Cars were still parked in the driveway when I got home so I knew that I'd be walking into a house full of people. I hadn't expected it to be otherwise as it wasn't particularly late. Once bar guy, now known as Byron, had made eye contact with Henry and joined our table my wingwoman duties were essentially over, it would have been a stretch to describe either Henry or Byron as playing hard to get. I'd made my excuses and escaped leaving them to exchange smouldering looks and innuendo laden conversation. Henry had insisted on covering my share of the bill and had offered me the promise that one day he'd return the wingman favour and be the Iceman to my Maverick.
I dropped my bag in my bedroom and seriously contemplated just shutting the door and crawling under the covers. Ingrained politeness that was already pricking at my conscience for having gone out in the first place forced me to straighten my spine and join the others.
Zacky ambushed me in the foyer. "So," he smirked, "how was the date?"
I assumed a look of innocence and said, "It was amazing Zacky. You were right, we have so much in common! We both love Cher and Madonna. He such amazing taste in clothes." Zacky's eyes grew wide. "We like the same movies and television shows like The Wizard of Oz and the Golden Girls. He told me he's a friend of Dorothy. I mean they were both fictional characters and Judy Garland and Bea Arthur are both dead so I'm not sure what he meant...but still! I think Henry might just be the one."
Zacky swallowed hard and I could see the panic in his eyes. He was wondering if he should out Henry to me. "That's...uh...that's great Caitie."
"It is, isn't it?" I nodded with wide eyed enthusiasm. "There's only one thing we can't agree on." Zacky gave me an open mouthed nod encouraging me to continue. "Our taste in men. He prefers a man in a suit."
I watched Zacky turn my words over in his mind until realisation hit and he burst out laughing. "He told you huh?"
"He's not exactly keeping it a secret Zacky."
"Maybe but Matt doesn't know. I'll tell you right now, the only reason I didn't give you as much shit as Matt was is because I knew Henry wasn't hitting on you." My eyebrows lifted in surprise. He was deadly serious.
"So why didn't you say something and get Matt off my case? I didn't actually think Henry had any romantic intentions. I just didn't let that on because Matt was annoying me." I frowned in confusion.
Zacky shrugged. "I had my reasons and let's just say that they aligned well with yours."
"Bloody hell Zacky could you be any more cryptic?" I gave him a shove in the shoulder. He just smirked back at me.
There was someone missing when we stepped out on to the back patio. "Where's your wife?" I asked Zacky. His smirk faded. "Busy," was his one word response and something told me to avoid stepping in to that conversational minefield.
Matt was sprawled in a chair a beer bottle dangling from his fingers and laughing at something Jeff was saying. He'd obviously been drinking but didn't seem drunk. Johnny and Lacey were laughing along with him. Brian, Cathy and Steph were clustered together. Brian had an arm looped over Steph's shoulder. He wasn't wasted but seemed a fair way along the road to being so.
"I thought Brian was in charge of a child tonight?" I asked Zacky.
"Baby Gates has a cold so stayed home with Michelle tonight. The only child Steph's going to have to deal with tonight is Syn," Zacky explained with a chuckle.
"Lucky Steph," I mused and my heart gave a little skip as I made eye contact with Matt. The corners of his mouth lifted into a smile and I responded as we both forgot for a moment that we were annoyed with each other. All too quickly he must have remembered our argument because he pouted and his forehead wrinkled in confusion. He gave me a curt nod of acknowledgment before deliberately turning back to Jeff and Johnny.
I began to turn with the intention of fleeing to my room but Zacky was too quick for me. "Oh no you don't," he said grabbing my elbow and tugging me along with him to join the group around Matt.
We were halfway across the patio when I heard Brian's voice, "Oh for fuck's sake, I thought she was on a date." I stopped in my tracks and turned toward him.
"Oh shit," Zacky muttered and yanked on my elbow to try and get me moving again. I remained fixed in place. Even though I was focused on Brian I was aware of Zacky looking toward the group around Matt for help. Johnny stood up and ambled over as I said brightly to Brian, "Date's over but thanks for your interest."
"Brian!" Steph exclaimed and elbowed him. She was almost as drunk as he was. She turned to me her eyes bright with excitement. "How was it? How was the date?"
"Come on Caitie. Give us all the details!" Cathy agreed enthusiastically.
"It's over pretty early, it can't have been that good," Brian mumbled. Zacky coughed and my attention was drawn to Johnny who teased, "So, Caitie. You went on a date huh? So tell Uncle Johnny all about it. Is it true lurve?"
I couldn't help laughing although Brian's glaring was seriously pissing me off. "No Johnny, I don't think it's true lurve as you so eloquently put it. Henry and I have a few fundamental differences that stand in the way of a future love match."
Johnny's eyes went wide and he spluttered, "Henry? You went on a date with Henry? That's the guy that Matt has his panties in a bunch over?"
Zacky grinned and I dropped my head to hide my own smile. "Hey fuckhead," Johnny called to Matt, "You're pissed because Caitie went out with a gay guy?"
"Henry's gay?" Steph and Cathy chorused their disappointment. They both looked like they wanted to hug out my dating bad luck. I took a step back, not feeling the need for a ritualistic feminine bonding moment, and bounced off a wall of flesh.
"Henry's gay?" Matt growled over my shoulder.
I tilted my head to look up at him. "He is," I confirmed.
"Did you know before you went out with him?" The line between his eyebrows was so deep it was like the Grand Canyon.
"No," I answered truthfully.
"What a fuckin' asshole. Henry and I are going to be having words." I could feel Matt puff up behind me as if testosterone was inflating his body. I spun around to look at him. My shoulder bashed into his chest he was so close but he didn't move.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Don't be an idiot Matt. He didn't lead me on. I never thought it was a romantic type date. If you're going to be having words with anyone you might want to throw a few Zacky's way. He knew Henry's gay and didn't say anything!" I unceremoniously threw Zacky under the bus.
Zacky looked skyward and sighed as Matt glared at him. "Pretty sure you're an adult Caitie, you can look after yourself."
I tried to turn back toward Zacky but Matt's arm around my waist had me held in place. "Thank-you Zacky I am!"
"Hey..." Matt started to speak but Brian chose that moment to interject. "Why the fuck are we even having this fucking conversation in the first place?"
Just like that the atmosphere changed. Gone was the slightly pointed banter and here came the blow-up that Zacky had obviously seen coming.
"Woah. Come on Brian. There's no need for that," Johnny said gamely and looked around for Lacey. The baby on her hip was as good a reason as any for her to stay well back.
"I think there fucking is Johnny. Don't get me wrong, I liked Caitlin when I first met her. What I don't fucking understand is why she's fucking everywhere! Look at them man! So she works for him. Why?" Brian pointed an impressively steady finger toward Matt and me.
"Brian!" Steph gasped.
"I don't get it Ace! You say he needs a friend. Look around you! He's fucking surrounded by friends!" He turned his palm up and shook it in a 'what the?' gesture. I got it. I did, but it didn't mean that his words weren't pissing me off. Michelle was right. Brian felt left out of Matt's life. I tried to empathise and put myself in his place and it was working. I was keeping a lid on my very slow burn but very explosive temper. Then he spoke again and his next words were the match that lit the fuse on what some would describe as my redheaded temper.
Steph opened her mouth to speak again and Brian interrupted. "Don't Ace. Don't tell me again that she understands what he's going through because I don't understand that. How the fuck can she understand? Look at her! Her life is fucking puppies and kittens! He's my best fucking friend and even I don't get what he's been going through and we grieved Jimmy together. How the fuck is a perky fucking school teacher going to understand him better than me?"
Steph looked like she simultaneously wanted to hug Brian and slap him. Matt wasn't the only one hurting. Brian had been married to Val's sister, he and Matt were family, deep down I understood that but right in that moment I couldn't see past my own hurt and anger as it burst forth.
I pushed Matt away and took a step toward Brian. His teeth were clenched and his dark eyes angry but as I got closer to him I saw a flicker of wariness cross his features.
"Do you want to know how I understand what Matt's got to deal with?" I spat at Brian who just stared back at me in silence. "Do you?" I shouted. He gave a tiny 'go ahead' tip of his head. Steph's fingers were curled around Brian's upper arm and her lower lip was gripped between her teeth. She knew and dreaded what I was about to say. Cathy's eyes were wide and her balled fists were pressed to her mouth. She and Steph were the only ones who knew what was coming, the others just looked confused.
I sucked in a deep breath trying to get a rein on my anger and control the adrenalin rushing through me. When I spoke it surprised me how steady my voice was. My tone was low and even, a long way from the shout that I was sure would burst forth. "There is no one in this house who understands better than me. Twelve months ago I had to face the fact that my husband was in a coma that he was never going to come out of and then I had to make the decision to switch off his life support. Five months before that the car accident that put him in that coma killed my baby. So yes Brian, I do fucking understand what it's like to lose fucking everything." My voice broke on the last word and I had to choke back a sob.
Steph had tears running down her face and Cathy was white. Brian looked like I'd slapped him. His eyes were wide with shock. A childish squeak of protest had me turning toward Lacey who was clutching her little boy tight and crying. Johnny took a quick step toward her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as he bent his head to whisper in her ear. Zacky reached out a hand to me but I ignored him. As I turned and bolted into the house the only sound was the slapping of my sandals on the tiled floor.
My hands were shaking as I struggled with the knot that would undo my wrap dress. In the end I gave up and stepped fully clothed into the shower where I hoped the running water would hide the sound of me crying and deter anyone from coming in to talk to me. It was a toss-up as to what had me crying hardest at that moment, the stubborn knot on my dress, my sense of grief and loss for Tim and the baby who never even had a name or the way I'd dropped the story of my messed up life on people I considered friends in the middle of an argument.
I had no idea how long I stood under the stream of water but it was beginning to run cold, something that was virtually impossible in Matt's house, a clear indication I'd been there for a while. I'd flicked the water off and was standing dripping on the tiles wondering how I was going to get my sodden dress off when the bathroom door slowly opened. It was Matt his face creased with concern.
"Sometimes life's a shit place to be isn't it Sunshine?" he said softly grabbing a towel off the rack and wrapping it around me. He grabbed another and twisted it around my hair.
"I can't undo my dress," I blurted out irrelevantly and the dampness on my cheeks was once again tears.
"Let me look," he said gently and kneeled down in the wet shower enclosure. With careful fingers he worked at the knot on my dress before finally managing to work it loose. He took the towel from me before dropping it over his shoulder and peeling the soaking dress free of my skin. Then as if I was helpless he removed my underwear and wrapped the towel tightly back around me. I should have been embarrassed for him to see me naked but other than when he was working on the knot at my waist he never dropped his gaze from mine. I could see the hurt in my eyes reflected back in his.
"Come on," he led me from the bathroom, "it's time for bed." He dragged his t-shirt over his head before dropping it over mine. It smelt like Matt and the warmth of his body clung to it. When he threw the covers back I silently slid beneath the sheets. He toed off his shoes and quickly removed his jeans before crawling in next to me. He reached out and grabbing my waist he pulled me close. I curled into him.
My eyes were heavy as I murmured into his chest, "What about Bill and Ted?"
His answer was a whisper, "Brian's a mess. Steph's put him to bed upstairs. She's letting the boys draw on him with glitter pens. When they've had their fill of making him look like the asshole that he is she'll get them to bed and read them a story. Not the Princess Bride though, that's ours."
I dropped off to sleep with the sound of his heartbeat in my ear and a tiny smile on my face.