Dedicated to u mercymartha91 and to my beloved late aunt who just passed away... I love you.
The funeral was being organized, flowers arranged everywhere — the priest was arriving soon and so were the other guest. Almost the whole school had arrived bearing forth their gifts and condolences.
I had been standing behind several trees at the garden, hoping they would shield me from my fears and guilt but it wasn't working out as I planned, my hands were as white as snow, like the blood from my heart had turned pale, my eyes had dark circles all over, it was obvious I hadn't had a decent sleep in a while.
“Bring the flowers over here!” I heard Kelly's mom instruct the decorators.
Kelly's parents were still really young and her two siblings were coming in from the states today, I could remember when we used to play as kids, running up and down their grand house, now that's just a distant memory, we hardly even knew each others names anymore and now their jolly sister was dead.
I had been cursing Bianca for what she did to Madison but I had just been a hypocrite, because I had just done the same thing — I had indirectly slit Kelly's wrist and now am about to act like nothing happened and in a few minutes I'll be on stage giving a heart felt speech of how much I loved her when we didn't end on the right foot, I felt horrible, miserable — I felt inhuman.
***
“Paige” Casper and Ella walked up to me, they had just arrived and so had every other person, they gave me the most comforting look they could give but everyone was mourning and it wasn't as encouraging as I had hoped.
“Shall we say the grace” the reverend father announced, and we all rose up to start the ceremony. Everyone was in black, everyone was here, the good, the bad and the ugly, all here to pay their respects.
“It is so sad that an innocent loving soul has been lost and today we all gather to put her at rest, and we pray that the angels in heaven will forgive her of all her sins and allow her into the kingdom...” the priest continued as we recited several burial rites.
“May the mother of the deceased come to make her speech”
Mrs Clarkson walked up to the stage, she was wearing a beautiful long black gown, her hair had been packed in a bun, I remembered when she told Kelly and I that she only packed her hair that way when something tragic had occurred and what could be more tragic than the death of a child?
“First I would like to thank you all today for being here, I'm sure most of you may not be Kelly's greatest friends but at least at the last moment you all came to support her and I'm grateful for that. Kelly had always been so special to me, the only girl out of two boys, we would do everything together — laugh, play, even argue together... Mrs Clarkson paused, letting out a silent laugh and a few teardrops.
“She was always a happy child, always putting others first, always trying to be the best she could and I have no idea where everything all went wrong... Mrs Clarkson wept for a longer time, this time not being able to say anything else, she just kept weeping until her husband came to help her off the stage.
“Okay” the event organizer announced, “That was Mrs Clarkson, the mother of the deceased. Now can we have her best friend, Paige knight on stage.”
Best friend. The sound of the word ached my chest, but I had to be strong, I had to be strong for Kelly — for Casper, Ella, mom and even Brandon. And then slowly I got off my sit as the sad eyes of everyone followed me up the stage.
“Emm-” I cleared my throat on the mic. “I'm sorry I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to stand on this stage and pretend like everything is okay, like everything was okay. No, I'm not.” I paused, staring at the curious but hurt expressions of the audience.
“Kelly hurt me, hurt me in ways I couldn't imagine but the truth was I hurt her too. I allowed my best friend die in pain, I had allowed her to become a person she wasn't, I had destroyed her as much as she had destroyed me.
“And I'm sorry. Kelly! Where ever you are I hope you hear me loud and clear. I forgive you... Kelly I forgive you! And I love you. I'm sorry Kelly... I'm sorry for everything! There is still hope, hope for a new beginning and I wouldn't want any other best friend apart from you.” I paused and brought my face down from the skies and back to the crowd.
“We claim people hurt us, we claim friends change, but we tend to forget that we also hurt people, we also change. You may give your heart out to someone but that doesn't mean you're not hurting another somewhere else... We are not perfect, and we can never be, people will always hurt you, people will always break you but that doesn't mean they don't love you what you see may not be the true reality.
The human eyes tend to see what it wants, the human mind tends to conjure what it likes but that doesn't mean it's true. No matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts, you have to be strong cause someone, somewhere is leaning on you for strength” I paused.
Brandon had just stepped in and my eyes were fixed on him, Casper trailed my gaze to him and understood my expression in disappointment. “Kelly was amazing and no matter what you guys want to say it won't change that fact. Mr and Mrs Clarkson” I turned to them. “You had an awesome daughter, don't let anyone tell you otherwise... Circumstances just made her make wrong decisions.” I closed my eyes briefly and ended my speech, I never expected the response I got, I never expected to receive a standing ovation, even Bianca, Naomi and Ashley were clapping hard, I was amazed, surprised but most of all I was at peace.
“Awesome speech” Ella walked up to me as I made my way down.
I smiled warmly at her. “I didn't even know where all those came from”
“Well I know” Brandon said and walked up to us, “It came from here” he said and placed his hands on my heart. “Cause there is a beautiful place”
I smiled at him too, I was glad he came, I didn't expect him too, the hospital was gradually becoming his home, and he didn't want to tell anyone why.
“I'm glad you're here” I held his hands.
“Me too” he sighed, and then I left to join Casper back on our seat.
The ceremony took place as it was meant to and I watched as Kelly was being lowered 6ft (1.83 m) below the ground, one by one we all walked up to drop a rose for Kelly. And as I waited calmly for everyone to pay their respects, I walked up last, Mr and Mrs Clarkson were nice enough to give me that honor.
Placing the rose on Kelly's chest, for the first time a tear fell out and from there it didn't stop, it couldn't stop I had begun a fountain of tears that didn't want to end, one I didn't know how to. Even as I stared at her lifeless body I couldn't believe it... Kelly was dead, she was actually gone. She was actually dead! And then I began to cry so hard, screaming her name as loud as I could, begging her to please come back but I knew she couldn't, I knew even she wanted to, it was merely impossible.
Crying and begging of her return, began to irrupt flashes of memories, memories I had never known I had, locked in, memories of my late brother Toby. His death had still always been a mystery to me, if mom knew he was allergic to peanut butter she never would have given him something containing it to eat.
The memories were getting stronger and each time they grew more visible it hurt my head even more, to the extent that I laid sub consciously unaware that I was having an epileptic seizure in reality and to the dismay of everyone an ambulance was being called in.
The memory was so clear, my loving brother and I on the dinning table, I was only five, and he was seven. We were playing with our meals, we always did an exchange but today was different, he didn't want to, said he couldn't but I didn't understand why, so I sobbed until he did and then the allergy came in and everything went wrong, I was screaming and crying so hard but it was too late, the image was too real to be a dream. I finally understood it all - finally grasped it all.
I had killed my brother.
A/N: pls don't forget to click the cute star and leave your comments below❤