Its been nine months and sixteen days since I have seen or spoken to the guys, not that I'm counting or anything. I made Katie swear if she talked to them not to say a word about me and as far as I know she has kept her word.
After all of the stress between them I just couldn't hang around and be a party to it anymore. I needed time to clear my head and breathe again, feel like myself again. I went up to my parents cabin in the Colorado Rockies and I cut myself off from the outside world.
I decide its time I reconnected so I grab my cell phone out of the drawer I had placed it in when I got there and sat down on the couch staring out the window at the gorgeous snowfall from the night before.
My mind is racing and I can't decide who to call first. I dial the number and Katie answers, "Hey sis. How are you feeling?"
I laugh, "I'm fine. I need to know what you told the guys and I need you to be completely honest because its time for me to call them."
The line got silent, "I haven't heard very much out of Kendall and Logan and I only told James and Carlos what you told me to tell them."
I thank her and hang up, staring at my phone. The first call I make is going to be the hardest so I dial Logan's number. Some girl answers, "Hello?" she says.
I stutter at first being caught off guard, "Could I please speak to Logan Henderson?" I ask.
She giggles, "Sure but can I ask who is calling?"
I'm puzzled but reply, "(yn)"
I hear her tone change into a panicked one and she is hollering, "Logie bear, its (yn). She actually called."
My mind is going crazy, 'Logie bear? How does this girl know who I am? What does she mean I FINALLY called?'
Logan's voice interrupts my thoughts and I can tell he is out of breath, "Well (yn) how the hell are you? Have you talked to the others?"
I'm still not sure what's going on, "No Logan I haven't. We need to talk."
He chuckles, "Look your off the hook. I'm sorry about everything that happened but you don't have to be worried about me anymore."
I am taken aback, "I'm glad Logan, but we still need to talk."
I hear the girl in the background, "Just tell her." and then I hear her giggle.
He says, "Look (yn) the thing is..."
I cut him off, "No Logan, the thing is we need to talk."
He responds, "Well I will get you a ticket and you can fly out here."
I shake my head, "No Logan. I can't fly. You will have to come to me."
Again I hear the girl in the background, "Your not going without me."
And I add, "Alone. This is nobody else's business other than who we choose to share it with. If you want to share it with her when you get back then that's up to you."
Logan agrees and informs me he will handle things on his end and let me know when he has the details and hangs up.
I'm staring at the phone in my hand, 'I don't know who that little bitch was but she better step off.' I think and dig through my phone for Kendall's number.
I think I called Kendall and Logan first because they had been the main two trying to get my attention and then once I disappeared it was like I didn't even exist anymore. I have to admit it hurt my feelings a little but that didn't take much these days.
Kendall answers the phone out of breath, "Hello?" he says.
I slowly say, "Kendall are you okay?"
He laughs, "Yeah I'm just getting out of the shower. Who is this?"
'Who is this? Are you serious right now?' I think to myself and say into the receiver, "This is (yn)."
What he says next almost floors me, "Oh hey girl. How the hell you been? Look I'm not trying to be rude but me and the MRS were in the shower. What's up?"
'The Mrs? He got married and was being so nonchalant about it. WTF is his problem?'
The tears started to fall, "I was just checking in on you. Haven't talked to you in a while. You got married?"
He chuckles, "Not yet. Just practicing. We just got engaged yesterday."
I don't even want to say another word to him. For someone that loved me so much he really didn't waste any time moving on. "Kendall I will let you go. Have a great life with your wife." and hung up the phone.
I look at my phone trying to convince myself to call James and Carlos when it vibrates scaring me half out of my wits. Its a text from Logan:
Flight leaves in 2 hours. B there
by sundown. C u then.
I hit reply and tell him:
Ask cabbie to take u to (yln) cabin. they all
know where it is. U might want 2 plan 2 stay
a couple days at least if u have time.
and I send it. I toss the phone on the couch still arguing with myself about calling James and Carlos when it rings. I look at the screen and almost can't believe my eyes, "Hello?" I answer.
"Well hello there beautiful." James replies.
I laugh, "Yeah you haven't seen me in nine months so you have NO idea if I'm still beautiful."
My mouth was on the floor when he says, "No sweetheart its been nine months, sixteen days, thirteen hours and thirty seven minutes to be exact and you could be horribly disfigured and you would still be the most beautiful woman in the world to me."
I sit there unable to say a word. After a minute he says, "(yn) are you there?"
I fumble for words, "Yeah...I...You...Hold on." and I lay the phone on the couch trying to regain my senses before trying to finish this conversation.
I pick the phone back up, "James why are you calling me?"
The phone beeps and I look at the screen and its Carlos beeping in, "Hold on James." and I switch the lines, "Hello?" I say.
Carlos sounds like he is on top of the world, "Well you are still alive. I have missed you so much babe."
I quickly ask him can I call him back and he makes me promise that I will before I switch the line back to James.
"James how did you know I would answer?" I ask.
He laughs, "Logan said he just got off the phone with you so I figured you had turned your phone back on."
I giggle, "Yeah I had to turn it off because you guys just wouldn't let a girl breathe."
His tone softens and he almost whispers, "Sorry about that. I was just worried about you."
I correct him, "No James. You weren't worried about me. You were in love with me. Had been since the beginning."
It was silent before he finally says, "Oh you heard that?"
I laugh, "I would be shocked if EVERYBODY didn't hear that."
He tries to defend himself, "I can't help that I was in love with you. I tried really hard not to. After you left I swore I would never speak to the guys again but I knew that if you contacted one of them I had to know."
I decide to ask the hard question, "James are you still in love with me?"
There is a long silence and he finally says, "I will always be here for you. I never lied about that. If you need me I'm only a phone call away, ALWAYS."
I ask again, "James I asked if you were still in love with me?"
An even longer silence this time and I add, "You don't stop loving someone. Either you never did or you always will. Which is it?"
He quietly says, "I guess that's a good way to look at it. I have to be honest..."
There was a knock at the door, "James I will have to call you back. My groceries are here and I'm starving."
He agrees and hangs up. I put the groceries away and pick up the phone to call Carlos but there is a text from James:
I know u said u would call me back
but dont bother. i wont have a signal
where i am. will talk soon. XOXO James
I am completely confused now but know I have to call Carlos so I try to shake it off. He answers the phone right away and I can hear him bouncing off the walls and so excited. I can't help but laugh, "What are you doing?" I ask.
He chuckles, "Well talking to you, sexy."
I laugh, "You wouldn't say that if you could see me."
He gets quiet and I can tell he is calming down, "When can I see you?" he asks.
I start, "Well Carlos I really don't think..."
He cuts me off, "I know Logan is coming today. Can't you just let me come with him?"
He hears the silence on the line and adds, "He is going to break your heart and I can be there to help you pick up the pieces. PLEASE give me this chance." He is practically begging.
'How am I supposed to say no to him now but this is going to be hard enough to do with just Logan. The moral support would really be amazing right now though.' My thoughts running wildly through my head.
Finally I say, "Okay. If its okay with Logan then its okay with me." and quickly add, "But it has to be okay with Logan."
It was only after I hung up the phone that I started to wonder how James would take the fact that I let Carlos come see me but not him but he never even asked. I couldn't call him because he said he had no signal. I laid down on the couch, covered up with a huge blanket to watch some tv and dozed off.
I wake up to someone stroking my cheek. I open my eyes to see Carlos sitting on the edge of the couch smiling at me like he just won a million dollars. He leans down and kisses me on the cheek, "Wow you look amazing. I thought you said you weren't sexy anymore." he joked.
I giggle, "Your just being nice."
Still smiling, "No it looks like you have gained some weight and it looks awesome on you."
I start to laugh hysterically. I look down and realize they can't tell anything because of the blanket. James pushes Carlos out of the way, "He didn't mean you look fat." he said cutting Carlos a look. "What he meant was that it looks like the seclusion is really agreeing with you. You look radiant."
Again I'm laughing and they are all looking at me like I have lost my mind.
Logan pushes James, "Um she asked me to come out and talk so do you think you can give us a minute?" He asks irritated.
Carlos asks, "Do you want us to leave?"
I look at him and James, "Honestly I don't know." I sit up careful to keep the blanket pulled up to my shoulders. I finally find my voice again, "Can you three sit over there please?" I ask pointing to another couch across from me.
They do as I ask and I realize I lost my manners, "I'm so sorry. Do you guys want something to eat or drink? I can't believe I forgot my manners." I say giggling.
They all shake their heads no and Logan looks at me, "What was so important that I had to fly out here?"
I have so many questions running through my head and I know once I tell him I'm not going to have a chance to ask them. "Can we just talk about other stuff right now?" I ask.
James can see the hesitation in my eyes and runs over to me. Before I can stop him he puts his arms around me. There is no turning back now. He pulls me away and looks in my eyes, "Tell me its not true."
I start to cry and Carlos comes over pushing James out of the way to comfort me. Before he hugs me he asks, "What isn't true?" and I just look at him.
He realizes he isn't going to get an answer so his first instinct of course was to hold me. He wrapped his arms around me and it seemed to take him a minute before he pulled away and looked down at the blanket and then at me, "Are you serious?" and he joins James on the other side of the room.
Logan is laughing, "What the hell are you two talking about? Why am I always the last to know something?" he jokes.
I look to Carlos who has his back to me and is bent over trying not to hyperventilate and James who is looking at me but for the first time I can't read his thoughts. I whisper to James, "Help me." and in an instant he is back at my side.
He kneels in front of me, "What can I do? What do you need me to do?"
Logan is starting to get very irritated, "You didn't even know he was coming. What the hell is going on here? You wanted to talk to me. I put my relationship on the line to come out here and talk to you because you said you needed to talk to me and now all your doing is talking to these two?"
I take my hand out from under the blanket careful not to let it fall and reach for James. He takes my hand and helps me up.
The entire time Logan is on a rant focused on me, "I'm happy with my new girlfriend and I put all of that in jeopardy because of you. I hope your happy with yourself. All you had to do was call them and they would have come running. Why did you have to drag me into all of this mess? I don't know what I ever..."
As I stood up the blanket hit the floor stopping Logan dead in his tracks. There in full display was me with a pregnant belly. James had his hand on the small of my back trying to help support me and his and Logan's mouths were on the floor.
I look to Carlos who still has his back to me and he slowly starts to stand up and turn around. Almost instantly his jaw was on the ground as well.
I'm standing there not sure what to say or do and finally Logan speaks up, "What the...How...When..Is it..."
James stops him, "Of course it is you idiot. Why in the hell do you think she wanted to talk to you? To tell you she was having someone else's baby? Get real."
He pulls me to him to show me he supports me, "I'm here. When and if you need me I'm here. I will get you through this even if this idiot can't."
Logan gets angry, "Idiot? I just got the shock of my life and I'M the idiot?"
Logan finally finds his strength and walks over sitting on the couch pulling me next to him. James gives him a look and Logan quite plainly says, "Look this is my child and she and I have a lot to discuss so do you mind?"
I had never really seen Logan stand up to James on solid ground and I had to giggle thinking back to that night on the pier.
I feel James' hand on my shoulder, "You can give it up bro. I'm not going anywhere."
I feel a hand on my other shoulder and hear Carlos say to Logan, "You are stuck with us now."