It's Sunday and I am sitting at the table watching Eric move around effortlessly taking out the plates and utensils and so forth. He told me he just wanted me to enjoy the day and he would do everything.
I knew this was his way of trying to make up for everything but our problems couldn't be solved with food or by him trying to do everything, we had to talk. This was serious and although I felt a little broken hearted I wasn't sure I was ready to give up on all the years we had spent together.
This is why we needed to talk but if he didn't sit down soon then it may never happen, I still had to get back home and finish packing for my trip tomorrow, I was nervous yet excited to see my mom and brother again.
Excited because I knew my mom would welcome me with open arms, nervous because I wasn't sure that my brother would. I have not spoken to him in a long time and I am not sure what mom has told him either.
"Eric, will you please sit down, it's not like your cooking the food it was delivered remember."
I was getting a little wary of the whole thing and was beginning to feel like he was trying to avoid the talk we needed to have. Can't say that I blamed him, he knew me well enough to know I was still a little ticked off about the whole situation.
"I know it was delivered, I just want everything to be perfect."
Perfect, why would he want everything to be perfect when it was far from that? Knowing him it would probably ease his mind and make him more comfortable talking this out so I sat back and waited until he was ready.
When he finally sat down, he smiled and we began to eat. I must say the food was incredible and boy did I have a great appreciation for good food. But it was now or never so I had to break the ice.
"Eric I know things have been tense but you know we need to talk about everything."
He looked up at me with guarded eyes and my heart went out to him, a minute ago he was happy and smiling now I saw sadness and if I wasn't mistaken a little fear.
"Simone, I know I did an incredibly stupid thing but it was honestly the biggest mistake of my life. If I could go back and relieve that day I would never have let myself get caught off guard that way."
I knew what he was saying was heartfelt, I could see it written all over his face, he was broken, this man in front of me was not the same confident man I once knew, he was nervous and a little shaky.
"When I told you what I did that day in your office I had never seen so much pain and hurt in your eyes and it practically killed me that I was the one causing it and not stopping it. Baby I am so sorry and am begging for your forgiveness and asking you not to turn your back on what we have worked so hard to build."
After he was finish speaking I saw his eyes tear up and then he lowered his gaze from mine, I could see he was hurting and I didn't want to cause him anymore pain.
"Eric, I do forgive you, I am not happy about what you did but I know we are all human and make mistakes. I am just not sure how to move forward from here, I am still hurting and the fact that my trust in you, in us has been broken is going to take a while to repair."
At my words I saw his head shoot up and a sparkle in his eyes, he smiled at me, not a big cocky grin but a sweet smile, which seemed to say thank you for saying that.
Before I could even say another word he stood up suddenly, "will you excuse me one moment please?"
I nodded my head and took a sip of my cranberry juice, I looked at my watch and knew that I would have to leave soon or I would never finish packing and get any rest before my trip. In less than a few minutes he was back in the room.
I watched him walk towards me, a little more confident than earlier but still not completely his old self either.
When he stood right in front of me and got down on one knee I froze, I was thankful that I had already put the glass down or there would be a huge mess right about now.
"Eric what...what are" I was stuttering and was unable to finish my sentence.
"Simone, you are the love of my life and I know I have caused you pain, but I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, rebuilding your trust in me, and your faith in us. I want you to know that I have never done anything like that before and will never dream of doing it again. Please give me the opportunity to be your husband and to love you unconditionally for the rest of our lives, to be the one that puts a smile on your beautiful face again and take away all the pain."
To say I was shocked right now would be an understatement, but then when he pulled out the ring box I was completely paralyzed. I couldn't say yes could I? This was crazy but yet really sweet and I did believe that he was sorry. Dear God what should I do?
**************************
Kate
I was sitting at home feeling so much more different than yesterday. I didn't know what to expect when I went to church with Simone and Chris but the way she had spoken about the place it sounded like heaven.
When I got there I realized how friendly people were and I relaxed a considerate amount from before. Chris kept checking on me, I knew he was worried about me and I would smile at him to reassure him I was fine.
I sat between him and Simone and felt safe there. Everything was going well but when the pastor started speaking things began to change.
Have you ever sat through a sermon or even watched one on the television and felt like every word that was spoken was written exactly for you, well that is how I felt. I was as if this man had seen my life and was having a conversation with me about how I could make it better.
My heart felt so heavy and tears began to sting my eyes until I could no longer hold them in and I let them flow. I was thankful when Simone placed her arm around my shoulder and then held my hands in her own.
She didn't have to say anything, I knew she was there for me and it felt very comforting, when the pastor asked if there was anyone who wanted to come to Jesus I really wanted to go, but I had so much turmoil going on inside and I didn't know if I was ready or if God wanted me this way. I figured I had a lot to fix in my life first before going to Christ.
But when he asked who wanted prayer to help them make their decision easier, I knew he was talking to me again and I wasn't about to let this opportunity pass by. I got to my feet pulling Simone along with me, Chris had his eyes closed and his hands lifted praising God, I really didn't want to interrupt his time but I needed to pass.
I felt like something was calling me up front, so I touched him and asked to pass; he smiled at me and stepped aside. When we got to the front, we kneeled down and the Pastor prayed with so much strength and conviction, I must say when it was over I did feel like God was with me.
Now as I sit here remembering the events of yesterday I am glad I went. I was now reading my own bible that Chris had gotten for me as a gift. It was really beautiful and I was surprised at how much I understood, I always thought that reading the Bible was hard to understand but this wasn't.
I was so engaged in what I was reading that I had not heard Simone come in until she sat down on the sofa. I was startled a little but smiled at her.
"How was your brunch girl, and why do you look like you have seen a ghost, is everything alright?"
"Kate, Eric just proposed." My eyes grew to the size of saucers and I really didn't know what to say or do. We just sat there without speaking.
I mean I didn't know if she had said yes or no, I would understand her saying yes because she loves him and they have been together for a few years now building their relationship and developing that bond.
On the other hand if she said no I would understand that too because he has hurt her beyond words and broken that trust she had in him. That would take a while to get over but I knew if she wanted to she could get over it but I was thinking maybe this proposal was a little too soon.
Then my mind drifted to Chris, I could tell he is crazy about her and it was obvious to anyone who looked at them together that she felt the same way, they have known each other for so long and I know he would be heartbroken if she did say yes.
I had a lot going on in my own life but at this very moment I did not envy Simone in the least, this was going to be a hard decision and either way she went someone was going to get hurt. Oh dear, Help her God to make the right choice not only for herself but for everyone involved.
I sat there looking at my friend and I have never seen her so unsure of anything in all the time we have known each other. The only thing left to do was place a hand around her shoulder so that she knew I was there for her; there wasn't much else I could do at this point because I couldn't tell her what to do.