I woke up feeling so excited and giddy already - considering that it's just six in the morning and that I actually woke up before my alarm even got the chance to annoy the frick out of me.
Honestly, I feel so much better already and I know that I'm ready for another day of dreadful equations with Mr. Perry but that's okay, because I know for sure that I'll be able to go to church this afternoon and see Vic. Oh gosh, it would sound so weird but I already miss him. I just want to see him and talk some more.
I took a bath and dressed up nice for today. I don't know, I just felt like being cute today. With an extra bounce in my step, I went to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Surprisingly, my dad isn't in the dining area, waiting for me like usual. "Steph, where's dad?" I ask the girl who's busily scrubbing on the counter tops, her back previously turned to me.
She looks at me oddly, eyebrows meeting together to form a straight line. "He usually sleeps in until around eight." She says as if it were obvious, glancing down on her black wristwatch. And wow, did I actually forgot that it's Saturday today? Weekends mean I don't have classes with Mr. Perry, my dad doesn't have to go too early for work, and I don't have to go to church today.
"Oh my gosh, I hate me." I grumble, dragging my usual chair, slumping down on it like the actual child that I am, arms crossed on the table in front of me and face-planting on them. I am excited for today, thinking that I'd get to hangout and see Vic but, alas, I am too sick to even keep track of what day it is today.
Stephanie chuckles before asking, "How are you? Feel better?" A soft hand rests on my forehead as she tries to feel my temperature just through the simple gesture, making me giggle. Stephanie is definitely the older sister that I've always dreamed of having. I could go to her and ask her anything and she'll readily give me any sort of advice - biased or not.
"Mm hm." I nodded my head enthusiastically, standing up and going through the cupboard, picking up a box of cereal and pulling out two bowls and spoons, going over to the fridge to grab a carton of milk. "So much better, actually!"
"Ah, really?" I hear her giggle as she's just standing by the table, looking at me all amused and smiley, making me quirk my head to the side, a pout forming on my lips.
"Yeah. Why are you all smiley like that?" I ask, dragging the chair beside me, silently telling her to join me. Without a second thought, she smiles and sits down next to me.
"Oh, no reason." She smiles and I hand her the cereals, pouring milk in mine. "Just thought that maybe it has something to do with that boy from yesterday." She shrugs, making me cough as soon as I shoved a mouthful of the sugary breakfast in my mouth, almost making me disgustingly sputter the cold liquid out. Ew, oh gosh. That would have been so ew.
My eyes are probably as wide as saucers, the caught-off-guard expression making Stephanie laugh gracefully. "It's definitely not because of him! I think.." I mumbled the last part, purposefully shoving another mouthful of food in my mouth just so that I could somehow make it seem like I did not just doubt myself on the spot. The past week, I've come to realize how confusing having a crush on someone is. I spend most of my time thinking of Vic and these little things that he says and stuff that he do. Honestly, ninety-eight percent of these things make me either blush, giggle, smile, and feel excited. The other two percent? Pure frustration. I can't help but feel frustrated whenever he switches back to being this rude church boy that I first spoke to a week ago.
"He's a cute kid. D'you like him?" Stephanie presses on, ultimately making me blush - by this time, there's no surprise to that anymore. Just the idea of Vic, himself, could make me blush.
I shrug my shoulders, frowning a little. "Is having a crush the same as liking someone?"
"Hm, I think so. Having a crush on someone means admiring them and when you admire someone, it means that you like them in a way - so yes, I think you could say that they're the same." She says and I continue munching on my breakfast, very thoughtful of her explanation. I thought having a crush and liking someone are two different things, but I guess they are the same after all. So, that means that I do like Vic, huh?
"Steph?"
"Hm?"
"Can you keep a secret?" I ask, my chest nearly bursting because I am never used to keeping things from anyone. I am never the kind of person who bottles things up because I automatically tell everything either to Jenna or to my dad but this is new to me and I'm kinda scared to tell them. I mean, I think I like Vic but what if they tell me that I'm wrong because I don't know anything about liking someone? Gosh, for sure, I'd only feel like a clueless kid again. Jenna teases me about being so naive and innocent (as how she likes to describe me) sometimes and although I usually laugh it all off, I couldn't help but feel this pang in my chest every time she'd laugh and shake her head at my so-called innocence.
"Of course." She smiles, all friendly and nice and comforting. I hold out my pinky and she intertwines her's with mine, locking the promise securely.
"Okay, you're literally the only one that I'm telling this to, so it's like, a really huge deal." I briefed out, eyes almost pleading her to be serious with keeping her lips sealed. Not that I doubt her, I know Stephanie's real nice and honest, anyways. I just want her to know and feel how serious I am with this confession slash secret. "I, well, I kind of, sort of, have a crush on Vic. I mean, now that I talked to someone about it, I think I like him. It seems more fitting now, the title, I mean." I spat out, feeling these bundle of nerves infiltrate my insides, almost making me feel all dizzy and overwhelmed.
Awaiting some sort of a disapproving comment, I received none. Instead, Steph giggled, cooed, and then pinched my reddened cheek, making me grumble and I just had to push her hand off of my warm skin because I feel so embarrassed right now. "Aw, that's so cute, Kells!" She gushes, adding more warmth to my cheeks, as they weren't enough just yet.
"Ohmygosh, is this really how it feels like?" I nearly melted into a puddle because I've been keeping it to myself for the past days and honestly, that was the longest time that I kept something a secret from anyone in my entire life. I once kept a secret from a dad and it only lasted for a good two hours. I ended up texting him, saying that I lied about finishing my school works.
Stephanie raises an eyebrow, looking really confused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, like, is this really how liking someone feels like?"
Stephanie looked contemplative, looking like she's really thinking of the correct way to word out her thoughts and opinions. "What exactly are you feeling?" She asks and automatically, I bit my lip, trying to suppress this stupid little grin that's bound to emerge from them. With a question so small, I still felt my stomach do their usual flippy floppy thing.
"I- I feel really silly whenever I'm with him. I mean, my first impression of him is that he's really rude and that he hates me but after a while, he'd just throw these random and out-of-the-blue complements and it would basically just stir me in this really giddy mood. I could even feel these butterflies in my stomach - just like how they describe it in the books and movies! Ohmygosh, it's so confusing, too, like I don't know how to deal with it, y'know? I don't even know if he likes me, too, ugh!" I ranted, eyes rolling in such a dramatic way but it's all true. Sometimes, I feel myself getting all stressed just thinking about Vic. But the thing is, it's the kind of stress that I'd gladly want to deal with, if that even makes sense.
Stephanie smiles at me, all knowing and bright and I only bumped my shoulder against her, wordlessly telling her to stop looking at me with that goofy smile. At the very back of my mind, I kind of know what she's thinking about. "By the way you describe everything plus the way you look while speaking about it all, I think you do like him." She concluded, making me blush harder.
"Ya think so?"
"Mhm. But don't make a big deal out of it. Like what you said, you're not even sure if he likes you back, right?" That kinda felt like some sort of a pinch of hurt but that's the reality of this situation, I guess. And besides, it's not like he'd magically just like me or whatever, right?
I sigh, now just playing with the small remainder of the milk in my bowl. "Yeah, I think you're right. But what should I do? How should I, I don't know, act when I'm with him?"
"Just be you - that's all that you can do, really. Don't try to impress him or don't try to change anything just for the sake of impressing him. Just be the true and natural adorable Kellin that you are." She says, nodding a little. "If in the end, he doesn't look at you the way that you look at him, then that's that. You don't have to stress out over it. I'm sure that everything'll work out if they're meant to work out." I nodded, letting her words sink in. I genuinely think that Steph's right. I really don't have to dwell on this Vic situation too much. I mean, it's just a step over a crush, right? It's not like it's on another higher level of this confusingly new spectrum.
"Thank you, Steph."
"It's no problem-o, Kells. Anytime." She says, patting my head when she stood up and grabbed our abandoned bowls, going over to the kitchen sink to wash them.
"How do you know so much about this?"
"Let's just say that I've already went through it all." She laughs, back still turned to me. I cannot see her face but I could feel that she has this cute, silly-looking smile on her face, a light dust of rosy blush covering her cheeks - just like how I am whenever I talk or even think about Vic.
I nodded, though she couldn't really see me but thinking about it, it seems so comforting. At least someone in my life can help me now with this foolish little dilemma. "So, you've liked someone before?"
She nodded, now looking at me over her shoulder. "Leo's dad - he's my first love." She said, smile still on her face, though it holds something more, something heavier than just that. I only nodded because I kind of feel like I shouldn't press on with the subject. I know it's a very touchy thing to talk about since the guy basically left her and their child to fend for themselves. I've always hated him, whoever he is, (though I haven't met him yet) because of what he did to Steph.
"Aren't you, like, mad at him?" The question slipped out carelessly off of my tongue. That's one thing that I kinda hate about me, I am naturally so curious, the urge to know things flowing in in such a casual way.
"I was but I also love him and he's also Leo's dad, no matter how much I try to twist out the situation."
"Do you still love him?"
"Yes, honestly. Even though he screwed up, the love would always be there." She explains, now drying her hands on the towel near the refrigerator. "Well, y'know, first love never really dies."