The journal feels like it's burning a hole in Lynn's back as she sits in class, itching to leave. For the last hour, she's been trying to shove the antsy feeling away and concentrate on her art for assignments, but it's to no avail. Her feet tap against the floor rapidly, fingers itching to pull out the journal, to read through it again.
When her professor dismisses the class after what feels like an eternity, Lynn is the first one out, pulling her pack over her shoulder. She rushes out into the cool January air, hoping to beat the crowd. Making it to her car, she watches for a moment to make sure there's no traffic, and then she backs out, looking up the skate park's address and typing it into her GPS.
The drive to the park is quick, mainly because the blonde is driving a little too fast. She makes it fifteen minutes before she's due. She parks in the half-full lot and pulls out her phone and the journal, attempting to distract herself, but she can't stop shifting in her seat, so she gives up. Opening the door, she invites the cool breeze into the hot car. Then she gets out, shutting the door and locking it.
The sound of skateboards rolling on ramps fills the air. Lynn walks past groups of guys and girls doing various tricks. She keeps an eye out for the beautiful girl as she keeps going, and she finally spots the older girl on her own, head covered with a black helmet as she does a flip on the ramp before coming to a stop.
"Emily!" Lynn calls, and the other girl turns around, a large smile crossing her features as she realizes who's behind her. The blonde rushes forward and captures her in a hug, swaying a little as she does so.
"Hey, Lynn," Emily giggles into her ear, wrapping her arms around the younger girl. "You came back."
"Of course I did," Lynn murmurs. "I will always come back for you." She releases her, smiling wider when she takes a step back and realizes how good Emily looks. Though it's cold, she's clad in a black Thrasher tank top and black basketball shorts. Her tattoo is finally visible, an intricate wolf designed in black ink on her right bicep. Her dark hair is pulled into a ponytail, showing off multiple piercings in both ears. Lynn grins and tries to commit it all to memory.
After a moment, she recalls the reason for which she came. Quickly, she holds the journal out. "I finished it last night."
Emily takes the book gratefully. "Thank you. How---um, how much did you see?"
"All of it. Front to back." Lynn gives her a sad, sympathetic smile. Emily bites her lip, averting her gaze, so the blonde holds her arms out once more. "C'mere," she murmurs, and the raven-haired girl falls into her embrace. "It's okay." Lynn runs a soothing hand across her back. "You're okay, honey. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And if you ever need a place to stay, my door is always open."
"Thank you so much," Emily says gratefully, and Lynn feels her grip tighten. "You have no idea how much I needed that. I know it's stupid to feel alone, but I guess I just do sometimes."
"It's understandable. I used to feel the same way. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here."
"Thank you. Wait," Emily pauses, pulling away and studying the younger girl's features, "you're---you're---?"
Lynn leans in and whispers in Emily's ear, "I heard you're gay. Me too, it's great." Her giggle further breaks the tension in the air, and Emily pulls her in for another hug, laughing and swaying even more. Finally, they let go of each other and lock gazes.
"So you're not afraid of me? Of all the things I see and think?"
"Not at all," Lynn answers honestly. "It's not your fault."
They're both quiet for a moment, and then Lynn focuses her attention to the dark blue board at Emily's feet. "You can keep on, I don't mind."
Emily grins as if she's just had a wonderful idea. "Have you ever tried skateboarding before?" Lynn laughs nervously, shaking her head. "Do you want to?"
The blonde runs a hand through her hair, then shrugs and gives the older girl a smile. "Sure."
"Alright." She steps back, providing Lynn with space to step on. Lynn cautiously places her weight on the board. Wobbling, she plants her feet on the ground.
"Wait," Emily says, unbuckling her helmet before reaching up and placing it gently on the younger girl's head, buckling it securely. "Just in case."
A fond smile plays on Lynn's lips as she touches the helmet in slight surprise. "Thank you." With that, she pushes off and windmills as she tries to keep her balance and fails. Pain shoots through her and she grits her teeth as she lands flat on her butt with the wind knocked out of her lungs. Emily's by her side in an instant, asking if she's okay, helping pull her off the ground, brushing pebbles off of the blonde's clothes.
Finally, her voice comes back. "I'm okay. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Do you feel alright? If you need to go to the emergency room---"
"I'm alright, Em," Lynn laughs, cutting the slightly hysterical girl off. "No broken tailbone or anything. I'm just a little unsteady, is all."
"Good. Are you up for another try? I think I have an idea." Lynn nods, and Emily quickly rushes to grab the retreating skateboard. Rolling it back, she instructs, "Okay, put both feet on the board, close together." The blonde obeys and jumps a little when she feels arms wrapping around her waist. "I've got you," the older girl mumbles into her ear as she pushes off.
Lynn could get used to this close proximity.
Emily continues standing on the board and guiding them around as Lynn pulls out her phone to take a picture. "Smile!" she calls, and the other girl does.
The resulting photo is slightly blurry. Lynn's eyes are closed and her mouth is open in a happy laugh. Strands of her hair are blowing in Emily's face, but the other girl continues to smile.
Of the many photos she's taken over the course of her life, this one is by far her favorite.
Quickly, she sends the picture to the group chat with Alex, Brian, and Justin, including a message that jokes, This one is making me learn to skate no matter what! Then she pockets her phone and turns her full attention back to the rattling of the skateboard, the cool wind against her face, and the arms around her waist.
Maybe she should meet up here with Emily more often.
There's no way to tell how long they go on. It feels like both a moment and a blissful eternity between them, and then the momentum finally slows before completely stopping. Lynn grins at Emily, who returns it while slightly panting. "That was fun," the blonde states. "Thank you."
"It really was, and no need to thank me," Emily replies, looking up at the sky. Lynn looks up, too, noticing that it's growing darker around them. "Would you like to come to my house? We could hang out there for a while. I could bring you back for your car whenever you're ready. People leave them here all the time."
"Sure, that sounds good," the younger girl replies with a smile, unbuckling the helmet and handing it back to the raven-haired girl, who tucks it under her arm and picks up the board. A comfortable silence falls over them as they walk out of the park and to Emily's vehicle. As they walk, Lynn has to fight the urge to take the older girl's hand in hers.
Emily leads her to an old, red Toyota Tacoma and unlocks it, opening the passenger-side door before motioning Lynn in with a grin. "Thank you," she says before climbing in. The door is carefully closed, and the blonde sinks into the comfortable seat. The truck smells like pine, and she can't help but inhale deeply, taking in the wonderful scent. Emily gets in as well, and they begin moving.
"You can plug your phone into the aux cord if you want," the raven-haired girl offers kindly, handing the cord over.
"That's okay," Lynn declines politely. "I like your music." Emily pulls out her phone and hands it over to the blonde, who plugs the cord in. She slides her finger across the screen, expecting a lock to pop up for the password, but she gains direct access to everything. Deciding that it might be better to not ask, she goes to the music app and hits shuffle.
"You are one of God's mistakes, you crying, tragic waste of skin..."
The song quoted in Emily's notebook begins playing instantly, and Lynn catches the other girl's sad smile. It loses the mournfulness after a moment, and she turns to the blonde. "This is Placebo, my favorite band," she explains. "I would tell you that they're really good, but I'm extremely biased, so I'll let you determine for yourself." The volume increases slightly, and Lynn closes her eyes, allowing the music to fill her brain.
There's sadness but comfort, pain but relief in it all, and she can see why Emily loves it so much.
When the song fades out and Hayley Kiyoko replaces it, Lynn can't help but laugh a little. It's a total mood change. "I agree, that was really good," she finally determines, turning to look at Emily. "Your music taste never fails to be great."
"Aw, thanks," the other girl says happily. "I could say the same for yours." A comfortable silence falls over them for a moment, and then Emily breaks it again. "In case you're wondering, Jana's going to be home, but Mom shouldn't be for quite a while, so we'll be good."
Lynn nods. "I'm excited to meet your sister. She sounds really nice from what I've read and from what you've told me."
"She is. Despite the age difference, we've always been really close."
"That's great. Does she---Does she know?" Lynn hesitates on the question, but it manages to slip out anyway.
"She does. She learned the same day that Mom did. She's very supportive of me, though. Just like I am with her."
"That's great," Lynn smiles. "What about Lucas?"
"Yeah, he knows, too. I was afraid that Mom would get to him first and misconstrue everything if I didn't tell him. He handled it well, and everything seemed to click, and he gave me the biggest hug and told me he was proud of me. I haven't gotten to see him in a while. He's with his actual girlfriend, living in Connecticut with their baby."
"Aww." Warmth spreads over Lynn, and she can't help but be ecstatic that Emily has had some good experiences with telling people. She deserves all of the good in the world. "I'm proud of you, too."
"Thank you. You're amazing, Lynn, you know that?"
Lynn feels her cheeks heating up. "No, that's definitely you." She catches the way that Emily's cheeks turn a deep pink and is even more overjoyed. The older girl is adorable when she's embarrassed.
The soft music fills the car once more, and Lynn listens a little harder. Maybe if she internalizes the words, commits them all to memory and engraves them in her brain, she can begin to understand what is going on inside of the older girl's head. As the songs change, the blonde looks to the other to gauge her reaction, which songs make her look excited and which ones make her seem forlorn.
"...I was born a virgin, covered in blood and free of sin, and that's the exact shape I wanna make when I jump off this bridge..."
This is the only line, Lynn finds, that makes a tear roll down Emily's cheek. The blonde rests a gentle hand on her shoulder, and the raven-haired girl gives her a grateful half-smile.
Finally, they pull up to a white one-story house in a subdivision, no other cars in the driveway. The yard is trimmed and neat, and the porch looks brand new. However, there is nothing else outside, which is somewhat surprising to Lynn. Emily kills the engine and they both get out of the car, Lynn never leaving her side. The blonde's nerves are wracked and she's not sure why.
Emily turns the key in the lock and the door swings open, revealing a small, clean kitchen and living room. These rooms are spotless, with no dishes in the sink and nothing on the brown leather couch, save for a small figure lying across the cushions. The floorboards creak as Lynn crosses the threshold, Emily right by her side. As they approach, the silhouette rises to form the shape of a young woman, about seventeen, with long, brown hair and fair skin like her sister's. Her eyes are a deep brown, Lynn finds as they flicker to meet her gaze.
This must be Jana.
"Hey, sis," Emily greets, wrapping the smaller girl in an embrace.
"Hey," Jana says warmly, returning the hug. As she lets go, her eyes move back over to Lynn. She smiles. "Who's this?"
"This is Lyndsey, the friend that I've been telling you about." Lynn returns the smile and waves at Jana, who shows a certain level of amusement in her grin.
"Nice to meet you," the blonde greets pleasantly.
"The pleasure's all mine," the young brunette replies. "I've heard so much about you."
"Good things, I hope?" Lynn turns to Emily, who replies with nothing, only smiles.
"We're gonna head in here, okay?" The raven-haired girl motions to a room in a hallway that is invisible to Lynn. Jana nods and lays back down, closing her eyes once more. Emily takes the blonde's hand and leads her into the hall, then to the left. A plain white room is the sight in front of her, with two beds pushed against one wall, a nightstand between them, and a television positioned atop a wooden dresser on the other. A bookshelf is in the far corner, half filled with books. The other half is a mixture of CDs and DVDs.
"Sorry it's not much," Emily apologizes, sitting on the edge of the bed on the right. She pats the mattress, and Lynn sits down next to her, crossing one leg over the other.
"It's okay. I like it," Lynn responds, looking around. No matter where her eyes land, though, she always catches her gaze drifting back to Emily, to the unique swirls of green and brown in her irises, to the sharpness of her cheekbones, to the curve of her jaw, to the beautiful ink on her skin.
"You can take off your shoes and jacket, if you want. Make yourself at home," Emily says, and Lynn nods, obeying. As soon as she slips out of the black jacket and reveals her white t-shirt, the other girl gasps slightly, looking down at Lynn's tattoos. "Sorry," she says with embarrassment. "They're just so beautiful. I never realized you had any." Lynn giggles and holds her arms out for examination, grinning as Emily traces the outline of the snake-wrapped woman carefully and looks over the rest of the ink observantly before reaching for her left arm. The ouroboros is traced next, then it stops. "What is NPNR?" she asks curiously.
The blonde laughs, running a hand through her hair. "No Parents, No Rules," she admits. "Can you tell that I was excited to move out?"
"Maybe just a little," Emily jokes. "And your tattoo is right. It sounds awesome." Her tone grows a little darker, but before Lynn can say anything, she asks, "What about Eid Mar?"
"It's my birthday. The fifteenth of March." The date seems to shake the other girl slightly, and Lynn instantly regrets admitting that, recalling the journal entry from last year. How long did Emily sit in that state of wondering how she should die? How long did she cry and shake, and what pulled her out of it?
Quickly, Lynn changes the subject. "Jana is really nice." The raven-haired girl hums in agreement, still looking down at all of the blonde's tattoos. "Why did she seem to act slightly differently when you said I was your friend?"
Emily bites her lip, and Lynn instantly feels bad about asking the question when the dark expression comes over the other girl's face. "I introduced Amanda as my friend, too."
Realization hits the younger girl like a truck, as well as the memory of the things she read last night about Amanda. It sends a wave of nausea over her, thinking about the things that the horrid woman put her sweet Emily through.
As silence comes over them once more, Emily goes from tracing Lynn's tattoos to absentmindedly playing with her fingers. Warmth fills the blonde's heart once more, and she hopes that Emily never stops. While the other girl is occupied, Lynn pulls out her phone with her free hand and looks at the group chat.
bootymanmac: You look like you're enjoying yourself a little too much ;)
BAB$: I knew Emilynn was real :D
hpfanatic90: OTP
lanegoon: Guuuuys, it was a friendly outing
BAB$: Suuuuuure it was
hpfanatic90: You're only that happy when you're in love, hon
bootymanmac: You're totally in luuurve with her ;)
bootymanmac: When's the wedding
bootymanmac: I wanna be your best man
BAB$: Hey guys, Lyndsey Scott or Emily Gunnulfsen?
hpfanatic90: I say Em Gunn, not sure about you guys though
bootymanmac: Hold on just a second, I gotta make a change to something
lanescott: I hate all of you :(
She pockets her phone and rolls her eyes with a smile. Those boys are going to be the death of her. Quickly, Lynn shifts her attention back to Emily, who's resting her head on Lynn's shoulder. The contact sends tiny shivers down the blonde's spine as she tries to remain as still and as casual as possible.
"Would you like to watch a movie?" the older girl asks, and Lynn really doesn't want to, only because that means that Emily is going to get up and leave her and most likely not come back. They'll be on the same bed but she won't rest against the younger girl anymore and Lynn will be cold and feel lonelier again. But she nods anyway, and Emily does get up. "Anything in particular?"
"What's your all-time favorite movie?" The blonde feels funny in answering a question with a question, but she really wants to experience all of Emily's favorite things.
"The Breakfast Club. I know it's cliché," she admits sheepishly, looking down at the floor.
"It's not, I promise. Let's watch it."
"Okay," Emily nods, heading over to the bookshelf and picking it up. She heads over to the television and pops the disc in, turning on the TV, and, to Lynn's surprise, returns and rests her head on the younger girl's shoulder once more. Lynn smiles and wraps her arm around Emily's shoulders, making the older girl smile as well.
As the movie plays, the blonde can barely concentrate. Her gaze is still drawn mainly to the other girl, and she feels as if Emily keeps looking at her, too. The phone keeps buzzing in her pocket, the boys still talking to each other, but she wouldn't even dream of reaching for it at a time like this. She's absolutely content right where she is.
At some point, Emily falls asleep. Lynn's not sure when, but when she looks over, the other girl has her eyes closed, breathing softly. This causes another smile to play on the blonde's lips. She keeps rubbing circles onto the raven-haired girl's arm with her thumb, just in lighter, slower movements.
Lynn only breaks her gaze when Jana appears in the doorway, almost ready to say something. She stops when she sees her sister's head on the blonde's shoulder, Lynn's tender look returning to her sleeping face. She hears the brunette let out a small sigh of relief before heading away.
The sound of "Don't You (Forget About Me)" loudly blasting through the room wakes Emily from her slumber before Lynn can stop it. The older girl yawns sleepily and looks up at the blonde. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep. You should've woken me up."
"It's okay," Lynn replies. "I didn't mind at all. Besides, you probably needed that, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I guess I did," Emily says with a smile. "So, what would you like to do now?"
Lynn's smile grows wider. "I think I have an idea."