Why does it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone.
-Rascal Flatts, "Here Comes Goodbye"
Rachel
"What kind of pizza – " I started, but Miles and Luke came into the kitchen, both looking stricken. Jessica and I both looked up at them in confusion.
"What's wrong?" Jessica asked.
"It's Brooke," Luke said quietly. "She needs me to come to PCB right now."
"What? For what?" I asked, stopping my typing immediately.
Luke froze, as if the next words he needed to say were impossible. "She's having a miscarriage, Rachel," Miles whispered.
I closed my eyes. "Oh, no."
"Shit," Jessica said, and I looked at her and nodded.
"I have to go," Luke said.
"We're all going," I said, standing up and closing my laptop, the pizza abandoned.
"You don't have to do that, Rachel," he protested.
"Um, yes I do. She is my best friend. I have to be there for her, no matter what she's done," I said, trying not to sound angry, but failing.
Miles eyed me and I sighed. "Sorry, Luke. I didn't mean to snap. But we're going with you."
"Fine, fine," he agreed, going back to his bedroom.
Jessica stood up awkwardly. "I'm going to get out of your way," she said, pushing her chair in.
I looked at Miles and he shrugged.
"Why don't you come with us?" I asked.
"What? Seriously?" she asked in disbelief. "I don't think Luke would want me to."
"I do," Miles spoke up. "He's going to need someone to sit in the back with him on the way home, because no matter how this goes, it's going to be tough on him. You don't have to come inside the facility or anything."
She bit her lip, and Luke came in the kitchen at that moment. "Y'all ready?"
"Yeah," I said, hooking my arm through Jessica's. "I invited Jessica," I told him.
His eyes softened when he looked back at me. "You did?"
"Only if it's okay with you," Jessica said quickly, holding up her hands.
Luke smiled and pushed her hands down gently. "Of course it's okay with me. You're a good friend, Jess," he said.
She flushed. "Thanks, Luke. You too."
***
Ten minutes later we were on our way to Panama City in a very quiet, very somber car ride.
No one really spoke until we got to the rehab facility. "I'm just going to stay in the car, okay?" Jessica said quietly.
I glanced in the rearview and saw Luke nod and pat her on the knee. "We won't be long," he said.
"I'll stay too," Miles offered. "She probably wouldn't want me in there, anyway."
I glanced at him. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, definitely. You guys go ahead," he said. "We'll get out and take a walk if we get bored."
"All right," I agreed. "We'll be back soon." I leaned over across the armrest to kiss him, and he put his hand on my cheek.
"I love you," he murmured against my lips. "Be strong for her, okay?"
"I will... I love you too," I whispered, reluctantly pulling away from him and following Luke up the tree-lined walkway.
Luke
I stopped in front of the door to Brooke's room, taking a deep breath.
"You okay?" Rachel asked from behind me, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah. I think so," I said, turning around to face her. "I'm so angry, Rachel."
"I know you are, honey. But just breathe through it and remember that she's in a fragile state," she said.
I nodded. "Okay. Let's do it," I said, turning around and opening the door after knocking shortly.
"Come in," Brooke's weak voice called from inside. Her eyes lit up briefly, but when I didn't smile at her, they lost their spark.
"Hello, Brooke," I greeted her.
"Hi, Luke," she responded, and then Rachel walked in behind me.
"Rachel!" she exclaimed, holding her arms out. Rachel sat down on the bed and hugged her tightly, and I was suddenly really glad she had come along; at least someone had greeted Brooke with kindness. But I just couldn't bear to do it. My anger overshadowed the love I felt for her.
"How are you, sweetheart?" Rachel asked, putting her hand on Brooke's cheeks.
"I've been better... but I'm 21 days sober," she said, and I did feel a note of pride at that.
"That's great, B!" Rachel exclaimed, and I nodded agreement.
"Thanks..." She looked up at me, her brown eyes troubled. "Luke, I – "
I held up my hand. "I don't want to talk about it, Brooke. Just get your doctor in here and tell me what I need to do so I can go home."
Rachel glared at me, but I didn't budge.
"Okay," Brooke said in a small voice, pressing a button on the wall behind her.
When Dr. Young came in, I listened patiently to what I had to do. It was pretty simple, really; I just had to swab in the inside of my cheek and hand it to Dr. Young, who would test it immediately.
Dr. Young held out the swab and I followed her instructions.
"Thank you, Mr. Salazar. It'll be about thirty minutes," she said, smiling and disappearing out the door.
We sat in silence for a minute until Brooke spoke. "Rach, can you give me and Luke a minute?"
Rachel stood up in a flash, and I could tell she had been looking for an out. "I'll be outside with Miles; just text me when to come back."
When we were alone, Brooke stood up and sat next to me on the sofa. I scooted away from her and looked at my feet.
"Luke, please," she said, her voice cracking. "I can't even begin to apologize to you enough... but I need you right now. My heart... it's broken," she said, breaking down into sobs, her shoulders shaking.
I looked at her, and while I wanted to get up and leave the room, leave this facility, leave this city... I couldn't.
I scooted close to her and pulled her against me, letting her sob into my chest. I ran my hand over her hair, resting my chin on top of her head.
"I can't... I can't believe this, Luke... this could be your baby... and it's gone... it's dead and it is all my fault," she wailed, gasping for breath.
"Shhh. Breathe, Brooke," I whispered.
"I am so sorry, Luke... so, so sorry. I let you down. I deserve every shitty thing that's happening to me. But damnit, Luke. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day," she murmured, looking up at me, her eyes wide and piercing.
I swallowed hard, then did the only thing I could think to do in that moment.
I put my hands on the back of her neck and pulled her face to mine, kissing her with wild and reckless abandon.
She moaned, shifting so she was straddling me, one leg on either side of my waist.
I moved my lips down to her neck, gently sucking the soft skin beneath her ear. She arched her back into me, pressing against me in all the right places. I groaned, bringing my lips back to hers, my tongue invading her mouth.
Ahhh," I moaned, running my hand through her hair. "I didn't intend for that to happen, but..." I shrugged.
She laughed, and I realized how much I missed that sound, but somehow... it still didn't feel right, being here with her. Something was missing.
She moved off my lap and sat next to me just in time; Dr. Young came back through the door right then.
Her face was unreadable as she looked down at the paper in her hand. "I have the results of the paternity test."
We sat up straighter, and I held my hand out palm up on the sofa, and she took it. I squeezed gently.
"We're ready, Dr. Young," Brooke murmured.
"The baby was yours, Mr. Salazar. I am so sorry for your loss," she said, her eyes downcast. "I'll give you all some time."
She lay the paper on the bed and slipped out the door.
I closed my eyes, put my head in my hands and sobbed. Brooke leaned against me, and I could feel the quaking of her body next to mine.