Sweet, loving, caring Sam,
Who's sleeves are just a little long,
Who's hair is just a little messy,
Who's smile is just a little crooked,
Who's eyes are just a little shiny,
Who's thoughts were just a little confused,
Who's heart was just a little crushed.
For all the little things about Sam, there was one very big thing that ruined it all.
Me.
I'd trampled on him under the guise of love and I didn't know how he could forgive me, much less how I could forgive myself.
So I made my way to his room with a heavy heart, knowing it was a mistake to fall in love with my best friend.
S A M
I'd been preparing myself for Colby's visit right from the time I told him yesterday and hadn't seen him since. I knew what was coming, so I made sure that I was going to accept it as easily as possible. No argument.
A knock on the door.
I tensed, calling, "come in." Colby entered, looking as bad as I was feeling. He silently sat on the end of my bed, watching me sorrowfully as I watched him.
"We can make it work!" He blurted out, then tugged on his hair as if he hadn't meant to say that.
"We both know we can't." I said, a lump that I'd tried to prevent forming in my throat.
"I... I'm sorry. It's my fault, I know. I'm such an idiot, Sam. I'm an idiot. I'm.. So so sorry." He buried his head in his hands.
"Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault." I tried to push back all the unsteadiness in my voice.
"But it is! I led you on without even knowing it. I can't even forgive myself," he choked.
"You didn't know it.. That's what makes it not your fault. I'm.. I'm okay. I'll deal." I coughed to dislodge the growing pressure in my throat, but all in did was turn into a sob.
I pulled back that little piece of self control I had and continued. "I'll be okay. I promise."
He looked up at me with compassion. "You know that all I want is for you to be happy, right?"
I couldn't help but choke, he'd just pulled that reserve out from under me. I laid back on my bed, no longer able to look at him. I took a deep breath and let it out. "Guess it's a little stupid, huh; falling in love to make you stay." And I knew it was just that, exactly the reason for loving Colby. The boy deserved to be loved, and I wanted him to be loved. I couldn't live without him close.
"It's not stupid. I love you, Sam, you know I do. Just not the way I thought. Im never going to leave you, ever." He crawled up next to me, lying down and grabbing my hand.
I couldn't help it, I just started crying. I knew it was time to let go; let go of the idea that Colby and I could love eachother like that. I had to let go of that part of Colby that should belong to somebody else.
He held me for a long time while I cried, and his presence just made me cry harder. Eventually, I slowed down and was reduced to sniffles.
"Sam, I will never stop being your friend. I will always be here for you. You will never have to worry about me leaving you, because it won't happen." He squeezed my hand and I squeezed back.
I breathed out slowly. "I love you, Colby."
He smiled, a knowing smile. "I love you too, Sam."
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