In this first chapter of I Don't Like This World, I Only Like You, we are introduced to the hilarious Joey and her sweet, taciturn husband Mr. F. As mentioned previously, the book is written in such a way that allows the readers to get glimpses of Joey and Mr. F's daily lives. This chapter is presently split into two parts, so as to allow for easier reading and translating.
001
Last year, when Mr. F was on a business trip to Japan, I discovered a thread online titled "Sisters, how do you guys normally tease your boyfriends through text messages?". The answers in the thread were hilarious to say the least.
Coincidentally, I had just changed my mobile number that day. As such, I sent Mr. F an anonymous message: "Hey Big Boss, do you need any special services?"
He didn't reply.
I persevered in my efforts, sending him yet another text message: "Little lonely wild cat has a fiery and burning passion, and will be delivered to your doorstep. Satisfaction guaranteed."
After a while, he called me. On picking up the phone, the first sentence he said was, "Are you very bored at home?"
I was extremely shocked, "How did you know it was me?"
He said, "Only you would be bored enough to pull such a stunt." He paused momentarily, thinking before continuing, "I'll be returning the day after tomorrow."
"So soon? Aren't you only scheduled to return next week?"
"Sudden change in plans."
Sometime afterward, his colleague came over to our house for dinner. The conversation naturally turned to the recent Japan trip, and the colleague said, "Mr. F didn't even attend the celebratory dinner. The moment his work ended he rushed to the airport without a moment's delay, claiming that there was nobody at home and he had to return to take care of the cat."
He surveyed our surroundings, and asked out of curiosity, "Speaking of which... where's the cat?"
I flushed immediately. Mr. F placed a piece of fish in my bowl, and replied calmly without a change in expression, "It's easily scared and is afraid of strangers."
I wanted to bury my face in the bowl.
002
Mr F. was always an extremely stern and proud person in front of outsiders. As such, people often referred to him as Ice Man. Conversely, I was the exact opposite. As an experienced lunatic, I had a burning passion for acting, and Mr. F always tells me off by claiming that it was a pity that I haven't pursued an acting career.
Once, while we were eating out, I suddenly stopped and told him seriously, "Brother-in-law, how can we face our sister after what we have done?"
Initially, he would, along with the waiter, stare at me with a thunderstruck expression. However, he gradually got used to it over the years, and even managed a calm reply yesterday – "I'm sure your sister give us her blessings from Heaven."
There was one time when I was suddenly struck by inspiration, and I told him enthusiastically that I wanted to act as the lovestruck and loyal second male lead.
I managed to meld into my role fairly quickly, and roared at him, "I am the one who loves Joey the most! I will never let you have her!"
He leaned against the bookshelf, browsing through his book cursorily whilst managing a halfhearted reply, "Take her then."
I was stunned – according to the script, the story should not have unfolded in such a manner.
I continued, "I'm going to take her away tonight, and leave you forever!"
He snapped the book shut in an instant, and said coldly, "Try taking her away – if she dares to leave with other people, I'll break her leg."
Kao! Who authorised you to change the script!
003
The neighbours living above us had commenced renovation, causing each day to be filled with incessant loud noises. As such, I decided to book a room in a hotel in an attempt to find some peace when writing.
At night, Mr. F arrived to deliver my dinner. My two eyes shone brightly and I asked him mischievously, "Doesn't this feel like we're having an affair?"
He glared at me severely.
Who could have predicted that on entering the room, this man would start to disrobe immediately? I asked him what he was doing.
He replied me with a serious expression on his face, "Hurry up, my wife ends work at 5PM."
004
When returning from a business trip, I received a telephone call from my best friend at the airport. She had just experienced a breakup and was crying uncontrollably. Dragging my luggage, I met up with her for drinks.
It's often said that a long-lasting relationship is an anomalous phenomenon; it's akin to a treasure that descended from heaven, and is simply extravagant to hope that it's like the distribution of lunch boxes at lunch time in that the moment lunchtime arrives, everybody will manage to get one set.
On returning home, I felt particularly melancholic, and hugged Mr. F tightly. "My luck has always been rather bad; the only lucky thing that happened in my entire life is my meeting you, so I'm extremely grateful for our relationship. Having grown so old, the one and only thing that I have relentlessly persevered in is loving you."
He replied, "Yup, I'm touched you think this way." He paused, "But don't think that just because you said this I'll forgive you for returning home at 3AM in the morning."
He glared sternly at me, and headed to the kitchen to brew a cup of honey for me to help me neutralize my alcoholic drinks.
005
I am a chatterbox, and I often ramble relentlessly to his ears. One day, I asked him rather abruptly, "Do you feel that I'm extremely long-winded?"
He was driving then, with his eyes glued to the road ahead. He replied me expressionlessly, "Yeah, pretty long-winded."
I was slightly unhappy – so he has been feeling annoyed by me all this while.
He broke into a smile, and said, "I have to listen to your long-winded speeches my whole life anyway. It's fine since I'm used to it."
006
We were high school classmates. When he was studying, he was exactly like how he is now – although he appeared to be extremely cool on the surface with a poisonous tongue, he had an extremely good heart within. Subsequently, because of various incidents, coupled with our immaturity at that point in time, we severed our friendship.
He went to England to study, and we lost contact for many years. During one of our class reunion dinners, someone mentioned that he had previously dialed Mr. F's old number by accident and surprisingly, the call actually managed to connect. It was then that I realized that Mr. F had kept his original number all these years.
"But isn't it very inconvenient for him, since he is staying overseas?"
Nobody could understand why Mr. F chose to retain his original number, but the final conclusion we reached was that the mind of a great genius is not something we mere mortals can possibly understand.
Not long afterward, Mr. F's birthday arrived. I mustered sufficient courage to send him a text message, hugging my phone throughout the night. But there was no reply. On the second day, he finally replied, with a very distant and courteous phrase – "Thank you."
When he subsequently returned to China, I brought a body solely filled with courage and travelled to Beijing to look for him. There, we made up and decided to be together. One day, whilst rifling through his bookshelf, I found the Nokia N97 that he used in the past. I turned it on – the call history and messages were all deleted, and only the draft folder for text messages had anything left. Out of curiosity, I clicked it. There were more than ten draft messages inside the folder.
Today, I met a girl at ASDA who looked like you.
Paul came out with a new album, and it feels like you're sitting right next to me when I listen to his songs.
The weather has grown colder in Changsha, so remember to keep warm and wear more clothes.
I forgive you, so please give me a call.
...
The final message was: I really miss you.
The time of the message was his birthday.
007
Last year, our company conducted a programme in a relatively rural mountainous area. Stuck in the crowd, I was shoved and fell onto the ground. My legs struck a rock in the process, and stars appeared before my eyes. My colleague helped me up, asking me whether I felt okay. I crawled up and dusted the dirt off myself. I told him that I was fine – two plasters would suffice.
It was only when I returned that I discovered that half of my pants were soaked in blood. I hobbled to the infirmary, where the doctor informed me that I had to stitch my wound. However, there was no anesthetic presently. As we had to continue with the programme the next day, we could not afford any delays. Thus, I grit my teeth and told the doctor to go ahead.
I endured the pain obstinately, refusing to make even a single sound. My colleague – a man 1.8m tall from Northeast China – watched on the sidelines, his eyes reddening during the process. He told me that he had nothing but genuine respect for me.
I was rather abashed, and said, "This is nothing. When I was young I had an operation once – and even though the pain was a hundred times worse then, I managed to endure it."
Mr. F came to pick us up when we returned to Beijing. I knocked out the moment sat in the car, only rousing halfway during the journey to hear my colleague chatting with him, claiming that if I had bee born a few decades earlier, I would definitely have been Liu Hulan.
"Is she this strong even at home?"
Mr. F replied, "No. She loves to whine at home, and she frequently cries when she watches movies, to the point where I have to comfort her as though she's still a child."
My colleague was bewildered, "Why?"
"Because she doesn't have to be strong in front of me."
Listening to their conversation silently, I felt myself tear up.
I saw a line in a book once, and it left a deep impression on me then. It said that during one's lifetime, one can find love, and one can find sex, but these are unimportant things. What's important is that one finds understanding.
I thought, ah, this must be understanding.
008
The company wanted to plan an event relating to the reminiscence of youth.
I sent a mass text message to my friends, asking: The person who you crushed on when you were studying – what is he or she doing now?
I received various answers:
He became the father of other children.
He married, and gave birth to children. I dreamt of him last night, and even in the dream he was as nonchalant and dismissive as ever. No matter how hard I try, I can never catch up with his footsteps. I was very sad in the dream, because he didn't do anything wrong, it's just that he didn't love me.
When I was studying, I only loved my assessment books.
I read the answers slowly, and discovered that I had accidentally sent the message to Mr. F as well. However, I did not possess any hope that he'd reply as he generally tends not to reply these types of mass text messages.
We were engulfed with work during that period of time, and when I returned home it was already 11PM at night. He was even later than me. Whilst I was half-asleep, I felt him carefully making his way onto the bed and tucking my blanket in for me.
He was gone when I woke up the next morning. It was only when I arrived at the company that I discovered an unread message in my mobile phone. I opened it, and saw his answer:
She became my wife, and she's sleeping beside me right now.
2:45AM in the morning.
009
When I was dating Mr. F, I was rather unsure about the relationship. This, coupled with his extremely obstinate nature, resulted in me continuously being the first to apologize and make amends whenever we quarrel.
Once, when we were quarreling, he engaged in a cold war with me and ignored me for a week. Despite my shameless efforts to try and make amends, he still chose not to bother about me or respond to me. That day, the radio in the car was broadcasting Zhang Xuan's song "Baby". There was a line in the song that goes "My little rascal, little rascal, I'll make you laugh, to let you like this world."
I said, "Look, aren't this lyrics talking about you? You're like a little child who feels that the entire world is yours."
After conversing with myself for a while, my voice grew softer and softer, and I gradually choke up, feeling extremely wronged and unappreciated. I thought in my heart – Fine, ignore me then, at most we'll just break up.
The entire journey was filled with silence. The car stopped before my company, and I prepared to alight. Suddenly, he grabbed hold of me, and replied sullenly whilst keeping his eyes glued to the floor, "But... But I don't like the entire world, I only like you."
Tears streamed down my face.
010
My grandmother is extremely old, and her brain has become slightly fuddled. To everyone's amazement, however, she can communicate with Mr. F despite not being able to communicate with the rest of us. There was one year when we returned to Grandmother's home to celebrate Chinese New Year. I was helping my mother prepare the dishes whilst Mr. F was in the yard chatting with Grandmother, and I overheard him teaching Grandmother English.
"'I love you' means I love you."
"Wait, speak slowly... I... what?"
F patiently said, "I....lo...ve....you."
Grandmother confidently nodded, "Committed to memory!"
At night, when we were eating dinner, I intentionally asked Grandmother, "I heard that you have learnt how to speak English?"
Grandmother was delighted, "Little F taught me how."
Mr. F turned to her, asking, "How do you say I love you in English?"
"I... I... I..." Grandmother tried her best to recall, and finally blurted out "I...glub yo!"
The whole table roared with laughter.
Late at night, I came out to retrieve a cup of water, and saw that the light in Grandmother's room was still turned on. I assumed that Grandmother had simply forgotten to turn off the light as usual, and walked over to her room. Upon reaching the doorway, I saw Grandmother sitting alone in an armchair whilst holding my deceased Grandfather's portrait, saying "Oldie, I glub yo."
...
That night, when Mr. F and I were lying on the bed, Mr. F hugged me and said, "Grandmother is very lonely, we ought to come back more often to accompany her."
All of a sudden, I felt like crying.
Those who are unfamiliar with Mr. F always feel that he is like a rock – extremely cold and unfriendly.
Only I know that he isn't like that.
He is very gentle, the gentlest man I have ever met.
011
The night before we obtained our marriage certificate, I asked him, "When did you start to develop feelings for me?"
He answered, "I don't remember."
"But, why me?"
"Why not you?"
"I'm very petty, and I get jealous very easily."
"So am I."
"I'm afraid I'm not worthy of you."
"So am I."
"I haven't really dated, so I don't know what is love."
"I don't know either."
He held my hand gently, "But I know this. When I think about spending the rest of my life with you, I feel that my future is filled with hope."
At 16 we used the same class desk, with less than 10cm between our arms. My peripheral vision was full of him.
At 26, I woke up in the morning, and saw the sunlight softly shining on his face. I thought, this is how I want to grow old – gradually, together, with him.
I guess this must be love.