64
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" that's too long.. that's three weeks lovey!" .
Nandito ako ngayon sa bahay nila ay kasalukuyan kaming nag uusap about her US tour. We're on their hammock sa may pool area. Hawak hawak din nito ang baby rio namin.. The day after her super successful concert, dito na ako ulit sa bahay nila. Sinusulit ko lang ang mga oras na meron kami bago sila umalis patungong Amerika.
Naglalambing na yumakap ito sa baywang ko saka ngumiti sa akin. Whenever she smiles, tunaw agad ang puso ko.
" saglit lang naman yun.. " nakalabing sabi nito. Mas lalo ko namang hinigpitan ang yakap dito saka iyo hinalikan sa ulo.
" and di mo ko gustong dalhin sa kasan nina Shin" nagtatampo kong sabi.
" eh kasi, saglit lang naman ako doon. Tsaka may shoot kayo for Bagani. Hindi ka pwedeng umabsent.."
" pwede ko naman yun i re-sched. "
" nope. May work ka.."
" and then after mong mag bora, diretso ka na US. And that means, ito na ang last day of dating natin. Video chat and call na lang tayo. "
" don't worry.. inaayos ko naman na ang mga scheds ko. Early next year, we have all the time in the world. Konting tiis pa love.. "
" i wont get tired of waiting for you .. wag mo akong alalahanin ha.. and bakit ganun ka tight ang scheds mo? You sure you ok lang sayo yun?" I was referring sa sunod sunod na sched ng concert nya from one state to the other. Nakakapagod yun ng sobra . May meet and greet pa!
" ok lang naman yun. Tsaka, nung nilatag naman sa akin ang mga scheds , inaprubahan ko naman. Kaya ko naman yun love.. "
" pero ang higpit naman nun. Tuloy tuloy.. im just worried, na baka mapagod kang sobra. It's not easy to make birit and dance at the same time. And your dance moves sobrang nakakahingal. "
" gusto mo ituro ko sa yo yung tala dance?"
" lovey!!! Wag na.. "
" pero gusto kong turuan ka..."
" lovey... iba na lang . . Wag na dance"
" di mo ko pagbibigyan?"
" oh my Sarah! " she's on her puppy eyes and whenever she's like this, i cant say No!!! " not the dance-
" ok. Dyan ka na nga!" At akmang tatayo ito , pero mabilis kong pinigilan. "Ayaw mo naman diba.. "
" i- fine!!! "
" really????"
" yeah!! You're so bully.. " pabulong kong sabi. Sinimangutan muna ako nito bago buong gigil na pinisil ang pisngi ko .
" i love you sobra!!! " ani to sabay halik sa labi ko.
" see you in three weeks" ka video call ko si Sarah ngayon. Nasa airport na ito at nag aantay na lamang ng flight to US. Im sad.. Una, dahil di man lang kami nagkaroon ng oras na magkita bago ito tuluyang umali..
Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. Alam kong alam nito na nalulungkot ako ngayon dahil di kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataong magkita..
" love.. say something naman oh. . Any time now, boarding na kami.. "
" im going to miss you so much.. di na ata ako sanay na magkalayo tayo.. "
" three weeks lang to.. saglit lang to.,"
" i know..,tsss"
" love.. "
" wish i could be with you. Kahit taga bitbit lang ako ng luggage nyo, ok na sa akin"
" heh! Dont worry Love, sa susunod, babakasyon na tayong dalawa.. I owe you that.. basta, pakabait ka dyan! And please, wag kang magcacancel nang mga guestings nyo! Goodluck sa movie, love.. "
"Hahhaha.. you really knows me so well.. i love you. Im always in love with you.. " . Hinawakan ko ang screen ng cellphone ko, hoping that it's her soft face im touching.. im gonna miss my Sarah so much. Ngayon ko lan ako nakaramdam ng ganito katinding pagkamiss. Nasa Pilipinas pa nga lang sila, namimiss ko na sya ng sobra.
" when i come back, i'll wear your wedding ring.. " she said slowly. Every word means so much. Every word engraved its way to my heart.. she means ever word she said..and im loving how ready she is to be my wife..
" love.. "
" boarding na kami. I love you.. "
" be safe. I love you.. " .
The day she flew to california was one of my saddest days. But i know, this too shall pass.. hindi lang talaga ako sanay na malayo kay Sarah..
I woke up the next morning with a heavy heart., The morning text im used to sending her will be very different starting today. My 'Goodmorning Mahal' wont be the same now..
" Matt.. you ok? May masakit ba sayo??" Sapo ni mama ang noo ko and she's checking if im sick. Malungkot akong bumaba ng hapag to eat breakfast. And now, mama was looking worried at me.
" im ok. "
" miss mo na si Sarah?"
" yeah.. she must be sleeping pa lang by now.. or , she's awake. I dont know.. I dont know how to function well, if my thoughts are all about her."
I saw how mom smiled at me.. She really knows how much im in love with Sarah . And looking at her now, para itong natutuwa na ewan..
" mama?? What's with your smile??"
" why dont you follow her?"
" i wish it was that easy.. you know my sched very well.. and she told me not to.. "
" oh.. eh di, lakarin mo na ang mga papers for marriage. Once she's back, marry her! "
" mom!!"
" im excited! Alam mo yan!!"
" argh! That's - "
" your Lolo has connections! Isang tawag lang ang kailangan nating gawin at maihahatid na dito ang mga papeles na kailangan nyo. Am i going to call tito?!"
" mom! Let's wait for Sarah's decision on that. Gusto ko yung handang handa na sya. Matagal na akong handa.. sya lang ang hinihintay ko.. "
" oh - if ganon pala.. then , enjoy your suffering "
" mama!!!"
" hahahaa!! Joke lang. . Show her how much you love her, kahit andito ka. Surprise her. Make her feel your presence kahit na malayo kayo sa isat isa.. dont let the day passes by without you making her feel the love you have for her.. "
Tama ito.. I have friends from California. They can help me.. I know the Hotel they'd be staying. I know her schedules. I know her itineraries too!
Mabilis kong kinontak ang ilang kaibigan na pwedeng tumulong sa pagsorpresa kay Sarah.. wala akong ginawa buong araw kungdi ang tawagan, kausapin ang mga kaibigan ko. Kasama na dito ang ilang mga kinutsaba kong kasama ni Sarah sa tour..
I texted her my morning greetings, kahit na alam kong gabi sa kanila..
" good morning from Cali " ito ang reply nya sa akin mula sa text ko kaninang umaga pa. Gabi na sa atin, at umaga naman sa kanila..
" can i call you?" Reply ko dito.
" Sa hotel na lang Love. We're still here at the airport.. " mukhang pagod ito .. kawawa naman ang mahal ko. I still managed to reply 'ok and i love you' to her.
Isang oras mahigit pa ang hinintay ko bago ko nareceive and tawag nito. At madaling araw na dito sa atin!!
" hi love.. "
" how are you? Nasa hotel na ba kayo? Have you eaten your dinner or lunch ba or breakfast ba?"
" teka , isa isang tanong lang.. "
" ah na excite lang.." sagot ko dito
" can i say ' thank you my love for the flowers' first?"
" did you like it?"
" love! Itatanong pa ba yan??! Parang nag 100% full battery ako nung makita ko kung kanino galing ang bulaklak!! Kanina halos di na ako makalakad dahil sa pagod mula airport to shuttle bus to hotel .. but when i saw your flowers, biglang nag boom boom ang heart ko! Lakas mong magpakilig ah!"
" well well my love,that's how much i love you! "
" and i love you too kaya! Tie lang tayo!!"
" but i love you more!"
" i love you the most" nakangiting sabi nito. Without any traces of make up , i stared at the woman on my phone screen. She's my queen. She's no superstar when we're together, she's simply my Sarah..
" but i love you the mostest. And if there's beyond the love your'e sharing with me, that's how much my love for you.. "
I saw her smile and look at the phone with all the love in her eyes. May bakas ng pagod sa mga mata neto, pero natatabunan yun ng galak at pagmamahal. . Alam kong mahirap ang schedules nito. At hindi na ako dadagdag pa sa mga pakaiisipin nito. I will do my best to make her feel my love even if were thousand miles apart . .
The first two leg was a success. Mayroon silang apat na araw na pahinga . And she keeps on telling me that she likes to tour her team from one place to another. At sa nauna nitong balita sa akin, they were able to watch movie din. Ilang gabing puyat ako para lang kausapin ito . . Ok lang naman sa akin. In fact, di na ako sanay na matulog nang di naririnig ang boses nito. Kahit mahirap , kaya kong magtiis mapasaya lang ang mahal ko. .
" good luck sa third show mo. . And congratulations!! Sold-out ulit!! "
" kabado na ako love. ." Nakita kong huminga ito ng malalim habang nakapikit. She's on her first costume and she really looks like an angel. Before and after the show ang video call namin. .and ako, may mga tao akong kinausap na mag fb live for me, at para mapanood ko ang bawat performance nito. .
" you can do it love. .always remember, masyado kang namiss ng mga kababayan natin . Kaya alam kong, natutuwa na sila ngayon pa lang dahil andyan ka na. . Magpeperform ka na nang live for them. .and that Stage is your comfort zone"
" love naman . .comfort zone ka dyan . .kabado na nga ako ih . .woooh!! "
" wish i could kiss you right now. . " seryoso kong saad. .
" wish your beside me my love. . " ganting sagot nito. .
" oh God! I can book a flight right this very moment if you allow me to. ."
"matteo!! "
" im your genie, remember. I make all your wishes come true! "
"Hahahaha. . .ikaw talaga. . Teka nga, paano mo ako palagi nasosorpresa?? Ang dami mong pakulo! Kahit si mommy napapabilib mo masyado! My fans club ka na dito. "
" did you like the flowers and the new boots?? "
" nagulat ako sa boots! Paano pa ako makakabawi nyan,. Dami mo nang - -
" say you Love me, ok na ako dun.."
" i love you. . "
"Oh sarah!! "
" hahaha. . I love you mi Matteo . .I love you! "
" pwede bang bilisan ang oras at nang makauwi ka na?? Sobrang mahal na mahal na kita!!"
" asus. . I love you . .baba ko na tawag ha. .I love you ulit. "
" and i love you more. ."
The show was superb, as expected. But they have a little problem. Base sa oras na natapos ang concert, medyo late sila sa nakatakdang oras. They are all flying to Las Vegas right after her concert. .gaya ngayon, lahat sila ngarag at nagmamadali. .
At dahil umaga dito sa atin, di ko maiwasang isipin na dapat sa mga oras na to, natutulog na si Sarah. Pero hinde, dahil sa mga oras na to, kakabalik pa lang nila sa hotel para kunin ang mga gamit nila dahil lilipad pa sila papuntang vegas. At kanina ko pa ito tinext, wala pa itong reply sa akin. . .ayon sa oras ko, alas tres ngayon ng madaling araw sa kanila. .
" love .. get some rest. .sleep . . You dont have to text me muna. " ito ang huling text message ko sa kanya. Im praying she's getting the rest she needs for her next concert. .
It was around 7 in the morning - US time nang makatangap ako ng mensahe mula dito. .
" kakalapag lang namin sa Vegas. .At wala pa akong tulog. ,"
" can i call you? " reply ko dito. At lumipas na ilang minuto, pero wala akong nareceive na reply mula dito kaya napagdesisyunan ko nang tawagan ito. . Her phone keeps on ringing. . Ngayon lang ito di sumagot sa tawag ko. .
And when i was about to call her again, dun naman ako tinawag na para simulan na ang pres con ng movie namin ni Shaina. . I didnt have the chance to look at my phone again . .
hours had passed , saka ako nakatangap ng text message mula kay Sarah.
" love. . Namamaos ako . .im scared. . What it wala akong boses mamaya? I cant talk to you muna over the phone. .i hope i'll be well mamaya . ." Dito ako sobrang kinabahan. She's not like this. Kinakabahan ako for her. .Gusto ko itong makausap, gusto ko itong makita, makatabi at sabihin dito na kaya nya yan. It happened to her before. .Nung Perfect 10 concert nya, on her repeat, she was crying, wala syang boses. . .on the night of her concert, dun lang sya nagkaboses muli. Lahat ng mga kasama nya ay di na alam ang gagawin. She was crying, she was losing her hope already. .
At mahirap kung mangyari ito ngayon. . Silang dalawa lang ng mommy nya ang nandun. Wala ang daddy nya na syang taga-kalma nya whenever she's like this . .pag sobra syang natatakot, si tito delfin ang nasa tabi nito , to assure her that everything's going to be ok. .
" love , you ok? " i hit send. Nasa kotse ako at pauwi na . . Past midnight na ,at 15 hours ahead ang oras natin sa kanila! Di ko alam ang gagawin dito. Di ko alam kung tatawag ba ako o hindi . .di ako mapakali. . " mark, pakibilisan ang takbo." I asked my driver. I need to be home now. Hawak hawak ko ang cellphone ko ,at di iisang beses akong napapatingin dito. And everytime i receive message, nagugulat ako. .Im waiting for Sarah's reply, pero wala. .
Nakarating na lang ako nang bahay at walang mensahe akong natangap mula dito.
Im more than worried! At wala akong magawa!! Muli kong sinubukang tawagan ito , pero gaya kanina, nagriring lang ito. . I tried texting her once again, pero ganun pa din, wala itong reply. .
Madaling araw na at di pa din ako natutulog. Im still waiting for her message . . Kahit isang message lang, makakampante na ako. . Kinapalan ko na ang mukha ko at si tita Divine na ang tinext ko .. But same as sarah, wala din itong reply. .
Di ko namalayang nakaidlip ako sa paghihintay ng text nito. .and i woke up with a video message sent my one of the staffs for this concert. .
Mabilis ko itong pinanood.. paos nga ito . .and she really must be tired. .
" please pray for me love, sana kayanin kong tapusin ang concert mamaya. .Im losing my voice. . And nararattle na ako . ."
" love. .answer my call. ." I hit send . Moments later, my phone's ringing. . " love. ."
" im not ok . . "
" hush baby. . You dont have to talk na muna. .calm down , ok? . .will you please do me a favor? " i saw her nod . .her eyes are swollen, mukhang umiyak ito. . .she's biting her lips, tanda na kinakabahan ito. . "You're inside your room?" She nodded again .. at nang tumulo ang luha nito, di ko na napigilan ang magmura. . She's not in good condition! She's really not ok!! At wala akong magagawa. Marahas kong hinilamos ang mukha ko. I badly want to comfort her! I badly want to be beside her!!
Seeing her at her 'worse' time doubles the pain in me. . Performing is what she loves to do the most, and looking at her vulnerability today broke my heart to pieces. .
" can you sing for me? " she told me. Mabilis naman akong tumango. Yes i will do everything you say! At isang kanta ang parati kong kinakanta dito. . Ito ang unang kanta na hinarana ko sa kanya.
Ngumiti ako at tumango. .
" All those years,
i've longed to hold you in my arms
I've been dreaming of you
Every night
I've been watching all the stars that fall down
Wishing you will be mine
I just can't believe that you are mine now. . ."
I looked at my phone once again and i saw her wiped her tears. A smile was formed from her lips while tears are forming from her eyes. . She's trying to be ok! And im trying not to cry infront of her! Then i continued singing
" you were just a dream that i once knew
I never thought i would be right for you
I just can't compare you with
Anything in this world
You're all i need to be with forever more "
" i love you. . Thank you .. "
Ive never felt broken until i saw her cry during her performance. It was the moment i never thought id like to see. .Seeing my Sarah cry because she felt tired is one of my nightmares. .it was so painful . .
" mommy . . " tita Divine called me. She even called tito Delfin to calm Sarah. All we could do is to hear Sarah's cry, and no matter how much we want to be beside her, hindi pwede. At sobrang sakit sa puso ko ang makita itong umiiyak . . Dinig na dinig ko ang pagtatangis nito. At di ko napigilang di maiyak kasama nito. .
" love. . baby,, pl-
" im so sorry . . Di ko na kaya . . ."
" don't say that!. .Love, . "
" isa akong malaking disappointment. . Nagbayad sila para mapanood ako, tapos- - -di ko maibigay., ang - " pautal utal ito magsalita dahil sa kakaiyak. She's sobbing so hard! And there's nothing Tita Divine can do!! Pareho kami ni Tito delfin na nakaloud speaker. Nasa loob ito ng dressing room ngayon, kasama lamang ang mommy nito. . She needed time for herself. She asked her team to leave her for a moment. . Ayon ito sa text sa akin ni Chloe kanina. .
" love. . Remember the reason why you are on that stage in the first place? Remember how much you love performing! Remember how blessed you are to have that talent. . .Never ever doubt yourself. . You are entitled to get tired. Those people out there, they all love you nevertheless. . So stop crying now. ."
"Love. . "
" you are never a disappointment. . You are You. We all love you. Your flaws, everything. . We are your fans. We love you, despite your imperfections. .You dont have to prove anything to anyone anymore. Mahal ka namin. Mahal na mahal. ."
The night before april 30 ends, i posted on our IG. . Yes, ours. . It's ours. .
I chose two of my fave photos from our Palawan trip. The first photo was where she's walking beside me. . Keep walking. That's the words that popped in my mind the moment i laid my eyes on that photo. Sarah walking beside me is my compass. She's my direction. She's the one leading the right path for me. .
And the second photo, it was a candid shot of her lying flat on the sand while im seated beside her. . Its like me saying I'll always be beside you. No matter what. May she be at her most Glam-up look or may she be at her simplest look. I won't mind at all. As long as she stays beside me, that would matter the most. .
I love you My love. And i miss you. The words my heart is screaming. The words that matter to me. The words that fuels me to live and to continue fight for her. She's my ultimate love. She's My One and Only Love. .