I truly didn't think I would ever be back here during my new thousands of years of life, at least not while everyone here was still alive.
I stand outside the gates of the Avengers compound, where I know Tony and most of the others still live. This year has been quiet with the whole Thanos situation from what I can gather.
I try not to keep up with what's happening with the Avengers, but they're hard to avoid when their faces are plastered on every TV screen and billboard in the city. A few more small alien invasions have made the news, and the Avengers have stopped them relatively easily every time. Most of those attacks were earlier in the year, because I think Thanos and his armies must have realized that tactic wasn't working.
He has the power stone, but little does he know all of the other stones are on Earth. I'm the only person that knows that, actually, because the Avengers don't know about the Soul Stone, and the US Government doesn't know about the other stones.
The reason I'm here sneaking around the Avengers compound in the middle of the night is because I've been uneasy all week since Tony found me. I haven't left my apartment at night at all, and I've completely changed my routine to throw him off my scent.
I'm here to find his data and analysis on me and destroy it. I can't sleep knowing he's off in his lab somewhere figuring out exactly where I am at all times. If his computer hard drive were to get magically fried it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.
I'm not stupid though, I know he'll know it was really me if I zap the computers with my powers. So I'm going to do it the old fashioned way and set off the fire sprinklers.
I fly over to Vision's bedroom window because I know he always keeps it open at night and Tony always yells at him for letting cold air inside. I silently slip through it, careful not to bump into the frame or make a sound, because I know if anyone could hear me it would be Vision. He doesn't seem to notice me though, he just sits in the corner reading a book with a small light on.
I fly out into the hallway and make my way down towards Tony's lab. Then I pass the last bedroom. Curiosity overcomes me. Is he still here?
I stare at the bedroom doorknob for a long while, and despite my better judgement I slowly turn the handle and push the door open.
I can't help it. Being here is like being in a time capsule, like the old Cassidy still lives here.
I cautiously fly into the room, slowly and very unsurely.
But then I see him, and I let out a sigh of relief as I float down to the ground. Loki. He lays in his bed, curled under the covers, sleeping peacefully.
I phase in without even meaning to. I'm here. I really am here.
I walk over to his bed and perch myself gently on the end of it by his feet. I watch the rise and fall of his chest, and see his eyes flicker behind his eye lids.
"She really loved you." I whisper. Cassidy Martin truly loved this man.
She was a fool.
Looking at him, as beautiful and peaceful as he is, suddenly makes me grow angry again. How does he deserve peace when all I got is death? How can he live with himself? Did I mean so little that a year later he's still in the same bed with an eased conscience and a perfect night's sleep?
I haven't had a good night's sleep in a year, and I'll bet he has one every night.
My anger grows, and my hand that rests on the bed grabs a fistful of his covers so I have something to squeeze. That was a mistake.
The jostling of his blanket must stir him, because his eyes slowly open and his head lifts off the pillow.
I freeze. It happened too quickly for me to decide what to do, but suddenly his eyes are looking into mine again.
"Cassidy?" He whispers in shock.
I stand like a deer in the headlights, making eye contact with him that holds me like a trance. His eyes break through a barrier in me, and hit me to my core. They make me feel something again.
I take a few steps backwards and then I go invisible, flying up against the ceiling.
"Cassidy!" He screams, jumping up out of bed and frantically looking around the room.
Thor runs in from the bedroom next door.
"Brother, what's wrong?" He asks, rushing over Loki. Loki slumps back down onto his bed, catching his breath as though he's having a panic attack.
"I saw her." He chokes out.
"Who?" Thor asks, placing a hand on his brother's back.
"Cassidy." Loki says gravely, sitting back up straight. Thor sighs.
"We watched her die, Loki. She's gone." Thor says gently.
"Thor, I'm sure of it." He says forcefully as I gaze down on them, right above their heads.
Thor doesn't answer.
"It's not the first time I've seen her since she died...but it's the first time I knew it was real." Loki confesses, and it catches my attention. What does he mean?
"You were seeing her places? Where?" Thor asks in a concerned tone.
The expression on Loki's face looks as though he's reliving something horrible. His breath catches in his throat, and he can barely force out the word, "Everywhere."
"You never said anything." Thor answers in the now heavy air.
Loki chuckles with a sinister laugh and looks over at Thor, "I'm the bloody god of trickery. I know when I'm tricking myself."
He's been seeing me places, in his imagination. He hallucinates images of me, and they haunt him. He misses me. I can't think about that right now, or I might be tempted to run into his arms. Or slap him. I don't know.
I turn and leave, because I can't listen to any more of this. I shouldn't have come.
You don't stay invisible by being bold, you stay invisible by being hidden. I should have let this all die down on its own, but I fear I've made it worse. Hopefully Thor can convince Loki it was all in his head. Cassidy isn't here anymore. He needs to accept that.
I fly out of the house the same way I came in, and glide over the backyard. I pass over a rolling hill and notice flickering lights in the distance, and a giant structure placed at the edge of Tony's massive property.
The Asgardians. They're still here.
I fly to them, and then drop down to walk through their makeshift community. They've been here for just under two years now, stranded and without a real home. I know Doctor Strange helped Tony and Thor by putting a protection spell over the community, so nobody can see the Asgardians except for people they want to see them.
I pass through the marketplace and walk over to a large tent that I can hear joyful music coming from. I slip inside and realize it's a large party, and nearly everyone is here. Tables with food are set up, and they've decorated the tent with flowers from the garden outside. Candles and glass lanterns illuminate the space, and a band with strange looking instruments plays at the front of the tent. It isn't much, but it looks beautiful.
They look happy.
Everyone gathers by the dance floor and claps as two young men around my age do a funny dance in the center of the circle. Everyone clasps arms and forms two large rings, with a small one in the middle for the little kids, and they all begin to spin around and dance to the music.
My eye's focus on a little Asgardian girl with long wavy hair like gold and ivory, just like mine. She giggles as she tries to keep up with the dancing, stumbling a little bit but recovering quickly. I'm glad I saved these people.
I don't know them, I've barely spoken to any of them, but I know they are certainly people worth saving. In this moment, what I did and why I died becomes clear to me all over again. Sometimes in my bitterness I lose touch with myself and my morals, and out of anger I resent my decision. Why me? Why did I have to die at my own hand?
But moments like this, moments where I can see the joy I left behind and the lives I helped protect, makes it all worth it.
I'm glad these Asgardians are happy and dancing.
I'm glad Thor still has his brother around, and that I had a part in saving him. I saved Loki's soul by loving him and letting him love me, and I saved his life by dying.
Maybe coming here, even though I didn't do what I came for, wasn't so bad after all. Maybe now I can get some closure. I've seen the Asgardians, and what my act of selflessness did for them. They are okay. I've seen Loki, and now I can stop thinking about him every god damn day.
I can feel the part of me that is still Cassidy Martin settling here, like she belongs here and has decided to stay. Good. I can finally leave her behind.
I turn and fly up out of that tent and make my way back to my apartment. I sleep peacefully for the first time in a long time, despite the fact that the Soul Stone is still ringing in my ears beside my head.
A problem for another day.