Damian and I didn't have sex until we got married. Aaron always liked to make fun of me by saying that that was the reason why he asked me to marry him so soon. But it was never like that.
My mom always valued abstinence from sex until marriage so that's how I was raised. When I began college, I knew I had the choice of losing my virginity if I wanted to. My mom had done her job by teaching me her values and as an adult, it was my choice whether I wanted to follow them or not. I didn't really decide, it just never really happened with anyone. I was busy with school and I didn't meet a guy I really wanted to "do it" with-until I met Damian.
The thing was that I knew he was the right guy for me and I decided I wanted to wait because I wanted a good, innocent relationship with him. He respected me and never suggested that we did anything. It was like he knew that I wanted to wait for marriage.
When Damian and I first made love in our honeymoon, I wondered how I had gone my whole life without him. That night, on our first round of many, I felt the exact same way.
It was a weird thing, to feel the exact same way I felt when I lost my virginity. Damian was so gentle, just how I remembered him to be.
I stared at the window as I thought about our lovemaking all night. We barely even had any sleep. I think we broke some kind of record and I still felt like I didn't have enough of him. How was this possible?
Now, I was more sure that I couldn't live without him anymore. I did not want to.
I want you to stay, I remembered his words from last night.
He wanted me to stay. Despite all the pain I caused him, he still wanted me.
I felt him stir next to me and then he put his arm around my waist and pulled me towards him. I felt his lips against the back of my head.
I smiled as I stared at the bright sunlight coming through the window. Would it work, though? If I stayed...would it work? I was scared to come back and then everything going back to the way it was before I left. I didn't want to go back to that life again. I didn't want to be Marianne's victim. And Marianne...I hadn't even thought about how she would react when she learned that I came back to her house or Damian's life for that matter. I was sure she had been the happiest woman alive when she found out that I had left and even more happy when I didn't come back day after day...
"Good morning," Damian mumbled behind me.
I half smiled. "How did you know I was awake?"
He extended his palm against my bare stomach. "Your breathing."
"Wow." I smiled. "Very observant."
His arm tightened around me. "Always."
We laid in silence for a moment. Just enjoying each other's company. I loved feeling his body against mine. It was the best feeling in the world. I had forgotten that.
I didn't have to say good-bye to this feeling. Damian wanted me to stay. I could stay. Yet...
"Do you forgive me?" I asked him, breaking the silence.
He huffed. "Forgive you for what?"
I turned around so I was facing him. "For leaving," I said as I looked into his brown eyes. "Do you forgive me for leaving?"
He burrowed his eyebrows together. "Rebecca-"
"Answer me," I interrupted. "Please. I need to know."
He looked at me. "I have nothing to forgive you for. I am to blame-"
"Yes, you do." I gulped. "Damian, I was selfish. It's okay to admit it. I hurt you. So I want to apologize to you for running away. I know that I made a mistake. I was selfish and I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry."
His face softened. "Rebecca-"
"Damian," I interrupted again, a smile playing on my lips. "Stop trying to justify my actions. What I did was wrong. So, do you forgive me?"
He half smiled as he reached out and put a strand of hair behind my ear. "If you insist..."
I smiled. "I do."
"Of course I forgive you," he said. "Do you forgive me for being a shitty husband?"
I shook my head. "You were not."
He traced my lower lip with his thumb as he looked into my eyes. "I neglected you," he said, there was sadness in his voice.
I placed my palm on his cheek. "It's in the past now."
He half smiled. "Does that mean that you are staying?"
I bit my lower lip. "I do have to go back to Nevada," I said slowly.
Damian clenched his jaw. "I was afraid you were going to say that."
"I'm sorry," I said. "It's just-Alexa only has a few weeks of school left. She already has her prom dress and she's graduating in May. It wouldn't be fair to make her move. I want to do things right this time. I'll need to sell the house, quit my job..." I trailed off, thinking about how this was going to take a lot more work and time than anticipated.
"I'll come with you."
I half smiled as I looked up at him. "Damian, I appreciate that but it's not necessary. Besides, I'm pretty sure you can't leave the clinic alone for two months."
He hesitated. I could tell he didn't like the idea of me going back at all. He seemed distressed as he sat up on the bed, leaning against the bed rest. He was shirtless and his hair was messy on top of his head.
I pressed the white sheet against my chest as I sat up as well. I looked down at the floor but didn't see my clothes anywhere.
"Damian," I said so he would look at me. "I know that it's not easy to trust me...but if we are going to do this, then I'm going to need you to trust me." I said slowly.
He nodded. "I know. I just hate that we have to be apart."
I smiled. "I know...but it'll be worth it."
He reached out to kiss me. "I do want you to have something," he said pulling away.
"What?" I asked suspiciously.
He pecked my lips and then got out of the bed. I watched as he walked into the closet.
"Damian?" I called from the bed.
He came back with something in his hand and sat back down next to me. He looked at me. "I want you to have this back," he said as he took out my silver wedding ring from the box.
"Sounds to me like you want to mark your territory." I teased him. I was flattered that he had kept my ring and even more flattered that he wanted me to have it back. Looking at it again made me think back to the night I took it off and left it on the nightstand next to Damian's side of the bed. That was the only thing I left him. I thought nothing else needed to be said.
"That's because I am," he said with a smile as he reached for my left hand. He slid in the ring without a problem then brought it up to his lips and he kissed it. "I want everyone to know that you are my wife."
I smiled down at the ring. "Okay, Mr. Walker."
He reached out and placed his hand under my chin and pulled it up so I would look at him. "I'm serious, Rebecca. I-" he took a deep breath. "I'm scared of losing you again."
I bit my lip then put my arms around his neck and pressed myself closer to him in an embrace. "That's my fault. I'm sorry," I pulled back enough to look at him. "But you're not, Damian. Not because of a ring but because I love you and I want to be with you."
I felt heat rushing up my cheeks. Why was it embarrassing to declare my love to my husband?
There was a smile playing on his lips. "Okay...but it'll still help if you kept your ring on."
I laughed. "Okay, then. I'll have some explaining to do to my coworkers though," I said as I looked down at the ring. It had a beautiful diamond in the middle with tiny ones to the sides. I will have some explaining to do...to Julian...oh Julian. What was I thinking when I started dating him? I never should have. Now I had an awkward conversation coming with him...
"You put yours too," I told him.
He smiled as he reached inside the box. "Whatever you say."
My smile faded a little. "I wanted to ask you something," I said slowly as he put on the silver wedding band on his fourth finger.
"What is it?" He asked looking up at me.
I hesitated. "Yesterday you said that you were tempted to, uh, be with Karen..." I looked at him. "How tempted were you? Do you still feel something for her?" My voice was uncertain. I was scared of his answer but I had to know. Those words were still lingering in the back of my head.
Damian winced as if I had hit him. He scratched the back of his head. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was angry and jealous about you dating someone else-it was an impulse. I was speaking without thinking."
I studied him. "Are you sure? I would rather you be honest with me now."
"I'm being honest," he promised. "It was just one night a really long time ago that I was in bad shape and Karen...well, she was there but I swear that nothing happened. I couldn't be unfaithful to you. I'm sorry for the horrible things I said last night. I was angry."
I nodded slowly. "Okay. I believe you." In a way, I felt relief. I had to trust that he was telling me the truth even if my jealousy wanted to convince me otherwise.
Before he could say anything, there was a soft knock on the door.
"Rebecca?" Alexa called. "Are you awake?"
"Yeah, what is it?" I called as I got out of bed. I wasn't wearing any clothes, so I tightened the white sheet around me. Damian seemed amused by my reaction. There was no way I was going to let Alexa see me like this. The thought alone was embarrassing. I knew she was an adult but she was still my little sister.
"Oh, just that the campus tour starts in an hour. Are you still coming?"
"Oh, yeah. I'll be ready in twenty."
"Okay."
I heard her walk away.
"I forgot about the tour." I murmured to myself as I made my way to the bathroom.
Damian stood by the bathroom doorway. "You know, we could save a lot of time if we showered together."
I smiled as I turned on the shower. Water came splashing down.
"Not to mention that it'll be good for water preservation too..."
I laughed. "Water preservation, huh?"
He grinned. "It's an important issue."
I let the sheet fall for the floor and then got in the shower. "Well, what are you waiting for?" I asked smiling at him.
Damian joined me in the shower and we kissed as the water ran over our naked bodies. Then he reached for the shampoo and began to massage it into my hair.
"You're getting it in my eyes." I laughed as I took a step back into the running water. I rinsed my hair and when I opened my eyes, Damian was looking at me.
"Damian..." I said as he took a step forward. He put his arms around my bare waist and kissed me.
I meant to say that we shouldn't because Alexa was waiting and we didn't have time but it was too late to care about anything when he was kissing me like that...so I didn't say anything at all.