The next morning I wake up to Awsten trying to climb over me.
"What the fuck are you doing?", I groan, still tired.
"Trying to get out of my bunk but there happens to be a girl in the way."
"I would've never guessed."
I get out of the warm bunk and go to the lounge, where Geoff and Otto are sitting on a couch watching a tv show.
"Morning, sunshine.", Geoff smiles at me.
I grunt in response, making myself a cup of coffee.
I rely on coffee so much, one cup won't do anything. But E for effort, right?
"What are you doing today?", Otto asks, joining me at the table.
"I have to call Kellin about the collab and then I have to take Grayson to see his dad.", i say.
"Why would he want to see him?", Awsten asks walking out of the back room.
"I have no idea, but he does."
"Do you want someone to go with? In case he tries anything?", Otto asks.
I decline, "Nah, he won't in public. He was always a little bitch like that."
"Are you sure you don't want someone to go so you don't hurt him? You sound angry.", Geoff points out.
"I hate him, but I won't hurt him. Not in front of Gray, anyway. But what are you guy's doing today?"
"Nothing other than the show.", Awsten says and the two agree with him.
Before anyone else can say anything, he speaks up again, "You play summoners war? Loser."
He's messing around with my phone.
"I have a sudden urge to dump my coffee all over you but Otto and Geoff worked so hard getting the first stain out so I won't."
"Sure.", he rolls his eyes.
I stand up with my coffee and walk over to him.
He immediately gets up and starts running away from me.
So I don't spill it everywhere, I place my coffee on the counter and continue to run after him.
He ends up towering over me as I'm against the wall.
"Got you.", he smiles cheesily.
I kiss his jaw while running my hands through his hair.
Once he puts his arms down from around me, I make a break for it.
I start laughing as I'm running away, which causes him to laugh.
"You're such a tease.", he says finally catching up.
"You love it.", I smile at him.
He rolls his eyes at me.
There's a knock on the door.
I go into the bathroom and begin getting ready for the day.
"Who is it?", Geoff asks.
"Jack.", I hear a dull voice say.
"Come in."
It sounds like the door opens.
"Hey man.", Awsten says.
"Hey, have you guys seen Nova?", he asks.
"Yeah she's in the bathroom."
Not even a second later there's a knock on it.
"Hey, uh, dollface. Need to talk to you."
"If it isn't Prince Charming. What's up?", i say turning the doorknob so he comes in.
He closes it behind him, "Jim is here."
"What?", i ask him to repeat himself so I know I heard him right.
"Jim is waiting outside of our bus for you and Gray."
I begin to panic slightly.
"What did he say?"
"He said he's here to see you and Gray. He wants to take you to a diner down the street to catch up. Gray said he'd go with but I refused to let him without you.", he explains.
"Thank you.", I shoot him a quick smile and walk into the lounge.
If they never payed attention to anything I said, Grayson would be with his dad right now. That's one thing I'm thankful for.
"Hey uh, I have to go. Family stuff. But I'll see y'all after the show. Hopefully.", I walk up to Geoff and Otto and give them a hug.
"Where are you going?", Awsten asks frowning.
"I'll talk to you about it later, right now I have to go. I love you guys.", I kiss Awsten.
"I love you too."
"Love you too."
Jack holds my arm as we walk out of the bus, attempting to comfort me.
I love my friends.
As soon as he comes into my sight, my fists ball up.
"Listen, he is not worth going to jail. Just focus on what you're doing.", Jack tells me.
"A punch isn't worth it, but what if I fuck him up really bad? I think it'd be worth it."
Jack doesn't say anything, instead he leads me past Jim and onto the bus.
He turns around and hugs me.
I'm confused at first, but once all of the feelings rush in I understand that he's trying to comfort me.
Everything from my teen years is flashing in front of me, all of the pain and the hurt he caused.
"Is everything okay?", Alex asks walking into the room.
As soon as he asks that my eyes start swelling up with tears.
He quickly walks over to me and wipes them away, "No crying, okay? He isn't worth it. You've become so much more than he told you that you would and you're still moving up. You know what it's like to be loved and you can express yourself in a way that doesn't shoot hatred. You're okay now."
Instead of saying anything I wrap my arms around him and cry quietly into his chest for a minute or two.
Alex picks my chin up and asks, "you okay? you can do this, he is just one big pile of shit in your way."
I nod, "Thank you."
"Of course.", he wipes away my last tears, "Now, go out there and show him how much better you are."
I stand up and walk out of the door.
"Finally. It's like trying to talk to Taylor Swift around here.", he says chuckling.
"What do you want?"
"I want to spend time with my kids. There's a place down the street and I want to talk and reconnect, you know? We didn't get off on the right foot."
I try to hold back my anger but fail, "I am not your daughter, and although Grayson may be your biological son, you are no father to him. Getting off on the wrong foot is something along the lines of eating someone else's food, not hitting them and tormenting a family who had already been through enough."
"Nova I am sorry for the things I've done. I just want to explain everything and reconnect. That is all I'm asking from you."
I scoff, "Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it. I'll ask Grayson and if he wants to I'll go."
Grayson beats me to the door and opens it.
"Do you want to go down the street with him and eat?"
"I guess so.", he shrugs.
Suddenly I wish a car would come flying out of no where and hit me.
Why would he say that?
I truly, honestly, 100% do not have any interest in going to this diner with him.
But there's no way in hell am I leaving him alone with Grayson.
"Fine. Wait out here, Grayson come with me. We're going to tell them where we're going.", i say walking into the bus and Grayson follows me.
"He decided that he wants to go out to eat with him. So I guess we're going. We're walking to that restaurant right down the street."
"What if something happens? The show starts in 30 minutes.", Jack asks.
"I'll text.", i say, kinda worried.
They agree and we say our goodbyes.
"I love you guys."
"We love you too.", they say almost in sync as we walk outside.
"We're walking.", i say so there's no reason for me or Grayson to get in his car.
"Okay.", he clears his throat, "So, Gray, how are you?"
"I'm okay. How are you?", Gray answers. I don't know how he's so polite.
"I'm okay.", he slightly smiles.
The rest of the short walk we drown in silence.
Once we get to the diner, we get out table and order drinks.
"How's tour going?", Jim asks.
I decide to give being decent a try, "It's been the best tour I've been on."
"Why's that?", he asks, probably not caring at all.
"I made new friends and I met my boyfriend."
"Oh, that Awsten kid. Is he nice?"
"How do you know his name?", i ask curiously, "and very."
"Just because you hate me doesn't mean I have to hate you. I read your interviews and stuff. And good."
I hate this. I feel bad for hating him but I'm not going to stop hating him. He hurt us.
"Right. So, uh. Gray has really good grades right now.", I change the subject.
"Oh yeah? What do you have?", He asks him.
"A's and B's.", Grayson explains.
"Great job.", he smiles.
I want to go home.
"Have you met anybody?", i ask, wanting to know if he's dating again.
"No. You guys probably don't want to hear this but, I'm still in love with your mom. I know she'll never take me back but I can't help how I feel."
I ask the question we all want to know, "Why are you here? You hit us, screamed at us, almost killed us, so why are you here?"
He sighs, "Look, I was going through a hard time. I got drunk all the time to try to ignore it but it never went away until I dealt with it sober. I never meant to hurt anyone."
Grayson stays quiet, he looks upset.
I grow angry but keep my cool.
"And you think we weren't? I just lost my dad and she just lost her husband. She married you to try to regrow our family and you destroyed us even more. Not only do I still have the image of my father dead in the middle of the street, but I remember all the times I hid from you, all the times I cried myself to sleep or hurt myself, and I remember all of the times you hurt Gray and mom. Your problems are not an excuse to go around and make everybody miserable. If it were, i'd be allowed to kill anybody I want to. But here I am, talking to you and taking my little brother in because nothing in his life is stable."
"I understand everything you're saying and I'm terribly sorry but I just need you to give me a second chance.", he gives me a short, unmeaningful answer.
"And if we did, what the fuck would you want me to do?"
"Ask your mom to give me a second chance.", he says.
I scoff, "So you just wanted to make amends with us to get into her pants? You're disgusting."
Grayson stands up and whispers in my ear, "I'm gonna go outside. I don't want to be here anymore."
"I love her."
"No. You just want to use her. You won't get a job, you won't take your meds, you won't take care of the house, and you sure as hell won't help Grayson. I am not a fucking messenger and you just lost your second chance.", I stand up and walk outside.
Grayson holds my hand as we walk back to the buses.
I have never felt more alone.
He was using us to get to her.
He never cared.
As soon as we get on the bus I burst into tears.
"What's wrong?", Grayson asks, sitting down on a couch in front of me.
"I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean?", he asks panicking. I feel bad for scaring him but I can't hold this in anymore.
"I can't fucking do this. I can't deal with him and I miss my dad and the image never goes away. I'm scared everyone's going to leave me and I'm scared for what happens between me and Awsten after the tour. He lives in Texas and I won't be able to fly down there a lot. I feel so isolated and with everything happening at home I just can't do this. I want to give up.", I rant. There's no way I would tell anybody else all of this. I trust ATL and Parx with all of my heart but I know they would tell each other in attempts to help me. I don't want to be the walking sad freak.
"Tomorrow we will be out of this state and he will be hours away. I know you miss your dad and I'm sorry. I would do anything to get him back for you. If anyone deserves to be happy it's you, Nova. You take care of everyone, even me. Even after all of time we spent not talking. I'm so sorry that nobody ever notices how sad you are. They were too busy worrying about me to realize that you're the one who needs somebody. I'm so sorry.", he begins tearing up while he hugs me.
We just sit there and cry for a good 15 minutes.
Our eyes are puffy, our noses are red, and our voices are stuffy so I make us tea.
"Nova open the fucking door!", he voice rings out as he bangs on the door angrily.
He's pissed and he's coming after me again.
It's never going to end.
Along with the already locked door, I turn on the passcode. He'll need the correct passcode and the key to get in.
I lock all of the windows and bring a blanket into the bathroom, where Gray and I sit against the wall, listening to music and playing games on our phones.
We end up falling asleep in a tiny bathroom.