Lyrics @ the end belong w/ the attached song . I hope this all makes sense to everyone. It's a bit jumbled, but I hope it comes out right. There will be an epilogue posted in a bit just to finish it up.
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Scott stood in front of the building.
He'd been a mixture of surprised, horrified and relieved to find that it had been real all along. He didn’t really want to stop and think about whether or not he had actually lost his mind.
There were more pressing matters.
He’d tried to call Mitch but it simply said the number was not in service. None of his text messages went through.
Mitch just had to be inside. Why, he didn’t know, but he was desperate. He had to try.
The door stuck a bit, but he managed to get it open. The inside smelled like nothing he could remotely identify, it was nothing close to pleasant. He wondered what the hell was in here, what the hell had happened.
Why had Mitch used this as his address?
He maneuvered around the debris carefully.
“Mitch?”
He called out a few times, but there was no answer.
He had an eerie feeling about this place. A moment of déjà vu.
Leave.
“No. Not until I find him”
He’s gone. Let him go.
“NO”
He was suddenly angry. How could Mitch have done this to him. How could he have left him with nothing, no way to find him and no way to try and fix things. How could he have left him nearly hopeless.
Something about this place…
He blinked as he saw movement from the corner of his eye but when he turned to see what it was, there was nothing.
He hugged himself slightly as he kept moving. He moved some debris from his path as he walked down a hallway. He headed directly to the main bedroom almost as if something was pulling him towards it.
He stood in the doorway and looked inside. The room seemed to flicker, almost like an unstable home movie. He looked at the bed and suddenly he could see it…he could see the fire. He could hear the scream, feel the hurt, the fear… he could feel the heat.
He scrambled backwards out of the room suddenly terrified. He ran towards the exit, but he tripped over what used to be a picture frame, the picture burnt beyond recognition, and he fell to his knees.
The foundation of the house shook. He could hear cracking above his head as he got to his feet.
He didn’t move. He stood there, waiting for something to happen, but it didn’t. The cracking sound stopped for the moment.
“Why are you here?”
He spun around at the sound of Mitch’s voice. There he was standing in the entrance to the hallway he‘d just come from.
He looked even more sick than he had in the office. Where had he come from?
“You can’t be here.” Mitch looked at him with a sad look.
“Why are YOU here? Come with me. You can’t possibly live here. It isn’t safe.”
“No. It isn’t safe, which is why you have to leave.”
“Not without you.”
“Scott…” Mitch began, but he knew what was coming and he knew it was going to hurt. He knew it was going to rip him apart to hear the words.
“I’m in love with you.”
Scott didn’t know why he blurted it out, he just knew had to let him know before he ran away again. With Mitch he could be there one second and the next gone. He couldn’t wait anymore, not for this.
“You told me I could have any guy I wanted, but don’t you see? I want you! I only want you!”
Mitch looked at the floor, but Scott could see the tears sliding down his pale cheeks.
“I can’t be with you Scott.”
Scott felt his heart sink.
“Not because I don’t want to be, because I-” He couldn’t say the words. He was physically unable. That almost made it worse knowing he couldn't tell him how he felt.
He just looked at Scott.
“Look, I don’t know why you think we can’t be together, but whatever your big secret is you can tell me!”
Scott moved closer to him.
“It’s better this way.”
“No, no it can’t be. You say you care! You act like you really truly care about me. You say all of these wonderful things. You make me forget about Alex, make me stop feeling like I‘m nothing. You make me WANT you, make me fall in love with you and then …then you just LEAVE?! How are you any better than him? Is that what my destiny is? To have my heart broken over and over and over again until there’s nothing left of me?”
Scott felt broken again. He felt like something horrible that was unworthy of love.
Tears cascaded down his cheeks.
He could feel that comforting feeling fading away and it was being replaced by the worst feelings he could ever imagine. He could feel such hurt, pain and immense sorrow. He felt anguish and longing and horrible heartbreak.
But while he was feeling all of those things himself, the worst of it, they weren’t his feelings. No, he knew they weren’t. Strange how you can differentiate your own feelings when you’re being invaded with someone else’s.
These belonged to Mitch. He knew they did. He looked at him, but Mitch was staring at the ground. Scott didn’t know how, but he was feeling what Mitch was feeling.
He should have been freaked out, but he wasn’t. Though, he didn’t understand. If Mitch felt that way then why didn’t he stay with him? Why couldn’t he be with him. Those feelings told him that Mitch loved him too and that going away was killing him just as much as it was killing Scott.
“You have to go now.”
Scott shook his head. “I won’t!”
“Scott, please!”
Mitch’s eyes lifted to meet his.
Scott couldn’t believe how much Mitch had changed. His eyes were almost the color of sand now, instead of the rich chocolate color he had stared at so often.
He wanted to hold him. He wanted to make every bit of that pain he was feeling go away. He wanted to, so horribly.
"Are you sick? Because, I will be here with you. I won't let you go through it alone."
"Its not that. You have to go."
“NO! I‘m not going anywhere.”
“You don’t understand”
“Mitch, I LOVE you! I won‘t… I can‘t leave here without you!”
He moved closer to Mitch until he was directly in front of him.
Mitch only looked at him, his eyes locking with Scott’s.
“Please tell me.” He reached out a hand to touch Mitch, but he didn’t. He remembered at the last moment and his fingers slowly curled back in a loose fist that he let fall back to his side.
A fresh set of tears fell from Mitch’s eyes as he watched Scott.
In a split second Scott felt the most amazing thing he’d ever felt. Mitch’s lips were against his, kissing him with such a need...his hands holding Scott’s face. The comforting feeling increased 100 x over. It was better than any drug, or any orgasm for that matter. It was like every incredible feeling all wrapped into one. It ran through him from head to toe. The sparks made his heart flutter.
It didn’t last long, but Scott would never forget it as long as he lived. He felt elated, until he opened his eyes again and saw the result.
Mitch’s lips looked charred, cracked, burnt and bleeding. His poor hands were black as coal.
Scott felt lost. He didn’t know how to fix it, how to make it better. He looked into those pale eyes again.
Mitch gave him one last sad smile and looked up to the ceiling. “Goodbye Scott.”
“NO! No... no…”
Everything that happened after that seemed to happen in a blur.
He felt almost empty as all traces of Mitch left him. The feeling that had been keeping him sane, from falling apart…
It was gone.
As he fell apart, so did the ruin of a house.
Scott held his breath and went to his knees, covering his head as the fragile structure started to come down around him.
He waited, but nothing touched him.
He held his eyes shut, clenching them with fear and anticipation, his heart already full of pain. He waited.
Two powerful arms wrapped around him suddenly and that feeling was back, more powerful than ever. That feeling of everything right, everything wonderful and calming and peaceful, it was all filling him to the brim, and he relaxed into those arms. His fear suddenly gone.
He could hear the building falling, it was a horrible sound.
But then as quickly as it had started, it stopped.
It took him a moment, but he started to open his eyes. The first thing he noticed was white. It was white everywhere. He blinked and reached out to touch the white surrounding him. It was unimaginably soft and he smiled a bit as his fingers tingled as he let them travel over whatever it was.
After a few moments the arms were removed from around him and the white surrounding him parted revealing his location.
He was no longer in that horrible building. He was in the piano room, the same room in which he’d first heard Mitch sing.
Then he saw him.
Mitch.
Tears came to his eyes full force again as realization dawned on him.
No. No no, it couldn’t be.
He stood from the floor and looked sadly at the man who owned his heart.
Mitch certainly didn’t look sick anymore. In fact there was a glow about him. His skin was like porcelain, his chest was exposed and completely blemish free.
He wore only a pair of white pants, no shirt, no shoes, no goofy hat…
Just Mitch. And Mitch was more perfect, more beautiful than anything he could have ever dreamt up. He felt like maybe he was in a dream. It was too much, too beautiful for reality.
He nearly fell to his knees again, humbled by what he saw and nearly torn apart by what it meant.
“How did… how…”
“Scott, I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I’m sorry for what I can’t be for you.”
His voice was like a song speaking straight to his heart…
“You’re an angel aren’t you?” Scott felt completely unworthy. He looked at his feet. He felt foolish.
Leave it to you to fall in love with an angel. Like an angel could ever love someone like you...
Mitch stepped closer to him and lifted his chin gently. His once again deep chocolate eyes looking right into Scott’s.
“Scott, you …” Mitch seemed at a loss for words as he gazed lovingly into the eyes of the man he loved, but could not give himself to.
Scott felt that incredible feeling coursing through him like lightning as Mitch’s fingers touched his skin. This time he didn’t pull away, he didn’t flinch in pain…
“I was there when you were born. I watched you grow into this beautiful man before me. I’ve seen you live and love and hurt. I’ve seen your heart, Scott. I’ve been there with you every step of the way.” He caressed the side of Scott’s face.
Scott felt so much with that touch and he nuzzled into Mitch’s hand.
“So you’re…my angel?”
Mitch smiled all the way up to his eyes. They sparkled, full of laughter and amusement. Scott wanted to keep him that way. He wanted Mitch to forever be just like that, happy and smiling. He wanted to be there to watch him, to be the reason he smiled like that…
“Few people in this world have guardian angel’s, Scott, but you...somehow you got stuck with me and I got blessed with you.” Mitch ran his fingers over the sides of his face, down the side of his neck. “You‘re special.”
“Special? I’m nobody…” Scott shook his head.
Mitch laughed and it was such a beautiful sound it brought a smile to Scott’s lips even through the tears.
He felt Mitch lay a hand over his heart. He’d never felt more complete in his life. His knees felt weak with the sheer bliss of it.
“You are special. Don’t ever doubt that. This world has great things in store for you.”
“Can you tell me?”
Mitch shook his head no. “Its against the rules. There‘s a lot of those.”
“Is that why I couldn’t touch you.”
Mitch nodded. “In that form I couldn’t touch you or I would be punished by physical pain. It’s to keep guardian’s from doing what I did…
...falling in love with their charges.”
Scott couldn’t believe his words. He had admitted it. He loved him too. It gave him a new light and yet it made it that much harder to face the reality.
“If you’re my guardian angel why are you leaving me? You’re supposed to be making me happy right? You make me happy, so shouldn‘t you have to stay with me?” He would try anything, anything at all to keep Mitch there with him.
“I’m supposed to protect you, but I went too far.”
“No you did protect me! You protected me from myself! If you hadn't come I would've...”
He knew he would have. He had gotten closer and closer every single night after Alex left, but then Mitch had given him a reason to stay around.
Mitch smiled and he pulled Scott's face down so their foreheads met. They both closed their eyes just standing there, holding on to that moment. Scott’s fingers finally found the courage to reach out and touch Mitch’s face. He pulled back from Mitch to slide his thumb over his lips, to let this fingertip dip into the indent of his dimples. He just let his hands roam now that he could finally feel him solid beneath his touch.
Mitch could sense all of Scott’s questions. He could feel Scott’s confusion and knew his brain was still trying to connect all of the dots.
“Scott” he cupped Scott’s face in his hands. He couldn’t feel the touch of Scott’s skin, but he knew Scott could feel him and that was enough. “Let me…”
Scott felt lighter as Mitch poured the answers to his questions through him.
The building…
Mitch had lived there with a man he had loved. He’d come home one night to find the house up in flames. He knew his lover was in that house and so he forced his way inside, not caring about what anyone said.
He was able to make it to the bedroom with a bit of difficulty, but he could barely breathe. He found his lover on the bed.
A gun laying haphazardly in his hand, blood everywhere…
Mitch saw the note laying next to him, surprisingly the fire hadn’t consumed them yet.
It simply said “I can’t live like this anymore, I’m sorry.”
The hurt, the pain and the scream Scott had felt before, the panic he had felt when he was in that house, that room...
They belonged to Mitch. They were Mitch’s memories.
“I wasn’t meant to die that day, but I’m glad I did or I would have never met you, Scott.”
Scott wrapped his arms around him in response and just held him as close as he could get to him, memorizing the feel of his skin, the feel of his body in his arms.
He wanted more than anything to be with this man and someone had actually had him. How could they have wanted to be anywhere but right there in those arms. Those arms held him close, enveloping him in warmth and light. He never wanted to leave that place, that moment with Mitch.
“You will find love again and you will be happy. I will always be here, with you every second. I swear it.”
“Will I be able to see you again?”
Mitch closed his eyes.
Scott knew what the silence meant. He cried, his face buried in Mitch’s shoulder, holding on for dear life.
“I have to go now.”
“No! No you can’t, please...” he held on tighter. He didn’t want to let go, not ever.
Mitch gently shifted, lifting Scott’s face from his skin, holding his cheeks in his hands before meeting their lips once again. The kiss was over much too quickly.
“I will still be here. I’m always with you. Just remember everything I told you. Stay true to yourself and your heart and you’ll be fine.”
Scott was trembling as Mitch’s lips moved next to his ear.
“I will always love you, Scott Hoying. Forever.” It was barely more than a whisper but Scott could feel the truth of it all throughout him.
He closed his eyes and felt the warmth of Mitch disappear.
He opened them again to find himself alone, his arms empty.
He collapsed to the floor crying harder than he’d ever cried before, his heart completely shattered.
He cried on his hands and knees until he was too weak to even do that. He ended up with his head in his arms laying on the floor, feeling lost and destroyed.
He didn’t know how long he stayed there, crying until there was nothing left but hurt and loss.
He closed his eyes and remembered the way Mitch had looked standing in front of him, beautiful and flawless.
It wasn’t fair.
He prayed to God. He prayed, asking if He’d send him back his angel. He prayed, asking for the pain to go away… prayed He'd take him if that meant he could be with Mitch.
He cried himself to sleep laying right there on that floor.
As he slept, his sorrow pouring into his dreams, a pair of arms laid him gently down on his bed, tucking him in and wiping the tears from his cheeks.
The lips of an angel on his forehead…
And he slept peacefully.
Are you there?
Are you watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
They say you feel what I do
They say you’re here every moment
Will you stay?
Stay ‘till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I know you’re busy,
I know I’m just one
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me
Why is it so hard?
Why can’t you just take me?
I don’t have much to go
Before I fade completely
Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
Are you lonely up there all by yourself?
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine
How are you so strong?
What’s it like to feel so free?
Your heart is really something
Your love, a complete mystery to me
Are you there watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
Do you cry, do you cry with me?
Cry with me tonight
Are you there?
Are you watching