged almost the entire apartment”, Lauren confirmed before joining me again with two coffees in her hands. “I thought I needed a change”, she added while giving me one cup of the hot beverages. Some women cut their hair when they started a new chapter; students of architecture renovated their apartment apparently.
“Well, it looks amazing. I mean, it looked great before as well”, I rambled slightly and became more aware of my own nerves. “How is the studying going?” I tried to make small-talk and took a sip from my coffee.
“I haven’t slept in 48 hours so it’s going great”, she said with a gentle laugh and I finally managed to look at her. My heart leaped once again. She was so close now, sitting next to me. Her smile faded slowly when neither of us spoke. The silence grew more uncomfortable as Lauren pushed the glasses up and made them settle on top of her hair. Her green eyes met my gaze carefully but looked away quickly and I decided to finally speak up. I was not someone who talked about their feelings and I never had been. But if I wanted to have any sort of relationship with Lauren, I had to be honest and open up; as hard as that was.
“You’re probably sick of my apologies by now but I am so incredibly sorry, Lauren”, I exhaled to slow down my pulse. “I never meant to hurt you. And even if there was no intent, I still did it and for that I’m sorry. What I’m most sorry for is taking you for granted.” Her eyes connected with mine when she heard that. “We had our issues in the beginning but you’ve been an amazing friend to me and Lara afterwards. And I didn’t appreciate it. I should have fought harder for our friendship when Ariana told me to stop speaking to you. You were right about what you said a few weeks ago. Even if I didn’t want to be with you, I could have at least tried to be your friend or not shut you out completely. I should have tried. That would have been the least I could have done after everything we had gone through.”
The older one was hard to read while I spoke. She didn’t seem upset or angry at all. Her eyes locked with mine from time to time for a moment but there was nothing too suspicious in them. Her ease and lack of emotion made it worse somehow. She seemed over it and that hurt more than I had expected.
“I appreciate that”, Lauren replied calmly but sounded genuine. “And I know you didn’t do these things to purposefully hurt me.”
“I’m not trying to make excuses”, I kept going in hopes to get more of a reaction from her. “I never fully realized how much I had hurt you until recently. I was so caught up in my own hurt that I didn’t see yours”, the words suddenly flowed out of me although I had never been keen on talking this bluntly about my emotions. “It was not fair of me because the experiences that made me so closed-off had nothing to do with you. But I made you pay for them; back when we were younger and now again.”
Still, the green-eyed remained nearly stoical but she wasn’t looking at me anymore. Either she was done with it or it was harder to keep up a cool façade. I was hoping for the latter and realized this was probably my last chance to be this honest with her. So I had to put it all out there.
“I would hate to think that I have hurt you to a point where it actually changed you”, I confessed and images from the past started infiltrating my brain. “I remember what you were like when we were younger”, my voice softened without me knowing as nostalgia took over. “The way you looked at me back then…no one has ever looked at me like that again. It felt so…pure and you wore your heart on your sleeve which made me absolutely crazy but also trust you. You were gentle and careful. I just hope I didn’t-“
“Destroy that side of me?” she suddenly finished my sentence and our eyes met abruptly because I was surprised she interrupted.
“Kind of”, I agreed in a low voice.
“Well, you did”, she replied and my heart took the biggest dive yet although she didn’t sound harsh. “But it was bound to happen at some point. It would have been someone else if you hadn’t done it probably. I was young, naïve and pretty innocent to be honest. I mean, you were only the second person I kissed and I had no idea you were even having sex at that point already”, the older one spoke matter-of-factly and I hated how guarded and seemingly jaded she seemed; which was ironic since I was playing that part usually and was to blame for her being like this now. “I fell hard but I learned my lesson. And I learned it again now. It’s better to protect yourself and not jump in like a crazy person. If you give someone your all and they don’t want you, then you’re left with nothing. To me it’s not a bad thing that I learned to make some smarter choices.”
Her words reminded me a lot of myself. It was my philosophy to play it safe after all. Remembering what I thought of for the past few weeks, I couldn’t keep quiet.
“Making the smart or safe choice does not necessarily mean it’s the right choice”, I responded just above a whisper and saw a little crack in her exterior. Her left eyebrow kinked slightly but then returned to her unreadable expression.
“Maybe”, she breathed. “But it’s the only choice I’m willing to make.”
I nodded understandingly because this was my doing. The fight between us at the beach party in Miami popped up in my head. She had said it herself: I had broken her. And to make it even worse, I had done it again. There was no relief or forgiveness because the damage I had done was irreversible. And I probably didn’t deserve any absolution.
“Look, you didn’t have to come here”, she added when I kept quiet. “I won’t hold a grudge and I don’t want to fight anymore. We can be cordial when we see each other at camp and stuff but… I can’t be your friend, Camila. You have a new life and I’m focusing on mine. You were right in that there was probably a reason why we didn’t work out although we were both living in Boston. It’s time to move on. There is too much history at this point.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded again. Now I wasn’t sure what I had expected coming here. This felt so final. There was no yelling and fighting; no tension and overwhelming feelings. It was really over, wasn’t it?
“I understand”, I said after a few moments but pulled out something from my purse. Handing Lauren the paper, she looked surprised but finally smiled when realizing she was holding Lara’s drawing. “I had to give you this from her. She got yours but you never got hers so I thought I’d bring it with me.”
“Thank you”, Lauren smiled more affectionately.
“Thank you for listening to me”, I replied and noticed how endeared she looked when her eyes focused on the drawing again. “But since when are you wearing glasses?” I asked because I was genuinely curious and didn’t want another round of awkward silence.
“I only wear them when I have to read that much and my eyes get strained”, the central-midfielder explained and somehow the drawing had broken the ice a little more it seemed. At least Lauren showed some more authentic emotion this time by blushing mildly. “I look nerdy, I know.”
“First the comic book and now the glasses”, I couldn’t help myself but go back to our old patterns and tease her. “Looks like you’re not as cool as you think you are.”
“I like being a loser and doing nothing actually”, she smirked slightly and the memory of my daydreams concerning her domestic-look returned.
“Oh really? I thought you were big woman on campus and life of the party?”
“I’m getting old, I guess”, the girl with the messy bun shrugged.
“Seems like it because you have a grey hair there”, I pointed to a spot on her head and her eyes shot open wide.
“Oh my God! Where?!” she almost freaked out and I started laughing so she realized I had been joking. Her fist connected to my forearm when she punched me. “Ouch!”
“You’re an asshole! You scared the shit out of me”, Lauren laughed only mildly offended but mostly relieved.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist”, I admitted and saw her grinning from ear to ear. The butterflies in my stomach were out of control. This was the Lauren I knew and had fallen in love with at the youth teams. I sighed gently and felt my eyes looking at those desirable lips before she cleared her throat.
“I should get back to studying”, Lauren snapped me back to reality.
“Yeah, of course. I don’t want to keep you”, I said but that was a lie. I would have wanted nothing more than keeping her from her studies. But lunging over to kiss her and start a heavy making-out session with the nerdy-looking student wasn’t an option. I surprised myself by how much I genuinely wanted to have a shot of being with her. It became more evident every time I saw her. Too bad I had ruined all of my chances.
Lauren accompanied me to the front door and there was another awkward moment because neither of us knew how to say goodbye. I was too much of a coward to hug her because her arms were crossed. It didn’t take an expert in body language to know she was being defensive and protecting herself, literally.
“Well, I’ll see you in two weeks already for the game against England”, I touched upon the fact that we would be together for the USWNT again soon.
“Yeah”, Lauren simply mumbled and seemed a little more nervous by now. I was extremely tempted to lean in and give her a kiss on the cheek at least but I couldn’t. The fear of rejection was too strong.
“Alright, see you then”, I replied instead and tried my best not to sound defeated, which failed miserably.
“See you then. Have a safe flight”, the older one wished sincerely and smiled gently. “And…give Lara a kiss from me as a Thank You for the drawing”, she added while her cheeks were flushing subtly.
“I will”, I couldn’t help but smile. “Bye.”
“Bye.”
I walked down the corridor and had to admit to myself that my last attempt had brought some clarity. It wasn’t the ending I wanted but I felt a sense of closure. The fact that I would see her again in two weeks worried me though. If I wanted her that much after seeing her for a few minutes, I had no idea what would happen after a day or two.
There was definitely a battle between my heart and head that told me completely contradictory things. Keep fighting for her when she had just told me that she wanted us to move on? Or comply with her wish and accept our rollercoaster ride had come to an end?
I had two weeks to figure it out until our paths would cross again.
-
Lauren’s POV
I walked into the hotel lobby and was aggravated beyond belief. My flight had been delayed and I was late for meeting up with team. Practice was probably starting in a few minutes when I rushed into the entrance with my bag. It wasn’t boot camp this time but a friendly game against England tomorrow that had the USWNT meeting again. One day of practice beforehand was not much but the scheduling was hard to do with so many players.
My anger seemed to vanish in an instant when I heard a familiar, high-pitched voice.
“Pancakes!”
Standing at the front desk, was none other than Camila with Lara. The small child squealed full of excitement and started running up to me before I had a chance to think. But I couldn’t deny that warm feeling spreading throughout my body as soon as I bent down and felt her crushing into my open arms.
“Hey, little one”, I greeted her with a big grin and had to let go of my luggage to rub her back gently. She was basically jumping and down and I found myself laughing in endearment at her genuine joy to see me. Her arms were still folded around my neck after more than a few seconds. “You’re not going to let go?” I asked still smiling.
“No”, she giggled and I nodded lightly.
“Alright, then let’s get you up”, I said and picked her up effortlessly so she was resting on only one arm. This way I could focus on her more intently and the hazel orbs were glowing. I couldn’t resist but brushed the light-brown hair out of her face. “Your hair is so long by now. It looks pretty though” I noticed the little change.
“I want it to be as long as yours”, Lara replied and had me wrapped around her finger in no time.
“You like my hair?” I asked and shook my head gently because I couldn’t believe how quickly she had changed my mood. The little girl nodded and suddenly patted my face with her hand. “Do you like my face too?” I added with a laugh and pretended I wanted to bite her finger tracing my cheek. She pulled back and squealed.
“Mommy says no biting” Lara giggled but I kinked my eyebrow playfully.
“I don’t have to listen to your mommy but okay, I won’t bite you then. What about…tickling?” I questioned and her eyes widened. Apparently she was ticklish and I wasted no time to tickle her stomach but made sure to support her still with my other arm. Lara was laughing and puffing heavily after only a few seconds.
“Nooooo…Pancak—es…” she pleaded in between fits of laughter.
“What? You said no biting and nothing about tickling”, I said coyly but stopped so she could take a breath.
“Can we play together?” Lara made her intentions clear and I had not noticed Camila approaching us until the young mother spoke up.
“Let Lauren get settled in first, sweetie”, Camila said and looked a little uncomfortable. I gulped heavily because I wasn’t sure how to act around her. Things were so unbelievably complicated between us.
“Sorry, she can be a little much”, the other soccer player apologized for her daughter’s behavior but I shook my head immediately.
“No, it’s okay”, I answered calmly but put Lara down. “But I have to check-in because I’m running late.”
“Yeah, we are too actually”, Camila revealed and I joined her at the reception to get my key. I assumed Normani had reserved me as her roommate and told the woman at the front desk my name. Camila did the same.
“Cabello and Jauregui…yes, you have room 107”, the receptionist smiled widely when my eyebrows furrowed.
“Who of us?” I asked confused.
“Both of you. You are the last two people from the group to arrive and therefore you will share the last room.”
My jaw almost dropped when I took the key and looked at Camila getting the matching one. I would be her fucking roommate?! This was the last thing I needed. It had been torturous to be around her after what happened in Paris but I was doing okay whenever she wasn’t in the picture. Being near her was a whole other story. Ignoring her wasn’t as easy as I made it look.
It was only for two nights, I told myself. Then why was my heart about to burst when I simply thought of sleeping in the same room? I had no choice but play it cool when I felt Camila looking at me. Nonchalantly nodding, I did the best I could to maintain my unfazed façade. Sure, I was moving on but that wasn’t a matter of weeks. It would take some time and maybe this was the ultimate test.
Thankfully we had to hurry because of practice and didn’t talk to each other. Instead we put our bags in the room and rushed to the soccer field nearby. Once arrived there, I was able to focus on other things; mostly the game and then Normani. I scolded my close friend for not reserving me as her roomie but it wasn’t her fault. We would spend the entire day on the field anyway and tomorrow was the game. There wasn’t much downtime so hopefully it wouldn’t be too hard to live with my teammate who I shared a tumultuous past with.
As I had expected, we returned to the hotel rather late. And I made sure to spend most of my time with Normani before returning to my hotel room. Camila and Lara weren’t there which was surprising but relieving at the same time. I went to the bathroom to change and opened the door.
“Holy Shit!” I exclaimed when I saw my teammate wearing only a pair of panties after apparently just having gotten out of the shower. Closing the door quickly, my heart felt like it was about to pop out of my chest. What was it with me walking in on Camila in bathrooms?!
“I’m…so sorry”, I said standing outside the door now and my voice was shaky. Why didn’t she lock the door? For a moment I almost thought she had done it on purpose but that was ridiculous. The image of my almost nude teammate was causing me heart palpitations. Jesus Christ, I had just forgotten how undeniably hot she was when this had to happen! I tried not thinking about what I wanted to do to that slender and perfect body…but that was hard.
The door suddenly opened but Camila was wrapped in a big towel now.
“It’s alright, I forgot to lock it sorry”, the younger one smiled shyly as Lara ran out and into the bedroom area of the room. Camila’s cheeks were flushed but maybe that was the hot steam of the shower. “I mean, it’s not like you haven’t seen it before”, she added with a little laugh and I was close to losing it. Could she please not bite her lower lip right now?! “Is it ok if you watch Lara for a moment while I get ready?”
“No problem”, I managed not to stutter and cleared my throat.
“Thank you”, she breathed before closing the bathroom door.
“My God”, I mumbled under my breath and took in a very deep breath, exhaling loudly right after. My pulse was relatively close to what it was when I would sprint the entire soccer field up and down.
I decided to get changed in the room since Camila was occupying the bathroom and put on shorts and my Boston Breakers shirt. Lara was sitting on my bed and looked at me expectantly. There was no way I couldn’t smile and joined her on the mattress. I lifted my eyebrows in surprise when the three year-old cuddled up to me instead of asking me to play like usually.
“Are you tired, little one?” I asked quietly and felt her little head nodding against my side. So I lay down on the bed with her but propped my head up with the pillows. Lara was cuddled up to my side and adjusted to be comfortable, her head resting on my collarbone almost while I had my arm around her. She was so incredible small! How could anyone be so tiny?
“Can you sing for me again?” she asked all of a sudden.
“Can’t I do something else?” I tried to deflect because I did not want to sing at all. It always felt so strange to me.
“Mommy reads to me sometimes from her books”, Lara offered another option which I gladly accepted.
“That I can do”, I replied and reached for my iPad on the nightstand. Never in a millions years would I have thought I would end up googling bedtime stories but I liked it if I was being honest with myself.
“Lauren?” the sleepy voice returned before I found something adequate.
“Yeah?”
“I want you and mommy to be friends.”
There went my calming heart rate. I swallowed lightly at those words spoken with a hint of sadness that killed me.
“We are friends”, I wanted to appease her even though that was not necessarily the truth.
“But I never see you anymore.”
“We live very far away now. That makes it hard to see each other. Do you understand that?” I responded and wasn’t sure she would grasp the idea of being separated by so much distance.
“I think so”, she answered and sighed. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too”, I reciprocated and meant it. Now I was the one sighing because I hated upsetting her more than anything else. It was extremely difficult to balance my relationship with Lara and Camila at the same time. I wanted to be friendly without actually being friends. How was that even possible? Especially when I couldn’t shake that image of my teammate in only her underwear!
“You can read now”, Lara interrupted my thoughts from going to a dangerous place. I bent down a little and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. My right arm was still wrapped around her but I used the hand to softly stroke her silky hair as I started reading a story I had found online. It didn’t take long for Lara to fall asleep and I heard her steady breathing but kept reading for some reason.
I had always been good with kids but I had never known how much I could bond with them until Lara had unexpectedly become a part of my life. The thought of being a parent had never been on my mind. I had not even thought of being in a committed relationship until a few months ago. But here I was, reading bedtime stories to a little girl I cared for more than I thought possible. Sure, she wasn’t my kid and I wasn’t her parent. But sometimes, and that scared the shit out of me, I wished I was.
Just finishing that terrifying thought, I looked up and saw Camila standing on the other side of the room. I wasn’t certain how long she had been standing there but she was obviously ready for bed now. Why on earth was she wearing close to nothing though?! Technically she was wearing a pair of tight shorts but those barely covered her infamous butt. The size of her plump backside was nothing short of spectacular and the tight-fitting fabric demonstrated it perfectly. Her top was hugging her upper body just as tightly, making her insanely attractive body more striking than usual.
“Is she asleep?”
The low whisper of my teammate had me snapping back from my impure thoughts. My pulse was going through the roof once more when she came closer.
“Uhm…yeah”, I breathed slowly and licked my lips subliminally.
“Sorry I took so long. I’ll take her now”, the younger one said quietly and had reached the edge of my bed.
“No”, I heard myself protesting when she reached for her daughter. “I mean, you don’t have to…she can sleep here if you don’t want to wake her”, I tried to explain my objection casually but Camila’s lifted eyebrows were indicating her surprise. Her face softened quickly.
“Alright”, she agreed and I did my very best not to look at her. I felt quite exposed with her standing on the edge of my bed and watching me be so affectionate with her daughter. It wasn’t what I wanted her to see. We weren’t supposed to be this close.
Speaking of closeness; Camila made my heart skip a beat when she unexpectedly bent down and my eyes widened. My lips parted in shock before I realized what she was doing. The young mother kissed Lara’s forehead in the same manner I had done before. She pulled away only minimally and looked at me. Holy Shit, she was close!
I felt my own breathing speeding up while her face was inches from mine. It wasn’t conscious but my gaze dropped to her full lips for a second. I nearly felt her breath on my own lips and gulped. To say it wasn’t tempting to lean in and close the distance would have been a fat lie. We were alone and my thoughts were not as rational as they had been coming here. I felt a certain part of me wanting to seize the moment and just follow my desires.
Looking up, I caught the brown orbs being focused on my mouth and the chemistry between us was returning way too intensely for my taste. The amount of sexual tension was unfathomable in that moment. I felt the little devil on my shoulder telling me to give in. No one had to know. It was only the both of us and we could make use of being roommates for the night. She was going back to France anyway and perhaps I just needed to get it out of my system.
Except we weren’t really alone: Lara shifted lightly in my arms and I realized what I was doing. Hastily looking away, I heard Camila sigh before she unbent and ran a hand through her hair. Without another word she walked back to her own bed.
My heart was beating erratically and I suppressed all unwanted feelings trying to rush back. It was difficult but not impossible. I hadn’t spent so much time trying to block Camila out, to go back to my old patterns within a day. It took every ounce of restraint but I didn’t say or do anything until I fell asleep after some time.
-
Although it was a friendly match against England, nothing about the match was friendly. The amount of tackles and fouls was insane. We had a lead of 1-0 going for us and there were only fifteen minutes left to play.
It was Camila’s first cap after being subbed in for the second half. In her typical fashion, she had scored only a few minutes after and had not only her first cap and first goal for the USWNT, but also given us the lead. I was definitely proud of her and the fact that I had assisted her goal was almost second nature. It was good to see that our gameplay hadn’t lost its effectiveness even though we were playing at different clubs now. There was a quick hug to celebrate but nothing more. I didn’t want to make things any more complicated after the intense moment we had shared the night before.
I was focusing on the game. My opposing player was giving me hell though. She kept elbowing me subtly and was an absolute pain in the ass. The next time she complained to the referee about us playing to roughly, which was ridiculously inaccurate, she had the audacity to say her teammates could get hurt from our dangerous play.
“You know what else is dangerous and could hurt someone? Elbowing me the entire game” I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore when we were standing close to each other while the free-kick for England was being prepared.
“You, shut the fuck up”, the blonde spat unexpectedly and looked at me with such disdain that I felt anger coming up.
“What did you just say to me?” I asked while walking up to her und focusing my green eyes intently on hers.
“I said you should shut the fuck up! It’s not my problem if you don’t understand proper English, you dirty Mexican!”
I was stunned. Too stunned to even argue that I was of Cuban heritage but something told me she wouldn’t care anyway. Never before had I been insulted on such a level. I was standing only inches from her face and thought this was the moment I would finally punch someone in the face. The amount of adrenalin running through my body was only outweighed by my fury at this point. It was normal to get heated sometimes but derogatory comments like those were inappropriate; not just on the field but in general.
Before I had a chance to react, someone pushed me aside and I saw Camila shoving the English player almost brutally so she landed on the grass. It was instinctual but I grabbed Camila’s waist and held her back because it looked like she was going to pounce on the other one. This felt oddly familiar to what my teammate had been like as a teenager. But this time she came to my defense apparently.
In a matter of seconds, nearly all the players were now around us and it was a big mess of everyone trying to mediate and calm down the situation. I was solely focused on Camila though. She was even trying to fight me to get passed and back to the opposed player.
“Let go of me, Lauren! Did you not hear what she said?!” the younger one was fuming.
“Calm down, Camz”, it slipped out because I hadn’t called her that since the youth teams. Her old temper made old habits resurface right along with it. At least she was now looking at me while I held both of her wrists in my hands. “It’s not worth it, let it go.”
The situation settled slowly and I went to the referee, trying to explain that Camila had been antagonized but it didn’t help. The brunette got a red card for violent conduct and left the field in a hurry with her head down. All of my arguing only got me a yellow card myself and I gave up. Watching my teammate getting sent off for defending me was the absolute worst. Trying to focus on the game was more than difficult but we managed to maintain the 1-0 lead Camila had given us. That was a not a consolation to me at all.
Having gotten off the field earlier, Camila had already showered and headed to the bus when I arrived in the locker room. I was leaving the venue when a few reporters called for me. At first I didn’t want to say anything but I felt a certain responsibility to set the record straight. It was probably not a good idea because I was so incredibly mad still.
Reporter: Lauren, tough game and but you managed to win with only ten players left. What are your thoughts?
Lauren: It was hard. England played well and defended like crazy. It was difficult to break through and we didn’t create as many chances as we wanted. That was my job but I was not serving that much unfortunately. But thankfully one pass was enough for Camila to get us the win with her goal.
R: Speaking of, Camila Cabello has now her first cap, first goal and also red card in one game. She left you with only ten people on the field. How do you think she feels?
L: I am not Camila so I don’t want to speak on her behalf but I’m sure she’s upset about getting sent off. She’s a teamplayer and I know she will beat herself up for leaving us a player down but I don’t fault her for it.
R: But it’s not the first time we’ve seen this from her. She received a red card while she was playing with you in Boston for a similar attack. Don’t you think there is a pattern and it should be punished?
L: Again, I’m not her so I don’t want to say too much but what happened out there was…I don’t even know if I want to speak on that because it seriously pisses me off! There was an argument between me and one of the English players. Things got heated and I was insulted which was racially motivated. Being Hispanic is not something Camila or I am ashamed of but unfortunately racism and prejudice is still very prevalent in not only our society but all over the world. What was said on the field was despicable, poor sportsmanship and I will definitely talk to the federation about it to make sure Camila won’t get a severe suspension. I don’t condone violent behavior on the field and I don’t defend what she did but racial slurs hurt a lot worse than a shove.
Everyone was quiet for a moment and I had no idea how heated I had become until I realized my heart was pumping and chest was heaving heavily. The reporters were now even more curious but I thanked them quickly and entered the bus. I looked for Camila but she was sitting by herself in the very back with Lara. Not wanting to interrupt, I took a seat next to Normani.
Arriving at the hotel, I watched as Lara walked off with some of the other players. She wanted to spend some time with them it seemed, or Camila needed some cooling off time herself. I hadn’t talked to her since the incident on the field and followed her back to our room. Her entire demeanor was an exact replica of what she had been like as ‘CC7’ a few years ago. She was angry still but tried to hide it.
“Camila, are you alright?” I couldn’t help myself but be concerned when I closed the door to our room behind us.
“What do you think?” she was running both of her hands through her hair while pacing the room.
“I don’t know. You seem upset”, I answered carefully.
“How can you be so okay with this, Lauren? What was said to you out there was fucked up! I can’t believe you wouldn’t stand up for yourself”, the younger one said agitatedly.
“It’s not about standing up for myself. But you can’t go around pushing and shoving people, Camila. I agree that it was messed up to say that but you didn’t have to do this”, I grew more frustrated as well.
“So now it’s my fault for sticking up for you?” she sounded hurt but her voice was filled with anger.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying”, I argued immediately.
“It sure sounds like it”, she shot back.
“I never asked you to do it!” my voice grew louder too.
“So it is my fault!?” Camila yelled almost in disbelief.
“No! Stop yelling at me for God’s sakes!” I ironically yelled right back.
“Why are we even fucking fighting?!”
“I don’t know!”
We both fell silent and panted from our little screaming match while staring each other down. Why on earth were we even arguing?
“Look, I’m sorry”, I said increasingly calm. “I understand why you did what you did. But I’m just upset because you might look bad for something that didn’t need to happen. I was just looking out for you. However, I appreciate you sticking up for me. I tried doing the same thing for you with the reporters and I will talk to the federation concerning your suspension. But…thank you, okay?”
I took a deep breath and saw the other player relaxing as well. Her eyes were still focused on me intently though. So much so, that I grew more nervous again. She took a step in my direction without breaking our eye-contact. I could see the wheels turning in her head. There was something she was pondering.
“If you really want to thank me, you can take your clothes off.”
Say what?! I was pretty sure my eyes popped out of their sockets for a moment when I heard Camila’s unexpected words.
“What?” I asked with a gentle laugh that was filled with insecurity and shock. She was kidding, right?
“I know you don’t want a relationship or any commitment”, the brown-eyed continued coming closer and making my heart race. “And I’m okay with that. But let’s not fool ourselves. I know you want to and so do I. Why are we fighting what is inevitable? I mean, the tension between us can be released so easily”, her voice was just above a whisper as she was standing right in front of me. “No strings attached”, she husked and I felt her hands placing themselves on my waist. “We’re here all alone…just you and me”, my brain was on overload by now. “I saw the way you looked at me when you walked into the bathroom and then when I almost kissed you last night”, her fingertips gripped the hem of my shirt.
“You…can’t be serious”, I stuttered and had a hard time believing this was reality. All of my efforts to be cool and unfazed were in vain in that instant.
“Are you telling me you haven’t thought about it?”
“What like…friends with benefits?” I asked with a slight tremble.
“Call it whatever you want”, she whispered and there were only inches between our lips. “This way no one gets hurt and we still get what we want.”
Who was the real seductress here?! I had never been so conflicted but there was no time to really analyze. Camila was closing in and I knew once we would kiss, neither of us would be able to stop. I had had rather meaningless hook-ups in the past with no string attached. The question was if I would be able to do that with her. The idea was tempting without a doubt. Feeling her hands grazing my sides while I smelled her familiar scent was not helping at all.
She was getting closer and closer and I had to make a choice quickly…