My eyes snap open.
I look around in confusion and see my body quite literally materializing right before my eyes. Tiny particles of silver metal in the air all float and clump together to form...me.
My fingers are last to materialize, and I watch in awe and horror as they finally form.
I then realize I'm in a closed room, not unlike those of Asgard. The walls and floor are made of gold. I notice the room is empty except for a single golden apple floating in the center of it.
"Cassidy Martin." I hear from behind me, and I turn to see the Goddess that Loki fought in the apple orchard standing there. She is beautiful, but distinctly un-human.
"I'm sorry who are you?" I ask, because I only know of her from that one moment. I don't know why she would be standing in a room with me.
Come to think of it, I don't know why I'd be standing in a room at all. I should be dead.
"I am the Goddess Idunn, keeper of the Apples of Immortality." She tells me. I look at her with wide eyes.
I don't reply.
"Loki would have defeated me, but you stopped him. You have saved a great deal of my people through your act of selflessness." She nods at me and I begin to walk around the room, running my hand along the smooth wall.
"I was really trying to save Loki." I admit.
"And you succeeded." She says.
"Thank you." I tell her, stopping my pacing and facing her.
"No, thank you." She smiles.
A door opens in the wall that I didn't notice before, revealing a bright and beautiful golden staircase into the sky. As if it's magnetic, I gravitate towards it.
The brightness of the clouds is blinding. It's breath taking. Without even realizing it, I've walked over to the door. Then I see a familiar face at the top of the stairs. My dad. He's smiling and waving down at me.
My eyes fill with tears, and I turn back to the Goddess Idunn.
"Are you here to bring me to heaven?" I ask her. Maybe she is the gatekeeper between the real world and heaven. Maybe I am dead after all.
For a single, beautiful moment, I'm glad to be dead. I can finally be at peace like I wanted. I'm no longer a freak with metal blood, no longer a hero, no longer a friendless nobody in school, and no longer a girl whose best friend tried to kill her. Seeing my dad's face makes me remember how much I miss him, and how easy and happy life was with him around. My heart aches for him.
"If that's what you want. Cassidy, you chose to save Asgard over yourself. So now out of gratitude I present you with another choice. You can choose a better life," She says, gesturing to the staircase, "Or another chance at this one. Choose wisely."
When she says the last part, my attention returns to the apple.
"Is that..." I ask.
"Yes, an Apple of Immortality. I will only offer it once." She tells me.
So I either join my father in heaven, and feel peace but in death, or I eat the apple and rejoin the living. I walk back over to the staircase and my dad smiles at me. I smile back.
I then notice the sky in this heaven, and it's a dazzling blue. It's a blue I've seen before, but I can't remember where.
Then it hits me. There are flecks of this blue in Loki's green eyes.
The thought of Loki brings me to my knees, and I clutch at my chest where the scepter pierced me. The wound is gone, but it still aches. Heartache.
I thought I made peace with dying, but the image of Loki's eyes brings me back down to reality. To Asgard. To Earth. To Tony and the others. To my mom.
"I'm sorry Dad, I'm not done living yet." I say, and before I can think twice I grab the apple from the air and take a large bite out of it. A jolt is sent through my body the second it touches my lips.
The door to my father slams shut.
I panic, and run over to the door, trying to pry it open again. It doesn't budge.
I look around the room and see another door across it on the other wall. I run and pull the knob open, and light streams into this windowless golden room again.
The door doesn't lead to my dad though, this one leads to a grand hallway with arches along the sides that lead out to the grassy fields of Asgard.
I step outside, and it's like the air is a brand new feeling to me.
In the distance, I can see the golden pathway that leads down to the gated apple orchard. The spot where I died.
Everyone still remains there, just as I had left them, as though me being in that room with Idunn only took a moment of time.
My breath hitches in my throat when I think about what just happened. I died. I really died. I killed myself to save Loki, and to save Asgard. And now I'm back, and I don't know what to do about it.
I feel...off. I can't explain it, but the moment I stepped out of that room and back into the real world it's like my body no longer knows what to feel or how to behave.
I push off the ground and begin flying towards everyone to tell them what happened, but then I hesitate. I go invisible. I'm not quite sure what I want to do, but for some reason I don't want them to see me just yet.
I fly over to them quickly and hover in the air above them all, watching this scene unfold.
"Cassidy, please." Loki sobs, huddled over where my body once was, and now where the scepter lays across the ground. He cries like a child, letting everyone hear him.
Tony runs up behind him and shoves Loki over onto his back, sending him skidding across the ground. Tony kneels beside him and grabs a fistful of Loki's shirt.
"That was my girl!" Tony screams into Loki's face, eyes red and furious, "She was my little girl!"
Tony stands and tries to pull Loki to his feet.
"Get up!" He shouts, pulling Loki up by the collar and then punching him in the face, "Get up you coward!"
Tony shoves Loki around some more, trying to fight him, but Loki looks as though he has no energy left in his body.
"Tony stop! It won't help. It's over." Cap shouts, pulling Tony off of Loki, who collapses back onto his side.
Tony shoves Cap away from him and turns his back to everyone, falling to one knee and lowering his head.
They all fall silent.
I look at them. The Avengers. I look over these people grieving my death and for some reason it fills me with the strongest emotion I've ever felt.
Not love, or sadness, but fury. I feel red-hot, boiling anger.
I look at them, and I break.
There they all are, unharmed, and here I am a dead girl walking.
I died for them! I died so they wouldn't have to kill Loki, so they could save the day again, and why? Why did I do that?
I gave my life for someone who would never do the same for me. Loki loves himself more than anything. He wouldn't die for me, he couldn't even live for me. He only serves himself and what he wants. Anger fills me when I realize that after all of this bullshit he still got what he wanted. I ate an Apple of Immortality just like he planned, and now I have thousands of years left to live with that burden.
Only I'm not the same Cassidy who died. I can feel that now. Something inside of me is different. It fills me with hate. I hate Loki for what he did to me, but my anger doesn't stop with him. All of them are guilty.
They all used me.
They took a scared girl and turned me into a weapon. One that they controlled. It doesn't matter if they used me and my powers for good or evil, they still used me. Well, not anymore.
Now I am back in control.
One thing remains the same though. I am a weapon, and weapons don't fight for good or evil. They just fight.
I'm fighting for myself from now on.
So no. I'm not going to let them know I'm alive, because that would just be giving all of them what they want but don't deserve.
Cassidy Martin is dead. They need to live with the guilt of that, knowing it was them who did this to me. I won't give them the relief of seeing me again.
I won't let anyone see me again.
So I turn and fly away from them.
And I don't look back.