chapter ten
an: long chapter love me please! vote and comment if you enjoy! x
'you are not wearing that to the party.' morgan commented, shaking her head as she lazed in the middle of my newly decorated room, hand fiddling with the fairy lights. she'd straightened her hair into its normal, shoulder length style, added eyeliner and darker shadow to her make up; she looked so different to the way she appears for school. she had on black pants that had white vertical stripes going down to the ankles, and a sleeveless white crop top. on her feet were white slip on vans, which she waved in the air as she sighed in disapproval.
'what's wrong with what i'm wearing?' i retorted with a frown, glancing down at my attire. i looked smart, with grey chinos and a red polo shirt.
'no, no, no.' my sister muttered under her breath, moving towards my wardrobe and telling me to sit down. i did as she said, watching her throw out several random articles of clothing before cheering in victory. 'this is so cute! why do you never wear this?' she exclaimed in disbelief, pulling out my favourite harry styles top. it was black, and in the centre stood the boy, shirtless with all his tattoos on display.
i blushed deeply, shrugging my shoulders, muttering that i only wear it to bed. she threw it in my direction, demanding that i put it on. after a few more moments of rummaging in my closet, another triumphant noise was heard as she pulled out a pair of black, super-skinny jeans that i'd never worn before. i'd got sent them by accident, arriving instead of a pair of suit pants i'd ordered. never bothering to send them back, they had sat crumpled at the bottom of my cupboard ever since.
'i am not wearing those.'
morgan scoffed, reaching for the scissors and taking them from my desk. 'yes, you are.' she answered curtly, dragging the blade across the material, ignoring my cries as she ruined a perfectly good piece of clothing. after a few minutes, she threw them in my face. ripped jeans. they weren't small rips, either, they were gaping and looked like something someone from the british show "skins" would wear.
huffing, i kicked her out my room for a few seconds whilst i changed. my pale complexion peaked out of the black holes, and the harry shirt felt comfortably loose on my skinny frame. i stole a weak glance at myself in the mirror, exhaling a breath i didn't even know i was holding when i realised i actually looked good. i looked normal for my age, like i could fit in if i walked with a group of teenagers.
morgan soon came bursting in, gasping and saying that for once i didn't look like i was in my mid forties. i rolled my eyes, glancing at the clock. it was 9:20 pm, and we still had a twenty minute drive ahead of us. we were bound to be late, regardless of whether we left now or in ten minutes time. despite this, after putting on a little aftershave and shoving my feet into my checkerboard vans, i was tugged out the house and into the white bmw that sat on the forecourt, watching as my sister excitedly jumped around in her chair.
'what's gotten into you?' i asked with a chuckle, 'have you not seen andrew out of school in a while?' i knew that he never came to our house, nor did she ever go round his, so i wondered if the only time they hang out was either at the parties she went to on weekends, or in school lunch and break times.
morgan let out a laugh. 'honestly, ry, i know you're smart but you do realise that one of us, whether it's me or andrew, sneak round to the others every single night?'
my eyes widened as i smirked, shaking my head. how had my parents never noticed? 'you're insane, morgan. actually insane.' she stuck her tongue out at me, asking that i hit the gas. i did as she said, and within ten minutes we were pulling into the sandy car park.
excitedly, once we were out of the car, morgan pulled me towards their "normal spot", our shoes making indentations in the creamy white sand. the sky was black, the beach lit up by the white lamp shades far in the distance. she pointed towards a patch of sand far in the distance, where no light would be received, but i was assured it was perfect. i huffed, shaking away my paranoia; this was what being a teenager was all about, right? taking risks, making mistakes. keeping this in my mind, we neared what i could now see as a small group of people, huddled around a log fire.
'ryland! morgan!' i heard a shout, jerking my head up to see garrett running towards us with a big smile. we grinned widely, morgan throwing her arms around him and pulling him into a hug.
'right, potter,' my sister said with narrowed eyes as the blonde boy giggled, 'where's your gorgeous brother?' he scrunched his nose up in mockery before laughing loudly once more and telling us to follow him. we did as he said, finally reaching the crowd.
the fire was alive, flames dancing over the wood as the long haired boy from the library threw more paper and wood in. claiming that he wanted to introduce me to everyone, garrett pulled an arm around my shoulder and pointed to the fire. 'that's drew, my best friend.' he said happily as the long haired boy looked up with a grin, greeting me before saying that someone called joey had brought more alcohol for us.
a few feet away, two boys were sat on the sand. the lighter haired of the two was sat on the other's lap, hands in his dark – almost black – hair, lips staircasing each other.
'for fucks sake, sorry,' garrett apologised as i turned red. my mind had travelled to shane and our kiss, and butterflies were dancing in the core of my stomach. 'joey, daniel, if you could stop air-fucking for just one second, that would be great. you have to meet ryland, morgan's brother.' his sarcastic comment made the two pull apart, both of them cheekily grinning with pink cheeks.
'i'm daniel.' the taller one said from underneath the smaller boy. his eyes were a dark chocolatey brown, like his hair, and they were full of warmth. the other one smiled happily as his neck had small kisses pressed onto it, giggling and pushing daniel off. 'i'm joey, graceffa. this is my perv of a boyfriend.' he smirked and garrett rolled his eyes.
i was tapped on my back and spun around to face two boys i'd never seen before. garrett cheered as he saw the curly haired one, noticing the bottle of vodka clutched between his long fingers. 'finally, you're here!' garrett exclaimed excitedly, 'this is dan and phil. they go to bourne hill, that private academy down the road.'
i took a second to absorb all this new information, all the new people, the new names, before meeting eyes with the two boys. one had jet black hair, styled in a messy quiff that fell a little over his left eye, and his eyes were such a piercing blue that i almost had to take a step back. next was the taller one, who had a brunette mop of poodle-like hair and golden brown eyes.
smiling back at them, i wondered how old they were. 'so, are you—'
'no we're just friends.' dan cut in quickly, shutting down my question.
i blushed red. 'oh, i wasn't asking that. i was gonna ask if you guys were in year eleven.' i admitted, rubbing the back of my neck. they laughed awkwardly and garrett shook his head in amusement. he headed over to my sister, who was now with andrew, and i followed closely behind.
'garrett. hey. what's your poison?' the red head spoke up, and i creased my forehead in confusion.
morgan rolled her eyes, throwing me an empty red paper cup. 'he means "what do you want to drink", dork.' she laughed as realisation spread across my face and my eyes flicked over the cooling box of alcohol.
i spied a small bottle of vodka and a can of coca cola, asking for those as my sister choked on her beer. 'you've never drank, ryland.' she commented, and garrett's eyes linked with mine. embarrassed, knowing that i couldn't really tell her that i'd drank in my dreams with a boy that i have feelings for, i stayed silent.
'fuck off, morg,' garrett said fondly, ruffling her hair as she shrieked, 'let him live a little. he's gonna need to get used to it if he hangs out with us more often.' andrew nodded and called the other five to come over and get drinks.
daniel, joey, drew, phil, dan. five new people, that wasn't too hard to remember, right? they all crowded around the fire and garrett poured drinks, handing one out to everyone and plugging his phone into his speakers, old school pop music from the early 2000s beginning to blare out, echoing around the beach. it was empty, we could be as loud as we want.
'let's play truth or dare!' daniel exclaimed and andrew cheered, before adding that we should all do two shots or otherwise it would be boring. so, at in a circle around the fire, everyone took two swigs of the vodka until it came to me. i thought of how shane and i had drunk the beer, my heart beating uneasily as i dipped my head back and let the taste burn all down my throat. shane shane shane. i repeated this action again before handing it back to garrett and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
'how did you do that without even flinching? it's your first time drinking!' andrew exclaimed, taking another swig as they all stared at me with wonder. garrett had already started pouring vodka and coke into nine solo cups, handing them to each person.
i shrugged. 'i guess i don't have a gag reflex?' i said quietly, dan and phil snorting with laughter.
'shame you're not gay, that would come in handy.' joey said and i turned bright red, my eyes locking once more with garrett's. he shook his head slowly, almost apologising. i wasn't gay, but i was confused. why was it that now all i could see was good looking guys, not girls? shane mostly, of course, but i was now picking out good features in boys. daniel's lips, joey's hair, phil's eyes, garrett's height. not in a romantic way, i don't fancy any of them, just in a checking out way. what i used to do with girls. this was not good.
'yeah.' i mumbled, downing my drink in one and reaching over garrett to grab a can of beer. shane had told me that he drinks to forget everything bad in life; maybe i would try that. i heard garrett whisper a "sorry" in my ear as i pulled away, and i smiled. it was fine, they weren't to know.
truth or dare went for an hour or two, drew running into the sea in just his boxers (it was ice cold, "my balls are frozen"), daniel giving garrett a lap dance to britney spears' womaniser as the blonde giggled hilariously. morgan had snogged phil, and dan wore a face like thunder the whole time as andrew rolled his eyes, commenting how he felt rejected. my sister reassured him by whispering in his ear something i didn't hear, but a smirk appeared on his face as he gave her a small kiss on the lips. all of these dares were the craziest things i'd seen in my whole life, and it was just in one night.
after a while, i think at midnight, everyone seemed to be bored of the several drinking games we had played, resulting in us trying to do handstands in the sand. never have i ever had broken me, everyone saying random sexual positions or drugs, or kissing someone of the same sex. if you hadn't done it, you had to take a shot. i was by far the most drunk from that, morgan following closely behind due to her only being fourteen (well, fifteen in a few days.) it felt wrong that she was drinking, yes, but she was going to do it regardless of what i say to her, so at least i was with her whilst she did it.
i fell to the ground with a thump, my handstand failing, making me groan and giggle. my head was spinning, a complete blur forming in my mind.
'we've got to get home or our parents will kill us.' daniel said, pouting, dragging phil and dan off the ground with the help of joey. they were all stumbling and from my sprawled position in the sand, i giggled as the four of them left. they were lucky, they all lived a ten minute walk from the beach, as andrew had informed us. shouting goodbye loudly, my eyes drifted over the mess around us as i reached for a can of tequila beer, stretching along the ground. andrew threw one to me, which i caught effortlessly despite my intoxicated vision.
i cracked the can open and looked at those of us left. only five, now. andrew was sat by the fire, morgan curled up in a fetus position on her lap. his arms were wrapped around her protectively, auburn hair brushing against her skin as he kissed her, and i felt jealous. i wanted shane to be like here with me, i wanted his auburn hair brushing against my skin, i wanted his lips on mine.
garrett flopped onto the sand a few feet away me, drew's hand in his as he pulled the longer haired boy down too. lying completely on his back, his blonde hair blended into the sand as he giggled, watching as the boy on top of him straddled his hips. drew gripped onto the collar of garrett's shirt, trying to pull him up for a kiss but he whined, saying it was too much effort, before collapsing his head onto garrett's chest in a fit of giggles. their mouths joined and i watched the blonde's teeth clasp against the darker's lips, biting and pulling away before smashing them back together again.
they were too drunk to see me watching, but i was. i'm not sure why, but i felt intrigued watching them. never had i watched someone make out with another, all the programmes i watch never really showing it, and i've never ventured into the world of porn, obviously. it was a sin, i knew this from the countless days at church on sundays and school holidays.
drew's hands went into garrett's trousers and the older squealed, pulling them away and whisper-shouting in a very obvious matter. 'stop, everyone will see us have sex,' they burst out laughing, and drew rolled away to find more alcohol.
okay, maybe i wasn't the drunkest here.
'so, do you miss him? surely you never stay up this late, it must be the longest you've gone without sleeping and seeing him.' garrett slurred, turning on his side to face me. his voice was quiet, no one could hear him, morgan and andrew making out whilst drew rummaged to find the last of the vodka.
'a bit.' i whispered, not knowing what to say. it was a lot more than a bit, actually, and all i wanted was for him to be with me right now.
garrett frowned. 'i wasn't going to tell you this, but i know someone called shane, but your shane's last name is dawson, right?' his voice was wavering, and every few words he would pause for a few seconds, trying to think of the right language to use.
my eyes widened, my heart beating fast. 'yeah, his surname's dawson.' i said, suddenly sobering a little, freaking out. could he be real? no, surely not, that would be impossible. he was a figment of my imagination.
'no, no, the shane i know isn't dawson, his last name is— yes! drew, you found joey's vodka! did he not drink it?' he screamed loudly, making andrew and my sister break away confusedly. my heart had sunk. had i really kidded myself, even if it was just for a few seconds, that shane might be real?
drew threw himself onto the floor, creating a huge cloud of sand around him. he pulled his arm around my neck, putting his face near mine in a drunken, friendly matter. 'you look sad, ryland,' he observed, taking a swig of the small bottle of vodka before firmly putting it into my hands.
i caught it, stumbling back and lying completely flat on the sand, so all i could see was the blackening sky and the stars dotted amongst the clouds. 'drink till you forget, then.' drew said with a giggle, crawling back onto garrett.
so i did.