|22| - "We hooked up." -
Groups of excited friends filled the streets of London, some of them already stumbling from having started their drinking earlier on in the day. Stone cold sober, I bobbed on the spot and rubbed at my arms in an attempt to beat the chill of the icy wind that battered my freshly-straightened hair.
"Where the hell is he?" I said under my breath.
Nathan stepped up behind me and pulled his coat around my body, enveloping me in warmth. I smiled as I leaned back against his chest, temporarily forgetting my frustrations.
"He'll be here soon," Nathan said. "The trains are probably busy."
When Jack finally did emerge from around the corner of the street, his unhappy expression stood out among all the joyful faces of our fellow Londoners.
He rolled his eyes when he caught sight of Nathan and me huddling together. "Let's get this shit over and done with," he said, striding past us towards Jess' street.
"Excuse me." I caught up with him. "Nathan and I didn't have to wait in the freezing cold for you. Try being a little more grateful that we risked hypothermia for the sake of saving you from this horrible awkward encounter that you're convinced is going to happen."
"She doesn't talk to me anymore, Izzy. I couldn't turn up to her house alone. What if nobody else is there yet?"
"Then it would've given you the chance to talk things through properly," Nathan said.
I smiled. "That's exactly what I said the other day."
"I don't need you two ganging up on me, as well," Jack replied.
Grabbing his wrist, I stopped him from storming straight past her front door. Then I slipped my fingers through his and gave his hand a comforting squeeze.
"It'll be fine. I promise," I said.
He forced a smile. "Thanks."
I released his hand and trotted up the steps to knock on her door. There was a long pause and I was about to knock again when it opened to reveal Jess with one hand on the door and the other one holding up a dress against her body.
"Shit," she said when she noticed Jack.
He frowned. "Nice to see you, too."
"No, I meant... Izzy, can you help me, please? I'm having zip issues."
When she turned to step around the corner, away from the door, a flash of her bare back was visible where she couldn't do up her zip. After she'd disappeared out of view, I glanced at Jack, whose eyes were transfixed on where she'd been standing.
"You've got no shame," I said under my breath, shoving my bag against his chest until he returned to his senses and grabbed it from me. "Go and make yourself a drink while I help."
Jess was still struggling by herself when I caught up with her, muttering about the dress' stupid design and dysfunctional zip.
"I don't usually wear strapless," she said to me, "and it's literally impossible to hold the dress up with one hand and do the zip with the other. Every time I let go, it slides back down the bottom and I have to start again."
"Jess, relax," I said, taking hold of the zip and easing it up the tracking. "You're going to be a great host."
"Yeah, I'm sure everyone will think that if I greet them at the door in just my underwear."
"Your dignity is intact. The dress covered most of you." While not strictly true, I could tell she wouldn't be so stressed about a zip if she wasn't already anxious about the evening ahead, and I didn't want to make it worse for her.
"Jack probably thinks I'm really rude. I didn't notice him there with you at first else I wouldn't have opened the door in the state that I was."
I chuckled. "And there was me thinking you were serious about that threesome and were hoping to start planting seeds in Nathan's head."
That seemed to relieve her worrying somewhat as she let out a short laugh. With the zip fully up, I stepped back and let Jess adjust the dress herself.
"You look amazing," I told her. And that was completely true.
The strapless bodycon dress hugged her, accentuating every curve in her petite body. It was intended as a statement, I could tell, backed up by the towering shoes that she slid her feet into.
"If you can't dress up on New Year's Eve then when can you?" she said.
Nathan and Jack were chatting in the kitchen when we re-joined them, and Jess wasted no time in striding over to greet them properly. Confidence oozed from every pore of her body and I felt proud of my best friend for putting on such a brave face during such a difficult time in her life.
"So that's what it's supposed to look like," Nathan said as he returned her hug. "Quite a difference, but I think I prefer it this way."
"Oh, shut up," she said, but she failed to hide her amused smile. "If I'd known there was a whole audience outside then I wouldn't have opened the damn door."
After releasing Nathan from her embrace, she immediately reached to hug Jack. His hand rested on the small of her back, but his tense body language told a different story to hers.
"Sorry for what I said," she told him as she stepped back and tugged the hem of her dress down. "I didn't mean for it to come across as me not being happy to see you. It was just because of the dress."
He forced a smile which didn't reach his eyes. "It's fine. No offence taken. Nathan's right; you look amazing."
Because Nathan completely lacked tact, he was quick to refute Jack's comment. "That's not quite what I said, mate."
I glared at him, but Nathan didn't seem to notice that he wasn't helping the situation between our two close friends.
"Anyway," Jess said in a bright and breezy voice. "Who wants a drink? Because I've had a shit year and I sure as hell need one."
Jess had always been bright, and this was no exception. She knew she couldn't ignore the elephant in the room, so she'd decided to address it directly instead.
A couple of her university friends were the next to arrive, and Louisa was fashionably late. Jack latched onto her like a child who'd been reunited with his mother after a stressful episode of getting lost in a supermarket. She didn't seem to mind.
As the drinks flowed, everyone relaxed into the evening. Jess tipped back shots with Katie and Helen while Louisa and Jack engaged in some deep discussion about something that one of them had seen on Instagram.
Nathan and I were cuddled in a large armchair, still enjoying the honeymoon period that came with making up after an argument as we kissed and flirted. Then I engaged him in a deep discussion of our own.
"Have you ever had a threesome?"
He nearly spat out his drink, his eyes widening as he gaped at me. The hand that had been sliding along my thigh froze just beneath the hem of my skirt, as if forgetting its purpose.
"Are you asking because you're curious or because you want one?"
I laughed and ran a hand through his hair, enjoying that I'd caught him off-guard when he was usually so calm and collected. Keen to see how far I could play along, I continued.
"What would you say if I did want one?"
His response was instantaneous. "I'd say you're lying."
"What makes you so sure?"
In the mere seconds that had passed since bringing it up, Nathan had gathered himself together and reverted to his usual easiness.
"Because," he said, sliding his hand further up my thigh and moving his mouth to my ear, "we've had many discussions about fantasies and that has never been one of yours." When his fingers toyed at the edge of my underwear, it was my turn to lose my cool as I shivered against his teasing touch. "But this on the other hand..."
I grabbed his wrist. "Not here."
"Bottling it?"
There was a hint of a challenge in his tone, one that revved me up, especially when I could feel how turned on he was, too.
"Not at all. But we're around my best friends. We're not doing that here."
"Fair enough. So how about we tick off a different one instead?"
"Are you just avoiding my question?"
He sighed, his face turning serious. That expression alone told me everything I needed to know, but Nathan spoke the words aloud anyway.
"Yes, I have. No, only once. Yes, it was my idea. No, I wouldn't do it with you. Why? Because firstly I don't want to share you and secondly you give me everything I want so there's nothing else it would add for me."
I smirked at his attempt to answer any potential future questions in one go so that the conversation would end quicker.
"You're very efficient," I said.
"I like to think I'm efficient in all areas of my life."
"I'm inclined to agree."
He closed the distance between our mouths but rather than kissing me, he nipped lightly at my lower lip and said, "Sneak upstairs with me and I'll prove it beyond doubt..."
I glanced around the room to see if anyone would notice. Jess was dancing with Louisa and Helen, whilst Jack was chatting to Katie in the kitchen.
"We'll have to be quick," I said to Nathan.
"Hence the efficient part..."
I grinned and slid off his knee, making a beeline for the stairs. If anyone noticed, they didn't call after us.
"Bathroom," I said, pulling him inside and locking the door after us.
Demonstrating that efficiency, Nathan's fingers were instantly between my legs, leaving me gasping against the door as he worked to release me from the aching tension that had been building throughout the evening. I fought to stay quiet as my body convulsed, waves of pleasure rippling throughout my body.
When I dropped to my knees to allow Nathan his own release, I became aware of voices outside the door.
"...passive aggressiveness really doesn't suit you," Jack said.
"I just don't know how to act around you." Jess' frustrated cry echoed around the landing and I looked up to meet Nathan's eyes.
They were still full of desire, yet an understanding passed between us that we should stop-not just because we were seconds from being caught, but also because it was inappropriate given that our two friends were having an argument mere metres away.
"You can try just being yourself. I liked that person a lot, you know."
"Even though she randomly stopped talking to you?"
"I get why you did it. You had a boyfriend and you had to be loyal to him."
"You didn't care about my boyfriend when you were sending me those messages a few months ago, the ones about how much you wanted us to be together."
Nathan's mouth dropped open, stunning him for the second time that evening. He wasn't the only person shocked into silence.
"Did you know about that?" he asked me.
I shook my head. Jess had never told me that things between her and Jack had become so intense. No wonder he'd felt awkward about coming tonight.
"I cared about you. You weren't happy with him. If you were, then you wouldn't have spent so much time messaging me and you definitely wouldn't have sent me that photo last summer."
My stomach dropped. No. Jess wouldn't do that. She wouldn't send Jack photos when she was still with Alex.
"You promised you wouldn't bring up that photo," Jess said. "I told you it was an accident, meant for someone else."
"Yeah, a very convenient accident."
"If I'm such a bad person, then why did you come tonight, Jack?"
"I never said you were a bad person. I'm just saying that I care about you and I know you care about me, too, so why are we acting like two people who can't be in the same room as each other?"
"Because every time I look at you, I feel guilt." Her voice came out rushed, as if she needed to say the harsh words to him but felt bad doing so.
"Guilt because I caused your break-up?"
"You didn't cause it, Jack. That was all me. My decisions, my behaviour. I feel guilty because even though it's ended, I'm still attracted to you. And that's not right. I should hate the sight of you. I shouldn't want to be around you, craving your company and your stupid jokes. I shouldn't feel the way I feel, when I've just come out of a long-term relationship. It's not fair."
"Not fair on Alex?"
"Not fair on you."
"Jess..."
Jack's voice was quieter, and I realised I was straining against the door to listen. I caught myself doing it and recoiled, feeling guilty for eavesdropping on their conversation. Nathan shook his head at me and I threw my hands out in frustration.
"What do we do?" I said in a hushed tone. "We're trapped in here!"
"Flush the toilet or something," he suggested.
"And then both of us walk out together?"
"You got a better idea?"
I didn't have a better idea. Whilst I didn't want to carry on listening in to a private conversation, I also didn't want to interrupt a conversation that was important for them to have.
Nathan made the choice for me, though, striding over to the toilet and yanking down the flush. The sound drowned out any further words from Jess and Jack, and we waited several more seconds before sliding the lock across and puling open the door.
The hallway was empty, and I breathed out a sigh of relief. Knowing Jess, she'd already be tormented over the conversation with Jack-she didn't need to know that they'd been overheard. If she wanted to talk to me about it, she would.
When we returned downstairs, Louisa gave us a knowing look. She didn't miss anything. Our host was missing, though, as was Jack. It was a good ten minutes later before they reappeared-separately-whilst I was talking with Louisa.
Jess was acting as though nothing was amiss, breezing around the room and making sure everyone had a drink. Jack stood by Nathan, laughing with him, showing no signs that he'd finally had that long-awaited conversation with Jess. Or so I thought.
"Those two have definitely hooked up," Louisa said to me.
"What? Just because they disappeared together? They were probably just talking."
She smiled down at me, a smile that would have been patronising if I didn't know her better. "I've got a radar for these things. Same radar that tells me that you and Nathan have also just run off to have sex."
"Well your radar isn't all it's cracked up to be, then," I told her. "Nathan and I didn't have sex."
"In which case I stand corrected. Corrected and surprised."
I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my drink, glancing at the clock on the wall. Fifteen minutes to go until midnight.
Seemingly satisfied that everyone was having a good time, Jess sauntered over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, resting her head on my shoulder.
"I know you and Nathan were in my bathroom, you dirty minx," she said down my ear.
"We didn't have sex." My tone came out defensive and rushed, but she just chuckled, squeezing me tighter.
When she didn't release me, continuing her embrace with her head nestled into my neck, I realised this wasn't just an affectionate way to goad me.
"Did you talk with Jack?" I asked.
"Sort of."
"Is everything okay now?"
"Depends how you look at it," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, we hooked up. So everything is either very okay, or very not okay."
I didn't say anything, but the thoughts whirled around my head, none of them seeming appropriate to vocalise. As much as I loved both Jess and Jack, I had an uneasy feeling about them being together. They could be great. They were both loving people who deserved each other. But right now, so soon after Jess had split from Alex?
She pulled away from me. "I knew it. You're judging me. I'm a slut."
"What? No, of course you're not. I'm not judging you at all, Jess."
"Then what's the problem? I can tell you have some sort of issue with it."
I sighed. "I don't have an issue with it. I love you. I love Jack. I genuinely believe you'd be great together. I'm just worried it's too soon and your head isn't in the right place. But, what do I know? I'm not in your situation."
Jess shook her head and inhaled deeply. "No, you're not. But sometimes it takes someone on the outside to offer some rational thought."
"Everything will be okay, Jess. Next year will be your year."
"I hope so."
After a brief squeeze of my hand, she slipped away to join Helen and Katie. I watched for a few moments as her two friends immediately swung their arms around her body to encourage her to join their dancing, and a smile gradually reappeared on Jess' face.
When the countdown to midnight started, Nathan pulled me close and twisted his hands into my hair.
"Here's to our best year yet, Bella," he said, before planting his lips on mine once the clock hit twelve and the fireworks began to explode in the background.
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Thank you for reading :) xx