Mm, what'd you say?
Mm, that you only meant well -
Well, of course you did.
-Imogen Heap, "Hide and Seek"
Rachel
I was about to go back in to check on Luke and Brooke when Luke came out the door, his face streaked with tears.
My heart sank.
"Luke? What happened?" I asked, my voice soft.
He looked at me, his hazel eyes flat and dull. "It was my baby, Rachel."
I closed my eyes. "Oh, Luke... 'I'm sorry' doesn't even begin to cover it." I put my hand on his forearm and I could feel him trembling.
"Brooke wanted to talk to you before we leave," he muttered. "I'm going to sit in the car."
"Okay..." I said, glancing over at my Camaro, where Miles had gotten out of the driver's side and was approaching us on the sidewalk.
He turned away from me and walked toward Miles. Before I went back inside, I looked over my shoulder, and what I saw shattered my heart into pieces.
Luke had fallen to his knees on the grass, and Miles was squatting in front of him, holding his sobbing brother to his chest.
***
I knocked softly on Brooke's door before I opened it, and when I came in, she was sobbing on the bed, lying in the fetal position.
"Brooke, baby," I cooed, dropping my purse on the floor, sitting next to her, and rubbing circles on her back.
"Rachel, the baby was Luke's... it was his... we could've had a child together... a family. And it's gone. Our baby is dead. And it's all my fault," she sobbed, turning toward me and laying her head in my lap.
"Shhhh, Brooke. You can't do this to yourself," I whispered, massaging her scalp gently with my fingers, something that had always calmed her down.
"Luke will never be able to love me again. Not after this. I've fucked that up beyond all repair," she moaned, and I could feel her tears falling onto my bare legs.
"You don't know that, Brooke. But he's going to need time. And to be honest, so do you. You need to focus on staying sober and getting through this. And if it's meant to be, it'll happen. Trust me," I assured her. Her sobs slowed, and eventually her breathing evened and she sat up to face me.
"Thank you for being here for me, Rachel. I treated you so terribly the last time we spoke. You didn't have to come, and I am so grateful you did."
I smiled. "Of course. No matter what happens, you're my best friend. I love you, B."
"I love you too, Rachie," she responded, squeezing my hand.
I sighed. "I better go. They're waiting for me, and we have class Monday. Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah, Kat is coming up after work. You guys have a safe trip back home, okay?"
"We will. I'll call you tomorrow, but text me any time," I said.
She nodded. "Of course."
I picked up my purse off the floor, where it had turned over sideways, and walked out of her room before I could decide to stay any longer.
When I got to the sidewalk, I heard Brooke calling my name. I turned around, confused, and saw her holding my phone in her hand.
"Ah, thanks, Brooke! I didn't even realize – " I exclaimed, holding out my hand to get the phone, but she had frozen in the middle of the sidewalk, her eyes wide in shock. I turned around to see what she was looking at, and I cringed immediately.
Jessica had gotten out of the backseat for some godforsaken reason, and she was leaning against the side of the car, looking up at Luke with affection written all over her face.
I whirled around to face Brooke. "B, please. This isn't what it looks like, okay? Jessica's just a friend of Luke's from class," I insisted.
She shook her head, handing me my phone. "He's moved on... hasn't he?"
I shook my head. "No, it's really not like that. They are just friends," I said, but when I turned around again, they were wrapped in what looked like a very intimate embrace. Damnit, Rachel, I thought. Why did you invite her?!
She scoffed. "Yeah. Really good friends. Bet he's never hugged you that way," she said sarcastically, and my face turned red. Thank God she didn't seem to notice.
Just then, Luke and Brooke locked eyes, and she whimpered. "I have to go, Rachel. I can't stand here and watch him flirt with her in front of me... after we..." She trailed off, and I reached out to stop her, but it was too late.
She was gone.
Luke
Shit, I thought to myself. That probably didn't look good.
"I'll be right back," I said, stepping around Jessica and jogging to Rachel. "What did she say?"
Rachel eyed me, and I felt her scrutiny immediately. "You didn't have to rub it in her face, Luke," she scolded.
"What? It's not like I meant to. I didn't know she was going to come outside," I protested.
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Come on, Luke. Let's just go. I'm not going to argue this with you right now," she said, opening the passenger side door and shoving the seat forward for me to climb in. I did so with a huff and crossed my arms over my chest. I knew I looked like a little kid, but I didn't care.
Rachel slid into the front seat and slammed the door, glaring at me in the rearview mirror.
"Stop glaring at me, Rachel," I said, rolling my eyes.
She shifted her glance away, and I knew it was only to save Jessica embarrassment.
The rest of the car ride home was silent.
***
Miles forced Rachel to go upstairs with him, leaving me and Jessica standing awkwardly by her car.
I bit my lip and looked down at her. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Jess, I'm – God, this is hard to say," I started.
She stepped toward me and took both of my hands in hers. "Luke, you don't have to explain, okay? You just lost a child. There's nothing that can prepare you for that, and nothing I can say will make that better... there's nothing anyone can say. I know you and Brooke will always have this bond between you, and I know that you might never really be over her. I mean, it's pretty clear that something happened between the two of you back there. But I just want you to know that I'm here... I'm not going anywhere, even if all we ever turn out to be is friends."
Tears stung my eyes. I had no idea how to respond to that; I didn't really deserve her compassion – I had done nothing to warrant it.
So instead of speaking, I pulled her into a hug. We stood that way for a long time, seemingly unable – or unwilling – to move.