As usual, I was eager to get home. But today, I wasn't anxious to get home, which was a nice change of pace.
I was looking forward to seeing my girls, as always, but today, I wasn't worried for them. Or concerned that I'd find that the light had gone out of Madelyn's eyes. Because that light had been there since last week. Since that day she'd spent with Glenne. And I'd hoped at the time it would be just what she needed, but I'd had my doubts, too. I was afraid things really were as serious as Mum had been suggesting. Afraid that we'd have to welcome more change into our lives even though we'd both agreed to this particular plan before Lila was born.
I would do the movie, and she would stay home with the baby. Plain and simple.
But any other changes had been deemed unnecessary, just as I'd hoped. We'd even had sex a couple times since that day she went out with Glenne—a couple nights after Lila went to sleep, and then the other morning, on the couch in the front room while Lila was napping. And that spontaneity, that physical connection we'd been sorely lacking was doing wonders for my frame of mind, and hers.
So, I wasn't filled with worry or unease as I headed home, wondering what mood I'd find my girl in when I arrived.
No. Today... I was excited.
I pressed the buttons for the gate and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel as I waited for it to open, then slowly headed down the drive, pressing the button to close the gate behind me.
Mads' car was in its usual spot, and I pulled up right next to it, ignoring my sore muscles from the day's work as I opened the car door and swung my legs out.
It was a beautiful day. Sunny and mild—the exact kind of weather you'd expect from Los Angeles in the spring. And the sun was just starting to set, leaving the sky in a haze of pink, purple, and orange.
I practically jogged up to the front door, my heart light in anticipation, my arms ready to hold my wife, my daughter, and—
"There he is now," came Mads' voice as I shut the front door behind me.
And straight down the hallway where it opened up into kitchen, a head of dark brown hair came into view, along with a smaller, balder head beside it.
"Hey sweet," Mum said, a smile on her face.
She'd arrived yesterday morning. I'd had to go into work, and Mads wasn't comfortable going out to the airport with Lila all by herself, so I'd called a car to pick her up at the airport. I hadn't seen her for long last night—she'd headed up to bed early—but there was nothing like returning home from a long day of work to find her here, no longer completely exhausted, especially when I hadn't seen her in so long.
In her arms, Lila was chewing on her own fingers, and her eyes swiveled to me when I said, "There're my girls."
I strode over to them, welcomed Mum's one-armed hug with a peck on the cheek, and crouched so that I could look into my daughter's eyes.
"Hi sweetheart. Hello," I murmured, giving her kiss after kiss on her soft, little head. "Did you have a good first day with Grandma?"
Mum scoffed a little. "I still don't know if I like the sound of that."
I glanced up at her with a smirk. "Well, you'll have to take that up with our little girl, here."
Mum gave me an unamused smile then lifted Lila towards me. "Here, you take her. I'll help Maddie finish up dinner."
I took Lila and glanced over Mum's shoulder to see Mads at the stove, stirring something in a steaming pot.
"How is she?" I murmured, low enough so that Mads wouldn't hear.
Mum paused, smiled at me. "We had a good day."
She kept her voice low, too, gave my shoulder a squeeze, and when she turned around to head into the kitchen, I looked to my wife, who I could see only in profile.
Mads had her hair up, as usual. A messy bun. She was wearing leggings and a t-shirt, but at least they weren't the same clothes as yesterday. And when she finally did glance my way, her face free of makeup, she smiled.
I was even more excited than I'd been five minutes ago pulling into the driveway. And it was only as I walked over to her, as Mum started pulling dishes from the cabinets at the other end of the counter, as I pecked my girl on the lips, that I realized just how hard these last couple months had been. How strained everything had grown between us. And how determined I was to do whatever I needed to to keep it from getting that bad again.
"Hello beautiful," I said, cradling Lila in one arm so that I could run a knuckle down Madelyn's cheek.
My heart stumbled when she blushed, but before she could say anything in reply, Mum asked from behind me, "Maddie, where do you keep the utensils?"
Mads blinked and looked past me, gesturing with her chin towards where Mum was standing. "Third drawer from the left."
I bumped Lila in my arms and looked into her blue eyes, so like her mother's, backing away from my wife and mother, afraid to be in their way. "So, how was everything today?"
When Mads spun and headed for the island, I slid sideways, still somehow managing to be in her way as she grabbed the colander where it sat in the drainboard before setting it down in the sink.
"Good," she said, heading back to the stove. "Great, actually."
When she didn't give more details, too preoccupied with carrying the pot of boiling water over to the sink, I knew I wouldn't be hearing any more until we sat down to eat. Which was fine. Because just that reassurance was enough to set me completely at ease. And I watched steam rise from the sink as Mads strained the pasta—what looked to be spaghetti—then glanced back at Mum as she set the table behind me, feeling somewhat out of place in my own kitchen, but happy to be there regardless.
"I think we're in the way, little one," I said to Lila, loud enough for Mads and Mum to hear. When they both chuckled but didn't answer, I kept talking to her. "Let's go wait on the couch, shall we? Yeah," I said, rounding the counter and nearly bumping into Mum as I headed for the next room. "Let's go."
I sat Lila up in my lap once I was comfortable, smiling down at those big blue eyes and cooing at her until I got her gummy grin in return. And then a giggle. And then more giggles when I pressed loud kisses to her little cheeks and lips and neck. She was squirming with glee by the time I was done, and I glanced over to find Mum and Mads standing over the stove—Mum watching whatever Mads was doing as she stirred things together.
My heart warmed at the sight, at the way I caught their smiles in profile, and the soft lilt of their voices and laughter. It was such a comfort to have Mum here to begin with, but to know that she'd brought some level of comfort to Mads, too, was just—it was an indescribable feeling of relief.
"How were they today, my girl? Hm?" I asked Lila, keeping my voice soft. She stared at me, her long lashes dark around those alert eyes. "You didn't give them too much trouble, did you?"
She only reached forward and lightly slapped my mouth in response, smiling and gurgling a little bit. And I marveled at the way I understood what she was trying to say, laughed because I knew what she wanted, and leaned forward again, blowing loud kisses into her skin until she was giggling once more.
"Alright," Mads said, loudly enough for me to hear. I glanced over to find her setting a large bowl down in the middle of the table. "Dinner's on," she said with a smile in my direction.
"Okay," I said, standing and hiking Lila up into my arms again. "I'm starving."
"Of course you are." Mads giggled a little as Mum brought over a jug of water, placing her hand on Madelyn's back as she set the water down. Mads dished out the pasta.
"What'd you make?" I asked, noting that it looked different from anything she'd made before. Excited because she hadn't made anything in a while. But I tried to sound casual about it.
"It's called Cacio e Pepe," Mads said, smiling as she handed me a steaming plate. "Or pasta with lots of parmesan cheese and black pepper. I tossed some arugula in, too."
With Lila in my lap, I stared down at the plate of gooey-looking pasta and my mouth watered. "New recipe?"
Mum sipped from a glass of wine I hadn't seen her with before and gripped my shoulder as she sat beside me. "She looked it up this afternoon."
"I wanted to try something different," Mads said, sitting down on my other side after dishing some out for Mum and herself. "I've had this before, but I haven't ever made it myself, so here's hoping it's good."
"Looks delicious," Mum said, and Mads made a small noise of alarm before glancing behind her and standing up, heading back to the stove.
"Harry, want some wine?" she asked over her shoulder, reaching for a half-full glass I hadn't noticed on the counter beside the stove.
"Uh, sure," I said, looking to Mom and raising my brows. She only crinkled hers and twirled her spaghetti against a spoon in response.
"How is it?" Mads asked, coming to stand beside me as she placed an empty glass in front of my plate and poured me some wine.
"Oh," I said, reaching for my fork, twirling sort of helplessly and hoping I didn't drop a forkful of spaghetti onto Lila's head trying to get it into my mouth. "Hang on—"
"Delicious," Mum exclaimed as Mads sat again, setting the bottle of wine down on the table.
"Yeah?" Mads asked, a pleased smile on her face as I shoved the forkful I finally managed to get into my mouth. "Not too much pepper?"
"Mm," I mumbled, chewing emphatically for no one else but myself. "So good," I said over a mouthful of the cheesy pasta.
"Good," Mads said, still smiling as she dug into her own plate. "It was so easy, too. Definitely adding this to my repertoire."
She took a much more delicate mouthful than I did, and was chewing thoughtfully when Mum said, "I'll be adding it to mine as well."
"Mm," I swallowed my bite, reaching for my wine as Lila reached for my plate. I used my other hand to control her wandering hands. "You didn't have to cook, you know."
I said it carefully. With only some hesitation. But I felt the need to say it. Because these last several weeks—maybe even the last month—we'd ordered in more than she'd cooked. And I wasn't trying to suggest that I minded takeaway all the time, because I didn't, and I knew Mads had enough to do, enough to worry about without having to worry about getting dinner on the table.
So, I didn't mind it at all. But... it did worry me a bit that she wasn't cooking anymore. Years ago when we'd met, Mads didn't really cook at all. Nothing that didn't come out of a can or box, anyway. But when her father died, when she'd moved back home with her mother, that had changed, of course. She'd started cooking out of necessity. And in recent years, she seemed to really develop a liking for it. Now, I knew she truly enjoyed finding new recipes and experimenting with the ones she already knew by heart.
Which was why it had been a little worrying that she'd stopped cooking almost completely the last few weeks beyond heating a can of soup or throwing together a salad.
And I would never demand she make us a meal. I was perfectly capable of doing that if I really wanted to—if she asked me to. And I didn't want her to think that I wanted her to cook for me every night if I mentioned the fact that she hadn't been. So, I hadn't said a word. My only concern was that I knew she enjoyed cooking, and didn't seem to want to anymore. So, this—tonight...
It meant the world to me that she'd found it somewhere within herself to make something for us tonight.
"I know," Mads said, looking down at her plate somewhat shyly—like she knew what I was suggesting and was trying to determine the best way to circumvent my point. "But I wanted to." She stuck a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth and looked up, a light in her eyes. "And I've been dying to try my hand at this for a while," she said over her mouthful, leading both of us to chuckle.
And my heart was lighter than it had been in weeks. Even lighter than it had been this last week, since her day out with Glenne.
"It really is delicious," Mum said, lifting her wine glass towards Mads. "And now that we're all together, I just want to thank you both for having me. I've missed all three of you so much these last couple of months, and it means everything to me to be here with you now. Especially to see this little one, who's quickly becoming not-so-little anymore," Mum said, reaching over to run a finger down Lila's soft cheek—Lila, who was being exceptionally good so far this meal.
"So, thank you," she went on, looking us both in the eye, her gaze soft and loving as ever. "I love you all. And thank you, Maddie, for this amazing meal."
"Of course," Mads said, her gaze, her smile, soft as well. "We're so happy you're here."
We clinked glasses, all smiling. And then the conversation took off. Mads and Mum filled me in on what they'd been up to all day. Mum had insisted on taking the baby this morning, allowing Mads a couple more hours of sleep and time for a shower. Then, they all went out for a walk at a nearby park, and no one seemed to bat an eye at their appearance. After the walk, they'd stopped at a deli for some lunch and brought it back home. The baby slept a good bit, so they'd had time to talk, and the rest of the time they spent playing with Lila when she was awake.
It sounded so nice, I wished sort of desperately that I had been here, too. Especially since, for most of the day, I'd been sitting in a makeup chair, getting decorated with cuts and bruises that seemed to smear with every take and required constant touching up.
And so I told them that the scenes we'd filmed were a lot of fun—a couple fight scenes and the bit towards the end of every action movie where it seems like the good guys aren't going to win. We'd been training for those scenes for weeks, so it felt really good to finally play them out.
Still—and I didn't say this part—I was sure being here would've been more fun.
I offered to do the dishes when we were done. Mum had already taken Lila off my hands at some point during the meal, and Mads had done all the cooking, so I felt like I wanted to do something to contribute.
So, I watched them head into the next room as I collected their plates. Mum was cooing to Lila, who was giggling in her arms, and Mads reached for the remote, turning towards the television to put something on for them to watch.
And everything about me that seemed to move at hyper-speed from the moment I woke up in the morning, slowed. Eased. Relaxed. Warmed—at the way my daughter's laughter filled the room, at the comforting sound of my mother's delighted voice, eager to continue pleasing her granddaughter, and the way Mads looked at both of them as she settled in beside them on the couch—her smile soft, content, and completely worry-free.
She glanced my way, then, and only her gaze made me realize that I was standing, frozen, at the table, unable to stop watching the women I loved love each other.
Mads' smile barely faltered before it stretched, and there was such love in her eyes that my heart stuttered.
I smiled back, more eager than I was before to get these dishes done. Because once they were, it meant I could join my family and relax with them.
So, I tried not to feel regretful as I hurried to load the dishwasher. Tried not to beat myself up once more over my decision to return to work so soon after Lila was born, leaving Mads to handle everything by herself. Because things were feeling okay again. Better than okay.
Just as I hoped they would.
Once the table and stove were clear and the dishwasher running, I dried my hands on a dish towel and turned around, ready to head inside and be with my family. Things had gone quiet in the fifteen or so minutes it had taken me to clean up, but with the television playing softly in the background and the sound of the sink running, I'd hardly noticed.
But I couldn't help but stare at the sight before me as I walked towards them. Mum with a content and awake Lila in her arms, and my beautiful wife, curled up asleep against my mother's shoulder.
Mum's blue eyes found mine when she looked over, and with a smile, she said nothing, did nothing but shrug my way.
And I grinned back.
It was such a comfort—all of it. Having her here, not just for me, but for Mads, for my baby. Knowing that they were just as comforted by her presence as I was. Knowing how much they loved her, how much she loved them, and—
Something inside me wanted to curl up beside her, too. Still. Even though I was nearly thirty years old. And I wondered if I'd ever lose that feeling. If I'd ever look at the woman who'd given me life and not seek comfort from her.
I hoped it would never happen. And I loved how naturally it seemed that Mads and Lila—my own little family—felt the same way.
So, I was more than happy to be the one left out of their little love-fest, and went straight for the armchair instead, loath to disturb them.
Mum was smiling herself when I'd settled in, and shook her head a little when I met her gaze again, then glanced to my sleeping wife and to my alert, but quiet baby, nestled up against her, content to suck on her dummy and observe the world around her.
Neither of us said a word for the next half hour.
But we were both so happy, we didn't have to.
It was Lila who woke Mads up.
When she started fussing in Mum's arms, I had the thought that it was incredible it had taken this long. But I shot forward in my seat, ready to grab her and walk into the other room to keep her from waking her mummy. But when Mum tried to shush her, wincing as Mads stirred beside her, I knew there was no way to prevent it.
"'S'wrong?" Mads mumbled, her eyelids still heavy as she sat up. She rubbed them, searching for the sound, and found Lila in Mum's arms.
"Sorry," Mum said, trying to get the dummy back into Lila's mouth, still wincing as Lila's cries grew louder. "I think she might be hungry. It's been a few hours."
Mads nodded, still-half asleep as she sat up and reached for the baby. She had no qualms about lifting her shirt in front of Mum, and Lila latched on quickly, so all went quiet almost at once. And Mads leaned her head back on the couch, her eyes growing more alert by the moment before she asked, "What are we watching?"
The evening was quiet after that. Lila fell asleep not too long after eating, and the three of us stayed up watching the end of "27 Dresses" before Mum announced it was time for her to head to bed.
Mads and I followed shortly after.
And I was already dreading tomorrow.
Just over two months into this film, and I was ready to be done. Ready for all of it to be over so that I could spend my time where I really wanted to spend it—here with my wife and daughter.
Mum being here made lots of things easier. For Mads, especially. And for me because I knew Mads wasn't alone. But in a different way, Mum's presence was making things harder for me, too. Because it was making me wish I was here all the more.
It wasn't often I got to see her. Spend time with her. Since my career began, I was lucky if I got to spend a few weeks with her a year. That hadn't really changed in recent years. I was splitting my time between England and America even when Mads and I weren't together. And now that we were married, I didn't make it home as often as I would've liked to.
So, having her here was wonderful, but it was also a constant reminder of how much time I didn't get to spend with her, how much I'd miss while she was here, and how much I regretted all the time I'd spent away from her in the past.
"Everything okay?"
I was lying on our bed, propped up against the headboard, and looked up to find Mads staring at me, already in her pajamas—an old t-shirt of mine, a gray pair of underwear. Nothing else.
I hadn't even heard her come out of the bathroom.
"Yeah," I said with a nod, drinking her in—her hair was down, falling in soft waves around her freshly-washed face, her legs were pale in the dark room, and her feet were bare. I smiled, something easing in me at the sight of her. "Just thinking."
There was a crook to her brow then that told me she knew there was more to it than that.
"About what?" she asked pointedly, a smile forming on her face as she moved closer to the bed.
I didn't answer right away, sensing what was about to happen—what she was about to do. So, when she confirmed my suspicions and climbed over me, seating herself in my lap with a grin, I responded with one of my own.
"Nothing important," I said, sliding my hands up her thighs, feeling the warmth of her leak into me, still totally aware of our sleeping baby in her crib just a few feet away.
Mads lifted my chin with a finger. Made me look straight into her eyes. Her smile had softened. "Tell me."
Mads adjusted herself so that she was situated even closer to me, so that her hands slid up my chest to rest on my shoulders. So that I could feel each breath, cool against my face.
I sighed, glancing down at my hands again where they rested on her bare thighs. "Just—I was thinking about how much I'm missing. How much I have missed. With you, with Lila, with Mum..."
When I didn't continue, her hands cupped my neck, and she tipped my chin up again with her thumbs.
"You're doing what you love, Harry," she said, her blue eyes wide and earnest. "And we're always right here waiting for you when—"
"I know," I said quickly, but didn't know what else to say. How else to explain. Because there was nothing I could do about any of it now. "I know."
It wasn't just that I wasn't around to see Mum, or that I couldn't remember what it was like before my career became the biggest part of my life. It was this—her. Mads and I had started our lives together. And after enough heartache, we'd brought another life into the world. And now—now it felt like I couldn't be there for her the way I truly wanted to be. For Lila, either. I was scared that the amount of time I had to spend with both of them wasn't enough. That if there was something more that was wrong, I would miss it.
"But..." she prodded.
I looked into her eyes, debated telling her how worried I'd been, how scared I still was that something was wrong. But there was a clarity to her gaze that told me nothing was. A clarity that had been there since last week, when she'd had her day out with Glenne.
It was okay now, I'd been telling myself. We'd figured out what was wrong—Mads had to get out more, that was all. And now that Mum was here... things were already better.
Mads was here with me now, after all. And I wasn't about to waste this time by tainting it with tension.
"But nothing," I said, gripping one of her hands to kiss it before letting both of mine fall to her thighs again. I leaned my head back against the headboard so I could look into her eyes once more. And I smiled a bit, but there was still worry etched into the crease of her brow, concern flooding her eyes. Like she knew I was holding back.
But rather than say anything more, she took a deep breath and leaned forward, her hands holding my head steady as she brushed her lips against my forehead. I breathed her in, let my hands travel to her waist under the material of her shirt to feel the soft heat of her skin.
After the first lingering kiss, Mads dragged her lips across my skin to my temple, pressing another gentle, patient kiss there. Then to my brow. Then to the bridge of my nose, and my other temple. Then each eyelid. The tip of my nose. One cheek. The other—so slowly, so patiently, that by the time she reached the corner of my mouth, then the other, my chest had welled with emotion.
And I remembered. Remembered that night only last year, remembered what I'd done my best to forget. When everything had felt wrong, but—but had slowly started to come together again.
Mads didn't kiss my lips. She pulled back to look into my eyes. Hers were still full of concern, but also full of love. Reassurance.
Whatever it was, those kisses seemed to say—whatever it was, we would get through it.
We would always get through it.
One hand back to resting on her thigh, I reached up with the other, cupped her cheek, ran my thumb along her bottom lip, and felt a tear fall from one eye. Because what she'd just done, the memories it brought back, what those kisses meant—
I remembered the feeling. She didn't know what was wrong, she didn't know where it hurt, she didn't know what was broken or how to fix it, and she wouldn't force me to tell her. But she was piecing me together anyway, in the only way she knew how.
When Mads saw that tear fall, she kissed it away, her lips patient still as they traveled over, over, over until they met mine.
She moved her mouth over mine with such diligence, like we had all the time in the world. I felt myself grow hard with each pass of her tongue, with each pass of her hands over my already-bare chest, with each small, but steady shift of her hips over mine, with each shared gasp of breath.
I didn't know how long we stayed that way, kissing, creating the most delicious friction between us, but we broke only so that I could tear her t-shirt off her, so that she was bare before me, breathlessly kissing me still as she sat up on her knees, pulled my boxers down just enough...
Something like a sigh worked it's way out of my mouth when she sunk down onto me, when I lost myself in her. I wrapped my arms around her, gripped her from behind as she moved, as she took me inside. She stopped kissing me only to look right into my eyes, curling her hair behind her ear as she breathed, as she rose up, and sunk back down. Again and again and again.
She moved slowly enough that I could savor every sensation, not just the physical ones. The heat of her, the wetness, the tight grip she had on me—all of those things were familiar, but no less of a turn on than they'd ever been. But this went beyond that. It was the way she was looking at me, like...
Like she could see every bit of me, and even though she didn't understand, even though I wouldn't tell her whatever it was that was bothering me, she wanted every bit of me to know that no matter what, she loved me.
It meant more than she could've known. It meant—well, it meant everything.
Because not only was she here now, but it made me think that maybe, just maybe... everything really was okay.
Her breathing grew heavier quickly, and when I leaned forward, took a nipple into my mouth, let my hands travel up her back, her hands reached up into my hair, held me closer. And her movements sped up.
Tiny noises squeaked out of her, and I knew that she was trying to be quiet. We'd gotten good at it since Lila was born—finding each other in the dark, joining together with quiet breaths and whispered words of love before channeling release into a series of long breaths or moans muffled into a pillow or bit into sweaty skin. And with Lila asleep in her crib just a few feet away and Mum in a room only a few doors down, we were as quiet, as careful as ever.
I could sense from her movements that she was getting close—they grew less rhythmic and more frantic. Her eyes were closed, her bottom lip was tucked between her teeth, her focus totally on the sensation as she rose and fell, rose and fell, rose and fell.
So, her eyes flew open when I gripped her hips, when I lifted her and started thrusting into her, hard, fast—fast enough that she made a rather loud sound of approval that startled me and made me shift us over so that she was on her back.
With a better angle now, I continued, and I knew it wouldn't be long. Her legs clamped around me, her hands reached into my hair, held my forehead close to hers as I braced myself on my arms and thrust into her. Once, twice—
A long whine a second later, and the tightening of her walls around me was enough to send me over the edge not long afterwards.
Sweaty, panting, the tremors rocked through me as I spilled myself inside her. And only after it was over did I tune into the sound of her breath again, the rapid rise and fall of her chest beneath mine, the feel of her lips on the side of my face, brushing kiss after kiss to my heated skin.
"Mm," she mumbled, the satisfied sound so beautiful, I pulled back to look down at her. She stared at me, the blue of her eyes bright in our otherwise dark bedroom. The cool air stood in stark contrast to the moisture on my body as I shifted my hips a little, still seated deep inside her.
She touched my face. Reached up, touched her lips to mine.
And it was this kiss, after all the others—this soft, gentle, loving kiss—that made me truly pause.
So that when she looked into my eyes again, I could truly understand.
Mads smiled. And no matter what my regrets told me, everything really was okay.
___
Author's Note:
Sorry this is coming to you a bit late today! But I hope you enjoyed it anyway. We needed a nice calm chapter after that last one, I think. Something to put all of us at ease again :) And I hope the last chapter has given you a better sense of what's underlying everything Harry and Mads are up to in H's chapters!
Let me know what you think if you have a second! I'm behind on comments again, but I'm hoping to get to the last couple chapters this coming week, and I can't wait! This'll be a short note today--after a long day, I'll be heading out again in a little while--but before I go, don't forget that "Trace the Edges" is on sale for $1.99 as an eBook from now until April 30th, so if you haven't already gotten your copy, don't miss this deal!!
I love you guys sooooo much! Thank you, as always, for your incredible support. These stories would be nothing without you <3
Until next time. xx