*Will and RJ have split in real life but I will continue this book as best as I can until 200 chapters. It feels what's best for the book and to have final closure. This book will not be deleted either. The kids meeting Harlow will be after this, I wanted something for Mother's Day. #throwback to when Benji went to visit his mom's grave for the first time. Harlow isn't born or conceived yet. Send suggestions! Love • Bree 💚*
Will is filming himself sitting on the couch waiting for Benji to get ready upstairs. RJ has taken Coralei and Theodore out to run a few errands.
"Hi, guys! How are you guys doing? I hope all of you are well! I am just hanging out with Benji today, spending one on one time with him. RJ is running errands with Coralei and Theodore which is so cute. Coralei loves spending time with her Papi, she's a Papi's girl that's for sure." Will says as he fixes his glasses.
"Benji is going to visit his mom's grave today since Mother's Day is coming up. He has been wanting to go for a few months now, but RJ and I wanted to make sure he was ready. This is a big step. When you adopt a child, a lot of children struggle with self identity because they are different then you are biologically. Benji hasn't had any struggles, thank goodness but he always talks about his mom. He loves his mom dearly and we encourage him to talk about her because that's his mom and we can't act like she didn't exist." Will says as Dobby sits on the couch next to him.
"Benji has been asking a lot of questions lately and I feel so bad that we can't give him all the answers. Benji's caseworker gave us details about where his mom's grave is located when we adopted him because she knew he would wanna see her grave someday. RJ is going to stay home with Coralei and Theodore, they are too little to understand death and I want Benji to just go on his own and process it alone." Will says as he let's Dobby outside to pee.
"Benji fully understands that his mom is an angel in heaven and he knows that he won't see her in person today. We wanted to make sure he fully understood that because I would hate for him to think that he will see her in person again, you know? But he's never been to a cemetery before so I'm hoping he doesn't struggle with that. Are you done Dobby? You are a good boy." Will says as he pets Dobby happily.
"Daddy! Can you help me with my hair?" Benji says as he walks near the screen door.
"Of course! I'm coming, bub." Will says as he and Dobby walk inside.
Will and Benji walk into the half bathroom downstairs and Will begins to style Benji's hair.
*Benji's outfit*
"Where's Cora, Teddy and Papi?" Benji asks Will as Will styles his hair.
"Papi took Coralei and Theodore out to run a few errands. It's just gonna be us today." Will says as he kisses Benji's cheek making him giggle.
"Look how curly bubba's hair is! It's so cute, I'm obsessed with it!" Will says as Benji smiles.
****
Will films Benji in the back seat of the car and Benji waves happily at the camera. They have made it to the cemetery.
"Hi, camera!" Benji says as he waves at the camera.
"There's one of my handsome boys. Are you ready, bubba? If you don't want to do this we can go home and that's totally fine with me. I don't wanna push you to do something you don't wanna do." Will says to Benji.
"I wanna go, Daddy! I'm ready!" Benji says with a grin.
"Okay, bubba. Whenever you wanna leave we can leave, okay?" Will says as Benji nods.
"Okay, Daddy!" Benji says.
Will and Benji get out of the car and Will opens up the trunk.
"Here bub, you can hold her flowers. These are very pretty, you picked the best flowers." Will says as Benji smiles happily holding the roses he picked out for his mom's grave.
Will and Benji walk around the cemetery, trying to find Benji's mom's grave.
"It's quiet here, Daddy!" Benji says looking at all the headstones and all the different names.
"It is quiet. It is very peaceful. It's suppose to be like that here." Will says making Benji smile.
After a few minutes of searching, they finally find Benji's mom's gravesite.
"This is mommy's grave site, bud. Here she is." Will says pointing to the headstone.
Benji looks at the headstone, just staring at it. He doesn't know what to think. He feels sad that his mom isn't here but he is also at peace knowing she is an angel in heaven and isn't suffering anymore.
Will films Benji's reaction discreetly so RJ and their family members can see since they are curious of what Benji's reaction is going to be.
"What's this thing, Daddy?" Benji asks Will, pointing to the headstone.
"This is called a headstone and it has mommy's name, her birthday and the day she passed away. They even put a nice picture of her on there, that's very sweet." Will says to Benji.
Benji sits in front of the headstone and looks at the picture of his mom, remembering her angelic voice and her smell.
"You look a lot like your mommy, bud." Will says, rubbing tiny circles into Benji's back.
"Really?" Benji says to Will, looking up at him.
"You do! You have her hair color, you have her nose and her eye shape." Will says as he sits down next to Benji.
Will puts the roses in the vases that are on the headstone.
"You made mommy's stone look pretty, Daddy!" Benji says with a big smile.
"I did! I wanted Mommy to have some nice flowers for Mother's Day. After all, she is your mommy. I think Mommy will like them, especially since you picked them out yourself." Will says with a grin.
"I hope so! She really liked flowers!" Benji says happily.
"Did she? Did she like to garden?" Will asks Benji
"Yeah! She liked to plant them and water them!" Benji says, remembering going outside with his mom while she gardened and when she wasn't doing drugs.
"We can do that if you like, bud! That sounds like that something fun we can all do together as a family." Will says making Benji smile ear to ear.
Benji and Will sit and relax with Benji's mom, feeling the cool breeze and listening to the birds chirp.
After a few minutes of silence, Benji speaks up.
"Daddy?" Benji says softly to Will.
"Yes, bubba?" Will says to Benji as he rubs his back.
"Why did my mom die?" Benji asks Will in a serious tone.
Will and RJ have always kept Benji's mom's death very PG since he is only a little kid. They never wanted to expose Benji to drug addiction at such a young age. However, they want to educate him when he is old enough to fully understand and not get confused about anything.
Benji's mom became addicted to opioids when Benji was just a few months old. Benji's father wasn't the greatest person in the world, but Benji's mom wanted her family to stick together because her family broke apart when she was little.
"She was doing something you aren't suppose to do. She was harming herself. It was an accident." Will says to Benji.
"But why did she hurt herself, Daddy? Was it my fault she did it?" Benji asks Will making Will's heart shatter.
"It wasn't your fault at all, bub. Your mommy loved you so so much. She did everything she possibly could to keep you safe and to take care of you. You were her everything. You were the light of her life and made her a strong person." Will says as he sits Benji in his lap.
"And I don't have the answer to that, bud. People hurt themselves for a lot of different reasons so we probably won't know why mommy did what she did." Will says to Benji.
"Was Mommy in pain when she died?" Benji asks Will softly and Will's heart breaks again.
"I don't think she was in pain, bubba. I don't think she was. God made sure she wasn't and God kept you safe." Will says kissing Benji's cheek.
"Did she breathe in the fire?" Benji asks Will.
"I think you all did. The fire got in her lungs and breathing in smoke hurts your lungs bad, bub. That's why they put you on oxygen when the fire fighters rescued you." Will says to Benji.
Benji and Will continue to sit peacefully feeling the cool air on their cheeks and arms. Benji touches his mom's face on the headstone softly, trying to remember her touch.
"You can talk to her, bubba. She can hear you. She knows you are a big boy now, and that you have a baby brother and a baby sister. She knows you are very happy and that you are doing super well in school. I know she is so proud of you. She is such a proud mommy." Will says making Benji smile.
"Hi, Mommy. I love you so much! I miss you a lot, Mommy. I wish you were here." Benji says as Will kisses his cheek.
"Mommy, this is my Daddy! I have a Papi too, and he is so cool! I also have a baby sister Coralei and a baby brother Theodore. I'll bring them so you can see them! Oh, and I have a doggy, Dobby!" Benji says out loud making Will smile.
Will let's Benji talk to his mom and it makes him smile ear to ear.
After an hour of visiting, Will and Benji get ready to leave to go back home.
"Take a picture with me and Mommy, Daddy!" Benji says as she sits next to the headstone.
Will takes a picture of Benji and smiles. He knows people will probably judge but he doesn't care. He just wants his son to be happy.
"Okay bud, I took a few pictures. Let's get ready to go." Will says to Benji.
"Happy Mother's Day, Mommy. I love you." Benji says, blowing a kiss.
"Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for my beautiful, baby boy." Will whispers as he and Benji go home.
Will posts a picture of Benji sitting in front of his mom's grave. He writes the caption as: "benji has been wanting to see his mom's grave for months now. he is learning about his self identity with his therapist and he is so strong! his love for his mother still remains and always will. he was very close with her and fondly remembers her, despite being not even two when she passed away. today, I decided to take him to see her gravesite for mother's day. even though I have been his "motherly" figure since he was 3, she will always be his mom. she gave him life and I am so happy she did. benji did better then I expected and I am so proud of him. he talked with her and gave her some roses. he said he definitely wants to visit her often and bring his siblings, which makes me smile so much. ❤️ Happy Mother's Day, benji's mom❣️🌷"