Jeon Wonwoo was my boyfriend when I was a sophomore. We became together when I was in 8th grade—at such a very young age.
People said it's not love we felt and had that time, the day would come for us to figure out that our relationship is wrong, we will hurt each other, and eventually will break up soon. They were right anyway, but part of it was a lie because I'm certain it was love we had and felt that time.
First of all, my relationship with Wonwoo was real. It was never a joke or a game. I treasured each and every moment I had with him.
Second, he made me feel so special. He was always there to protect and comfort me. He was my armor shield who were always ready to petrify himself like a statue for my safety.
And most importantly, he loved me.
I think that is the reason why we lasted for 3 years. I still adore him for being who he is until now. He knew how to keep his words, but that also led us to be decisive and in the end, like how people judged us, we mistakenly hurt each other.
I do remember the times when I am always pleading to let me hangout with my friends. In all honesty, it was challenging to do because I need to let him know first wherever I go to receive his permissions, same goes with him... but he tends to be the one who gets too tight if it were me. That's how our relationship works.
One day, it came to the point where my friends are already complaining about our situation. They said that Wonwoo had been so overprotective with me and it seems like he doesn't trust them—as my friends—when it comes to me.
All I can do is to laugh it off because I can't really be on their side for I am always on Wonwoo's. It always turns out like I was tolerating my boyfriend's behavior in each pair of eyes that's deeming us, but for me that's the way it is, well... perhaps you'll do everything your lover told you to do because it's your heart deciding and not your mind anymore.
-
"Please... I promise I will be okay. I won't go home late and I'll text you if I'm home already." I almost begged him.
"No." He sternly replied, busy tapping his phone, playing games again.
"Why? I just wanted to be with them. I didn't hangout for a week, what's wrong with you?" I whined.
"Why are you so hard-headed? I said no, it's final." But he insisted.
"Fine." I rolled my eyes as I turned my back on him, attempting to walk away.
I heard him sighed from behind before he grab my wrist and made me face him again, leaving his game and his phone abandoned on the sofa.
I tried to suppress my smiles.
I knew it. He can't resist me.
"I'm only protecting you, you know that don't you?" He suddenly turned soft as he locked me in his arms.
There goes my sweet Wonwoo.
"Yes, I know." I replied as I hugged him back, smelling his scent like it's been forever.
"I love you." I whispered on his ear, never hesitating to say it. Though I can't see, I swear I could feel him smiling right now. I just know.
"And you knew so much how to make me say yes with whatever you asked for." He rolled his eyes, earning a laugh from me.
"I love you, I love you, I love you." I rained bunch of kisses on his cheeks that makes him giggle like a ticklish child.
"Okay. You won, I lose. You can go with them now." Finally, he gave up.
"Really? Thank you!" I squealed and jumped to cling on his neck, hugging him again.
"But promise me you'd be fine, okay? I won't be there so take care of yourself." He reassured one last time.
"Yes, I promise." I said as I placed my left hand at my heart.
"Okay. I love you." He said before kissing the top of my head.
-
We've been together for 3 years but he never changed one bit. He's still the sweet and caring Wonwoo I first met and fell in love with. That was the reason why my friends were sometimes envious for having a relationship like ours. Yes, it has flaws, it ain't perfect, but it was acceptable. Truth be told, I can see no reason for people to forbid and find it faulty just because we're still young to enter a relationship... they just don't know the feeling as well as our struggles.
-
"Aish! Didn't he know that he's being overprotective?" Momo, my friend frowns.
"Say what girl? At least he's protecting Mina. It is much better than hurting her." Chaeyoung, my friend huffs.
"Actually, I really want a boyfriend like Wonwoo. He is the loyal type. Mina-yah how can you be so lucky!" Nayeon, my friend beams and teases me.
"I'm not lucky Nayeon, I'm blessed to have him. Don't be so harsh on him Momo, he's not doing anything wrong with me. Besides, I had no problem with him being overprotective." I defended my boyfriend.
"Fine. Just because you have your love life!" Momo bitterly replied, shoving a jokbal on her mouth.
"Why not find a boyfriend too Momo. Ask Hoshi out, I bet you two would be a perfect match." Nayeon suggested, wiggling her eyebrows playfully at Momo.
"True. Hoshi, the guy with the crazy dance moves. He's hot, go on a date with him. Do you know how good it feels to be in love?" Chaeyoung added, picking up on Momo.
"Oh, just shut up you both!" Momo hissed as she rolled her eyes at Nayeon and Chaeyoung, earning a loud laugh from me.
"But seriously, a boyfriend like Wonwoo, there's nothing you could ever wish for. That's why among the four of us, Mina is the very blessed one. Right Mina?" Nayeon turns to me.
"Indeed, I couldn't wish for more. He is the best." I answered with a smile.
-
I once became ambitious. It was my dream that made me be like that, a dream I never had the chance to pursue before. And that's to be a cheerleader. I badly want to join the cheerleading squad but as expected, Wonwoo didn't let me join in.
I was only attempting to open up the topic to him but the answer I expected to get was clear as day for in certainty, he'll say no.
I can't help not to envy the cheerleaders everytime I'll pass by at the field seeing them practicing their stunts. That strengthens my urge to join the squad, but no matter how I push it, Wonwoo won't be there to support me. And if I force it to the limit, it will only be a root of fight for the two of us with the same tiring reason again. Just like in the past years of me trying to convince him that I can handle myself alone in joining the cheerleading squad, I know too well his decision will rule over with our relationship again.
-
"I will join the basketball team this year. You should join the volleyball team so we won't be far from each other. I can visit your practice anytime." Wonwoo suggested.
"I was planning to join the cheerleading squad this year." I told him, anxious as hell inside but keeping a firm appearance outside.
He remained silent for about a minute, then he asked me.
"Do you remember what I told you about that 2 years ago?"
"Yes."
"My answer will still be the same. I won't let you." He finalized.
I look down, gulp, and crossed my arms. My heart threatening to burst out anytime.
"I don't understand what you see wrong in cheerleading." I frowned.
"You're right. You don't understand. Cheerleading will bring you no good. It's dangerous, you might just hurt yourself if you tried. Besides, I can't protect you there. I won't forgive myself if ever something bad happens to you. Please, just listen to me. It's for your own good." He explained calmly. I can see how much he's trying not to piss me because it'll only lead us to fight and have a never ending argument about that matter.
-
I tried to listen, but my friends dragged me in a situation I can't escape. I disobeyed Wonwoo by joining the cheerleading squad with my friends. By the time he finds out, we fought... for real.
-
"You went to the audition." He started. It was not a question.
"I'm sorry. We just tried but we passed and I-I had no choice but to join the squad." I stuttered, trying hard to explain and make him understand my point.
"You had no choice? Mina you always have a choice. And by the time you chose to go with them you made your choice!" He raised his voice that makes me flinch in fright.
I'm overly shocked and stupidly hurt by how he acted. He knows how I hate it when someone yells at me, it makes me feel so little and undervalued.
I drove him mad and there's no way in hell I'll be able to calm him down. It just makes me want to cry whenever he's being aggressive and unsympathetic.
"The problem's with you Mina. You always refuse to listen, always heading on your way with your futile reason. Will you stop being stubborn? We already talked about this. Is it that hard to obey me? " His words were sharp that it shuts my mouth and brain out for a reason.
"That is why I'm saying sorry. You don't need to yell at me." That is all I managed to say. He's making me lose my temper, but despite my flaming anger, I still tried my best to hold back my tears to leave at least a little pride for myself.
"You are not joining the cheerleading squad. Talk to me again if my point sinks on your mulish mind already. Forget about your stupid dream to become a cheerleader, you were just hoping to reach nothing." He spits before walking out. My tears fell after.
Stupid? So he thinks it's stupid?
-
The day when he turned his back on me feels like he walked out of my life as well.
Part of me hopes he'll come back, apologize, and lock me in his arms... but he never did.
I get greatly offended with his words. He hurt and pushed me on my last nerve that made me call him unpleasant words like grim, heartless, and egocentric, but in much honesty, I realized he's not the only one at fault here, but me as well. I keep on going after something unreachable, so just like what he's rooting for, I decided to quit cheerleading.
I planned to say sorry after I conceded mistakes. I can't stand a day without him, I just wanted us to go back to what we were before. No fights, no one hurting. I also promised to forget everything including my dream if the two of us reconciled. That's why I came to find him at the gym the next day, but what I found out really surprised me, it makes me swerve decision and fumed with anger.
-
"Mina? What are you doing here? The whole volleyball team was in the field already. You're late. The coach is kinda strict so hurry up." One of my classmates approached me when I enter inside the gym.
"I didn't join the volleyball team. I'm here to find Wonwoo. Have you seen him?" I look around to spot him.
"What? But you're on the list, we're even teammates. Wait—you didn't know?" She asked, confused.
"I'm sorry, I don't." I answered, shaking my head in confusion.
Why am I listed in the Volleyball team?
"Then who signed up for you?" She asked the question I wanted to ask too. Who signed up for me?
"Excuse me." Is all I said before I go.
I need to find Wonwoo. He's the only one I knew who would sign me in the volleyball team.
"Wonwoo!" I yelled his name the moment my eyes found him.
He stopped and turned, giving me a chance to move towards him.
"What?" He asked, having no expression on his face.
"Why is my name listed in the volleyball team?" I asked, twisting my fingers in desperation to get an answer.
"I signed you up." He answered nonchalantly that makes me push him hard on his chest.
It made him stepped back a bit.
"Why didn't you ask for my permission first? Seriously? You would go that far to control me? You're being unfair Wonwoo!" I exclaimed, feeling my throat ripping apart. I'm on the verge of crying already.
"I came here to say sorry because I realized I'm also at fault. I decided to quit cheerleading because I chose you. Isn't it enough? What you did only made me think if I really did the right thing or was I mistaken?" I questioned him, my words were filled with blames and I saw how he meets each of them with fiery eyes.
"I only did it because I want to protect you! Everything I do is all for you. How is that become unfair?" He raised his voice too. And now, we're shouting at each other, earning a couple of attention from the students inside the gym.
"Protecting?" I bitterly laugh in frustration and how humorous his reasons are. "That ain't protecting Wonwoo, that's controlling. Have you ever consider my feelings? Did you ever gave me a choice huh? No, because you don't know how to listen for you believe that you were always right! This relationship is chaining and choking me already, I'm afraid the time will come it'll kill my heart as well." I exploded, my mind is in turmoil that I get lost and break down.
I can't really grasp onto why all of this is happening. We never fought like this before but I'm so done with him for manipulating me like a puppet. A healthy relationship ain't supposed to be like this, in which you can't understand each other anymore. Maybe we need a halt, a break in order for us to sort things out.
"Mina try to understand, please..." He suddenly lowered down his voice and tried to reach out for my hands but I moved away, rejecting his attempt to trap me again.
"Wonwoo let me breathe. This is too much... this is tiring." I said, almost in a whisper.
This is the first time I ever complained about his overprotective side. I used to like it before but now, it suffocates me. I feel like this relationship is not about loving anymore but controlling. This must be the first time I'll be asking for a break from him too. It's not good for the both of us anymore, it'll only burn us down and destroy us whole if we would still continue to be with one another.
"So you're tired? You're giving up on us now?" He asked and I remained silent for a while until I finally decided.
"Let's break up."
-
We didn't talk again after that day. We never had any sort of conversation, not even an eye contact or a single interaction.
He always keeps his distance so how could I ever go near him again?
Making me feel as though I meant nothing to him at all is like a big slap to me. I've been searching for a bearable reason why because I can't believe how he could stand to ignore me when it takes me everything not to take back all I said that has hurt him.
Being with him in one classroom feels like I never existed at that place. The air around us felt so thin and even though I ask for space, it seems to not work because no matter what I do, it was still him I keep on coming back for.
I feel so stupid. No matter how hard I tried to pretend that I don't care, it only proves what a fool I am for letting him go.
Everything he do breaks my heart. Watching how his lips curves to a smile breaks my heart, I was once the reason for those smiles but I feel like he doesn't need me as a reason now. He's been so far, unreachable, unapproachable. I feel like we totally drifted off with one another's life, with the feeling vanished and got lost by the wind as we break apart.
It led me to blame myself for everything. I missed him so much. If I could only do a thing to fix us then I'd do it without having a second thought.
Upon all the things the breakup has brought in my life, there's still one thing I'm holding on right now. It always reminds me of the good memories we had together.
It's the necklace he gave me. Staring at it everyday gives me hope that maybe someday we'll find our way back in each other's arms, but sometimes I was asking myself if it's still fair for me to have it.
Knowing I should keep up with the rules in our promise makes me lose that hope I have for us. And now, as I thought about it, maybe it's time to bring it back to him.
My deep thoughts were interrupted when the rooftop's door suddenly flew opened. I turned to look and see who entered, then my heart suddenly stops from beating when I saw who... it's the guy I'm not prepared to see yet.
Jeon Wonwoo.
After so long, our eyes meet again. I was stunned, unable to move, but my eyes were locked with his gaze.
I can't believe he still go up here in our favorite spot at the school campus.
He attempted to walk away but I dare to call his name.
"Wonwoo."
He turned to face me with his usual straight face.
"I-I have something... to tell you." I said, stumbling over words.
He walked towards me until we're already facing each other.
His nearness still affects me like before and that's when it hits me....
...I'm still so into him 'til now.
"What is it?" He asked, sounding so uninterested.
I smile sadly, my heart bleeds when I didn't saw the sparks I used to see everytime I'll look at his eyes. It's all gone now.
He's over me.
"I heard your team won the national's. Uhm... I just wanted to congratulate you." I started.
"Thanks." He briefly answered.
"So... how have you been?" I asked again, trying to make our conversation longer.
"Good." He's answering me in monosyllabic, just enough to make me feel like he's not interested with me anymore.
I looked down and remained silent until he spoke.
"What about you? How's cheerleading?" He asked, not looking at me.
"I'm just fine, I guess." But incomplete... because I don't have you. I wanted to add while staring at his face, taking the chance that he's looking somewhere else.
"It's not that dangerous as you said. The training is not that hard also because they're teaching us so well." I added.
"I'm glad you already fulfilled your dreams. Do you have anything else to say? If you don't, I shall go now." He said before he turned his back on me.
My heart instantly sank. 'So that's it?' I want to shout it at his face but something's holding me back.
I can't take this anymore. He became different. He's not the same Wonwoo I know. My Wonwoo used to be so sweet, so warm, so caring, not like the one I just talked to.
"Wait." I stopped him again, trying my best to appear strong in front of him.
He faced me again.
It's time.
I took off the necklace from my neck. I glanced at it for the very last time before I handed it back to him.
I waited for him to accept it, and when he do, I told him the words that has to be said.
"I can see that you don't care anymore, the promise we had was now broken so I'm giving it back to you now. I think it'll be unfair for me to still keep it." I said, looking straight at his eyes.
His expression softened as he stared at the necklace but after a while, it still went back to his usual cold expression.
"You're right. This thing is useless now. It shouldn't be kept anymore. You could just throw it away, but since you gave it back to me, I will be the one to do it." He said.
Then he did the most painful thing for me. Without thinking twice, he throw it away.
He really throw it away.
It hurts so much that I feel my heart ripping apart. Tears began to stroll down my face so I immediately turn my back on him to hide my embarrassment.
I then remembered the day we promised at each other. The day where he and I vowed that nothing can separate us apart, but I guess the thing people used to say were somehow right. "Nothing last forever."
-
"I, Jeon Wonwoo promised to love and to protect the woman I treasured the most, my future wife, and the future mother of my kids, Mina Myoui. I promised to make her smile and do whatever that will make her happy." He promised then he placed his right hand at his heart.
I laughed at his statement.
"What? Why are you laughing?" He protested.
"Nothing. You're just so sweet." I said while giggling.
"It's your turn now. Say your vows." He demanded.
"Arasso. I, Mina Myoui promised to love, to take care, and to live forever with the man I will only love until my last breath, my future husband and the future father of my kids, Jeon Wonwoo." I promised as I placed my left hand at my heart.
I didn't miss the curve formed on his lips the moment I said my vows.
It's our way to promise something. He will place his right hand at his heart and I'll place my left hand at my heart also as a sign of loyalty.
"Okay." He said before he put the necklace around my neck and he kissed my forehead.
I stared at the necklace.
"Wow! It's really beautiful." I admired his gift.
"Nothing will separate us. This necklace will be the witness of our love and our promise. It will only be useless if our promise gets broken and I can assure you that it will never happen." He said.
"I love you wonwoo-yah." I said.
"I love you more my mina-yah." He replied with his sweet smile I could never forget.
❦ ❦ ❦
He is once my friend,
He is once my hero,
He is once my world.
My world,
The world that falls down,
The world I've lost.
He is once my life, he is once my love,
And he will always be.
Our memories just ended there. Our story with no continuation. I'm just too dumb to realized that it's too late because I already let him go, but I will love him still and in my heart I won't let go.