Chapter Seven
I didn't sleep well that night and I don't think Selena did either. At around four am I gave up on sleep and made my out to the kitchen. I put on a pot of coffee and read yesterday's paper. I glanced up when I heard stomping followed by an exasperated sigh. It was Selena and she looked exhausted. She had her phone in her hand and she looked hellbent on getting to wherever she was going. She walked over the junk drawer, pulled out a hammer, tossed her phone on the counter, and then brought the heavy tool down on its screen. Once she was satisfied it was completely destroyed, she tossed it in the trash and stomped back down the hallway mumbling under her breath. She breaks things when she's mad. She's clearly mad. I'm not even sure if she noticed me sitting there.
Like clockwork, Joe came stumbling into the kitchen about thirty minutes later. We were skipping our workout in favor of surfing this morning. It was slightly rainy and the waves were bigger than usual. It was my favorite time to surf. We drank our coffee in a comfortable silence then pulled on our wetsuits and headed out. We paddled out and immediately caught a couple good swells right off the bat. It was exhilarating. After my third wipeout, I was pretty much done. Fighting the undertow was exhausting and I was ready to head back in.
"Where's your sister?" I asked Gracie as I walked into the house to find her watching cartoons on the couch.
"She's snoring in bed." Gracie explained. "I'm hungry."
"Ok baby. Let me change and I'll make you some pancakes."
"Yay!" She said excited while clapping her little hands together.
I walked down the hallway and peeked into Selena's room. Sure enough, she was face first in her pillow and snoring loudly. I opted not to wake the beast and I carefully pulled her door closed so she wouldn't be disturbed. She obviously needed to sleep.
Making pancakes for Gracie was quite the adventure. She wanted heart shapes, Mickey Mouse, and happy faces. I was lucky if I could get one to look even remotely round. Once we finished with breakfast, we found ourselves engaged in a very intense game of go fish. It was so intense in fact, that Gracie was wearing a pair of my aviator sunglasses in an effort to maintain what she described as her "poker face". It was all I could do to keep from laughing. They were way to big for her and she looked like some sort of scary insect. We were also playing for money. So far she winning.
"Do you have a three?" I asked slowly.
"Go fish." She said quickly.
I drew a card.
"Do you have a three?" she asked.
"Hold up." I laughed. "You're cheating."
"No way!" She exclaimed completely horrified at my accusation.
"I might have been born in the dark but it wasn't last night." I said raising an eyebrow. "You're like a little thug!"
"Am not!" She said defiantly holding in a laugh.
"You're scamming me for money!" I exclaimed. "You might as well be a member of the mob."
"I don't even know what that is!" She said sticking out her tongue.
"Are you gonna have your associates send me to sleep with the fish if I don't pay up?" I laughed.
"You can't sleep with fish! You'll drown!" She said seriously.
"Child. I don't even know what I'm gonna do with you."
"Nothin!" She giggled. "Cause you love me." She smiled brilliantly.
"I think you're right about that." I said tapping her nose with my fingertip.
"You still me owe me fifty dollars." She said sweetly.
"Ha! No way!" I laughed.
Before she could say anything else I scooped her up and started tickling her. She laughed until she she couldn't breathe. When I finally let her go she ran down the hallway and disappeared into Selena's bedroom. A few moments later she reemerged dragging a very groggy Selena with her. She let go of her hand and ran off to watch cartoons.
"Morning." I smiled.
"I'm so tired Dem." She yawned.
"I've got to go to the bar for a bit. I can take Gracie with me if you want that way you can sleep." I offered.
"You're going to take a six year old to a bar?" She smirked.
"Technically it's a restaurant right now." I said wih a smile. "And yes, I'm gonna take a six year old to a bar. I'll make sure Ruby doesn't serve her any alcohol." I laughed.
"Well you certainly like them young." Selena smiled.
"Not even funny." I said raising both eyebrows as I tried tried not to laugh. My expression was a mixture of shocked and horrified.
"Just keep an eye on her. She's a handful sometimes."
"Oh, I'm aware. She scammed me out of fifty bucks while you were sleeping."
Selena tilted her head and looked at me quizzically. "She scammed you?"
"Don't ask....."
"I won't." She laughed. "Have some coffee with me." Selena stated as she walked into the kitchen.
"You're not gonna sleep?" I asked.
"No."
I followed her and waited as she made me a cup of coffee. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her make it exactly the way I liked it. She tried not to smile back when she realized I was watching.
"Don't look at me like that!" She said as her face finally gave way to the smile she was trying to fight.
"Like what?" I asked trying to play innocent.
"You know what."
"No I don't."
"Yes you do!" She laughed.
She handed me the cup of coffee and we went outside to sit on the deck.
"So....did you decide to change cellphone carriers?" I asked before taking a sip of my coffee.
"You saw that?" She asked slightly embarrassed.
"Yeah. You didn't see me?" I laughed.
"I didn't." She said softly. "Yeah. He wouldn't leave me alone so I just said fuck it and got rid of the problem." She shrugged.
"You better now?" I asked. "You've been a little up and down. One minute you're good then the next you miss him...."
"Yeah." She interrupted. "I don't think I actually miss him. That's just me being a dumb girl and feeling alone or whatever. You get used to having a warm body around and I think that's what I miss. He's a dick. I don't miss him."
"I'm glad to hear that. I don't like him and you shouldn't miss him."
"There's only one person that I've ever really missed anyway and he isn't it." She said thoughtfully.
"Oh?" I smiled.
"Shut up." She laughed. "You always make smile Dem. thank you for that."
"I love your smile Sel. I try to see it as often as I can."
"You're good." She grinned.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I replied as I looked away and took a drink of my coffee. "This is delicious by the way. Just the way I like it."
"I know." She said with a smug expression. "I'm pretty good at the things you like."
I laughed. "What does that even mean?" I said making eye contact. Her eyes had that spark in them.
"I'm pretty familiar with you and your tastes." She smirked as she brought her mug of coffee up to her lips. "Does Ruby know how you like your coffee?"
"Ouch." I said whistling. "No. She doesn't."
"She doesn't strike me as the kind of girl that would stay over anyway. She probably has another date afterwards or something." She said nonchalantly.
"Marie."
"What?" She asked defensively.
"Be nice." I scolded. "We already had this discussion. Jealousy doesn't look good on you."
"You know what looks real good on me?" She asked as she stood up and leaned in close to me. "You." She whispered in my ear before walking away.
She left me speechless. My mind was completely blank and I probably looked like an idiot. I sat there completely dumbfounded for what felt like an eternity. Did she really just say that? My mind was blown. Once I was finally able to collect myself, I went inside and got ready to go. Once I finished dressing myself I helped Gracie get dressed. She ended up looking like a miniature version of me. Selena thought it was hilarious and used my phone to take pictures to send to her mom.
"You look like a badass." I said to Gracie as we walked to the jeep.
"That's because I am. Duh!" She said with a dramatic sigh.
I started the jeep and turned the radio up. It didn't take long to get to the bar. It was a five minute drive. It was within stumbling distance of the beach which is why it was such a popular hangout. It was already packed for lunch.
I walked through the entrance and was greeted by several of the regulars. It was so busy, Ruby was helping wait tables. Gracie grabbed my hand as we walked into the back to find Taylor barking orders at the sous chefs as she went from station to station checking on the food. She looked exhausted already and the restaurant had only been open for about an hour.
"Hey Dem." she said breathlessly. "Oh wow. You have a clone." She laughed when she saw Gracie.
"Yeah. I'm sure she'd tell you the other way way around." I smiled. "Busy?"
"Did you really just ask me that?" Taylor asked raising an eyebrow.
"Sorry. I couldn't help myself. Is Joe here?"
"Yeah. He's with Vince going through inventory or something." She said as she checked the ovens.
"Alright. I'll get out of your hair." I smiled.
"Bye Taylor." Gracie said as we headed toward the storage rooms.
"Bye sweetheart." Taylor smiled.
I found Joe and Vince stacking cases of beer against one of the back walls. I noticed a huge pile of knocked over cases not far away.
"What the hell?" I asked.
"Eww. That smells gross." Gracie said pinching her nose. "What is it."
"It's beer. Want one?" I smiled.
"No!" She said shaking her head.
"I was walking through and I bumped into one of the stacks and it fell on me." Joe explained.
"You alright?" I asked.
"Yeah. Just annoyed." He sighed.
"Better him than me." Vince smiled as he continued to stack cases against the wall.
"Don't stack them so high this time." I said.
"No shit." Joe mumbled.
"You guys cuss a lot." Gracie said randomly.
"Don't even start. We all know you'd be doing the same thing if you were old enough." I said to her as she stuck out her tongue.
"Who says?" She challenged.
"I do not have the time." I said rolling my eyes dramatically.
"Whatever." She said holding a hand up and throwing around some attitude.
Joe and Vince were both laughing and it was all I could do to keep a straight face. She was such a sassy little thing. I hope her dad had a shotgun because he's going to need it when she gets older. She was definitely going to be a wild one. She dollowed me into my office and settled into one of the extra chairs I had in front of my desk.
"Can I play on your phone?" She asked.
"Of course." I said handing it to her.
We both immediay got to work on our respective electronics devices. The keyboard clicked relentlessly as I typed and she would occasionally giggle as she looked at my phone. After a while I Clamceys up and realized Gracie was starting at me. She had a very thoughtful expression on her face.
"Something on your mind kiddo?" I asked.
"Do you love my sister?" She asked quietly.
"Of course I do." I smiled.
"No. I mean like LOVE her." She said emphasizing the word love. "My mom said that you were going to marry Selena someday."
"She what?" I questioned. "Your mom said that to you?"
"We'll not exactly. I heard her talking to my dad hen I snuck out of bed for cookies." She explained.
"You are trouble with a capital T." I laughed.
"So are you?" She asked again.
"I don't really know sweetheart." I answered truthfully. This was an awkward conversation for me.
"How come? Mama said that you love her more anyone else on the whole planet. That's a lot as far as I can tell." She said as she continued talking. "If you get married, that means that you have to let me visit whenever I want because we'll be family and you can't say no."
I have to admit, she had clearly given this some thought. "We're already family." I smiled.
"I don't understand grown ups." She sighed. "Look." She said handing me phone.
I was surprised to see she had been looking through my photos. She had a picture from when we both much younger on the screen. I remember exactly when it was taken. I was smiling. It was the type of smile that ate up my whole face. She had both her arms wrapped around my shoulders and I was reaching up to grab a hold of her forearms. She was leaning in close to me smiling, about ready to hide her face in my neck. I had been making suggestive comments to her during an awards ceremony at school. Her mom happened to snap the picture and capture the moment we both started cracking up.
"I'm not really an expert or anything, but I think that's what love looks like." Gracie shrugged.
"Ok. Well thank you for that fun analysis yoda." I said chuckling. "Why don't you play angry birds or something?" I said as I gave her the phone back.
"Fine." She sighed. And just like that she dropped it.
I was quite distracted as I tried to finish my typing. How can a six year old read between the lines so perfectly? Was it that obvious? Selena had always been my person. There was no doubt about that. She was a part of me that I would always need. She was irreplaceable and I'd be lost without her. Our relationship was easy and it flowed naturally. I didn't let the way I felt about her complicate it. It wasn't her fault I was in love, well at least she didn't make me fall on purpose, it just sort of happened. I couldn't blame her for my feelings and I certainly had never used them against her. It wouldn't be fair.
After Puerto Rico, I had never been so certain about anything in my entire life. She was it for me. I know that there's probably numerous other people I'm perfectly compatible with and I'd be just as happy with them. I didn't want any of those people though. I wanted her. Trying to find the courage to take that final scary step however, was the obstacle that held me back. I think it held both of us back. I knew deep down she felt the same. She had to. It wouldn't make sense if she didn't. That final step into the scary unknown. The casual summer hookup was scary enough. We managed to make it through that unscathed, but the effects still lingered. I could still feel her skin under my fingertips. I still remember the way she tasted. I can still feel her hair as it brushed against my face. We were both so terrified of losing each other, we couldn't take that last step into a relationship. From where we were standing it was too risky. We didnt have a clear picture and the water was murky. Neither of us were daring enough to dive in.
Loving her was so effortless though. I didn't ever have to think about it, it was a given. It was automatic. To me it was like breathing. She was like oxygen to me. Without her I'd die. I realize that sounds slightly dramatic, but it's true.
Once I finished up at the bar, Gracie and I returned home. I was surprised to find that Selena was nowhere to be found. I picked up my phone to call her but quickly remembered hers had met an untimely demise this morning. My stomach growled so I made my way over to the fridge. I figured a snack would do me and Gracie some good. I noticed a piece of paper with my name on it stuck to the door with a magnet. I grabbed it and opened it. It was from Selena.
I went out. I'll be home around 6.
I sat the note on the counter and made Gracie and I some sandwiches. I spent the rest of the afternoon watching tv and waiting for Selena to get home. Gracie snuggled up against me on the couch and without even realizing we fell asleep. Her head was resting on my shoulder and my head was resting on top of hers.
I was somewhat aware of the door opening but I was too comfortable to investigate. I opted to stay where I was and catch a few more minutes of sleep. My eyes opened when I heard a distinctly male voice followed by Selena laughing. She was with Nick and they looked quite cozy. I immediately felt a flicker of jealousy and I stuffed it down just as quick as it had reared its head. There was no room for any of that.
"I'm sorry Dem! We didn't mean to wake you." She said aplogetically. Gracie didn't move. She was still completely out.
"It's ok." I said as I stood and stretched. "Did you guys have fun."
They both looked at each other and laughed. "You could say that." Nick smirked.
I wanted to slap the shit out of him. "Awesome." I smiled.
"Alright Sel." He said turning his attention to the love of my life. "I gotta get going. I'll call you tomorrow to confirm our plans." He said giving her a hug and quick kiss on the check.
"Perfect." She smiled. "I can't wait." She added as he walked him to the door.
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I recognized the way she was looking at him. He was like a shiny new toy to her. Nick had grown up a lot. He was no longer Joe's skinny little poofy haired brother. He was a built, successful, and handsome young man. It's amazing what some muscle, a haircut and a job can do for someone's sex appeal.
"Thanks for taking Gracie today." She said as she followed me into my bedroom.
"No problem." I said softly. "She was a lot of fun."
"She loves spending time with you." She said sitting on my bed.
"So what's with you and Nick?" I asked a bit more forcefully than I intended.
"Nothing." She said catching onto the underlying tension. "He came by looking for Joe and offered to take me into town so I could get a new phone." She explained. "Why?"
"Just curious." I sighed as I sat next to her.
"Demi. Are you ok?" She asked, her tone concerned.
"Yeah. I'm good." I said forcing a smile and hoping she bought it. "So you guys made plans?"
"Yes....." She said slowly.
"Cool." I nodded. I stood up and headed toward the door. "I've got some.....stuff to do." I said awkwardly.
"Dem. Wait!" She said as she followed me down the hallway. "Please." I felt her lightly grab my arm. "What's wrong. Something's bothering you. I can tell."
"I'm fine Sel." I said sighing.
"Please. Don't do this. Talk to me." She pleaded.
"There's nothing to talk about. I promise I'm ok." I said slightly irritated.
"Ok." She flatly before walking away.
I shut the door harder than I intended to. I needed some air. I needed space. I felt slightly claustrophobic and I wasn't sure why. She didn't do anything wrong but I felt like she had. I got in my jeep and headed to the bar. As I drove my mind drifted back to the conversation I had with Ruby. Maybe Selena was playing me. She always pulled me close and kept me at arms distance. She'd say all the right things then stop.
I got pretty drunk at the bar. Ruby cut me off several hours later and called me a cab. I had hoped to drink my feelings away and it seemed to work. I caught a grip and left my insanity right where it belonged. Hidden. I had to find the courage to tell her or I needed to figure out a way to live without here. I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to do this.
The cab dropped me off and I found Selena sitting on the couch reading. She glanced up as I walked...more like stumbled ino the house. She went back to her book and I made my way to where she was seated.
"What's going on in that beautiful mind?" I asked as I sat next to her.
"I've upset you I think." She said softly. "I'm trying to figure out why."
"I'm not upset Sel." I sighed.
"Dear lord Dem! You smell like a brewery!" She laughed. "Are you drunk?"
"Yes." I said with conviction. "Very."
"You didn't drive did you?" She asked slightly concerned.
"No."
"Good." She sighed as she leaned her head on my shoulder. "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."
And just like that. She reeled me back in.